This fic is a present for one of my favourite authors on the site. I hope she enjoys it :).
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Total Drama. I also don't own anything related to the song referenced in this fic.
*Ding dong*
"She's here!" Chris squealed to no one in particular. He ran over to the door and answered it.
"Courtney! Come on in!" Chris beamed, taking Courtney's coat and putting it in the cloakroom.
"How are you Chris?" Courtney asked.
"I'm good. How are you?"
"Good. But I'll be better when I win my lawsuit against Staci. She owes me $500,000 dollars for not shutting up when I was trying to practice for my speech for when I become prime minister," Courtney moped.
Chris smirked. "Still as likely to sue people as ever, huh?"
"I bet you are still sadistic as ever," Courtney replied, trying to hide her blush from Chris.
"You know it," Chris laughed. He gestured his hand towards the table. "Sit and relax while I go force the interns to bring in the dinner." Courtney smiled at took her place at the table. She loved Chris's cooking… well, actually, it was Chris's slaves – or interns, as he calls them – that prepare the meals. But since they do so under Chris's command, the food technically counts as Chris's cooking, at least in Courtney's opinion.
The food was brought to the table. Chris and Courtney talked about their favourite topics as they ate. Such as money, power, fame and luxury. They also complained about things that pissed them off. I'd share with you what they were griping about, but I don't particularly want to offend anyone too much. Anyway, Chris and Courtney enjoyed their meal and their quality time together.
Suddenly, they heard heavy metal music.
"Is there something wrong with your CD player?" Courtney asked. "I thought you said you were only playing RENT CDs."
"Must be next door," Chris grumbled. "Half of me insisted that I take you out to a fancy restaurant or invite you over to one of my other four apartments in the city. My other half told it to shut the fuck up. I really shouldn't have listened to that other half. I'll go send in the interns to do something about it." Chris rose up from his chair and went into the kitchen where there's a door to the utility room, where Chris has locked the interns up in. But before Chris could get near the kitchen, Courtney spoke up.
"Chris, I don't think sending on the interns will help. They might use this as an opportunity to escape."
"I put tracking devices in them," said Chris.
"Both of us can handle it," Courtney suggested. "Besides, I kinda feel like beating the shit out of someone."
"What a violent girl you are!" Chris gasped, pretending to be shocked. "Let's go to them," he smirked. The couple went over to the apartment next door, where Children of Bodom was being played on full volume. Chris knocked on the door vigorously. When no answer came, Courtney kicked on the door several times until they heard footsteps.
"Okay, why are you two kicking on my door?!" Mal glared as he answered the door.
"Turn down your fucking music!" Courtney shouted at Mal. "We cannot have a moment's peace with you blasting psycho Finnish music at a hundred decibels!"
"Who is it?" asked a familiar voice.
"Duncan?!" Chris and Courtney gasped in unison.
"Just some whiny bitch and his Mexican girlfriend Courtney," Mal replied.
"Hey! I'm not Mexican!" Courtney scoffed. "I'm Canadian with paternal Argentinean descent!"
"Whatever, but you two need to get lost," Mal growled.
"Wait a minute; I thought Mike got rid of you," said Chris.
"That pansy, Mike, wanted to give Chester, Svetlana, Vito and Manitoba Smith bodies of their own!" Mal glared. "So he turned to B to make this machine from a porta-potty and it worked. It malfunctioned though because this was his first attempt at making such a machine. So I also got a body of my own," he smirked. "B, Mike and his lackeys all thought they could imprison me in B's cellar, but Duncan came and got me out."
A naked Duncan came over and stood next to Mal, putting his arm around his neck. "Well, long time no see, Princess," he smirked.
"Yeah, yeah," Courtney sneered. "I bet your relationships with myself, Gwen and all those other girls were all a sick game to you."
"Hey, it's their fault for dating someone just because that someone is tough, good-looking, rebellious and Gothic," Duncan smirked.
"People make mistakes," Courtney scowled. "You do seem to be a very good liar."
"Well I suppose you two are good for each other," said Chris. "I also bet you two are versatile."
"Only with each other," Mal smirked. "I was the first guy to dominate Duncan and he was the first guy to dominate me. Everyone else who rides us are our bitches," he added.
"Just turn down your music, okay?!" Chris scoffed. They left. Mal slammed the door shut. He turned to Duncan and smirked at his boyfriend.
"Okay, I'm going to stick myself up your hole as you sing Party All the Time," Mal instructed. "But to give you a challenge, I'm going to turn up the CD player to the highest possible volume and you got to make your voice heard over Alexi's voice."
"You're on!" Duncan smirked.
Chris and Courtney were making out on the couch. They were really into it. Chris moved on to taking off Courtney's jumper while Courtney unbuttoned Chris's shirt. They would've gotten further, however, if it wasn't for a "minor" nuisance.
"PARTY ALL THE TIME! PARTY ALL THE TIME! PARTY ALL THE TIIIIIIIIIIIME!"
"Fuck!" Chris cursed. "They're at it again!"
