Disclaimer: No, I don't own Kingdom Hearts...
Warning: Yaoi/shounen ai/BL/whatever you want to call it, i.e. MALEXMALE! Cheezy, drinking and angst. Drunken Roxas. Enough warning?
Author's Notes: Well... This is my first KH fan fic. In fact, it's my first FANFIC ever. The first ever to be completed that is, I've got a bunch of other stories here... All written by hand. I don't trust my computer nowadays. It's more trouble than it's worth.
Anyways, my point is that this is just a oneshot. I have loads better here, this was completed in two days. Actually, more like two evenings. ANYWAY. Read it, and review. I need help understanding exactly what part has the must suckage... Or the best part. You choose. Oh! And I wrote this almost in the middle of the night, that might be why there's grammatical errors or stuff like that. Plus I'm swedish... We don't write in the same way. On wiff teh stor-ee!
Roxas giggled drunkenly as he tried to walk out to Axel's car. Axel supported his weight with one hand and tried to open the car door with the other. This proved surprisingly hard, seeing as how Roxas was flailing wildly with his arms, making loud exclamations. Maybe it had been a bad idea to drag his best friend along with him to Larxenes party, Axel thought for himself when he dropped his car keys. He bent down to pick them up, but crashed into Roxas head on his way back. Roxas started laughing, because he was a giddy-drunk and fell down into a heap of snow. Axel sighed when he saw Roxas tangled limbs lying in a mess on the ground. His blond friend was no doubt getting wet and was going to catch an pneumonia or something along those lines.
Roxas had gotten really drunk that night. Like, really. He had told Axel when he was still sober that he was depressed and needed a drink. When Axel had asked what the problem was, Roxas had just smirked and replied, 'Love'. Axel had smirked as well and shrugged off Roxas statement as something insignificant, and it was pretty much forgotten when Kairi proceeded to glomp him when they arrived at Larxenes house. Axel laughed and followed the already tipsy red-haired girl into the living-room, where loud music was blasting off the speakers.
Axel socialized in a big group of friends. He was a social butterfly, but kept to people he already knew, not so keen on getting to know strangers. As much as he liked going to parties, he wanted to feel safe. If he went to someone he didn't know, things could easily spiral out of control and no one was there to take care of him.
But with friends like those he had now, he couldn't be safer. Or happier, for that matter.
That night, Larxene and Marluxia had decided to throw a big 'get-together' and they had informed Axel that he should bring anyone that knew at least five members of their group. Axel chuckled at the memory. It wasn't as if anyone was getting left out. They had a big group, and I mean big. But word traveled fast among them and it seemed like everyone had gotten a notice. Axel spied for familiar faces and gave Roxas a quick 'bye' before the blond searched for Kairi's booze-stash. The redhead frowned in concern for his best friend and he got slightly guilty for allowing him to drink. Technically, Roxas wasn't allowed to do that. He was still seventeen.
'Only a few months left...' Axel mentally sighed when he remembered how touchy the blond was on that subject. But Axel knew from experience that Roxas could handle alcohol well. Something that separated him tremendously from his brother, Sora.
Sora was easily effected and tended to do stupid stuff when he was under the influence. Well. Stupider. Sora already did stupid stuff. Like that time when he threw a glass of milk at Axel, just to see if the redhead could catch it without warning. Stupid Sora. That shirt he was wearing never washed off the sour smell of bad milk.
However, when Sora was drunk he often broke things that weren't supposed to be breakable. Especially those things. But of course his best friends, Kairi and Riku, were there to prevent him from causing a mayhem. But, honestly... Sometimes Axel had a slight suspicion that the two secretly liked making Sora drunk and making an ass out of himself. That was why Riku was now feeding Sora beer on his lap. Axel chuckled to himself as he moved past the masses to walk into the next room. Riku was a sly bastard, always making Sora do the stuff he wanted him to do. And having an infatuation on the boy didn't really help, seeing as how Sora was completely oblivious to his silver haired friends feelings. Not that Riku took advantage of Sora, the teen obviously loved the kid to death, but when you're drunk and in love, you tend to do silly things.
Axel head was thumping along pleasantly to the rhythm in the song the stereo was playing. He could barely hear what other people were shouting to each other in the noise. He scanned the room for his blonde friend and quickly tried to make his way to her in the throng. Several bumps and 'sorry's later, Axel was standing in front of Larxene with a large grin plastered on his face.
