'Camouflage is a game we all like to play, but our secrets are as surely revealed by what we want to seem to be as by what we want to conceal.'
~ Russel Lynes

Aaron was frowning, not that this was unusual in his line of work, but this look was different, and as his brown eyes flicked over Spencer's face, the young genius gulped slightly, clutching his coffee mug involuntarily tighter.

It was night time. They were sitting in Aaron's office, the blinds were drawn, and the only light came from the lamp situated on the pristine desk. The warm glow seemed to highlight all the newly acquired lines on his lover's face, it made him seem older, but much, much more wearier.

This had started the week after Emily had died. Steadily Aaron's hours increased, Spencer going home to a cold bed, and waking up to find the sheets messed up, but containing no other being. It was as if his lover were a ghost, moving through life unobserved by the masses, but Spencer was still watching, and he certainly never liked what he was seeing.

An owl hooted, the sound permeating the otherwise quiet room, and reminding the young genius that there were other life forms nearby other than themselves. It seemed to shake Aaron too, for he placed the file he had been working on in his out-tray, and offered his companion a tired smile.

It never even reached his eyes.

Feeling more worry coil in his gut, Spencer wondered if this was a good idea. He was tired of not seeing his lover, fed up of wondering if the past three years had been a dream. He knew Aaron was still hurting. The incident with Emily would bring back what happened to Haley, and although he knew they were entirely different situations, to the Unit Chief it would be another life he failed to protect.

And that was why he was here. He never thought he would ever repay his debt to Aaron for helping him in the younger days of their relationship, but he could at least tip the scales slightly, even it up just involved getting him home at a reasonable hour.

Motioning for him to stand up, he watched Aaron automatically get to his feet. If this wasn't so serious, then Spencer would have made a reference to the rumour that he was a robot, his awkward mannerisms weren't helping it in the slightest, but he held his tongue, instead helping him into his winter coat.

The night was cold, no clouds obscured the celestial orbs shimmering in the darkened sky. The moon was shining brightly, casting her frosty rays down upon them. It was beautiful, away from the horrors of their jobs the natural world was a thing of wonder. However, tonight he barely glanced at it, and before he knew it they were sitting in his car, him fighting with the ignition before grinning as a growl emanated from the worn engine.

"I still think you should get another car," remarked Aaron, and Spencer breathed out a small sigh of relief that contact had finally been initiated.

The conversation had been stilted, long, awkward pauses interspacing bouts of random chat. One glance at Aaron told Spencer more than this. His eyes were looking a little more lively, but underneath Spencer saw something else, glimmering just enough to attract his attention.

But then it was gone, replaced quickly with mirth as Aaron told him something he heard an Agent say the other day about Strauss.

Dragon Lady was funny, right?

They had microwave lasagne that night. It was good if he said so himself. Spencer had recently found a passion for cooking, one that both Aaron and Jack loved. Polishing off the last bit, he noticed that Aaron was on his second glass of wine, whilst his first glass stood barely touched.

Frowning, he cleared the table as Aaron went for his shower. Placing the dishes in the dishwasher - something he had insisted on when he moved in - he turned it on, and ambled through to the bedroom.

Late hours.

Perpetually depressed.

Higher alcohol intake.

Spencer mentally made a list, his concern only deepening. It had been almost a month since Emily had died, and whilst they were still grieving, they had managed to leave their mourning from work… All except Aaron.

Perhaps it was JJ's departure as well? Whilst being less permanent than Emily's, it was also another event that was taken from his control, another event that resulted in ramifications for the team his lover felt bound to protect. Spencer wasn't naïve enough to believe the problem lay with him. If it was to do with their relationship, then Aaron would have told him, they were far from shy in that respect, and his lover had learnt from his past relationship that by ignoring problems they then had an uncanny ability to get bigger.

Or had he for once chosen to ignore that?

When Aaron emerged from the bathroom, he clambered in beside Spencer, his hair slightly damp, but otherwise fine. He smelled of lemons, and Spencer inhaled the scent greedily, indulging in his senses for a brief moment.

And then the light went out.

No kiss.

Not even a half hearted 'goodnight.'

"Aaron?" Spencer's voice rang out in the darkness, and he wonder how when sharing a bed, the other could seem so far away.

"Mmmm?" came Aaron's noncommittal reply.

"Are you okay?" The question was juvenile, and Spencer felt childish just asking it, but now he was really worried, and that only grew as the silence stretched on.

"I'm fine," Aaron replied, shifting slightly in the bed as he did.

The reply sounded confident. He could hear the firmness in the tone.

However, that never meant he was convinced, and as he slowly drifted off to sleep, he knew that something had changed, and that scared him more than he could even say.

'Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer.'
~ Shunryu Suzuki

A/N: This is the third part of the 'Learning To' series, I have the next chapter mapped out, but I can say right now this instalment won't be longer than three chapters. I'm still trying to balance my time between uni work, writing, and clubbing - the natural state of the student - so I don't know when the next part will be up, but I'll aim for next weekend. For anyone reading this who are also reading my other stuff, I will work to update all my ongoing fics as soon as possible, and I am sorry for the delay :) I know this part is short, but I hope you've enjoyed it, and reviews would be appreciated.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds... but I do own Hotch... Against the law? ... RUN!

I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this chapter :)