Real Friends and those people you walk around with
I won't lie. I found the real friend, fake ass friend, while looking at profiles and I put two and two together and got three.
….
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. /Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
Tobi jumped as he ran into Deidara's house and screamed at the top of his lungs. "Mommy! Daddy!"
"They're my parents un!" shouted Deidara and chased after Tobi who was running and screaming.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying "Dam … we messed up … but that shit was fun!"
Hidan in jail: "Hidan what were you thinking?" asked Kakuzu with a shake of his head.
Kakuzu in jail: Hidan sits next to Kakuzu with a smirk. "I can't believe you did that but I don't care because that was fun!"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Won't tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you're not down anymore.
"Oh stop crying Konan," said Pein with a roll of his eyes and Konan stopped with a small smile. "There we go!" cheered Pein and laughed out loud with Konan.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down.
REAL FRIENDS: Grab you by the shoulders, shake you, and say "Bitch, snap out of it!"
"Zetsu it was just a rose!" shouted Hidan while slapping Zetsu.
"Ow! It was a nice rose!" Zetsu shouted.
"Not that nice!" Hidan shouted back and threw the dead rose at the wall; shattering Zetsu's mother's painted pot. Hidan's eyes widen and he ran screaming Kakuzu's name.
"Get! Back! Here!" Zetsu shouted and ran after.
"At least you're not sad anymore!" shouted Hidan.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget it's yours.
"This is your puppy doll?" Kisame asked shocked as he fingered the black puppy toy.
"Yes," Itachi replied annoyed. "I let you borrow it for nap time in kindergarten and you never gave it back."
"Oh," Kisame said and held the puppy out.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Always keep your stuff they borrowed in perfect condition.
REAL FRIENDS: Lose your shit and tell you, "My bad ... here's a tissue."
"Kindergartens over," Hidan said and threw the puppy in the road.
Itachi screamed silently as a few cars ran over the black puppy to where it was just stuffing and black cloth. Itachi looked at Kisame in astonishment.
"My bad," said Hidan without remorse.
"You can use my handkerchief," said Kisame as he handed the blue cloth over. "I just need it back in an hour clean please," he stated and Itachi roared at them causing them to run and hide.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite.
REAL FRIENDS: Raise an eyebrow and say "Bitch, I'll eat what I want" and are the reason you never have food.
"I'll eat what whatever I want!" shouted Zetsu and ate the last sushi.
"Where'd all the sushi go?" shouted Tobi's older brother, Madara.
"It wasn't my fault!" shouted Zetsu. "We were hungry!"
"Go buy more!" shouted Madara.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a very embarrassing book about you, with direct quotes from you.
"That milk went everywhere!" shouted Kisame in delight of the memory of nose-shot strawberry milk.
"Should I start on that book about that missing swim trunks walk?" asked Hidan and Kisame immediately shook his head no.
"That's what I thought," he replied and walked down the hall to class while blowing his nose. "There's still milk in my nose!" he shouted and Kisame barely held his snicker.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you.
"One broken leg and everyone left you un!" shouted Deidara as he carried Sasori's books.
"It's not that bad," said Sasori as he struggled with his crutches.
"But it is hmmm," said Deidara and put Sasori's books on the floor.
Deidara walked up the star football player and kicked him in the shin; he smiled satisfied when he felt the muscle strain and tear. Deidara saluted him and walked back to his danna.
Sasori sighed. "Better get you to the principal's office brat," he said and started walking with Deidara to the office.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
Tobi was unsubtle as he barged inside Pein's house and threw his backpack in the corner and walked into the kitchen to Pein's mother.
"Tobi's home mother!" he said happily.
Pein's mother's eyebrow rose before she shrugged and offered Tobi a cookie. "You do know you live next door, right Tobi?" she asked.
"This home has a mom and dad though," said Tobi and ate his cookie.
Suddenly the door slammed open. Madara grabbed Tobi's book bag and then dragged Tobi outside.
"Later Mrs. Akatsuki," he said with a wave and left with a screaming Tobi and cookie in his mouth.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask you what your number is.
REAL FRIENDS: Remind you what your number is when you forget.
"Brat!" Sasori called and Deidara poked his head in Sasori's room. "What's my cellphone number again?" he asked as he fumbled with his phone.
