So this is a crackfic about some characters in Bleach, and a few in Naruto, and Gravitation. This will be full of wtf's .
Started by: omg-run-its-maddie (a.k.a Matsuni).
Edited and added onto by: sharingan-sasuke uchiha (a.k.a Kyone).
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Ichigo was feeling bored out of his mind. Rukia's drawings were too much to bear and Yuzu's collection of polka music were pounding into his head. He was starting to hum the songs. Putting on a jacket and sneakers, he headed outside, away from the stupidity.
The orange haired shinigami heard some strange gasping noises in the bushes to his left. It was then replaced with a loud and quick scream. Ichigo got creeped out but decided to check what was going on.
He WTF'D as he saw Yumichika getting raped by Ikkaku. Both of them yelped and froze in mid-thrust. Ichigo twitched and pointed at them..
"Yumi..chika...and Ik-Ikaku Oh My GOD!!" Ichigo turned around and ran away from them, realizing he had accidentally stepped into the world of Naruto.
Kakashi was reading Icha Icha Paradise while stealing glances to Iruka. Sasuke and Naruto were making out in the dojo a block away and Sakura was reading fanfiction about SasuSaku. She WTF'D when she saw Ichigo. Realizing he looked like Naruto, she discovered she had some wierd twisted liking for Naruto and then she raped Ichigo. Ichigo WTF'D and pulled his clothes back on to run back to his dimension.
"Berry Boy!" called out Renji. The seemingly Vice Captain approached Ichigo and slapped him angrily. 'WHY DIDN"T YOU CALL ME BACK LAST NIGHT?"
"Wh-What?" asked Ichigo, dumbfounded at Renji's girly looks. He hadn't even noticed the sting in his cheek. The 'man' had a pigtail with a short denim skirt and a tank top. His hair was also streaked with pale pink and his eyelashes were unusually long.
"Oh, here you go again. Playing dumb again," Renji snapped at him. "I'm tired of it." Renji had an annoyed look on his face and then began to notice Ichigo was staring at him, eyes wide.
"What?" he retorted to Ichigo's currently WTF'D face.
"Am I being PUNK'D?" Ichigo asked desperately.
"What's PUNK'D?" Renji asked, a confused look on his girly face, making him look even more like a girl.
Ichigo whined in unhappiness. "Why? WHY???"
Renji had begun to think Ichigo was being really wimpy right now, and decided his joke was over. But he did like this uke side of the substitute shinigami. He walked behind a tree and changed his clothing into something more comfortable. He was dressed in some jeans and a leather jacket and and a T shirt with "Shinigami are Teh Pwnz0rs" written on it.
"Oi, Berry Boy! Joke's over."
"Wh-What? That was a prank?" Ichigo looked up at him and pouted. "But I liked how you looked with a tank top on."
"Heh. And I like how you look with nothing on." Renji bent over to Ichigo's sitting and whiny form. He edged closer to Ichigo's face and looked him in the eye, a creepy smirk across his face.
He grabbed the orange haired boy's shirt and litterally ripped it off.
Ichigo WTF'D at the sudden strength and then looked into a puddle, seeing his reflection. "I look good," he said proudly.
Renji growled at him and proceeded to remove Ichigo's pants, leaving him in his boxers. Fortunately, the other did not resist and in fact, helped him out.
Renji threw the pants up into a high tree branch directly above the two of them.
"Renji?" Ichigo asked, alarmed. "What am I supposed to wear when we're done?"
The other didn't respond but merely growled again at Ichigo, enjoying this wierd sensation of humiliating Ichigo. He didn't know why he was doing this. He supposed it was because of seeing Ichigo acting all uke and WTF'ing every 5 seconds.
Ichigo was getting seriously uncomfortable, this was not something Renji would do. He watched Renji pick up a fallen tree brach and grip it tightly walking towards Ichigo. He backed up, crawling helplessly away from the redhead. A swing was heard and everything else was faded and forgotten.
---
Ichigo awoke in his bedroom the next morning. He was baffled, and didn't understand what had come into Renji. Second, he was naked. He caught sight of his boxers folded onto the nearest chair, and scrambled to put them on. Ichigo hadn't even noticed Renji enter the room.
