As always, I own nothing.
Pairings: DM/HG, HP/GW. Post-Hogwarts
Summary: Harry teaches Draco about muggle technology, and ruffles Hermione's feathers at the same time.
Hermione Granger had had the Day. From. Hell. She was looking forward to a quiet evening in front of the telly with her boyfriend, Draco Malfoy. They hadn't been seeing each other for that long, and she was slowly introducing him to muggle appliances. Thus far, the telly and microwave had been rousing successes. If only she'd warned him about the toaster. He'd jumped back like a scalded cat...
Stifling a giggle, she stepped from the floo into her living room, to find said boyfriend looking exceptionally nervous.
"Granger! Darling! You're home. HownicetoseeyoucanItakeyourc oatImadedinner?"
She glared at him suspiciously, then sighed. She really didn't need this today. "OK, out with it. What did you do?"
His eyes shifted to the side, "well, Potter was here earlier, explaining the conputer to me -"
"Computer, Draco, with an 'm'."
"Yes, yes. Whatever. Anyway, he was explaining it, and showing me the proper way for a bloke to use it."
"Wait - there's a different way to use a computer depending on one's gender? Are you sure you understood Harry correctly?"
"Oh absolutely. Showed me some instructional video and everything. Kind of odd, though, the video having music and puppets. Potter said that's just the muggle way."
"I see," came the wary rejoinder. I have the feeling I'll be killing the Saviour of the Wizarding World by sundown. "And?"
"And, I went to the web sites, and the next thing I know, all these other, I don't know, boxes? are opening, and I couldn't get it to stop. I felt like that cartoon wizard mouse with the brooms that we watched last week."
By this time, Hermione could feel her blood pressure rising. She checked the computer, and found a full-fledged pornado on the screen. "We'll have to shut the computer down completely to get rid of all of this. I hope you weren't doing anything else on here, as you'll be losing it if you were. Once I get the machine back up, I want you to show me this 'instructional video.'"
The machine came back on after several long, tense minutes, and Draco opened the YouTube site.
"See? Right here. Some teaching video by an Avenue Q. It's even titled, 'The Internet is for Porn.' There's a girl puppet who uses the Internet for all kinds of other stuff, but all the blokes in it agree that it's really only good for one thing."
"Oh my giddy aunt. Draco, I don't know whether to laugh or cry right now. Promise me one thing - unless I'm around to supervise, you won't let Harry teach you anything else."
The blond's expression darkened as he realized that he'd been had. "Damn that Potter! I'll get him for this. Sorry, love."
A distinctly Slytherin twinkle appeared in Hermione's eyes, and she told him not to worry, she had the perfect revenge. Merlin, he loved it when she looked like that!
The next day, at lunchtime, she flooed to the Potters' home while Harry was at work. She explained the situation to Ginny, who happily turned Hermione loose on Harry's personal machine.
Imagine Potter's surprise later that night when he went to look at his own wank stash, and discovered it had been replaced by pictures of kittens. Hundreds upon hundreds of kittens.
Just as his jaw dropped, a note appeared on the screen: "Figured you might like these. They always worked for Umbitch. This is what you get for leading Draco astray, and messing up my computer. Pillock."
From then on, Harry refused to teach the Pureblood anything, supervision or not.
A/N - if you haven't seen the video referenced in this story, check it out. It's hilarious!