"Axel" she cried and waved frantically, not really being able to move where she was standing, pinned in a corner by many people.
Axel chuckled at the attention the blonde was receiving and pushed his way to her, causing quite a few upset shouts.
"Hey Larx!" That was a convenient nickname that Larxene had adapted to. Usually, the blonde punched anyone trying to call her something else than her name, but this one she actually liked. Not that she'd admit that aloud.
Axel smiled and asked, "So, who's here?"
Larxene swallowed the drink she had in her mouth and nodded to inform Axel that she'd heard what he'd said, and she gave her drink to the closest bystander.
"Pretty much everyone..." She began and nodded to the living room. "Sora and company is in there, as I'm sure you've noticed..." She received a small laugh from the redhead, causing her to grin. "Aaand in here are all the people who want to dance and the like..."
Axel nodded and confirmed, there was only moving people in there. She eyed Axel curiously and said, "Where's your lackey?"
Axel snapped back at Larxene, grinning and knowing all too well who she was referring to.
"Who?" he laughed and eyed Larxene disbelievingly.
"Roxas, of course!" She rolled her eyes. "Who else? He's always hanging around you like a leech..."
Axel shook his head and smirked.
"He's havin' looove trooubles!" He said over dramatically and made wild gestures in the air.
Larxene barked out a genuine laugh.
"Roxas? Love troubles? Since when was he in love?"
Axel had to admit that that question was nagging at him too, and he deflated a little from his up-beat mood as he said, "I dunno. But I'll find out before the night is over!" He winked and made his way to the kitchen, hearing Larxene cackle behind him. Knowing Roxas, the blond had probably seated himself in Larxene's ridiculously large bar. Roxas wasn't much of a dancer, and this night his oh-so-positive brother wasn't at all what he needed. Axel had seen a depressed-drunk Roxas, and it was not a pretty sight. Something he was hoping to avoid.
He decided to check up on Roxas and make sure someone was taking care of him while Axel mingled. It was not so hard getting to the kitchen, most people wanted to dance and had no time for drinks anyway. Axel of course, had the advantage of being tall, so it wasn't easy to miss him pushing his way through the masses.
When he arrived, the first thing he saw was Naminé. She was looking worriedly at Roxas, who was lying face-down on the counter. She silently urged Axel to walk to her, and he did so. She was patting the blonds back with calm and smooth gestures and tried to make him feel better. Axel eyed Naminé with a question, 'What's the problem?'
Naminé shrugged and looked back at Roxas with great concern in her eyes. Axel sat himself down beside his best friend and patted his back tentatively.
"Hey, what's up Rox?" Axel said with a playful edge in his voice, hoping to cheer the blond up.
"I feel terrible..." Roxas moaned and didn't bother glancing at Axel.
Axel could see Naminé frown and he was pretty sure his face showed the same emotion.
"Well, that's what you get from drinking!" He said, still trying to sound optimistic.
Roxas slowly sat up straight and turned around to look at Axel, face to face.
"I haven't started drinking yet...", he said with emotion in his voice, and Axel mentally pictured the words dripping with self-pity. He raised one eyebrow and smiled to himself. The blond was really a drama-queen-... king.
"Well, will you still tell us what's wrong Roxas?" Naminé said pleadingly. Roxas shook his head.
"No. I need to get drunk. Like, really drunk before I can tell you what's bothering me...", he said and rubbed his eyes. It sounded as if the blond really wasn't going to tell, whether he was drunk or not and Axel wondered who this person was that bothered Roxas so much. For it was something about love, wasn't it? That was what Roxas had said anyways.
"Is it about love?" Axel asked to make sure.
Roxas froze for a split second before he glanced carefully up at his friend.
"Yeah..."
Axel grinned and got off the chair. Now that he finally knew what was bothering his very good friend, whom he'd seriously catch a bullet for, he could party.
"Well, make sure to get really plastered and I'll check up on you later and solve all your problems!" He chuckled a little at his lame joke and turned his eyes seriously at the blonde girl. "Will you take care of him for me?" Axel asked, hoping that Naminé wasn't having a terribly fun time and would babysit a soon-to-be drunk teenager. To his relief Naminé nodded swiftly and said, "Of course!"
