Disclaimer: I don't own the show. Or "Tangled" by Jane Wiedlin.
Hi everyone! This came from lyrics and an idea from SaraSidleStokes (Melissa) over at CSIfiles.It was my first challenge-esque kind of thing, so it was a little bit more difficult writing, since most of the story didn't come out of my little eccentric mind, but I had fun!
I hope you enjoy this story, and please read and review!
Tangled
Sara's fingers gripped the lace-trimmed box under her bed. Coughing from the years of dust accumulated on such an ancient artifact, she slid it out from under her bed. If anything will make me feel better, she thought, this is it.
She lifted the box up to her bed, and scrambled to recover the lost articles of her life. The box was bright and colorful in a style that could only scream "Early 90s College Girl". She smiled, remembering her days back in Harvard, when things seemed less complicated and she focused on who she should be, not who her peers wanted her to be.
She opened the box and found exactly what she was looking for: her tape of Pretty Woman, the Soundtrack.
She laughed lightly to herself, realizing the absurdity of her actions. The truth was the tape always comforted her. It made her reflective of the times in college, when she was really in control of her life. Any time she felt like she was losing it, she put the tape on and sang with all of her soul to the songs that she loved the most back when the only thing on her mind was what she got on her last Physics test and when the TA from her Organic Chemistry lab was going to notice her.
She'd been pulling out the tape with increasing regularity since her arrival in Las Vegas. It'd started when she'd hit rock-bottom two years prior, after her near-DUI. She'd not only been passed over by Grissom for the key CSI position, but was rejected by the man when she thought he could be the One for her. After he dropped her off at her house, she spent almost the entire week crying, the tape playing almost nonstop at all hours of the night. Her schoolgirl memories gave her a soothing dose of nostalgia, healing her through one of the darkest times in her entire life. Now, she'd periodically brought out the link to her past when she felt even the tiniest twinge of regret or sadness, knowing she couldn't let herself spiral like she had years ago.
She pulled out the tape case and put it in her purse. She looked at herself in the mirror, studying the way her body moved in a new black dress and high heels. She smiled, knowing her boyfriend would love it. Her life had been somewhat picture perfect. Her work life flourished, but it had moved to make room for her burgeoning private life. Grissom, the man who rejected her, had finally realized what he'd been missing. She'd thought this was happiness, undeniably pure bliss. But, Sara thought to herself, if my life is so perfect, why did I pull out the tape?
-:-:-:-:-:-
She popped the tape into the deck of her Denali and pulled out of her apartment's parking garage. Grissom had invited her to a French restaurant for an evening supper before shift, so she'd resolved to drive herself and store a change of clothes in her trunk. The restaurant was over 30 minutes away, so she wasted no time in pushing the play button on her car stereo and fast-forwarding to one of her favorite songs, Tangled by Jane Wiedlin. She'd always had a fondness for the Go-Gos since she was in middle school, and she liked the meaningful lyrics and the upbeat, synthesized rhythms. Soon, the silence of the car was filled with the sounds of guitars and drum kicks.
"I remember our bodies lyin' tangled in the sheets, I remember when love used to be so swee-ee-eet," She sang along instinctually to the song blaring through her speakers, "Now the only thing that's mixed up is the way I feel insi-i-ide."
Her stomach lurched as her mind caught up with the words she'd sung in time with the old song. Something didn't feel right about the situation she'd found herself in, and she knew it. But, what could it be? She had a steady job, a nice lifestyle, and a man who adored her. But, a little voice in her conscience accused her, do you love him back?
"Oh-oh baby, I'm so-o tangled," She continued to sing along with the song, her insides increasingly warping, sickening her, "Twisted up like a lo-over, was never ever meant to be-ee-ee."
Now you're just screwing with me, Jane Wiedlin, Sara thought to herself as she merged onto the freeway. Somehow, she had a sinking feeling that the woman was right. Sara had spent so much time waiting and hoping, coaxing Grissom to take a chance on her. But, had she tricked herself into it? Where did her priorities lie? Was she happy with everything? All these questions spun in her mind, and she could only feel sicker as all of her feelings came to light in the span of less than 30 seconds. Yet, she couldn't stop singing.
"What was simple is now complicate-ed, and all the plans we made just seem outdated…."
