All That Glitters Is Not Silver...
A/N: Probably the crackiest fic I have ever cooked up. Like, ever. Inspired by eight hours of reading various Gin fics...my brain is fried. Too...much...smile...*collapses* BUT I MUST TYPE!
[*******************************Thestarsgohere*********************************]
Today was an average day for Gin. He had already given Grimmjow his daily dose of catnip, mixed around Szayel's chemicals, doodled on Kaname's visor and replaced Aizen's shampoo with squirtable cheese. To say the least, today was...bland. Gin had lost interest in his normal pranking methods; even unorthodox methods gave no spark in his mind. He pulled out his MacBook from under his bed and did some browsing online. He Googled his name; nothing. He Googled Aizen's name; once again Google drew a blank. He kept clicking on the related links until he stumbled across a . The novel site had thousands of stories; old and new! Ichimaru was intrigued by his latest discovery. He typed in his name and found hundreds of stories about him by mysterious people he didn't know: TypeMeBleach492, read-silverXS, .xX, etc.
"Intriguing..." Gin thought as he scooped up his laptop and hurried to the throne room. Kaname was showing his usual 'I own the place' face, and everyone's favorite villain looked so excited that he didn't want to move. "Aizen-taicho! Lookie wha' I found!
"What is it this time, Ichimaru? Another picture of Rangiku? If so, then show that to Tosen; he'll tell me what it looks like." Aizen remarked.
"Tha' ain't nice..." Gin whined. "An' no, it ain't another pic of Ran-chan; it's somethin' cooler!"
Tosen thought "Oh goodie..."
"Fanfiction!"
Aizen raised an eyebrow at his lieutenant's discovery. "Fanfiction? Humor me with an explanation."
"Weel, people wrote stories about us!" Gin turned his laptop to face Aizen. "An' we don' even know 'em! Isn't that cool?"
"Us?" Aizen asked, puzzled at Ichimaru's usage of the pronoun. "As in me as well?" He took a good look at the stories on the page to see that he too was listed as a character in a story. G. Ichimaru and S. Aizen, apparently, were the characters in the particular story Gin had a finger on. "Tosen, bring the Espada and their Fraccion in here. They must see this."
?!
"Fanfiction?" Harribel asked.
"This is not gonna end well..." Grimmjow muttered.
"Yeah, especially since Ichimaru's in it." Nnoritora agreed.
"Idiots." Aaronierro said, advancing as far away from the two as possible.
Starrk began to fall asleep on his way to Aizen. Instead of just collapsing for sleep, the man literally sleepwalked his way there. Lilynette smacked him upside the head with Gin's laptop and kicked him in the gut before he woke up again and Gin reclaimed his magical MacBook. "HEY! Lilynette lashed out at him. "I need to keep Sleepyhead here up!"
"I'd prefer ya not get m' MacBook bloody. S'hard to get blood outta circuitboards, ya know?" He hugged his laptop.
"Oh, trust me, I'm up." Starrk said. "But I'm probably gonna be down any minute now," Holding his gut tightly, he winced at Lilynette's footprint forever imprinted on his bowels. "Damn, you hurt..."
"For crying out loud! Starrk, man up!" Apache yelled at him.
"I've seen Szayel take hits worse than that!" Mila Rose agreed.
"Thank you...HEY!" Szayel yelled at the ladies. "Do I look like like a woman to you?"
"Well, you don't seem to have the balls to say you're a man." Grimmjow put in.
"Burn..." Starrk said.
"Epic! A chick fight!" Nnoritora exclaimed, which got him punches and kicks from Apache, Mila Rose, Lilynette, Harribel and Sun-Sun. "Ow..."He toppled over in pain.
"Besides, the only person who has pink hair besides you is that girl from Squad Eleven." Tosen agreed with Grimmjow as everybody gave him shocked looks.
"How the hell do YOU know?! You're blind!" Grimmjow argued.
"Yer screwed now, Tosen." Gin said. "Kitty Cat got ya good."
"Don't call me Kitty Cat! That's worse than Grimmkitty!"
"So you ADMIT that I annoyed you!" Nnoritora exclaimed. "You owe me some money, Grimmjow!"