"Thanks!" Axel grinned and walked off with a last concerned look at Roxas.
'He'd better not pass out...', Axel thought and joined another group of his many friends.
-------------
Roxas sighed when Yuffie finally opened the bar. Roxas had been waiting there forever. She grinned and laughed slightly at his pathetic pose.
"You need a pick-me-up!" She quickly stated the obvious and prepared something Roxas couldn't see.
The blond didn't answer to Yuffies exclamation and contended himself with looking at the people around him. He knew most of them. Hayner, one of his best friends from high-school. Cloud, who had saved him from a bunch of bullies when he was younger. Seifer, who had actually gotten some people skills and was now quite happily chatting away with said dirty-blond high-school friend. Zexion, who he'd come to like under a longer period of time. And Demyx who was constantly running in and out, yelling at 'Zexy' to join his dancing. Then there was two or three other persons he didn't know personally, but he bet Sora knew all of them.
He jumped a little at the clink the drink made when Yuffie slammed it on the counter.
"Here ya go!", she shouted merrily. "One pick-me-up á la Yuffie!"
Roxas eyed the drink dubiously and shot one suspicious glance at the bouncy brunette. She was grinning like a mad-woman and straightening her headband.
"Holler if you need anything, awe-right?!", she said and skipped to Leon who'd just joined Cloud in a conversation.
He grabbed the drink and watched the water droplets run down the cold glass. Naminé had been dragged off by Selphie, just one minute after Axel had left. She'd told Roxas she'd be back any second and that he shouldn't do anything stupid until then. He sighed again and thought about his miseries. Sure, it was about love. He grinned, but he wasn't at all happy. No. The grin was more a self-knowing smile that he wore to remind the worse part of himself, 'I told you so'. He could feel his eyes stinging but he couldn't stop himself thinking about it. He felt the urge to sob and he quickly buried himself in his arms on the counter.
His whole stomach was flipped. Or so it felt like. He was nauseous and his head was spinning, and he hadn't yet tasted his drink.
"If I only knew love would feel like this, I would've moved away from this town years ago...", he mumbled to himself and brought the cool drink to his lips to taste it.
Tentatively, he licked at the drink much like a cat would do.
'Not so bad...', he thought and shrugged, a little lifted that maybe the alcohol would put his mind off the god damned thing.
He was halfway through his drink when Naminé caught up with him, looking noticeably flustered. At first she thought Roxas hadn't moved at all since she'd left, but then she saw the half empty glass in front of him. She scowled and pouted slightly at the blond boy who'd started to numb.
"Hey Nami!", he said with a halfhearted smile and waved uncertainly at the girl. She pouted even more when she saw the drunken look on his face.
"You're drunk.", she stated and sat herself down on his left side.
"Not yet!", he said with his voice a bit less clear than his usual. "But I think that this drink Yuffie poured for me is starting to effect..." He waved at his glass and frowned. Was it really there? Yep it was!
He giggled dumbly and drank some more.
"Roxas...", Naminé started and shook her head seriously. "You shouldn't have. Especially if Yuffie..." She sighed and looked at Roxas, wide eyed with concern. "You have to tell me what's going on! I need to know! You're not acting right, Roxas! You know you can't bury your problems in a drink!"
Roxas didn't seem to be listening, but Naminé knew better.
"Listen... I'm one of your closest friends, you've probably known me longest!" She pleaded and tried to get Roxas to look at her. "But I'm not a mind reader! I can't know why your so sad if you don't tell me!"
Roxas turned shamefully in his seat. Naminé hadn't done anything to deserve this, in fact she deserved more than anyone to party with her friends. Her better friends. Roxas wasn't helping her at all. And yet she was doing all she could to help him. But Roxas couldn't tell her! He really couldn't!
She sighed and rubbed his back gently, like she had done so many times before.
"Tell me.", she commanded, sick of asking.
"Naminé...", he sighed. "I can't."
She stopped moving her hand and looked Roxas square in the eye.
"Why can't you tell me?", she said with a slightly raised voice. She was really worried about him, wasn't she? She was really undergoing torture for him. Usually so calm and kind, now she was nervous and desperate.
"...", Roxas said and bit his lip and frowned. "...because...", he continued and stopped. What was he supposed to say?