Renji smirked, starting to laugh at Ichigo.
Ichigo turned around and screamed out in surprise when he noticed Renji. "YOU! What did you do to me? I woke up naked!"
"Nothing. You went and raped me, fool. I was the nicer one and decided you were just drunk or something so I put you in bed."
"Wh-WTF?" Ichigo questioned him, completely denying everything Renji just said. This was ridiculous. Ichigo didn't rape anyone. He was a virgin, for god's sake.
Renji, being a sick bastard at the time, remembered what had really happened. He had feelings for a few other men and decided to experiment with ichigo, who was one of them. He felt horrible about himself, but didn't want to say anything to Ichigo, who wouldn't understand the confusion and wierd mood swings he was having all the time. What had provoked him to go to such an extreme measure? What was so arousing about rape?
Renji snapped out of his thoughts and calmly walked towards Ichigo. He put his hand on the boy's shoulder and said,"I'm sorry. I was being completely out of my mind. I hit you with the branch and i took you here and um...fucked you..."
Ichigo didn't know how to respond. What the hell would make Renji do this? Of course, he had been eyeing the vice captain for some time but had never acted upon his feeling. He started to imagine himself suddenly wrapping his arms around Renji and telling him he was sad he wasn't conscious at the time to enjoy the 'rape.' He pushed the thought aside and Renji's arm as well.
"Renji. I don't know what's gotten into you, but for some reason, I'm liking it."
Renji furrowed his eyebrows, not expecting this. Why would Ichigo like the fact that this happened? Maybe he had feelings for him too? No, that was impossible. He was just reacting like his body naturally would.
(A/N: I (a.k.a Kyone) started adding onto the story from here! Just wanted to let you know! Ok keep reading...)
"Ichigo...WTF?" Renji asked, in suprise at what Ichigo had just said.
"Hey! Thats my line!" Ichigo said, frowning, making him look totally uke, which made Renji want to rape him...again.
Renji ran toward Ichigo, an evil gleam in his eyes. He gave Ichigo a look that said 'I-want-to-rip-off-all-of-your-clothes!'
Renji then began ripping off Ichigo's clothes, and then began looking for something to hit Ichigo over the head with, just heavy enough to make the orange haired shinigami shut up.
"Wait...Renji...Stop!" Ichigo said, frantically waving his hands in front of his naked body.
Renji stopped and turned to look at Ichigo.
"What?" Renji asked, upset that Ichigo had interuptted what would be the best of time of his life. Well...second best.
"Could you not knock me out this time?" Ichigo asked, smiling.
Renji scratched his head, in a very Naruto-like manner, considering this new option.
"Hmmm...well..." Renji said, not sure if he should, but before he could give a definite answer, some one interuppted him.
"Well here it is guys. Japan's new recording studio! Yay! We're going to have so much f-u-n!" Shuichi Shindou said, throwing Ichigo's bedroom open, only to find a naked, blushing Ichigo, and a semi-naked, also blushing Renji.
Shuichi's eyes got round, and then he fainted, due to yaoi overload.
Hiro started setting up his guitar like nothing had happened.
A pissed off looking Yuki, took out a cigarette and lit it, and then turned to face Renji and Ichigo.
"Could you two please go find a more suitable place to screw each other?" Yuki asked, looking as if asking two almost naked men to go fuck each other somewhere else was normal.
"Uhh...This is my bedroom..." Ichigo said.
"You live in a recording studio?" Yuki asked, in a disbelieving tone.
"Uhh...no...I think you got mixed up. This my house, and my room." Ichigo said, looking like he was gonna kick out Yuki, Shuichi, and Hiro.
"Oh. Well do you know where the japan recording studio is?" Yuki asked.
"Erm...no." Ichigo said.
"Well I guess we're going to have to borrow your bedroom." Yuki said.
"Erm...We were kinda in t' midddle of something." Renji said, speaking up for the first time since Shuichi and the gang had shown up.
At that moment Shuichi suddenly gained consiousness.
