Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and I never will.
Warning: This is a completely random fanfic, and I wrote this at a VERY late hour, but PLEASE enjoy!
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"Sakura, you need a psychologist; your shopping is out of control!" Naruto cried when Sakura dumped 8 bags of clothes and accessories at Naruto's feet. "But... I want to shop!" Sakura pouted like a child. "Sakura, I saw this advertisement about a talk-show on the newspaper… Maybe you should go." Sasuke suggested, throwing his kunai around. "Why do YOU care?" Naruto asked. "Because Sakura's not giving me any room to train, with all her shopping bags around everywhere." Sasuke replied blankly. "I guess you should go." Naruto said. "What if I don't?" Sakura turned and tried on a hat. It was dressed with lace and very fancy, Naruto guessed that it'd be very expensive. "I'll give you this 50 off coupon for all malls." Naruto showed Sakura an a 50 off on Ramen ticket but Sakura didn't notice. "WOW! I'll go!" She exclaimed.
"Today, on Mr. Rockbell, we will discuss about a girl who has a shopping addiction! And Mr. Rockbell will solve it! We have the girl, Sakura, and her two closest friends, Naruto and Sasuke!" Mr. Rockbell pointed to the three guests.
"So, this girl has a shopping addiction." The host of the talk show said. "Also, call me Mr. Rockbell." He added. Sasuke just sat there, hoping everything would be over soon. A band of fan girls were gathering up in the audience. Naruto sat patiently and wished that everything would be alright as Mr. Rockbell continued blabbing stuff. "Do you know why you're here, young lady?" Mr. Rockbell asked with a smile. "Shopping?" Sakura replied. "No, no. What's your favorite person or thing in the whole world?" Mr. Rockbell asks again. "Besides Sasuke… Shopping!" Sakura replied, cheering. "Sasuke? Well, let's hold on to that thought!" Mr. Rockbell winked. "We've brought some special guests with us today, please welcome a psychologist, a shop owner and Kabuto!" Mr. Rockbell motioned towards the wall and out stepped a woman with blonde hair. Her cheekbones were perfectly shaped and she was fully developed as a woman. Even Sasuke couldn't resist glancing at her, as she sat down on one of the chairs.
A middle-aged man walked on stage from behind the set and started waving to the audience. "I guess Kabuto is late… Anyways, Sakura, do you know who this is?" Mr. Rockbell asked. "Duh, he's the shop owner of my favorite mall!" Sakura replied crankily. "You!" The shop owner spoke in a horrible accent mixed English, Chinese and a lot of other languages, pointing at Sakura. "You bought every item in my shop and other customers complained that they couldn't get anything! And you snatch things out of other people's hands! Like that skirt you had! I saw you snatch that from a lovely lady!" He bellowed. "Hey! That's MINE!" The psychologist exclaimed. "Wow…I'm not surprised…" Sasuke muttered. "So, tell me, Sakura, why do you shop?" The psychologist asks. "Because it cleanses me!" Sakura replied. "Then light some aroma candles, then take a bath and spray some perfume!" Mr. Rockbell suggested, joking. "No!" Sakura almost wanted to throw something at Mr. Rockbell but she knew that she couldn't be so hard on the man for making a joke. "Now, now, do you know the difference between Mitosis and Meiosis?" The psychologist asked. "Mitosis means Shopping and Meiosis means INTENSE shopping!" Sakura nodded. "No. They're both about the human body." Sasuke mentioned. "Oh, right." Sakura realized.