"Because I...", he glanced at Naminé. She was looking at him with full attention. He knew he had to tell her sometime. It wasn't going to last anyway, he was tired of keeping it all inside and the booze wasn't helping it stay in any better.
He huffed and took along draught of his drink. Naminé rolled her eyes but looked back at Roxas with the same amount of attention. He slammed the drink back on the table, determinedly and looked back to Naminé with a puffed up chest. He stayed like that for a while before he slowly deflated. He chuckled, devoid of cheer, and shook his head.
"Because I'm in love!", he exclaimed and smiled genuinely for a second. He was in love! And Naminé was the first one to know, even though he'd been in love for long. He was in love and it was a damn good feeling if it was a good day. But this love was hopeless, he reminded himself and found tears stinging at the back of his eyes again.
He quickly closed them and let out a shaky sigh. He shivered and frowned.
"I'm freaking in love...", he whispered defeated, but Naminé could hear him well. Even though her friend was now wearing a pained expression, she couldn't help but smile. Roxas had never showed interest in anyone before. It made her happy to know that he had finally found someone. And judging by how hollow he sounded, he'd been in love for quite some time. And it had obviously never been answered. Poor Roxas. The girl sighed with a mix of relief and sadness. She was happy that she finally knew what bothered him, and that it was something as normal (yet so complicated) as love. But she was still sad for him, and she was determined to help him.
She licked her lips and paused.
"...how long?", she finally asked.
Roxas didn't look up but answered hesitantly, "I don't know. It's come slowly... At first it was just a crush..." He laughed, tears now running slowly down his cheeks. "A stupid crush I could control, but I didn't! I let it spire into something I shouldn't have. Into something I'm regretting now!" He sobbed one time out of frustration and quickly wiped his eyes. He sniffed and downed the rest of his drink.
Naminé groaned as Roxas ordered a new one from Yuffie who happily complied, and waited patiently for the blond to continue.
Roxas felt oddly relieved that he'd shared some of his problems with Naminé. It wasn't much, he still had a heavy weight pushing him down but it was still some. Maybe he could tell Naminé? Would it matter that much? He was so damn tired of not doing anything, of longing and waiting for something he simply couldn't have. It was impossible to get it. He suppressed a sob. The love of his life was impossible to get. Impossible to get closer to... He sniffed again at his troubles. Maybe Naminé could keep it a secret. She was good at knowing what to do. She'd be able to help him.
He felt one single tear run down his nose, and fall into his glass. How emotional he got when he was drunk. He snorted. Or was it drunk from love? Had he been acting this emotional earlier? No. If he had, someone would've suspected something. Naminé had obviously not noticed anything about his behavior until today, and that was his fault for moping. He drank more and felt his head grow dizzy. Soon the world was going to spin and he was going to mix up faces. It was hard to focus his gaze onto something, so he contented himself to stare out into the nothingness instead.
Naminé brought him back to reality with her soft words, "Why do you regret it?"
Roxas closed his eyes to think. He could answer a billion things, really. It was wrong morally and logically. It was wrong to the point where he was loudly protesting so much that it hurt. He just... couldn't.
"Because it's wrong. I cant'-..." He tried to finish his sentence, but he couldn't. He sighed and frowned. This wasn't easy.
"I can't love him."
Naminé blinked surprised.
"H-him?"
-------------
Axel had been gone for what seemed like two minutes. Time passes quickly when you're having fun. It held a whole new meaning to the redhead when he realized that he'd been gone for an hour and a half. He swore loudly to himself and yelled an excuse to the pouting Demyx.
"I need to check how Roxas is doing!", he shouted over the noise and Demyx understood. The blond teen waved Axel away and continued dancing with those around him. Axel chuckled as someone quickly took his place. Demyx was famous! He would laugh insanely there, but decided against it when he remembered that he had to save his best friend from drowning in misery.
He strode merrily to the bar and scanned for Roxas. He was sitting slouched and talking defeatedly with Naminé. Had he already gotten so drunk he was willing to share his problems? Axel felt a little disappointed and skipped quickly to the chair on the other side of Roxas.
"What'd I miss?", he said, excited from the exercise the dance had given him. He was annoyed that Roxas had to spoil his fun, but kept that feeling buried long down. He was supposed to help Roxas now, not feel guilty that he wasn't there for him! After all, Axel couldn't do so much if Roxas wasn't willing to talk to him about it. But now, when his jaw hinges were oiled from alcohol, he was sure that Roxas would be quite a chatterbox.
