Need You More Than You Know

by ishippeditovernight

(destiel) Dean loses Cas, over and over again, at various points in their lives. But does he really? / Takes place toward the end of season 10; MoC is still in play, Cas has his grace back, but can't sense Dean for the purposes of the story.

1. Chapter 1

Need You More Than You Know

Story Notes:

Due to the nature of the fic, there is minor violence and twice there is character death, but it's also ...not really character death if you get what I mean (I hope this becomes clear why!). So TW if death/etc bothers you, but... I swear on my stack of DVDs there will be a darn happy ending!

This story dances all over the timeline, but I'll mark when each chapter is taking place. However, the main, framed storyline takes place toward the end of season 10. Dean still has the Mark.

Chapter Note:

Takes place mid-season 4.

He'd only known Cas for a couple of months at this point, so Dean wasn't quite sure what was possessing him—well, nothing supernatural, anyway, as the anti-possession tattoo was still in one piece—but clearly, something else was in control of his impulses here.

Like stupidity, maybe. Or desperation? World was gonna end if they couldn't stop the seals breaking, anyway…

Whatever the reason, he had this feeling that he had to act. Something gave him this strange, ants-crawling-under-his-flesh urgency.

"Cas?" he blurted out as Castiel was about to leave, about to wing off to Heaven or where-the-fuck-ever-else.

A pause. Cas turned back questioningly, those eyebrows lowered in slow uncertainty. Dean's heart thought it was inside a seventh grader's and skipped a beat. "Yes?"

Dean opened and shut his mouth, struggling to breathe evenly. "Um. Could you—Do you ever thin—" He pressed his lips together, closed his eyes, and just dived in. "Could we ever, you know, I mean, umm, you and me—" Here his words failed. Here his nerves gave out again.

The silence was too much. Dean cracked one eye open again, too anxious to open both but needing to see.

Cas was looking at him warily, waiting for the rest of Dean's sentence, but already his expression had softened and an apology was scattered over his features. "I'm so sorry, Dean," he said quietly. "Angels and humans can't… be together. In that way. It isn't allowed."

He was gone in a fluttery sound of wings before Dean could ask if he felt the same.

Dean wasn't sure if he was glad about that missed part of the conversation or not.