"PARTY ALL THE TIME! PAAAARTY AAALL THE TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!"
"I hope someone makes them shut up because certainly not going back there and neither are you!" Courtney insisted.
"OOOOO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OOH!"
"This whole apartment loves metal," said Chris. "Nobody is going to do anything."
"You and I like metal but we're not enjoying it right now," Courtney pointed out. "There is a context to it and I'm sure everyone would prefer not to put up with the racket."
"Let's just go somewhere else," said Chris. "How about a movie?"
"Ew! I don't want to have sex with you in a cinema," Courtney cringed. "People will see us."
"Not if we sit in the back seats," said Chris. "Besides, the only source of light will be the screen, so we'll have plenty of darkness to conceal ourselves."
"Well, I would like to see the new Hobbit movie," said Courtney.
"So it's settled; let's go!" said Chris.
When they got to the cinema, Chris and Courtney noticed that everyone else that was there were also making out. Those who were going with friends or family brought blow-up dolls with them and you could tell if someone was asexual because they had brooms, pillows and other objects that looked nothing like humans to "make out" with. Chris and Courtney chose the love seat at the very back and proceeded to make out while the ads were still on.
Unfortunately, Mal and Duncan took the love seat next to them and proceeded to shift. While that could've been as easy for Courtney and Chris to ignore as it was for them to ignore all the other moviegoers who were shagging. Sadly, this wasn't the case. Duncan and Mal were deliberately moaning as loud as they could. They also humped in a way that it caused the seat they were on to squeak obnoxiously. Not only did this piss Chris and Courtney off, it also pissed the couple in front of them off.
"Will you assholes be quiet?!" Heather hissed "I can't enjoy the movie with you two fucking around! Can ye at least do it discreetly like everyone else?!"
Mal turned around to face Heather and smirked. "Now how would it be possible for you to enjoy the movie if you are too busy receiving an Australian kiss from Alejandro?" he snickered.
"We need the movie for excellent background music," Alejandro glared, raising up from Heather's box. "Now unless you dickheads want a fight, I'd suggest you'd continue doing what you are doing quietly!"
Mal and Duncan shrugged and they went back to making out. Courtney and Chris sighed in relief because finally the other couple were quiet. After a few minutes, however, they went back to being obnoxiously noisy again.
"That's it!" Heather huffed. "SHENANIGANS! SHENANIGANS!" she called out.
Three security guards showed up. "What's the problem?" one of them asked.
"Those two eejits were making too much noise for my boyfriend and I to concentrate!" Heather complained. "And take Chris and Courtney as well!"
"WHAT?!" shrieked Chris and Courtney in unison.
"But we didn't do anything!" Courtney protested.
"Exactly!" Heather glared. "You guys could've helped to make those two boners shut the Hell up! Too bad ye didn't!" And so Mal, Duncan, Courtney and Chris were taken away and thrown out of the cinema, in spite of Courtney's protests.
"Great! We just got kicked out and we can't come back for a month!" Courtney gave out.
"Thanks a lot you jerks!" Chris gave out.
Duncan smirked. "Well too bad. We'll see ya guys." He walked off with Mal. Chris and Courtney were fuming.
"I wish I didn't put Duncan in the balloons," Chris mumbled. "If I didn't, I wouldn't have to drop the charges against him for wrecking my cottage."
"Oh yeah, where did you find the stunt double for me?" Courtney asked.
"Oh, I just used one of the interns to pretend to be you," said Chris. "The camera only recorded the intern and everyone else floating away in the balloons. They all survived… except for the intern. But you do know that I sampled one of your voices from past episodes for the scene," he added.
"Let's just make out in the woods," Courtney suggested, as she and Chris got into his car. "Your neighbour and… that other fella… can't bother us there."
Chris and Courtney were both naked in the back of Chris's car, which was parked in the centre of the woods. Courtney had her legs wrapped around Chris's waist as she grinded him. They were having a good time until they heard a thump from the roof. It startled them both.
"What was that?" Courtney whispered.
Another thump occurred.
"I don't know," Chris whispered back.
Next, they heard moaning.
Chris got angry. "Now I know. Fasten yer seatbelt." He climbed to the driver's seat, but the key in the ignition and slammed his foot on the gas pedal. Two bodies fell off the back of the roof. Chris hit the brakes and got out of the car, smirking at Duncan and Mal, who were groaning in pain.
"Well this certainly has been an interesting night," Chris jeered.
"Fuck… you… McLean!" Mal snarled through his clenched teeth. "We could sue you for this!"
"And what will you say when I tell the judge you were stalking us?" Chris laughed.
"If you take us home we can act like this whole night has never happened," Duncan offered. "Plus we'll fuck off and leave you guys alone."
"Deal," said Chris. He knew when he was triumphant. "Get in the car."
That was for I'll Cover Angel and Collins, who loves Chrisney, Malcan and AleHeather. In fact, she's practically started the first two pairings. She also loves RENT, so I have thrown in a reference for her. I hope you had fun reading it, I'll Cover Angel and Collins. I certainly had fun writing it, XD.