Naminé glared at him for interrupting their conversation, but she quickly filled him in on the details.
"Roxas is in love." She hesitantly glanced at Roxas, to make sure she hadn't told Axel too much. Roxas shrugged and silently urged her to continue.
"He...", she started, unsure how to put it. "He's troubled that it might not work out, with this love..." Roxas sighed and signaled her to get to the point.
"He's in love with a guy!", Naminé shouted and quickly covered her mouth, flushing from embarassement.
Axel blinked. That was not what he'd expected. It wasn't bad at all, but just not what he'd expected!
"That's it?", he asked, relieved but a little tense from worrying that there might be more. Naminé held the same expression. "Well, we're all okay with it if you're gay Roxas! I am, are you Naminé?", he asked quickly. Maybe too quickly.
"Of course I am!", she said with a bit more believable tone than Axel. She sighed, they all seemed to have done that a lot recently and she hugged herself.
"Roxas, we're fine about it! Don't worry about us! You can't go keeping this inside you, you need to act if you want to be happy!" She smiled encouragingly. Axel nodded and looked between Roxas and Naminé. He hoped he hadn't missed anything important that might help him help his blond friend. He definitely needed all the information he could get in order to be able to help Roxas.
"It's not that I was worried about..." Roxas said, refusing to look up. His cheeks were pink from the alcohol and Axel swore they grew a darker shade. Roxas buried his head deeper in his arms and mumbled, "I can't tell you..."
Naminé frowned, now really annoyed. She huffed and jumped out of her seat, flipped her hair over one shoulder and glared at Roxas.
"Fine. Be that way. Don't tell us...", her gaze was electric from the anger and Axel felt bad for Roxas. "I'm going now that Axel is here. I'm not sure if he can help you any better than I can, but try at least..." Her tone got pleading in the end. "Please? Tell him... Sort it out. For me..." She cast one last glance at the pitiful frame of Roxas before she turned around to leave. She stopped in her tracks and turned back to Roxas with guilt in her eyes. She obviously didn't want to be angry at her friend.
"Roxas. We care for you. We want to make it better...", she sighed and put one comforting hand on his shoulder. "Please try to get it out. Tell Axel about it, I know he won't leave until you're feeling better..." She looked up at Axel with a pained expression. Then her gaze got harsh and her voice stern. "But not in a way that includes large amounts of alcohol!" She threw one finger at the redhead threateningly and backed her way out of the kitchen. It had gotten more crowded as the evening wore along, and she had to squeeze her way through the door hole.
Axel smiled sadly at the retreating figure. Then he looked back at Roxas. Roxas was still angst-ing in his little bubble, so Axel drew one hand through his hair and smiled.
"So, Rox. Who's the lucky guy?"
Roxas stiffened visibly, and Axel cringed. That was obviously the wrong question.
"B-but you don't have to tell me!" He laughed nervously. "I'm only your best friend and all- NO! Heh, no- no pressure! You can wait! Take your time!" He knew he'd lost control of the situation way back. So why not mess it up worse? Stupid, stupid Axel!
Roxas looked up from the comfort of his arms and Axel was relieved to see that he was almost smiling. Almost, mind you.
"You do know you're terrible at this, right?"
So much for that spark of happiness. Ouch! That really stung! But he'd do anything for his little Roxy!
"...yeah. Love-pep-talk wasn't my major...", he joked and winked at the blond.
Roxas' mouth twitched slightly, and Axel did somersaults in his mind at the fact that he was cheering Roxas up! Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas! Roxas, his best moody friend! Heh, Axel had drunk a little too... Was it noticeable? But wasn't drunk. No. Nope. No sir-ee!
"Well... Then tell me about everything else!", Axel said calmly and opened a coke bottle. He didn't drink anything at first, he just inspected Roxas for further happiness. When he didn't receive a reaction at all, he sighed and gulped down a fourth of his drink. What was the best thing to say to his friend? Axel knew he was good at love problems (or so he kept telling himself), but this whole 'gay-ordeal' was new for him. He hadn't had experience in that point yet.
