Kenny's essay

by RoseBadwolf1000

Kenny writes an Essay for Mr. Garrison to read to the class. His prompt was "Write about whatever you want, unless your Eric. Then you have write about how Jewish people are awesome" Here is Kenny's draft.

Kenny McCormick

Mr. Garrison

English

April 10th 2015

Cthulhu and the rebirth of the old ones

In times of old people worshiped god like creatures, many saying that they never existed and it was just a lot of hoaxes, however one story was real. Cthulu exists and through his cult old ones can be reborn once a melenia in a human form. The current rebirth is Yugo Sloth. He is the gatekeeper and keymaster to unlock Cthulu from his ocean prison. In this essay we will discuss The form of rebirth, more information on Yugo Sloth, and, finally, how I, Kenny McCormick relate to all of this.

The reirth process is exteremly complicated and difficult to preform. It requires the killing of a live goat above a pregenet woman 25 ½ years old, the woman to have attended the meetings for at least 3 weeks prior to the ceremony, the father has to sign a contract in the goat's blood agreeing to do this, a pentagram must then be drawn in the father's blood and used to summon the spirit of the old one. After that it is special depending on the situation. Depending on the old one you want to implant you must do one of three things. We will follow the summoning of Yugo Sloth. For Yugo Sloth you need to shove parsley in the woman's vagaina and then write the Yugo Sloth's name in the father's blood upon her stomach. After this everyone with the exception of the parents must say a prayer for Yugo Sloth in latin. This will then implant Yugo Sloth with the memories and emotions of all his previous incarnations into the woman's fetus. However, if anything occurs durring this process, say, a police intercepting cult activity, the old one will remain dormant with only trace amounts of power and infuluence within the fetus until the fetus uncovers this information itself.

Some information regarding Yugo sloth can be found in the necrinomicon. Yugo Sloth is the messenger of Cuthulu that alerts humans to Cuthulu's coming forth, or to the fact that he does, in fact, exist. He is neatly the priest of Cuthulu. He was formely a member of the Super Best Friends the previous time he was reincarnated. He fights for justice and peace, while preparing the world for Cuthulu. He just wants everyone to be happy.

I am Yugo Sloth. The ritual was botched as I was implanted within my fetus. They did not get to say the awakening prayer due to a police interuption. As Mysterion I attempted to reveal to the world about the fact that I cannot die. I failed. I later discovered that I was special in more ways than that. I tracked down the Cult of Cthulu and they reveialed to me that I was the reincarnate of Yugo Sloth. They told me about the botched cerimony and they taught me to utilize my powers. I do not have the memories of Yugo Sloth yet but the Cultists are working me up to it.

I have now revialed to all that read this essay of my identity and I am proud to do so. The rebirth cermony made me who I am today. Yugo Sloth is a great creature and god that deserves to be rembered as one, due to he being the nicest old one that existed, other than the faceless shepard. I will someday join the history books as Yugo Sloth, and when doing so I will attempt to utilize my friends as refrences to why I am a good person. As a god I will do good things. I'll try and save those that need it. Mysterion will rise again as a great super hero. I will do anything to protect everyone I care about, even itf that means Eric Cartman.

Works Cited

The Cult of Cthulhu

The Necrinomicon

H.P Lovecraft

-I don't know I was bored-

I need to practice my Essay writing for English anyway. (This would be a draft essay for anyone with a brain to check grammar and citing scources.)

Officer Bar Brady

Mr. and Mrs. McCormick