Deidara sighed. "Danna, what was the point of a phone if you forget your own number un?" he asked he wrote down the number.
"I can't remember anymore," Sasori mumbled and texted the number to Konan.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
"How long have we been friends, Madara?" Pein asked Madara as they watched the sunset.
"Twelve years, three months, five hours, and three minutes plus forty-five seconds," Madara said and Pein looked at him strangely. "But who keeps count," Madara said and silently cursed himself when Pein looked away.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell.
REAL FRIENDS: Would willingly go skinny-dipping in a tank of acid before they even consider telling.
"Where are you going Konan?" asked Sasori she dress in her swim suit though it was winter.
Konan hesitated as she grabbed her towel. "I have to dip in the lake because… I told Deidara your… fear of fire," she said and looked away.
Sasori smirked slightly before silently stripping to his boxers; confusing Konan. "I know so I told Pein that you flushed his gold snake bites," he said with a smirk and they went to the lake for their dip.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste."
Madara shifted his head as a pillow went flying towards it. He smirked as he watched his little brother, Tobi, around the house on his sugar high. Madara picked up Tobi's Monster and noticed he had some left.
"Tobi! Come finished this, it was five bucks!" he shouted and Tobi ran over and complied.
Tobi gave a shrill scream and fainted from the high. Madara smirked and shrugged. "All ten bucks used," he said as he finished his Monster and carried Tobi to his bedroom; placing a trash pin next to it.
"Better not get any on the floor or his bed," Madara muttered as he walked out; he smirked when he heard the satisfying heave from Tobi.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will offer to pay when you have a drink.
REAL FRIENDS: Will laugh and say "Pay my ass! You'll pay for mine, bitch!"
"Like I'm gonna pay for these drinks," said Kakuzu with a smirk.
"You can't at least pay for your own," begged Kisame.
"You're flat out for luck," Kakuzu replied and left as the store owner glared at Kisame expectantly.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk
REAL FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk alone.
"I can't believe that crash broke my arm!" shouted Pein as he nursed his casted arm.
"Forget your arm!" shouted Konan. "Look at my leg!" she said and stared angrily at her casted leg.
"At least I didn't let Jiryaya drive you home drunk alone," said Pein with a smile and Konan glared.
"Why didn't you call your mom instead?" demanded Konan and Pein suddenly looked blank with realization. "Oh my God!"
"Sorry…?" Pein replied and Konan growled.
"If I could run you'd be dead," Konan replied darkly.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Sucks for you" and finally cave after a few minutes and then say "You owe me for this, you fat ass."
"I'm sorry I forgot my money hmmm," said Deidara in a beg and Zetsu still shook his head.
Deidara sighed and slumped on the table; making sure his face wasn't seen, he smirked. Deidara knew Zetsu would cave if he heard a whine and stomach growl combo.
As soon as his stomach growled he whined. He smirked when Zetsu sighed and felt him stand.
"You own me later you clay sucking bastard," Zetsu muttered and left to get Deidara a tray who was glaring from the name.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will smile and say "Don't worry about me" when they forget their lunch money, even if you didn't offer to pay.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Bitch, I'm a fat ass and I'm starving, now buy me some damn food."
"I need food so you're going to get me some," stated Hidan to Kisame who looked at him in amusement.
"What makes you think that?" asked Kisame.
"Do you see the skin and bone on me," whined Hidan as he pinched his stomach skin.
"My god," Kisame muttered annoyed and gave Hidan some money for lunch.
"Thanks blue bastard," Hidan said with a smirk went for lunch.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will automatically tell you you're beautiful when you ask if something makes you look fat.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Well no shit, Sherlock."
"Tobi looks fat," said Tobi as he put on his life jacket.
"Obliviously dumbo," replied Konan as she jumped into the lake.
"Meany!" Tobi shouted ran in after only to scream and run out. "It's cold!"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would tell you not to get a face-lift because you already look perfect.
REAL FRIENDS: Would say "Face-lift? I don't think a fork-lift would help."
"You look perfect Deidara," assured Sasori.
"No, my eye makes me look ugly un," disagreed Deidara as he stared at his bad eye.
