[S-Shinra! W-What was that noise just then!?]
The underground doctor rolled his eyes before placing a comforting hand on Celty's shoulder, putting on his best smile.
"Celty, my honey-"
He was interrupted mid-sentence by a sharp jab to the gut, and Shinra doubled over in pain.
[Don't call me such things when I'm being serious!]
"T-That's the problem, Celty. There's nothing to be afraid of."
Shinra rubbed his stomach gently, still wincing at the dull ache.
Celty thought for a minute, then thrust her PDA into her lover's face.
[O-Of course there is! Aliens are everywhere, you know…!]
Shinra let out a long and exasperated sigh, his shoulders drooping.
"Don't tell me you've been watching those supernatural documentaries again…the majority of those stories are just ploys for attention. They're making it up, Celty. There's no such thing as aliens."
[How could you think that!? There's such a thing as a dullahan, right?]
"Well, that's true, but-"
[But what? There's no reason aliens can't exist! They probably do, Shinra! We should be preparing for the inevitable- an alien invasion…!]
Shinra had a feeling that like this, he'd never be able to calm Celty down. He decided he'd play dirty, just this once, and his eyes went from full and perky to sly and half-lidded.
"I've heard that aliens are revolted by human copulation…such a shame none of that is going on here, isn't it?"
The dullahan was still for a moment before wringing her hands nervously in her lap, her PDA having disappeared in a puff of shadowy smoke.
The unlicensed doctor could tell what the headless beauty was thinking- is that true? Well, Shinra certainly had to make her believe it was if things were going to go his way.
"Every alien-enthusiast knows that aliens are disgusted by humans engaging in sexual activity- and for good reason. Think how you'd feel about two aliens getting it on! Gross, right…?"
Celty dipped her neck frantically in more than one strong 'yes'. She was certain she'd never want to experience such a thing as two aliens making love. Could it even be called that? Surely it would be a sick and vile coupling.
Shinra smiled inwardly and continued, pleased that Celty had taken the bait.
"I've heard that the very mention of it in their alien tongue is enough to send them running. In fact- having sex acts as a natural repellant to them! No intergalactic life form will think twice about visiting us~"
Celty sat up straight on the couch, gathering as much bravery as she could before she rose slowly from her seat. As soon as she'd gotten up she ran full-speed into Shinra's arms, her body trembling ever-so-slightly.
Her PDA appeared from beneath her sleeve, and her fingers flew over the keys.
[You're right, Shinra! Let's make love right now!]
The doctor was overjoyed, and in his excitement, forgot all about his façade.
"Really…?!"
He asked, jumping gleefully into the air.
Celty tensed and Shinra started to feel wary as he watched her hand ball up into a fist- shrieking as it came flying his way.
The doctor was knocked backwards and sent flying into the wall, sliding down painfully before he let out a sorrowful groan.
[How stupid do you think I am?]
With that, Celty stormed off into her room, sliding the door closed firmly behind her.
"Note to self…never use Celty's fear of aliens as a way to get laid…"
Shinra patted his jaw, moaning at the soreness as he felt it begin to swell.