A/N: HELLO, FANFICTION INTERNETS
I LIVE!
Also, I have a new story for you!
It's got Robin in it! And he's GAY!
If that isn't all the incentive you require, it also has Raven/Chell and BB/Rae! (but not for long, thank god)
Yeah, I borrowed the script from a Mitchell & Webb sketch. Which I don't own.
I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed stealing and copying it!
REVIEW
A LOT
PLZ
Wife?
Beast Boy and Robin sat in the common room.
Robin was reading a newspaper, and he turned to Beast Boy and said "Oh, your wife called, said she might pop in on the way home." before turning back to his paper.
Beast Boy sat there for a second.
"My wife?" he asked slowly. "...what?"
Robin looked over at him seriously. "Your wife, Gar. Why are you looking at me like that?" he said.
"My...uh...I haven't got a wife." Beast Boy replied, nonplussed.
"What do you mean you haven't got a wife?" Robin asked, lowering his paper.
"...uh...have you gone mental again?" Beast Boy tried.
"No, have you?"
"No."
"Well what are you playing at, then? Your wife left a message saying she'd be-"
"Stop saying my wife...uh, I haven't got a wife!" Beast Boy interrupted.
"Look, don't take it out on me. If things aren't going right between you and your wife..."
"Right...who's my wife, then?" Beast Boy asked, determined to get to the bottom of this.
"What?!"
"Who's my wife, who am I married to?"
Robin stopped for a heartbeat then replied, "Raven."
Beast Boy took a breath. "Raven."
"Yes, Gar."
"Raven is my wife."
"You're a lucky guy." Robin shrugged, picking his paper back up.
Beast Boy looked around, as if to find some answers in the air.
"Sorry. Raven, the girl who lives here with us and got married to-"
Robin stopped him. "Oh, no. No. Well, yeah, but they, they split up, and she married you. Last year. It was in the papers."
Beast Boy regarded him with a mixture of wonderment and disbelief, then closed his eyes.
"Okay, so, imagine I'm going along with this..."
"I don't understand why you're fighting it, Gar." Robin replied.
"Because I don't remember-"
"She's a talented and beautiful woman."
"A-aagreed, but I can't help thinking that-"
"Look, here she is now." Robin said, gesturing with his paper.
Raven walked over to the pair, said "Hey, Rob." to Robin and then crouched beside Beast Boy's chair.
"Hi darling, just a flying visit, bloody Vic needs me to go and arrange something for him, but there's last night's risotto in the fridge and that lovely wine Kory got us, and don't forget there's a man coming about the tree, okay. Bye!" she said to him, then pecked him on the cheek and briskly walked out of the room.
Beast Boy's mouth opened and closed a few times while he stared at the shut door.
"See?" Robin said, pointing his head at said door.
Shock, followed by disbelief, followed by abject terror, with strange acceptance bringing up the rear, flew across Beast Boy's face.
"Well, okay then..."
Robin sighed happily. "Well, now that that's taken care of, I think I might go for a nice fly!" he said, throwing his paper aside.
Sudden realisation hit Beast Boy.
"Oh, hang on. This is all a dream, isn't it." he said dourly.
"Of course it's a dream! You dreamt the whole thing! You're dreaming me being gay? I mean, seriously?" Robin laughed while flapping his arms and floating upwards. "Hey, I'm flying, Gar. Why aren't you flying?"
"Because I can't fly like this!" Beast Boy spluttered.
"What'd'you mean you can't fly? It's your own dream and you can't fly?" Robin asked, surprised, as Raven flapped over to hold his hand and fly beside him.
"Come on, Garfield, why can't you fly?" Raven asked.
"Yeah Garfield!" Robin added unhelpfully.
"Come on Garfield. I'm your dream woman, come and fly with me." Raven told him.
Beast Boy shook his head from side to side. "Weeell, you're not exactly my dream woman."
Robin's jaw dropped. "Oh, that's nice!"
"I'm sorry, but just because you happen to be in a dream doesn't make you my dream woman." Beast Boy reasoned.
"OH, that's really nice!" Robin said, outraged.
Beast Boy stammered a bit.
"Oh, Raven, are you all right?" Robin asked thoughtfully.
"Well, I'm a bit..." Raven started sadly, wiping at her eyes.
"Well you bastard." Robin spat at Beast Boy, suddenly developing a very camp English accent.
"I-I-I'm sorry, it's not my fault, uh-"
Robin huffed, and started flapping away with Raven. "Come on, Raven, let's go hook you up with Chell from Portal."
Raven brightened immediately. "Oh, really?"
"Yeah!" Robin breezed. "It'll be fun!"
Beast Boy woke with a start and sat bolt upright in bed. He rubbed his eyes.
"JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST." he said aloud.