Kakuzu was walking down the hall but stopped in the doorway. "You got that right," said Kakuzu and continued to walk down the hall.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Tell you your zits aren't noticeable.
REAL FRIENDS: Say "Damn, man! That thing is HUGE!"
"It's barely noticeable Konan," Kisame lied slyly.
Konan frowned in the mirror and stared at her zit more. Suddenly Itachi walked in and his eyes widened when Konan turned to face him.
"Oh my god Konan! There's a volcano on your face!" he shouted.
Konan's face went red with anger and you could practically see the smoke coming from her ears.
"Bye," Itachi said and ran out with Konan chasing after.
"Smooth," Kisame muttered and bit his tongue when he heard Itachi scream and a crack. "Better get him before she breaks his other arm," he muttered and ran out.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh with you.
REAL FRIENDS: Laugh at you.
"Ahahahah! Hahaha!" laughed Hidan in pleasure from broking his leg after falling two storys.
Hidan stopped laughing and scowled when he heard laughter. "Haha Hidan! That was smart!" shouted Kakuzu from the window and laughed harder.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes.
REAL FRIENDS: Tell you your jokes suck.
"Knock, knock," said Tobi.
Kisame scowled but complied. "Who's there?"
"Blue," Tobi replied.
Kisame scowled more; he had an idea where this was going. "Blue who?"
"Blue you!" Tobi shouted and laughed.
"Not funny!" shouted Kisame and ran after Tobi who screamed and ran outside and tripped, landing where the sun don't shine.
"Ooooh," said Kisame with a cringe.
"Owie," said Tobi high voice and fell forward in pain.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades.
REAL FRIENDS: Say "Jeez, you nerd. If you were in stupid classes like me, we'd see each other more."
"I got straight A's!" Pein and Sasori shouted together and then laughed together at the irony.
"Dam, your too smart for us if you don't have at least one B," said Itachi.
"What did you miss?" asked Sasori.
"Ethics," replied Itachi.
"Why does that make sense," muttered Pein.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Encourage you not to skip school.
REAL FRIENDS: Photoshop one of their old doctor's notes and use it to spring you from school.
"Here's my note," said Hidan and handed a yellow slip to Pein.
Pein read the note. "Dear teacher, please excuse Hidan Jashin from doing the mile, he has running disease, signed Mr. Doctor," Pein said and looked at Hidan like he was more insane than usual.
"Running Disease?" asked Pein.
"You don't like it?" asked Hidan.
"That won't work," Pein stated and left for gym.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
"That's the boy who said you were mentally retarded?" asked Madara as he dragged a crying Tobi into the school.
"Uh huh," said Tobi as he wiped the tears on his chin.
Madara growled and popped his knuckles before walking up to the jock and yelling at him. Tobi stopped crying and watched as his brother yelled at the bad boy and then cringed when Madara punched him in the nose to where it as pointing sharply to the right.
"Ooh!" said Tobi as Madara punched him in the stomach, "Ahh!" punch to the face, "Tobi almost felt that!" he shouted when the jock was hit down below.
"Come on Tobi," said Madara and put Tobi on his back; leaving the beaten jock behind.
"Tobi think kids won't be possible with him anymore," Tobi said matter of factly.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
"One minute," said Konan to her student (she's a junior student counselor) and answered her phone.
"Hello?" Konan asked.
"Konan?" asked a teary Itachi on the other line. "Kisa and I had an argument."
"Coming!" shouted Konan and hung up. Konan stood and looked at her patient. "Cutting yourself isn't that bad," she said and left.
"Get ready for pie Itachi," she said to the sky as she ran.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
Deidara sighed once again as sleep left him again; he glances at the clock and saw it was one. He knew only on person who would help him in his peril. Deidara stood and put on his comfy pajamas before walking out of his house and going to another; he rang the doorbell.
"Hello?" asked a sleepy Pein.
"I can't sleep," Deidara whined.
Pein sighed and took pity. "Go pop the popcorn and I'll find R.E.D." he said and walked into the living room.
"Thanks Pein un," Deidara said popped the popcorn.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will glare at the guy who dumps you and say "Forget him. You're too good for him."
REAL FRIENDS: Kick the guy's ass and threaten to castrate him with a spork if he comes within five miles of you.
