What Makes Me want to Cry
Dear Diary, July 18th
Marie gave me this book, this stupid little journal thing and told me "Logan", well, I think she called me Logie or some lovie dovie variation of my name, and said "Writing will help you release some of that pent up anger"... which I seem to feel all the goddamn time. I can't help it, I'm an animal. But I agreed, cause maybe it will help. She's rarely steered me wrong, she's a smart one. And I'm a lucky bastard.
So here it goes, letting lose, letting all that mushy gushy stuff come flowing out. No one will know, nobody has to see. Okay. Go.
Marie's graduation is only 3 days away, and I can't help but feel nervous. Partly for her, and partly for me. I'm just one big ball of nerves. I'm concerned for her, but in the weirdest way. I even think I asked her if she's thought about what shoes she's gonna wear. Jesus, when did I get so soft? She could wear Kleenex boxes as shoes on that stage and she'd still be the hottest girl out there. But that's the funny thing... right now, when I think about her graduating, it's not about how hot she is, I'm just proud. I'm not nervous to see her grow up, cause I want that more than anything, then maybe people will start acting like I'm not a fucking pervert who robbed the cradle. I'm not nervous for her heading out into the real world, cause she'll still be here, it's just something the professor decided to throw to honor the older students, and God knows she's had a bigger taste of the real world than most people and she's only 18. It's the way she has this effect on me... I think I'm nervous for me, but for her... it makes me want to cry. Almost.
July 19th~Dear Diary:
Okay, so we went to the store to get her cap and gown today. She came out of the change room and did a little twirl, with a "ta dah!" and I could have cried. I haven't pin pointed why yet, and why I have this overwhelming knot in my stomach, but I saw her in that, all grown up. Like the night of her prom, I'll never forget the look on her face, the way she looked so beautiful, she keeps surprising me. I think she'll always surprise me, maybe that's what makes me nervous, but I don't think so. I like surprises.
I walked over to her in the gown and grabbed the cap, tossed it aside and kissed her hard. Words can't describe how proud I am of her. She's made it this far in life. Every day was a fight. Every day was a legitimate battle that she had to fight her way out of. Sure, poisonous skin helps her, but it's also her curse, because without it, she wouldn't be in those battles, those missions that put my perfect angel at risk. But I kissed her good, hard and long, dragging my tongue across those lips. She was surprised. She likes surprises too; my little spitfire. I backed her up into the change room, luckily the sales associates were busy, and I stepped back to admire her. She's just so goddamn beautiful. Like, nobody even knows. People will agree, yea she's beautiful but no one really understands. My girl is fucking gorgeous. Her heart, her spirit and her body. I unzipped the gown fully as it opened to my eyes, revealing her almost naked body underneath. She said her sweater and jeans were too bulky to try on under the gown. I'm glad she wore that sweater and jeans, I'll take naked over bulky any day. Her bra and panties didn't match, but honestly, I'd be worried if they did every day. She's not that type of gal, she knows I don't give a fuck. Her bra was a pale blue and barely contained her breasts, but the best part, the fucking best part was my tags. She always wears my tags and that day they hung so perfectly between her breasts I could cry. But just for the record, I didn't cry. Yet.
July 20th~Dear Diary:
It was the rehearsal dinner today, just a big banquet type thing for all the kids and their guests. Guests like friends that still cared, relatives and family, even parents who vowed to love their kids no matter what and kept that promise. Marie got a letter in the mail this morning about how her folks would be there, since the professor urged her to send out and invitation. The reply was a little late, but it didn't matter. She was ecstatic, still is, I've never seen her look so happy, but the knot in my stomach wound even tighter. I swear to god if they don't show up, I'll find them and gut them both. But that wouldn't solve the problem, but It'd ease my pain. The thought of my doll getting her hopes up only to have them crashing down around her breaks my heart. That makes me nervous too, so add that to the list. I think it's all these emotions, just piled on top of each other. Knowing how hard she's worked, her life and how hard it's been and it's all working out. Finally. She won one.
The Drakes were at dinner, and I thought I'd never see them again. That last incident in Boston was less than pleasant. His mom looked more terrified than a kid on his first day of school. When she walked into the mansion she took one look at Kurt and nearly fainted. He's odd though. I like Kurt. They're an arrogant family. Not in the same way I am. I'm arrogant cause I know how to laugh at myself. They, on the other hand, have the sense of humor of a priest. HIs dad kept giving me dirty looks, probably thinks I'm a fuck up, and stole his son's girlfriend, so I made sure to get a little more touchy feely with Marie in his gaze. What can I say? Girls are attracted to Art teachers.
But in all seriousness, my baby graduates tomorrow. She'll be a rank higher in the X-Men, get to go on more dangerous missions, ones with me, and that makes me nervous. What doesn't these days?
July 21st ~ Dear Diary:
They call all the names, and I'm sitting in the crowd, real close to the stage, but still far enough away to get a good view. I hear them call her name, "Marie D'Ancanto: Rogue" and she steps up the stairs. She's wearing black strappy heels, ones I was going to ask her to keep on later. She walks so elegantly, and I've never been into elegance, but she wears it like a crown. She walks across the stage until she gets to the professor in the middle, sitting in his chair and smiling like a proud father. Her REAL father, is in the back, way back, I could smell Marie on him and her mom, I saw them embrace before hand, exchange nice words and share memories, before she was ushered off to the graduates section. I'm front row though, cause I wanna be. I wanna see my baby up close to burn this image into my brain. MY GIRL, and I couldn't be more proud.
She takes the diploma and shakes the professors hand, then turns as the others did and faces the audience for pictures, holding her diploma in her hands, proudly displaying it. And in those brief seconds I notice the familiar glimmer between her breasts, it's my tags, I can see the chain. She loves me, and that almost makes me want to cry. She turns and walks off the other side and I see her flip her tassel before leaving. After the rest of the students and a few speeches from Jean and Scott, the Professor and Storm, the ceremony was over and the 'graduates' threw their caps up in the air, excited to finally get their high school diplomas (which the professor was granted after some 'convincing' at one of the local high schools).
I would have taken pictures, but I can't work a camera that well, I was never a technology genius, but I'm sure the staff and other students got some good shots. Plus, I have a good memory, when I'm allowed to keep them, and I will never forget that moment. Ever. I stood, as she walked out, walking through the aisle, on the far right, really far away from me. I watched the large screen where a camera was displaying the other side of the gym. I saw her, look up at the camera and blow a kiss, and I knew it was for me.
She's allowed to come out into the awaiting guests and all the graduates find their entourage. She jumps in my arms and yells "I didn't trip!" and I laughed. She's perfect. I kiss her and hug her and bury my face into her neck, needing to be close and show her my affection. She feels the wetness on her neck and shifts, looking up at me. Yeah, so I cried. So what? She liked it.
She never saw her parents after the initial meeting before hand, they left right after the ceremony was done, I saw them, leave as quickly as they came. Running from something they can't understand. But they tried, and that's all I could have asked for. I told her they had to go visit a friend that was ill, I wanted her to end this night on a happy note. She didn't seem to mind, and she hurried me up to our room to 'change' for the dinner portion. We did change, everything except the heels. They felt mighty good digging into my ass as I fucked her. It was her turn to shed tears. What can I say? I'm damn good.
She's all grown up now I guess, my beautiful little princess has left the castle. Only to fall right back into the beast's arms.