A/N: new story because I'm so lame that I can't find inspiration or time to continue the other stories but to start new ones lol

my good friend Steph (again!) started this haha long story.. what matters is here below.. enjoy :) review and thank Steph even if you don't know who she is :)

love love love love! haha

A gay policeman - Chapter 1

The street was deserted at that time of the night mainly during the winter months, so while Kendall was walking home he wasn't only cold to the bone but also afraid of falling on the icy sidewalk and dying without anyone noticing it.

Having his father dead for almost two years now was still filling him up with bad thoughts. He kind of hated himself for not being home for the last days of his living. And though it had been haunting him for a while now, Kendall just recently started to understand how bad it had to be to leave life in complete loneliness.

Kendall certainly didn't want that to himself.

But that is kind of what you deserve.

The fact that his brain was still working enough to think somehow and move his legs, signaled that he wasn't about to just freeze yet. So now he was grateful for the thoughts, even for the negative ones.

Just like every day when he headed home from work, today too, Kendall thought about all kinds of things that had happened to him during his 24 years. Most of the time these thoughts were about work, school, girls, family.

His father had been a soldier, a real hero as he once had saved the lives of eight people at once. The proud and highly respected hero expected his son to be just as successful in life as he was. What Donald hadn't wanted to acknowledge was that Kendall had no intention of working for the government or be a lawyer or any of those fancy jobs that he was supposed to choose from.

At a very young age Kendall had already known that he wasn't going to follow his father's footsteps, but his family was not quite about to let him have his way. They had put him in to a sports academy in hope of making him fall in love with the strictly scheduled every days, hard work outs and with that kind of implying that he goes to the army or navy if he didn't at all want to study.

He made it through the sports academy and became stronger than he ever had believed he could, but not a little piece of him desired to do what his parents wanted him to.

At the age of eighteen and at the day of getting out of the academy he promised his father that if they weren't going to accept his decisions then he was going to leave and never come back. The good parents that they were, Jennifer and Don finally gave in and helped Kendall through university where he studied arts and acting. Though they told Kendall every day that acting was not any sorts of enough for a decent living.

The tension between Kendall and his parents had grown with each passing day, and Kendall arrived to a point in his life where he felt like pulling on the already tight string. One morning his parents found him in bed with another man and that was all that it took for them to give him the ultimatum.

Kendall was aware that he wouldn't have been able to just walk out on his parents, so he slept with a guy to make them kick him out. He knew that this was the stupidest way to escape. But he couldn't take the negativity coming from his parents anymore, he need out and the sooner the better.

This seemed to be the only way. His father was openly against any kind of gay relationship and Kendall knew this well.

So Kendall spent one year at one of his friend's. Not long after that he heard that his parents had divorced. And a little after the divorce the news about Don's death came too. When Kendall heard about his father passing away, he immediately moved back home and his mother welcomed him without a second thought. She was old and tired and lonely and admittedly still in love with her late husband, and she would have been stupid to send her only son away.

Ever since that day Kendall had been living with her, 11 months and 2 weeks.

But Kendall never found out why his parents had decided to split apart after over twenty-five years.

Though he had finished the university and had parts in less popular movies too, Kendall couldn't have the big break out yet. His full time job at a local restaurant had been giving him a little money, but obviously was not going to get him anywhere in his life unless he wanted to be a waiter or a second hand in a kitchen for the rest of his life.

At least he had learnt to cook. He was happy that this one advantage (besides the money) came with the job, so he could cook for his mother who was unfortunately nearing the end too. She wouldn't admit it but cancer was taking over her slowly, and since she refused to do the treatments she had even less in front of her.

Little was that Kendall could do, so he did his best. Jennifer never complained or even asked for a thing - she quietly welcomed every new day with the more pain and the less chance of living a lot of tomorrows.

But she won't be alone.

"Go, chase your dreams, son. With your father we were blind not letting you live a life you wanted. I've regretted it thousand times." She often said. But Kendall wouldn't leave her behind. Just as much as Kendall was afraid of dying alone, Jennifer was too, and Kendall was aware of it.

The warmth of the house hit Kendall in the face and made him realize that he finally arrived home. A sigh of relief escaped his mouth when the view of his mother watching TV in the living room opened to him. "Hello mom." Kissing her forehead, Kendall said and then lowered next to her on the couch. "No, you're watching this again?" He pointed at the screen where they were showing a lifeless body lying on the floor and several people stood towering above it.

"Yes, and it's just now starting so let me." Jennifer didn't take her eyes off the TV. She was obsessed with this new series, the kind of where they show how the police goes after murderers. The one thing unusual in it was the fact that the main character was gay. This was the reason of Kendall not understanding why his mother would watch something like this. But she kept watching anyways, and because Kendall was very tired he just didn't feel like soon getting up from that couch he began paying attention to what they said.

It was just like lots of the other criminal series, it was even watchable. But it still didn't fit with Jennifer's liking. That certain main character was a hot piece though, Kendall noticed it, but he strongly focused on not giving much thought to just what he would be able to do to his handsome brunette head and shapely ass.

"So will you ever tell me why are you even watching this?" Once when a commercial came up, Kendall asked his mom, and received a tired shrug. "Mom please. I just want to know how this happened, because it's crazy you and dad judged me for what I did but then you watch the gay policeman solving cases and having romances with certain co-workers."

"I just want to understand it." She whispered.

"Understand what?"

"I don't know. How men can love each other."

"But you can't learn that from a series like this. That dude being gay is just ... and add on to the plot, it's not even the main string."

Jennifer turned to look at her son. "You never told me anything about your relationships ever since that morning."

"You never asked." Kendall answered just as coldly as his mother spoke.

The way she looked at him told Kendall that she was sorry for all the things that had went down in their family. "You don't know a lot of things, son."

"Yeah, first of all I don't know how everything comes together with this series and you not understanding something and me not knowing a lot of things." Kendall stood up. "Whatever, mom. I'll go to sleep. I'm tired."

"All right. I love you." Jennifer smiled weakly, taking her son's hand in to hers.

Kendall leaned down and put a kiss onto his mom's cheek. "I love you too."

She wants to understand. Walking up to his room he wondered what Jennifer meant. If she wants to understand gay love then it's the easiest thing ever. It's just like any other kind of love. There's nothing extra to it.

Though he hadn't been with a man since that first time, Kendall knew love well. He had witnessed his best friends getting together and though himself he hadn't experienced it yet, he believed he knew what love was.

Forgetting whatever secrets his mother must have hiding, Kendall stepped in to the steaming shower.

For now a love wasn't needed for him. The thought of the hot gay policeman who was nothing real, was more than enough. While Kendall took a shower, in his mind he kept seeing those pictures about the hot nameless policeman as he took good care of his aching cock that hadn't seen another man in two years.

And damn, that was a good thing to imagine.

Maybe tomorrow Kendall was going to watch him on TV again, just to have a good time in the shower one more time.