"Dammit..." Grimmjow pulled the money out of his hakama and gave it to Nnoritora.
"Ooh, Kitty Cat lost to Noi-Toy. Intriguing..." Gin thought. "I'll have ta write tha' one down..."
"What did you just call me?!"
"None of yer business."
"Can we get on with the point before I die?" Barragan and Starrk asked.
"I agree with them," Tosen agreed, "Although I still can't tell what's going on..."
"Ichimaru has found some website on the internet called ' ." Aizen said, silencing the Espada and their fraccions. "It has stories about us." He clicked on the link to the oneshot story about himself and Gin.
How To Steal A Hogyouku
By: SlayerofKings9896
"Now how would they know how to steal a Hogyouku?" Luppi asked. "They're not even supposed to know!"
"I'm aware. Especially since only my precious Espada, Kaname and Gin have seen it."
"Precious?" Luppi raised an eyebrow.
"You have no idea how wrong that sounds with your voice." Nnoritora said. Grimmjow nodded in agreement as Aizen glared at them with the DEATH! glare.
Hey peoples of the world! Im gonna tell you how to steal the Hogyouku so that you wont end up how Gin did...*SPOILER* dead.
"Dead?" Gin questioned, rethinking his plans.
"Gin, what do they mean?" Aizen asked.
"I don' know..."
1. Remember that the Hogyouku cant be removed from someone with it already implanted in them. Hitting them with kamishini no yari and partially dissolving them doesnt mean that you can just stick your hand in their chest and steal it and expect it to kill them. First corollary: Episode 307/ 308.
Gin's eyes snapped open. "Th' hell?"
"Language..." the other main character reminded him. "And isn't Kamishini no Yari your bankai? Your bankai doesn't dissolve; you said so yourself."
Gin closed his eyes again. "Yup! 'Cuz they have i' wrong!" He was almost about to explode and kill Aizen then and there, but then you have eleven other people to deal with...
Actually, Ulquiorra was missing from this picture.
"Where is Ulquiorra?" Tosen asked.
"He is retrieving Inoue-san from the World of the living." Aizen answered, continuing on with this bizarre guide on taking out his most beloved possession thus far.
2. Immortality plays a role in this. The Hogyouku essentially heals the user of any injuries one may have. Aizen cant die because of this, and hes still willing to fight. You would have to convince him to give up-
"This is absurd!" Aizen spat at the laptop.
"M' MacBook ain't absurd, bu' th' story certainly is." Gin corrected, earning him more glares. "Wha'? I's th' truth!"
"We're not doubting that." Aaronierro said. "We're doubting that either this story makes any sense to anyone or we're doubting that you're completely innocent in this."
"I believe the latter." Barragan stated.
"No offense, Ichimaru, but there's just something off about you." Zommari agreed.
"Why no offense?" Grimmjow inquired. "I would mean it with complete offense."
"So would I," Nnoritora said.
"Gin's just freakin creepy." Szayel said, which was quite a surprise from most, considering this is the guys who eats everything: his sword, his fraccions, his...'things'...
"You probably shouldn't say that while he's still here." Tosen advised, pointing to Gin's no longer smiling face.
"Well, Ichimaru, there is many a report against you." Aizen said. "Which is it?"
"Zzz-huh?" Starrk woke up yet again from his nap. "What's going on?"
"Idiot..." DiRoy muttered.
"We're teaming up against Gin concerning Aizen-sama's safety." Loly said, popping out from behind the throne with Menoly below her. "Isn't that right, Lord Aizen?"
Aizen scooted a little bit farther forward from his stalker servants. "I wouldn't call it teaming up against Gin, but yes."
"C'mon guys!" Gin whined. "Ya don' seriously think I'd do somethin' as diabolical as tha' do ya? Tha's Aizen-taicho's job!"
Aizen was quickly losing his patience for this. He shut the MacBook and handed it to Menoly, who promptly left with Loly to put the laptop in his safe. "Ichimaru, it might be best if you left for now."
And that is how Gin spent the day locked up in his room, with no entertainment. "All tha' glitters ain't silver..." he muttered. (%)
[******************************thestarsgohere**********************************]
That was entertaining for me to write. Poor Gin...but it's all good. Happy Birthday Ichi-chan!