October 2, 2008
1 day after it happened
I can sit here staring at my hands for hours. I think solemnly about what I did and the chances I decided to take with a dark person or in my matter, a dark horse. Bad Horse, to be exact. Why did I try to kill Captain Hammer like that? But then I remember why I did it, and why everyone must pay for how they look down upon me.
Bad Horse hated me before; I knew all along he did. He thought I was a poser, a loser, a know-nothing mad scientist. Well world, I'm Dr. Horrible and I know what I can accomplish now. I'm in the Evil League of Evil, but nothing feels right. As I write this on my laptop, I sit hidden away inside my living room, afraid of facing the outside world because I'm scared they see me as a murderer. I'm NOT a murderer, Penny just got in my way. SHE got in MY way! How dare anyone, especially that Captain Hammer butt face moron who was THE stupidest hero I've ever seen. I mean, did you get a look at his funny get up he has on? A simple pair of jeans with a t-shirt that has a hammer on it? He relies way too much on his looks for my taste.
Penny…ah, Penny. I miss you so much. Why did it have to happen this way? I'm not sorry I killed Captain Hammer's spirit, but something tells me it's my fault you ended up dying. You were supposed to be with me…
October 3rd 2008
2 days after
Had a meeting with Bad Horse today. He wants me to rob a bank with my freeze ray, and try to look intimidating while I'm at it. For some reason, I still don't think that the Evil League takes me seriously. What more do I have to do? I fought back the most vicious antagonist that the Evil League has ever had and THEY STILL MAKE FUN OF ME? It's not fair. Not fair at all. I actually took a walk through the park on my way back to my apartment. I sat on the same bench where I'd spied Penny and Captain Hammer sitting only a few days ago. I felt her presence, oddly enough. Something told me while I sat idle on the bench that this is not somewhere my life should be going. I needed to renounce my claim to my seat in the Evil league. Also, while I was there, I felt people staring at me. I know not a lot of people were at the homeless shelter on the day it happened, but somehow, my news leaked. By the way, I didn't go to jail because I didn't technically murder her. It was an accident and luckily, I had a good lawyer. I think I should be in jail though because this park bench feels like a cage. Moms and dads passed me with their children, shaking their heads sadly as if I'd really meant to kill her. I didn't, I didn't. At one point, I might have shouted that, but I needed to leave the park. I don't know if I can ever go back.
October 3rd
3 days after it happened
Got my call from Bad Horse this morning. He wanted me to rob the bank at noon. It's now 12:15 and I'm nowhere near that bank, the henchmen, and that stupid horse. I'm not going to stand for what I did any longer. It's my fault; I see that now. Penny, I'm so sorry and I'm trying to find a way to bring you back. I don't want this anymore. I don't want the Evil League, the fame, the glory, anything. It's a game I was sucked into and I figure I better go say something. Renounce my title in the league, maybe use some intimidation tactics. I think that's what I was meant to do.
Imagine me, dressed up in my blood-red lab coat, goggles slung over my forehead, my blonde hair spiked up. I look just like I would any other day except I'm making one change. I'm not following this club for bullies anymore. I'm going to find Captain Hammer and apologize. After all, we could have been friends, even though we get along as well as a jock and a nerd duking it out on the gymnasium floor of our high school. (Friends, that actually happened, for the record.) Hint: I lost!
My biggest problem right now is facing the league. I could die, but I guess I should have thought of the exit tactic before I even tried to get into the club. Someone's gotta help me, to back me up, but I have no one but Moist, and as mean as this is, he's not much of a help. Maybe that's why I did this. I have no friends. No friends, no accomplishments. I'm the seventh grade science fair winner no one liked. Oh well…here goes nothing.
