It was a comfortable enough arrangement, with just enough affection to make it work: an evening of drinking, talking, and macramé, briefly interrupted by a quick romp and a smoke, before continuing with drinking, talking, and macramé.
Except tonight unlike every other night, it wasn't actually comfortable. This had more than a little to do with the new pretty young governess Liz had hired. Julia was sure Liz had done it just to spite her because of her role in the exit of the last one. Granted, Julia didn't have to push the old lizard woman into a near complete mental breakdown by simply musing on the possibility that her overly-maternal attachment to David was born from her own lack of children, which may or may not be influenced by her haggard appearance and fear of men that may or may not have been caused by her father; but then Ol' Lizard face didn't have to pour out Julia's scotch either.
So now Liz had hired a lovely young wisp of a girl who was everything that Julia wasn't and Liz knew perfectly well what a torture this was. To take all that Julia had said to her in the confidence (born of the study in a stupid post-coital haze about Julia's self-loathing and fear of aging, and to use it against her like this. Part of Julia wanted to believe she was just being overly sensitive and Liz wouldn't do that, but Julia also knew that she was desperate and lonely (as much as she was loathe to admit it) and Elizabeth Collins Stoddard had a compulsive need to control all situations (all because of some delusional belief in a curse. The only curse upon this house in Julia's mind was the collection of lunatics living in it, of course Julia had been living there for the last three years as well and was hardly one to judge.)
So now all Julia could do to muddle through the situation was play nice with Elizabeth while she prattled on about manners and qualifications, and try to drink the image of the pretty new face she saw over the bannister away. Neither of these options was working well for Julia, and made all the worse because in that horrible, gut twisting, very human way, Julia was afraid of losing Liz. She was afraid of losing these talks (as candid and catty as they tended to be) she was afraid of being nothing more than "the help" (even if she was very expensive and well educated help) and she was afraid of being forgotten or abandoned by the only person in years to make her feel desirable, to make her feel wanted, even needed.
Julia despised the fact that what had started as casual sex to fill the hours and satisfy basic animal needs had instead become more to her. Julia hated that as much as she liked to pretend that the bare leg next to her, pushed against the couch and holding a macramé project aloft was just a leg like any other leg attached to an ankle on one end and a hip on the other, it wasn't. It was a soft, pale, and warm, and oh so strong when wrapped around Julia's waist or shoulders, and attached to a quick witted and gorgeous woman who made sounds like a well-bred cat when she came. Julia hated that verbal sparring matches to prove who was really the most intelligent in the house had instead become one of her favorite hobbies like a good game of chess. Most of all, Julia hated that she might lose all of it to some empty-headed sycophant of an overgrown child.
She should take the opportunity to come clean to Liz, use the intentional hurt as an excuse to come clean and admit her feelings of…something to her, cementing her place in Liz's heart and life as
more than an employee and a good fuck, and together they could figure out what exactly "something" was. At the very least she should smile and nod in polite agreement. Certainly she should not do what came naturally and pick at one of weak pressure points that could make even Liz loose her omnipresent composure.
Barring that she should at least trail her hand up Liz's calf, venturing slowly higher before getting down on her own knees and reminding Liz just how useful she could be outside of her professional capacity. She should have Elizabeth sobbing out her name in ecstasy until Willie finally rang the dinner bell, so that Elizabeth would think of no one except Julia. She certainly wouldn't be thinking of some virginal little idiot who couldn't have had the slightest idea what to do to please her.
Doctor Julia Hoffman should do a lot of things…
"So how long do you think before she's fucking Carolyn?"
…but she didn't.