"Where am I?" Shuichi asked in a dazed tone.
"In my room." Ichigo said in an unhappy tone.
"Why are you naked?" Shuichi asked.
"I was...wait...why am I even telling you?" Ichigo asked, stopping mid-sentence.
"Were you having swex with that red-haired lady?" Shuichi asked, mistaking Renji for a woman.
"Lady? I'm a GUY!" Renji yelled.
"Wait, swex?" Ichigo asked, totally cutting off Renji.
"Yes. He's going through this phase. He calls it swex, and if I don't go along with it he doesn't let me screw him for 3 hours-" Yuki said, cut off by Hiro's hand which was closed tightly aroung his mouth.
"Thats enough Yuki." Tohma Seguchi said, coming out of nowhere, a frown on his face.
"What? You jealous Tohma?" Yuki asked, taking his cigarette and throwing on the floor, stomping on it to get out the flame.
"No...I just think that two innocent boys don't need to know the very explicit details of your sex life with Shuichi." Tohma said, still frowning.
Yuki smiled devilishy and grabbed Tohma's shirt, pulling the blonde hair man close to him. His brown eyes stared into Tohma's green ones.
"You want me to tell them the details of the time we had sex?" Yuki asked in a whisper.
Tohma didn't respond.
Shuichi took this as an opportunity to start complaining.
"Y-Yu-Yukiiiiiiiii! Y-you c-ch-cheated one me?!" Shuichi blubbered, giant tears rolling down his cheeks.
Yuki only blanky stared at Shuichi.
"Is that a yes?" Shuichi asked, still crying.
Yuki continued to stare at Shuichi like he was crazy, which wasn't totally untrue.
"Do you like boys with blonde hair and green eyes now?" Shuichi asked.
Yuki's eyes grew large as a few seconds later Shuichi was wearing a blonde wig and green contacts.
"Love me, Yukiiiii!" Shuichi wailed, running toward Yuki, arms outstreched.
Yuki stepped aside, so that instead of hugging him, Shuichi was hugging the cigarette butt that Yuki had thrown onto the floor.
Shuichi started crying again, until Hiro knocked him on the head with his guitar.
Yuki took out another cigarette and lit it, while Tohma stared into space.
Renji and Ichigo's eyes were large as they watched the scene before them unfold.
"What the hell just happened?" Renji asked, confused.
"You tell me." Ichigo said, just as confused.
"Er...are you guys leaving now?" Renji asked, his question directed to Hiro, Tohma, and Yuki. It would have been directed to Shuichi as well, but unfortunately he was knocked out at the moment.
"No. Why, you guys going somewhere?" Yuki asked.
"No. We were kinda...uh... I dunno...TRYING to have sex in peace." Renji said, causing Ichigo to blush at the thought of having sex with Renji.
Yuki laughed and remembered the time he was having sex with Shuichi, and Tohma had walked in on them...again. There had been alot of crying(mainly from Shuichi), cursing(mainly from Yuki), alot of half-hearted apologies(mainly from Tohma), and ALOT of whipped cream...
"You gotta problem with audiences?" Yuki asked in a serious tone.
"Audiences?" Renji asked, as if he had never considered the possiblity. (Which of course he hadn't he was too busy thinking of Ichigo and him getting naked, and kicking everyone out).
"Yes. You know, the thing where people watch EVERYTHING that you do..." Yuki said, making Ichigo painfully aware of the fact that he wasn't wearing any clothes.
"Well Ichigo, do you want these people to watch as I do profoundly dirty things to you?" Renji asked.
Yuki, Hiro, and Tohma turned to look at Ichigo anticipating his anwer.
"Uh...I dunno. Do they want to watch?" Ichigo asked.
Yuki, Hiro, and Tohma all nodded.
"Ok then its settled." Renji said, smiling, glad that he would still get the chance to do very explicit sexual things to Ichigo. Yes, this made him VERY happy.
"But I have stage fright!" Ichigo yelled, running away from Renji, who was chasing Ichigo.
"Oh. You don't have to worry about being scared. You'll be busy doing plenty of other things!" Renji said, the wicked gleam that had been in his eyes before, returning.
