A/N: Yeah, I'm back. So I saw the episode the other night and I just flipped out. I mean, I adore Densi/Keeks whatever you want to call them. And it set up this. So be sure to have seen the episode from last Tuesday or else you won't understand it at all. Kensi's POV.
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all.
I had nightmares about Jack again. I dreamt that he was calling for me. It was dark and I couldn't see anything, but I heard him, desperation lingering in his voice to his voice. He finally wanted me back. And then I woke up, never seeing his face, not once.
In bed, I bolted upright, my clothes clinging to my skin, the fabric laced with cold sweat that hung on me. I ran my fingers through my hair and blinked in fear, glad that I had woken up. I had Deeks instead of Jack now. And for that, I was grateful. I looked at the space next to me in my queen-sized bed where he usually slept now that Jack was gone for good.
It was empty. The space beside me was empty.
"No," I breathed, finding my voice choked and raspy and hoarse. The pain rolled over in my heart, fresh again. It was like losing Jack all over again. And the pain was so raw, so fresh. It was like someone had just shoved a dagger right through my heart, not killing me instantly but making me suffer through the horrible, agonizing pain until my life slipped away. "No, no, no, no..." I fingered the sheets, finding them cold and lifeless, no signs of him anywhere. He was gone.
I couldn't lose him. I didn't want to lose him. Not like Jack. Not Deeks.
"NO!"
And before I could control myself, I was clutching a pillow to my chest in anguish, curled up in the fetal position and crying into the fluff that lay in my tight grasp, nails sinking into it like claws. Not because I was weak. I didn't cry because I was weak. Losing Deeks hadn't made me weak. I couldn't be weak anymore. Losing something you love only makes you stronger. It wasn't that.
It was because I was so damn sick of being lonely.
For almost my entire life, people had been leaving me. My mom. My dad. Jack. Now Deeks...
Everyone has their breaking point. There's always some moment that will define your life for the century. Losing Jack had stamped me. Losing Deeks had broken me.
"No," I kept on whispering to myself over and over and over again, hoping it was all a lie, that it was all a mistake, that this was a dream I could wake up from. I just wanted to wake up. I just wanted to be able to breathe again. I had to wake up. Why wasn't I waking up?
The door to my apartment opened and closed lightly as if trying to be quiet. Something dropped on the table, sounding much like car keys and the shifting of a box. And footsteps came to my room, the door gently pushing open. But I was reaching for the gun in my drawer, trying to figure out whether I wanted to shoot the intruder or myself.
I was so damn sick of being on my own…
His stringy blonde hair fluttered around his face and his eyes found me before immediately widening in worry as the barrel was staring him down. And Deeks quietly held up his hands in surrender, features still so alive with fear. "Kensi," he breathed, voice low and gentle. "It's me." His eyes looked around the barrel of my weapon to find me with my red eyes and scraggly hair and wallowing in my miserable loneliness. "I just went out to grab donuts."
The gun fell from my hands and onto the blankets that covered me. I pressed my palms against my eyes, relief flooding my heart and swelling through me like a tidal wave. And I started crying again, harder now, tears being drawn from my eyes with the relief of knowing he hadn't left me alone.
Because Deeks wasn't Jack. Deeks was so much more than Jack could ever be.
Immediately, he was curling my body against his, his fingers running through my messy hair and his soft lips pressing to my forehead so gently that it made me think he was treating me like a glass doll that could so easily be shattered into millions of pieces. He kept me pressed close to him, his jacket smelling like smoke from walking the streets and the cold from walking to his car. "I'm right here, Kensi," he breathed, tone kinder than I'd ever heard it before.
I balled up my hands in his shirt and let loose all the emotions that had been bottled up since Jack had left me. I let it all out. I let myself cry for the first time I could remember. For years, practically. Maybe I had cried over Dom, but this was real crying. The kind that makes your heart twist and writhe at the sound of it. The kind that makes you feel bad for not helping. But Deeks was helping. He hadn't left me.
"I'm right here, Kensi." I kept stroking my hair and holding me. Deeks wasn't letting go. "I won't leave you." And he kissed my forehead once more, the comfort of having him there just flooding through my veins. "I won't leave you, Kensi."
A/N: I hope this was alright. I did the best I could considering I only watched the episode once and all. But I did the best I could… Please review!
~Sky