Hidan gave another battle cry as he ran after the bastard that had Konan. Konan was crying on a bench with Pein while they watched Kakuzu run out of the school and grab Hidan.
"I swear I'll rip you dick off you if come near Konan again!" he shouted as he struggled against Kakuzu.
"That's Konan's boyfriend though," Kakuzu said confused.
"He broke up with her in front of the whole school!" Hidan shouted.
"You're dead!" shouted Kakuzu and then he and Hidan chased after the jock again.
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
Sasori looked at Zetsu once again before walking up to the girl that had rejected him and stared at her blankly.
"It's because you lesbian isn't it? He asked.
"Excuse me?" she screeched.
"Definitely," Sasori said with a nod and waked back over to Zetsu.
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
Deidara sighed and kissed Madara's tear streaked cheek before walking to the phone and dialing his ex-girlfriend's number.
"Hello?" asked a cheery voice.
Deidara took a deep menacing breath. "In three hours your car will blow up," he said and hung up.
Deidara ruffled Madara's hair before walking outside. "Where are you going?" called Madara.
"I have a bomb to set!" Deidara shouted back and walked to the store for supplies.
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
Tobi and Kisame were walking down the side walk to Kakuzu's for movie night when Kisame suddenly tripped. He expected Tobi to help him up but saw that he was still walking.
"Your mom and dad did a bad job teaching you to walk," he said and ran screaming when Kisame chased after him.
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
"So you like Pein huh?" asked Zetsu and Konan blushed.
"A little…" Konan said hesitantly.
Konan and Zetsu looked up shock when the door suddenly slams opens and Hidan walks in casually with a tied up Pein on his shoulder. Zetsu and Konan's jaws dropped as Hidan dropped Pein at their feet and pulled a gag out of his mouth so he could breathe again.
"He knows now," stated Hidan and handed Konan a pocket knife before dragging Zetsu out of the room.
"What is he talking about?" Pein shouted angrily but stopped when Konan kissed him.
"Love you," Konan said and smiled warmly.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to bury the body of the person that made you cry.
Sasori shuddered as he tried to ride his tears but they fell anyway and it pained Itachi to the core to see his friend sad when Deidara wasn't around to sooth him. Itachi sighed and walked into his garage which caused Sasori to wipe his tears and watch as Itachi walked back in with a pitch axe and shovel. Itachi saluted Sasori and walked to the door.
"Where are you going?" asked Sasori with a sniff.
"Someone has to kill and bury that ass," Itachi said and walked out with a serious face.
FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
"Can you pour me the soda?" asked Madara.
"Of course," Tobi said and dumped the soda on Madara's head.
"What was that for?" screeched Madara.
"You said to pour you some," Tobi said. "And that's for feeding me all that Monster till I puked."
"That was weeks ago!" shouted Madara.
"And I still get nightmares from al that barfing," Tobi said with a shudder.
FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
"So we're going to push your father's car into the lake?" questioned Zetsu as he helped push Kakuzu's father's truck.
"Yup," Kakuzu replied and pushed more to where the truck fell in and sunk.
"Why did we do that?" asked Zetsu as he scratched his head.
"So my dad would use the insurance money to get a new one for his birthday," said Kakuzu. "At least I can mentally say I got him something."
"Your horrible," Zetsu mumbled and left.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs.
"I love this umbrella," said Kisame as he twirled his giant blue umbrella; the only one he has ever seen that covered his whole body.
"I like it too!" shouted Itachi and grabbed it while running away.
"Come back with my whale-brella!" shouted Kisame and ran after him.
….
"ACHOO!" Kisame sneezed.
*Cough!* *Cough!* Itachi wretched.
"Why did you have to steal my whale-brella?" shouted Kisame and sneezed again.
"I thought it would be fun!" he replied and sneezed himself.
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
"I can't believe you stole and killed all the dissection frogs," Sasori said in disbelief as he and Hidan through away the frog corpses.
"I didn't just kill them, I sacrificed them," Hidan said proudly and threw a frog as Sasori.
"Hey!" shouted Sasori and threw a frog at Hidan before running.
"Get back here!" shouted Hidan and threw another frog.
"What is going on here?" Hidan and Sasori looked at the door shocked and saw the science professor.
