Morgana woke suddenly, sitting bolt upright in her bed. She was cold, her skin felt clammy, sticking to the bed sheets she was clinging to. She managed to calm herself, though she didn't know how - Gwen was usually there to help her with that.
She noticed the rain coming down hard on her window, the low rumble of thunder in the distance. Her mind drifted to objects in her room: her dressing table, mirror and the beautiful flowers Merlin had brought to her after the fire. They were all different shades of purple and lilacs held in place by a vase.
She jumped, as a loud burst of thunder interupted her thoughts. She was hyper-focused on that vase. She felt a sudden rush of adrenaline course through her, her blood roaring in her ears. The vase exploded before her, sending flowers, water and porclean across her floor.
How? How had that happened? She'd been nowhere near that vase so why was it now into a thousand pieces on the floor? Or was this like the fire? When she knew she'd set that candle on fire, she was sure of it. She'd nearly burned to death then, what was going to happen this time? Would she be as lucky?
She threw the covers off of her shaking body and stumbled over to her door, fumbling for the knob.
She had no idea where she was going. But apparently her feet did, because they carried her along to Gaius' chambers.
Of course, she thought, Gaius knows about these sorts if things. He always knows what to do.
She'd heard rumours, whispers among the servants, that Gaius had once practiced magic. The sort of rumour that everyone knew but never let on.
And besides, she thought, even if didn't practice magic, he would help her. He always knew what to do.
She burst into the physician's chambers, the door swinging wildly behind her. She had expected to see Gaius, as he always was, reading some dusty old book or swilling something around in a tube. Something even he probably didn't know what it was.
Instead she saw Merlin, dressed in his usual red shirt, although missing his neckerchief. She swore he wore nothing else.
She looked frantically around for Gaius, but found him nowhere.
"Is Gaius here?" she asked, pretty much knowing the answer already.
"Er, no, he's not here at the moment," he stammered. What did she want at this time of night?
"Well, where is he? I need to speak with him," she almost pleaded with him.
He looked her up and down. She looked vulnerable, scared. She never looked scared.
"He's gone to see the King, he'll be back soon." He paused. "What's wrong?"
She cast her eyes downwards. Now what? How was she going to explain bursting in on him in the middle of the night without telling him what really happened?
He followed her gaze down to the floor, waitng patiently for an answer.
A minute, a minute and a half.
"You can tell me. You can trust me, Morgana." He said, the silence beginning to become unbearable.
She dragged her gaze back up to his, those brilliant blue eyes that always seemed to bore right through her, reading her.
She studied his face. He looked concerned, sad almost.
"I'm scared, Merlin." She spoke so quietly he could barely hear her. "I don't know what to believe anymore," she continued, taking a step forwards. They were inches apart.
The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. She was powerful. He could feel the Old Religion radiating out from her.
Her eyes searched his for a reply, he still hadn't answered her. She began to think she was making a mistake telling him this. Could she trust him? How did she know he wouldn't go straight to Arthur about this? And what about Gwen? She'd known her for years, they were like sisters, shouldn't she be the first to know?
She was getting impatient. She was tired and scared and she wanted this to be over. Tears began to build up in her eyes as their gazes locked again.
"It's magic, Merlin," she whispered, her voice cracking a little.
Something inside of him shifted, she could see it. His expression changed.
"I know."
Her gaze snapped up. She was pretty sure he'd said something, but he'd said it so dam softly she thought she'd imagined it.
"I know," he repeated awkwardly, louder this time.
What? What was that supposed to mean? I know. Know what? That she had magic? How long for? Why had he kept this from her? Or was he just lying to keep her happy?
"Know what?" She was desperate for answers. Did he know what was happening to her?
"I know what's it's like, because, well-"
"Well what?" She said sharply. She was fed up of this. Everyone telling her what to do, telling her that she would be okay. She wanted to know what was happening to her.
"Because... I'm..."
A single tear rolled down her cheek. Merlin watched on in agony.
"Please, Merlin," she begged him, "Please I just want to know what's going on."
She gained her composure, sniffing hard trying to keep the tears back.
"Am I going crazy?"
"No." He said simply.
"Am I dying?"
It shocked her that this thought had never occured to her before. By the look on Merlin's face, he obviously hadn't considered this either.
"No!" He choked out, his eyes wide. "What on Earth makes you think that?"
She shook her head, causing the tears to fall freely down her face.
"I don't know, I just- I don't know..." She managed her voice thick.
"Listen, Morgana. What I'm trying to say is that we're-"
"I'd be wary if I were you, Merlin. Apparently there's a thief on the loose in the lower town who managed to steal 2 pigs and a goat right under someone's nose. Uther thinks magic is being involved but-"
Gaius stopped. He looked at Merlin, who looked over at Morgana who was still crying silently, her face streaked with tears.
Merlin looked over to Gaius, who was putting his medicine bag down slowly, dragging the silence out. Morgana turned to face the old physician.
"So." He began, his voice strained, "Er, my lady." He said, bowing his head slightly. "Is everything alright?"
She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't. She'd come so close to knowing the truth and now she would have to wait even longer.
She stumbled blindly out of the room, hot tears clouding her vision. She somehow managed to get back to her own chambers before she finally cracked, sliding down the cool wood of her door, crying herself to sleep.