October 4th
4 days after it happened
Should have known that would happen. Black eye, swollen shoulder, broken nose: Courtesy of Captain Hammer before I talked to him. Actually, the shoulder came afterwards when he clapped me on it and said he'd forgive me if we could just figure out some way to beat the League. We could make a great pair, I guess. He's more of the butt-kicking type, but I have a more tactical approach. We're currently sitting on my couch watching a chick flick and eating a pint of ice cream each. Why? Neither of us knows, but we think Penny brought us together. I have no idea why Captain Hammer didn't kill me today when it would have been easier than forgiveness. It's kind of weird, but I don't see him as such a shallow person anymore. Yes, he may have revealed his love life with my crush in front of a hundred people before I tried to blast his brains to hell, but hey, a person's gotta give at some point!
We're not wasting the whole day like this though, we've already thought of several ways to correct my problems with the League. We were going to try infiltration from the inside, but they still think I'm a tremendous joke, so that's not going to work. Next, we would try just marching in and kicking some evil villain butt, but that seemed too irrational. I'm about to tell Captain Hammer my brilliant plan. Wanna hear? Okay.
I go in and tell the League that it was a mistake that I joined. They will beat me or kill me. If I'm not dead-
I build a time machine while Captain Hammer "steals" my supplies. Really, he'll just be going to the mayor and telling them he needs a flux capacitor… No biggie.
We will together travel back and keep Penny from dying. Captain Hammer has already admitted that he was only using Penny and wasn't really interested in her so…
We will capture PAST Captain Hammer and keep him locked up until I get done stealing the Wonderflonium. After that-
We will go to the ceremony; just to make sure PAST me doesn't show up. I tend to change my mind a lot!
We somehow hope to accomplish this in the next week and a half so if you'll excuse me…
October 10th
10 days after
Minor setback. I got the wonderflonium kicked out of me a few days ago. Broken arm, wrist, leg, and the works. I guess that's what happens when you quit the Evil League of Evil. Captain Hammer has been helping me out, strangely. I think he's enjoying my physical pain. I just kicked him with my cast. Painful, but funny. Anyway, I've been making headway on the time machine, in a cast even! I'm counting down the seconds until I can get Penny back here. Have her close to me, to tell her I'm not a monster. To tell her… to tell her… I love her. Even as I sit here hammering away at one of the last circuit boards, I hear her calling out to me in the Laundromat.
I'm coming for you, Penny.
September 26th
4 days before it happened
We've done it! Captain Hammer and I are now waiting behind the garbage cans that he threw Penny into that first day. He claims it was where he first saw me so… There he is!
We managed to tackle a very confused PAST Captain Hammer and lock him securely in a garbage can… only a few steps left to go. Unfortunately, the way we traveled back in time, we are not out of the woods yet. We have to go find PAST me and show me the truth, then go to the Evil League and destroy the headquarters. We climb out of the trash heap and race down the street after PAST me.
I don't think PAST me gets how serious I am. He's still hell bent on the Evil League.
"But I still get the world, right?" he asks in wonder.
"No," I reply. "You lose everything. They won't respect you."
"It doesn't matter. I will rule alone then, well me and Penny," he shifts in his chair. I cannot believe what an airhead I was just a week and a half ago.
"You don't get this, do you? I jump and Penny dies! I'm a gigantic coward!" Captain Hammer shouts.
Suddenly, PAST me's eyes get really wide, like he's about to swallow a hornet's nest. "What do you mean she dies?"
"It's an accident, but you kill her," I urge. "Don't do this."
"You really think this is worth my status standing with the Evil League?"
"The EVIL LEAGUE IS CORRUPT!" I shout loudly. "You get NOTHING! Why don't you understand?"
"Nothing? I have nothing?" I suddenly thought maybe we were coming to a conclusion with PAST me.
"Yes. Nothing. People stare at you, treat you like a murderer, and you don't sleep. There's no Penny, and you get all the Evil League's crap crimes, like robbing banks and creating diversions. You are the scapegoat and the punch line! It's petty, not to mention lonely. You don't want this," I'm practically begging, and I think PAST me sees this. He looks like he's about to cry.