Why did he say yet, was he planning to? No, it was just that Axel was okay with the whole thing. It didn't bother him what other peoples sexual preferences were, it didn't really have anything to do with him. He himself chose whoever he was attracted to, and it changed so often the redhead could easily have gotten dizzy. He hadn't thought about being gay, not seriously. Of course he'd played with the thought, who didn't? But he had never thought about it seriously, no.
In all honesty, it didn't matter who he liked, guy or girl. But it kind of felt more natural with a girl... He guessed so. But really. How could he know? He'd never been with a guy before! Maybe he was missing out on something great? Axel inwardly panicked before he slapped himself mentally.
'Don't be stupid Axel', he scolded himself. 'You don't have to prove anything. You don't have to test your queerness just yet..."
He frowned and sunk deeper in thought.
'Why do I keep saying yet? It's not a funny word! I do not like it! It's not like I have a crush on the word yet!' Axel raised one eyebrow and his eye twitched. What the hell was in that coke? He put it back on the counter and turned back to Roxas. He put all gay thoughts about himself behind him and put all his attention to the blond.
Roxas seemed to have gotten to a decision, finally. His eyes were wide with determination, and he seemed to have really...
'...lost it...', Axel filled in and gaped slightly at Roxas' wild appearance. He did truly look crazy. Like he was running from his life (literally from it, not for it), and leaving everything behind. Like he'd finally decided he had nothing to loose... That was the magic of alcohol. Axel prayed a thanks to all and no gods. He really needed Roxas to open up.
"You want to know everything else?", the blond said with desperation thick in his voice.
Axel nodded quietly and couldn't help staring dumbly at Roxas' every move.
"I'll tell you everything!", the blond said and his voice cracked slightly. His eyes were blank and Axel wondered if Roxas had been crying when Naminé was there. "I'll tell you why and exactly how I feel. How much pain I've gone through for this person! And he doesn't even know! ...I-I... I can't even tell him how I feel..." Roxas gaze shifted down. His eyes had begun to leak. No matter how unstable he was, it was embarrassing for the blond to break down in front of his best friend.
Axel couldn't respond to that. Really... He needed an example, and it made him feel stupid for needing it. But lets face it- Roxas wasn't giving him so many clues.
Roxas' voice was thick from tears when he continued.
"Like I told Naminé, at first it was just a stupid crush. Y'know? Like all those you used to have in junior high-school on those girls?" Axels eyes grew softer at the fond memory. Childhood memories. They weren't really kids, but it was still some time ago. Things had gotten so much different since then. "And I was stupid enough to let myself fall in love... I could've stopped it, y'know? But I didn't. Because I-... I guess I felt lonely. I needed to dream of someone and I stupidly chose this person." Roxas cheeks were wet. They had a glow about them that made Axel feel like he was looking at an angel. The light reflected little rainbows off his delicate features and the soft pink on Roxas' cheeks illuminated the effect. It made him positively shine. Axel could almost hear the serene music. Overlooking the fact that Roxas was sad of course, this was a perfect moment.
Roxas looked back at Axel, this time in his eyes. Deep, deep into his eyes. Axel could feel those blue orbs beg him to do something, but he couldn't figure out what. He just couldn't! No matter how much he wanted to please Roxas and make him happier, he just couldn't!
"Axel...", Roxas pleaded. "You don't know what I've been through... It's like nothing I've ever felt before! And it's been tormenting me for too long! I just can't take it anymore!" Roxas sobbed despite his frequent tries not to. Axel wanted to reach out and hug him, but he was afraid that Roxas would stop, and turn away from him. He tried to tell his friend this with only his eyes, that he did understand and that he was concerned and wanted to help.
The blonds lower lip quivered. It looked adorable on him. That pout. Axel had been friends with Roxas for as long as he could remember, but he'd never seen him like that. Swollen lips and crying. The blue eyes normally filled with content happiness were now in a storm of sadness, chaos and foremost pain. Axel felt bad for him, he really did. No matter how much Axel liked fire and accidentally set stuff on fire, he couldn't help loosing himself in Roxas' big ocean of emotions. It drowned him.
Roxas looked down again, with an emotion in his eyes Axel couldn't register, but he listened closely.