They looked at each other before pointing at each other. "He did it!" they shouted in unison.
FRIENDS: Will hide you from the cops.
BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they're after you in the first place.
"Run away!" shouted Tobi as the police chased after him, Madara, and Deidara.
"You really blew up her car?" shouted Madara to Deidara.
"Why wouldn't I un!" shouted Deidara.
"Why is Tobi in trouble?" Tobi randomly shouted.
"Because cause you're our cover (un)!" shouted Madara and Deidara in unison and hid suddenly allowing the police to get him.
"Help Tobi!" shouted Tobi as he was pushed into the car.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
"I got caught un," Deidra stated as he sat in the cell.
"I got caught too," stated Konan from across the hall in her own cell.
"For what un?" asked Deidara.
"For forgery," Konan said.
"Nice," said Pein who was thrown in the cell with Deidara. Deidara and Konan looked at him in question. "Tore some girl piercing out of her mouth and her father pressed charges," he stated.
FRIENDS: Will help me find your way when I'm lost.
BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map and giving you bad directions.
Kisame groaned as Itachi fumbled with the map in the seat next to him. "Is it left or right?" Kisame shouted.
"Right I think," said Itachi and turned the map upside down. "Or maybe we have to turn around…?"
"Do we have a compass?" asked Kisame as he stopped on the curb.
"Yeah?" said Itachi and pulled it out but looked confused as he turned it around and around. "But Zetsu use a magnet on it so it's going the wrong way."
"Why me?" wretched Kisame and smacked his head on the horn making it go off.
FRIENDS: Would ask for something
BEST FRIENDS: Would snatch it off you without permission
Zetsu smiled as he unwrapped his three year old, chocolate, tootsie roll pop; he's had it ever since he joined the Akatsuki when Madara gave it to him. As he was about to put it in his mouth Tobi ran by and grabbed it.
"Tobi's borrowing this!" he shouted and ran while popping it in his mouth.
"You'll get ill Tobi!" shouted Zetsu. "We already got our booster shot but you didn't that thing can get you ill because of it!"
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
The Akatsuki were all lying in the grass watching the sunset or the clouds in utter peace. School had let out a few hours ago and with all the strangest and ironic things that had happened in the year from arresting to blowing up cars they were happy; not happy because they thought it was over but happy because knew something else wacky would start the next day, school or no school.
Tobi sighed. "Akatsuki friends won't leave Tobi… right?" asked Tobi.
Everyone became shocked and sat up; looking at Tobi. "Why do you think we wouldn't be?" asked Madara as he pulled his younger brother into his lap.
"I'm so strange," Tobi whispered; he only spoke in the first person when he as being serious.
"Not True!" said Zetsu and moved to sit by Tobi.
"Don't you know friendships are forever?" asked Pein and he plus everyone else moved to sit by Tobi and Madara.
"It's not like that in movies," said Tobi.
"We're not in a movie Tobi," Itachi said.
"This is real life," said Kisame.
"There's those people that everyone walks around with then loose when they move or go to college," said Sasori.
"And then there's us, people who never leave each other un," said Deidara.
"And we also do wacky stuff together," said Konan.
"Like blow up the cars for their friends who had a rough break-up," said Madara and Deidara chuckled.
"Or help each other throw frog corpses into lake," said Hidan with a laugh.
"Or pushin my dad's car into that same lake," said Kakuzu.
"I do a lot at the lake," Sasori said suddenly and they all laughed, including Tobi.
"Thanks guys," Tobi said silently.
"I heard they have new basketball sized lollipops at the candy store," said Pein.
"I want orange!" shouted Tobi and ran out of Madara's lap.
"Uh… okay…?" said Madara and stood.
"Banana un!" declared Deidara and ran after Tobi.
"Blueberry!" Konan and Kisame shouted together and ran.
"They better have cherry!" shouted Pein and ran after them too.
"I will be so pissed if they don't have lime!" shouted Zetsu and ran.
"Wait for us!" shouted Itachi and Sasori and ran after. Kakuzu and Hidan sighed before smiling at each other and running after them.
….
How'd I do? I'm liken my intake on their friendship; can you tell me how I do please? Review and I'll love you mentally forever!
Love Obito is Majorly Hot!