The talk-show went on for a little while. "So when did this all start?" The psychologist asked Sasuke and Naruto. "A few months ago." Naruto replied. "Sakura, why don't you get a job?" The psychologist asked. "But then I won't have enough time to shop!" Sakura snapped. "Have you ever considered working in a mall?" Mr. Rockbell asks. "Uhhh..." Sakura was stumped. "A HA! I've stumped her! Go Mr. Rockbell! Go Mr. Rockbell!" Mr. Rockbell started dancing a bit. "Sakura, is there some emptiness in your life that you have to fill with shopping?" The psychologist asked. "Ummmm my crush doesn't like me…" Sakura admitted. "Then, would you feel better if you had a new crush?" Sasuke joked. Naruto glanced up. I hope she picks me as her new crush! He hoped. "Ummm… Can we have Mr. Rockbell as my new crush?" Sakura asked, because Mr. Rockbell was quite cute. "Uh… I wish! I have to go home to a sticking wife and I have three kids!" Mr. Rockbell whispered to Sakura. The psychologist punched Mr. Rockbell in the back. "You call me you 'stinking' wife?" She yelled. Sasuke sweat-dropped. "Wow." Naruto said. "Oh… I'm sorry…" Sakura looked depressed. "Sakura Chan? Let's have Ramen tonight… My treat?" Naruto wanted to get out of the show as fast as possible. "Ahhh… Looks like mustard head likes you!" Mr. Rockbell managed to say as his wife, Mrs. Rockbell, dragged him off stage. "That was so random." Sakura could say nothing else, but she felt hungry. "Alright, Naruto." She giggled.
Then, Kabuto stormed into the talk-show room, taking gasps from the audience. "Am… I late?" He was invited for the talk-show, but he didn't show up earlier because he had to stop to look at medicine in a medicine shop. Medicine to him was like porn to Kakashi. Naruto was very glad that Sakura agreed and glanced at Sasuke. He yawned and walked off the stage and outside. "I'll be waiting outside…" He said as he walked past Kabuto. Kabuto blinked. "I guess I am, aren't I?" Sakura nodded. "And thank you, Naruto, because if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been able to stop shopping that much! You suggested this, and it worked; now I'll have to focus on you…" Sakura noticed how much Naruto had changed over the years so she didn't hate him like she hated him years ago.
"Okay… I'm leaving." The shop owner stepped outside. Then, Mr. Rockbell came back to the stage with a black eye. "Yay! We've solved this problem… Remember, Mr. Rockbell can solve ANYTHING! Tomorrow, we come back with a 10 year old girl, who murdered a 36 year old man!" He clapped, and then he fainted. "I guess it's over." The audience murmured as they started to leave. "But I haven't said a thing!" Kabuto waved his arms around. "Well, it's your turn to speak, but too bad. I have to speak." Naruto blew a raspberry at Kabuto and turned to Sakura. "I never knew you were going through this much pain…" Naruto said. Kabuto looked angry.
----3 hours later, after non-stop love talk with Naruto and Sakura---
Naruto and Sakura left the room, leaving Kabuto with a rolling camera.
---At Orochimaru's Cave---
Orochimaru sank into his chair and stared at the TV. He had one. And oh, the joys that it brought! He saw Kabuto on TV at a talk-show. He was always invited for any talk-show. Right now, Orochimaru was almost laughing, because this is what he just saw:
---Flashback---
Kabuto: "FINALLY! I GET TO SAY SOMETHI-"
---Camera cuts off---
Guy in tuxedo: "Today's weather is snowy with a little wind to the east…"
---End Flashback---
Orochimaru knew that that was bad, however…
---The Next Day---
Orochimaru sank into his chair again. Kabuto had been invited to the same talk-show, but with a different topic. This is what Orochimaru saw on TV:
"So, as I promised, today, we have a 10 year-old girl, who murdered a 36 year-old man… but this time, we'll invite in a special guest, he's a medical ninja, you know, just in case we get a little rough…" Mr. Rockbell stared at the meat-chopping butler knife in the girl's hand. The girl was quite petite but she had a fierce expression on her face. "Please welcome, KABUTO!" Mr. Rockbell pointed at the figure that was walking on stage…
"I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, DOES ANYONE HAVE AN OBJECTION TO THAT?" Kabuto pointed a flamethrower at everyone.
---TV cuts off---
Orochimaru smiled. "I knew it…"
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I'm sorry for the out of character characters, but I did this for fun. This was based on a school skit that I did with some of my friends, it was actually funnier than this. I hope you enjoyed this, this is my 2nd fanfic and I typed this up at a VERY late hour so this wasn't exactly my best work… Please review!
-Fanfic finishes-
Kabuto: …I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE! I WANTED TO TALK!
Yoruichi: …Put down your flamethrower and we can talk things out…
Kabuto: Alright.
Yoruichi: Bye, everyone!
Kabuto: … Readers… Next time when you go to a talk-show, please let everyone talk. Now I will go and murder Yoruichi.
Please R&R!