So, she thought, if I'm not in love with Grissom, then what's been going on? She began to use her CSI skills on her own mind, combing through the dark depths of her emotions to find exactly what she'd been doing with herself all this time. She'd found out, as she was driving to an important night with her boyfriend, that her feelings couldn't plausibly constitute as love. If her instincts were correct (what else did she have to go on?), then she'd been spending her life crafting out who she was going to fall in love with. Like a robotic day-planner, she'd pegged Grissom, possibly because he was the first stable male figure in her life. She'd wasted her time convincing herself that he was right for her, and for what? Sara thought this was happiness, but it seems her subconscious had other plans.
"I know that it's confusing you," The song floated through the air unaccompanied this time, as Sara became absorbed in her own thought, "Still I can't stand the thought of using you."
In three minutes, she'd uncovered the awful truth about her facade of love. She'd been living like a horse with blinders, only centered on Grissom. She'd been selling herself on the idea of him, cushioning herself for reality. She knew it was completely valid, and feared the possibility of losing the man she was supposed to love. But, how would I know if I ever met him? She postulated to herself. The only logical thing would be to think of all the people she'd spent time with since she'd been having "feelings" for Grissom. Slowly, memories flooded her brain…
"Stop flirting with me!" Nick yelled, annoyed….
"You need to get out more," Nick told her, his expression full of concern….
"Yeah, but you're taller…thinner." Nick said in response to Sara's assumption that she was of equal height and weight as the victim, practically undressing her with his eyes….
"I thought you'd never ask…" Nick said huskily, obviously jumping at the chance to get his hands on a lingerie-clad Sara….
Oh my God! She pulled off at the next exit on the freeway and slammed into the nearest parking lot. She couldn't drive and think at the same time, her emotions were running high. She pulled down the visor in the Denali and checked her reflection in the lighted mirror: she was clearly blushing. She felt like she was on fire. Could this mean… all these years…Nick?
Her heart leaped at her own thoughts, and her stomach did back flips. She'd felt these feelings for so long, but denied them into submission. She wanted to sell herself into the idea of Grissom, the idea of stability, that it only became clear to her that she'd just been afraid of finding real love. She'd scared herself into thinking she needed Grissom, that he was the only person that could keep her grounded and safe, but it made no sense to lie to herself anymore. The light shone on her true emotions, showing her that she'd been in love with Nick since the start, but she was just too scared to realize that she could love without a plan, without a safety net.
She tapped her fingers against her steering wheel, contemplating the weight of her situation. She was about to go out with the mirage she'd bought into, the empty vessel of love she'd sunk herself in. Could she bring herself to spend the evening with a man she couldn't possibly be happy with? Could she hurt his feelings by turning her back on him the way he had done on her? She pulled out her cell phone and dialed his phone number with the speed that comes with muscle-memory. She listened to the dial tone of her phone, her stomach lurching like it had while she was listening to the tape. She cleared her throat, and prepared to make her decision.
"Hello?" The distinct, sage voice of Grissom flooded her ears through her cell phone.
"Hey, it's me," Sara said, her throat burning with an intensity she'd never felt before, "Listen, Gil….There's something I need to tell you…."
-:-:-:-:-:-
Sara leaned up against the narrow hallway to catch her balance, cursing herself for running in new heels. She'd rushed as fast as she could, and was situated only three doors away from her intended destination. She straightened herself out, pressing out the wrinkles in her black dress. She attempted weakly to quell her nerves, but it was all futile in the face of what she was going up against. She took a deep breath, and knocked on the wooden door with the numbers 338 emblazoned in the center.
Nick opened the door, obviously groggy from sleep and confused by Sara's presence in his hallway.
"Sara?" Nick yawned before looking at her intently, shocked at her random visit, "What're you doing here?"
She stared at him and her mouth crept up into a smile. She'd come this far, and she wasn't going to turn back now. She pushed back feelings of doubt and anxiety for the man standing in front of her. She was tired of lying to herself, tired of putting herself on emotional rollercoasters and working towards an impossible dream. She was prepared to jump into the unknown and let her feelings take the reigns of her future. She was ready to face the life she'd been too scared to lead, the life that was meant to be.
"I'm here to untangle myself."
Well...that's it! You know how much I like reviews! Why don't you make my day?