Yuki then turned to Tohma.
"That reminds me. Tohma I have something I need you to help me with." Yuki said, smiling devilishly.
"What Eiri-san?" Tohma asked almost innocently.
"Uh... I'm having a problem with my pants." Yuki said.
"Oh?" Tohma asked, knowing where this was going.
"Yes. They've suddenly become very tight. Would you mine helping me make it so that they're not tight?" Yuki asked, in a seductive tone.
"Sure. Anything for you Eiri-san." Tohma said, with a knowing smile.
Tohma and Yuki rushed out of the room so fast that they left a trail of dust behind them.
Hiro stared at the spot that Yuki and Tohma had been occupying before was now suddenly empty.
He turned to look at Ichigo and Renji who were currently making out on Ichigo's bed, forgetting all about Hiro or anyone else.
Renji stopped kissing Ichigo and began to suck on the orange haired shingami's neck.
"Ohh...Renji..."Ichigo murmered.
"Ichigo..." Renji replied.
Hiro frowned, it seemed that everyone had some type of sexual relationship but him. Even Shuichi, his girly best friend that liked men, had a relationship, even though Yuki was cheating on him, but that wasn't the point.
Shuichi woke up when he realized someone else's lips were on his.
'Its Yuki! The wig and contacts worked!' Shuichi thought.
When he saw Hiro's familiar black hair, he realized he wasn't kissing the sexual object of his desire (a.k.a Eiri Yuki).
Shuichi pushed Hiro away and stared at his best friend for a long five seconds.
"What are you doing? I thought you were straight!" Shuichi yelled.
"I love you Shuichi." Hiro said.
"W-WHAT?" Shuichi asked.
"I-love-you." Hiro said.
"I love Yuki." Shuichi said.
"He loves Tohma." Hiro said.
"WHAT? He loves me!" Shuichi said, looking as if he were about to cry.
Hiro grabbed the crying Shuichi and dragged him to the bathroom.
Without knocking he threw open the door and his eyes opened in shock...
Tohma Seguchi was...
helping Yuki...
clean the toilet!
"See!" Shuichi said, smiling.
"But I thought...but he said...but he was going to..." Hiro stammered.
Tohma gave Shuichi and Hiro a big smile.
"We should give them their privacy!" Shuichi said, dragging an unhappy Hiro back to Ichigo's room.
Back in the bathroom...
"See! I told you they were coming!" Tohma said, to a frowning Yuki.
"No, I was coming." Yuki said, still frowning.
"Its okay Eiri-san." Tohma said, unzipping Yuki's pants again.
Yuki said no more, and let out a loud gasp as he felt Tohma's mouth around his cock...
Back in the bedroom...
Hiro and Shuichi stared as Renji and Ichigo, who had been on the bed before, had rolled onto the floor, were lying in a writhing moaning heap.
Renji stopped mid-thrust and looked up to find Hiro and Shuichi staring at him and Ichigo, blushing furiously.
"Uh...sorry...we'll be leaving now..." Hiro said, putting his hands up in front of his face and then running out of the room.
About 30 minutes later, after raiding Ichigo's fridge he realized he had left Shuichi in Ichigo's room...
'Oh shit...' Hiro thought as he ran to Ichigo's room.
He kicked open the door to find Ichigo and Renji, naked, and asleep on the ground.
He then spotted Shuichi who stood frozen with shock, eyes and mouth wide open.
Hiro then looked down to find an enromous puddle of drool on the ground in front of Shuichi.
"Oi..." Hiro said, as he collected Shuichi the statue and left the room.
He remembered that Yuki and Tohma were still in the bathroom.
'They should be done now...' Hiro thought, his thoughts breaking off as he heard Tohma yelling from the bathroom.
"Oh god Eiri! Go faster! Faster! Oh god, yes! Right there! Don't stop!" Tohma yelled.
'...or not.' Hiro thought.
Hiro was going to wake up Ichigo or Renji, or even go in the bathroom and gey Yuki or Tohma. He even thought of snapping Shuichi out of his frozen state.
But before he could do any of those things he fell alseep on the floor...