"F-fine. I guess if you say my dream is a dud, I have to start over," I can tell PAST me is lying. I think Captain Hammer can, too. We quickly devise another plan.
"Good boy. Now stay here so nothing happens!" I shot the freeze ray just as PAST me was about to scream at me to leave it alone. He stood, frozen and gaping, halfway out of the armchair we'd wrestled him into. I know the freeze ray is faulty, though, so we only have about three minutes to escape. Now, we have to attend the assembly for sure.
We arrive at the Helping Hands Community Center with about five minutes to spare and meet in the back vestibule to discuss our tactics. We decide we'll hide in the back of the crowd and wait for PAST Captain Hammer to finish with his little humiliating song and take down PAST me right before I try to take out Captain Hammer. We take two seats in the back and try to hide our faces from the passing crowd. The assembly starts just the way I remember, with the mayor talking. He introduces PAST Captain Hammer as the real Captain Hammer turns to look at me.
"Here goes me making a complete arse of myself again," He mutters as we face the front. The whole speech takes about five minutes, but it feels like forever. I want to run up and grab Penny right now, but that plan would completely ruin everything. Besides, we have to wait for exactly the right moment, just to make it epic.
"Everyone's a hero in their way—" and then PAST Captain Hammer freezes. Oh crap. Here's my entrance. I'm singing now. I want to pull my PAST self down and shoot him with the death ray. Millions of tiny adrenaline-pumping thoughts run through my head as I spring up from my seat.
"Here goes no mercy!" PAST me takes aim and shoots.
"NO!" I scream loudly and hurl myself at Penny. I've got her now, but why does my back hurt so badly? Penny stares at me, bewildered, but I don't realize it that much. I stick my hand back where it hurts and pull back a red, warm, sticky hand that just felt a white-hot piece of metal. I have a piece of metal protruding from my back and the lights around me are getting brighter. PAST me stares me right in the eyes. He's seeing the light, well, probably the same one I'm seeing and the figurative one that is showing him what's going on.
"Billy! Billy! Wake up!" Penny screams, but the lights are fading. I remember someone pulling me by my shoulders and a bright light streaming toward my face. I'm dead. I saved Penny, but I'm dead. No. I think my plot was too selfish. Why did I have to fail again? But my thoughts fade. I'm falling…
October 10th
10 Days after I did it!
Well, it turns out I'm not dead. Lucky for me, Captain Hammer decided to take matters into his own hands and, well, could have killed me. He pulled the metal out. Apparently, the plasma goo created when the Death Ray went off and tried to kill PAST Captain Hammer got so hot it cauterized the bleeding. I passed out from shock. We're sitting in a hospital room back in the right time waiting for Penny to return from the cafeteria. I wanted ice cream, so Penny was generous enough to leave the doctor and I for a second.
"You know, everyone says that a man dressed exactly like you saved that girl last week. I thought you were trying to kill him," he points a thumb toward Captain Hammer, who is watching himself being interviewed this morning on why he decided to become my sidekick. He's still as cocky as ever.
"I've heard. I was the one saving her. The man in the blood-red lab coat, well, that was a shadow of my former self," the doctor looked confused, but Penny was back with my ice cream. "Did you bring me a spork?" I laughed.
"No. No sporks for you," her airy laugh fills the room and the doctor smiles. Captain Hammer gives me a thumbs-up and I stare back at penny.
"So, what do you say? Laundry next Saturday?"
"No," she starts and my heart falls. "How about tomorrow and we skip laundry and go see a movie?" I feel like I could backflip out the window right now.
"Okay, but I pay for dinner. Deal?" I ask, sticking out my hand. She hesitates. "What? Is something wrong?"
"Just promise me one thing," she smiles.
"What?" I ask. I'd do anything.
"I can help you take down the Evil League for what they did to an innocent, awesome person like you."
"Deal. This is the start of a better friendship than socks and conversation," Everyone laughs as Penny and I shake hands.