*Author's Note*
Hey, so I was bored and I decided to write this after reading Ian McEwan's 'Enduring Love'. If you're familiar with the novel then hopefully you'll enjoy this monologue from the perspective of the antagonist Jed Parry. Please read, comment, review, vote and follow. Thanks - Scott
Why do you do this? Why won't you just confess your love for me? I know it's in there somewhere. Please, I'm trying to help you but you have to let me in. I can show the light of God and secure you a place in Heaven. It won't be easy. I know that. But please you have to let me in. I know your love for me and your belief in God are hidden away in your mind somewhere. Blocked off by all the science that you think about. It's lies that you tell yourself because you find it easier than looking for God. Well, let me tell you something my love, you don't have to look for God. He's inside of you. He's within our love for each other. And He's watching over both us right now. Wishing you to accept the love you have for me.
I have to take some responsibility for your lack of faith in God. Your lack of faith in me and your lack of faith in our relationship. I still think about our meeting that day, just after the incident. God brought us together that day. To witness the journey of one man going to Heaven. He brought us together in that field next to the empty body where I asked you to pray. I know now why you refused. It wasn't because of your lack of faith or your love of science. It was because I had hurt you. Not physically. No. Far worse than that. I had hurt you inside. And I realise now that I hurt you a lot.
I should have returned that look but in that instant I didn't recognise the light of God hidden in the corner of your eyes. But of course He was there somewhere. He had to be. After all He had come to collect someone's soul. Where was I expecting him to be? In the form of the Holy Spirit flying through the sky as a dove or as an ember of fire? Was I expecting a ray of light to shine down from the sky along with a voice telling me what to do? No. That would have been predictable. God is wiser than that. He had concealed himself in the eyes of the man with the least faith. The man with no religious belief just a love for science and evolution. And I failed to notice it. But there was more than God's light in your eyes and I know what that something else was. It was love. You loved me and I didn't even notice.
I understand everything now though. I truly do. In that moment of passing God appeared to me in the eyes of the man whom I was to save. And I was to save him through love. I had to save you using our love. And if you accepted your love for me your love for God would soon follow. But it was too late. I was too late. You no longer wanted to accept our love. At least not publicly. Along with my task set by God you yourself set me an equally hard task. To recognise the signs you were giving me amongst your insults. To realise what you were telling me when you ignored me. To understand what you were doing when you turned your back on me. You are clever. Very clever. And it took me a while to figure it all out. But now I understand the messages you were leaving for me. The way you were hanging your curtains in the apartment meant so much to me. It made me feel so special. And when you brushed past me and placed your hand on the shrubs outside your apartment. That warmth that was left where your hand had just left. It was magical. It was wonderful.
And then you had to go and fuck it all up by storming off in the rain. Well that's it. I can't take it anymore. If you can't accept God's love then I'll have to send you to Him myself in the only way I know how to. I'm sorry my love. I do love you. But it's for the best. Good bye. And I hope I see you again on the other side. And don't worry about this affecting my soul. I'm doing this act with God's blessing. I am working as God's agent. I will be one of His angels. Make sure you praise me. Make sure you speak to God about the man who saved you from science. The man who saved you from the work of the Devil. It seems strange saying goodbye to you. Even in writing. So I'll say this instead. Au revoir. I'll see you again in paradise. When we will both be free at last. Free to walk hand in hand. In God's light. With God's blessing. With God's love. Jed and Joe together at last. I love you Joe.