A random bit of silliness that popped into my head. In this story, Shredder and April, for some reason, are about to get it on. I know the dialog is funky-sounding and should be edited to sound more like the cartoons. I'm going to get on that right away, but I wanted to just get this version up because I finally posted the end of my other story and I'm post-happy this week. Tell me whether you like the idea of this ficlet.
April swallowed and said bravely. "Okay...now take your mask off."
"I can't."
"What? Come on, I've seen you with it off before, Shredder, so quit pretending." She reached for it again, but he ducked under her hand and stepped back.
"No – really. I'm not joking, April, I swear it. Once it came off in the heat of battle and almost put my eye out, so Krang had it permanently fastened on."
"How do you eat?"
He sighed and fiddled with a tiny hinge on the side, so that the mouth-guard swung away from his face. "See? It moves that way, but that's all. And if we leave it there, and I try to kiss you, it will poke you in the face."
As he re-fastened it, she put her hands on his upper arms and stroked upwards to his shoulder pads. "Is this all permanently fastened on?" she whispered throatily.
His laugh was low and rumbling. "Not all of it. Why don't you find out for yourself?"
She busied herself with unbuckling the various pieces of metal armor he wore, and he was struck all over again by just how much he must trust her. No living person had seen him vulnerable like this, not since he'd become the Shredder all those years ago. Well, even if something goes wrong, I can take her out naked if I have to, he thought, and flexed his arms a little.
Seeing him tense up, she took one of his hands and tried to uncurl his fist. "Okay, silly, these have got to go. There's no way you're getting into my pants with those meat-cleavers you've got there..."
"No – they don't come off."
He opened his hand to let her see, and she tugged vainly for a moment, surprised when he flinched. "How..."
"Have you ever had your ears pierced? It's just like that. There are small bits of metal on the other side here...you can't see them now...and we cut my hands and let the flesh heal up around them. Taking off these hand-guards now would be a serious problem."
She gasped. "They never come off?"
"Never."
"Never?"
"Never!"
"Never? But...but even in the shower? And when you sleep? Don't they get rusty and cut you up when you're not paying attention?"
Closing his eyes and counting for patience, Shredder explained again. "Never. Never, April. They'll never rust – Krang brought this metal from Dimension X for me. And when I'm asleep I wrap them. By now I'm used to it, anyway – I have good control and I've never hurt myself." He paused, eyes drifting towards the floor. "Well...almost never," he amended, but didn't elaborate.
April found the answer when she'd gotten him undressed to his tighty whiteys. She was on her knees, already having divested him of his shin guards and now working on his black tights...which, up close, weren't really tights but spandex, which made her feel a lot better. April had never exactly wanted to get with a guy who wore tights, but tight black pants was okay. Finally, she managed to pull them all the way off, and of course her first action was to sneak a quick peek at his package.
"Oh, my goodness!"
Shredder watched, amused and perplexed, as she leaped to her feet and backed away, pointing and stuttering, "But your...your...what...."
"Surely you can't be that naïve," he grated, but then understood what must have unnerved her. He reached down softly, tracing one of the just-healing cuts inside his thigh. "Oh...that?"
April nodded and gulped, wondering if she was going to get a lot more than she'd bargained for. Apparently, judging by the tic-tac-toe boards of scars and scabs all across his lower stomach and upper thighs, he must be into some really rough, strange sex. Why else would his crotch be surrounded by wounds in all stages of healing? Perhaps he'd been captured and ritualistically tortured over time by some sadistic sexual predator...
He cleared up her confusion without being asked. "As I said, you're the first woman I've been with in years. In the absence of...female companionship, I have, on occasion, attempted to...um...to do what all other men find so easy and natural."
Suddenly assailed by a mental picture so ridiculous she had to laugh, April demanded, "And in the heat of the moment you just lose control, is that it?"
He held up his claws. "April, they're razor-sharp," he said defensively, almost whining. "The slightest error in angle, the tiniest uncoordinated movement, and..."
"And I'm supposed to let you touch me with them?" she interrupted doubtfully.
"I've said I'll be careful."
She regarded him thoughtfully for a moment, then smiled and came in close. She reached up to hug him around his neck, and he slipped his hands around her waist and then lower, to cup her bottom. When the very first hint of cold steel grazed her lightly, though, she cuddled closer and whispered, "Can-head, if you draw one drop of blood, I will take that armor and stick it-"
Shredder intended to cut her off by capturing her mouth in a kiss. It seemed the proper romantic thing to do.
Unfortunately, he'd forgotten about his mouth-guard being closed, and ended up slamming her in the face with a mouthful of metal.
They both stepped back abruptly, yelping. April was holding onto her nose with both hands, but when Shredder smacked himself in the head in frustration, ringing like a bell as his claws struck his helmet, she let go and burst out laughing.
When his ears finally stopped buzzing, he opened his eyes and blinked her into focus. "Sorry."
Still smiling gently, April approached again and unhinged his mouth-guard. She remembered to hold it aside so that nobody got an eye poked out. "It's okay," she whispered. "We've got time."
She leaned in and kissed him properly this time. When their lips finally met, Shredder absolutely melted.
His first coherent thought was, Maybe I should have Bebop and Rock-Steady kidnap her so that I can kiss her whenever I want.
The End.
Like I said, the language will be corrected. But please tell me what you think!