"Every night I lay awake, telling myself to stop caring and start moving on. I keep telling myself it's hopeless, because this guy is dense!" Roxas barked out an insane laugh. "He's so damn dense that he doesn't even notice me looking at him. Though I suppose I've been hiding it nicely. Pretty and confident, secret in my mind..." Roxas giggled and hugged himself. "I want him to understand, but I don't want to ruin what little we already have..." He looked up at Axel and tried to explain it with his eyes. "I don't want to loose his friendship, and at the same time I'm afraid of what'll happen if I get together with him!" He shook his head, still staring straight into Axels eyes. "I'm not sure I want to move on, I don't even know in which direction I'm not sure I don't want to move on to, because I'm so confused..." Roxas breathed out and stared down to his lap as if that was who he was talking to.
Axel needed some time to catch up with what Roxas had said. That was a lot in a little time. But he couldn't think more of it when Roxas looked up, biting his lower lip.
"I...", the blond started. "It hurts...", he said. "In here..." He pointed to his chest, near where his heart was. "...and here..." He touched his forehead. Axel frowned and bit his lip to restrain himself from squishing his blond friend out of sheer cuteness. Roxas was acting like a big baby. In the absolute adorable kind-of-way. Which was kind of weird, actually seeing as how Roxas didn't like being small and young. He had to smile at his friend. It was interesting finding a new side of Roxas.
"And it feels like someone's dragging me apart, slowly. Piece to piece. My heart is aching. It's not healthy. I genuinely feel as if I'm being teared to pieces. In the end, there'll be nothing left of me because I've gone mad from the overload of emotions!"
Roxas was breathing heavily and tears streaked down his cheeks, falling gently into his lap when they got to heavy at his chin.
Axel couldn't refrain himself any longer. He smiled sweetly and touched Roxas cheek gently with one hand. Roxas' eyes widened in surprise and Axel could feel that the blond had caught his breath. The redhead chuckled fondly and dried his friends cheek before he wrapped his arms around him tightly to comfort him.
It wasn't an awkward position that they were in. Not at all. It almost felt as if Roxas fit perfectly where he was sitting, resting comfortably on Axels lap. Axel brought his face down to Roxas' blond strands of hair. It smelled softly of shampoo. Axel drew a deep breath and brought his mouth down closer to Roxas ear. His cheek was pressed close to Roxas. He closed his eyes and breathed softly into the blonds ear,
"Roxas.", he said calmly. "We'll always be here for you!"
He could feel Roxas swallow and he himself got a little red from the closeness. He quickly pulled away from his friend to look him into his eyes. They were still close, close enough to touch. Axel scanned Roxas face for sadness, but could only find confusion. He didn't know if this was a bad thing, but he certainly hoped it wasn't. He really didn't want Roxas to be sad.
"Naminé and I. We'll always be here for you. You can count on us!" He made a quick search of his memory and said, "And you can count on your brother too! And Kairi, and Riku... maybe not Riku... And Larxene, Demyx, Zexion, Hayner, Cloud, Leon, almost everyone!"
He tried to sound cheerful, but Roxas was distracting. They were so close, and Roxas was so... soft.
Roxas rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, and Axel leaned back to leave him some space. He still held his arms around the boy, not quite so tightly though. He didn't want to let go.
...Now that was a new feeling entirely.
"Thanks Axel...", whispered the blond. Axel couldn't help but feel as if he had missed something, so he let go of his friend and accepted the thanks. Eager on changing the subject he said, "So, Rox! Now that this is cleared up, lets get really un-sober!"
He grinned deviously and did two thumbs up. Now that Roxas had cried out most of his troubles, he could fill the empty space with Axels silliness.
Roxas chuckled and smiled big. Axel had somehow managed to cheer him up after all. Not something Roxas would've thought possible a few minutes ago. He looked thankfully at his best friend and smiled hopefully. Axel thought he'd fall out of his chair because of Roxas warm smile and the weird thing it did to his stomach.
Roxas chuckled again and said, "Lets!"
-------------
And now we're back at the beginning of this story. Roxas had drunk a lot. Definitely more than Axel, who had to drive them back after all. The redhead had ended up drinking water mostly, much to Demyx amusement.
"But you're a pyro!" The mohawked kid had exclaimed drunkenly, slurring at each syllable. "A what-cha-ma-callit..." The older blond thought for a while. "Water-hater!" Demyx blew a raspberry at Axel and pouted. Demyx really liked his water...
Axel had to call it a night when Kairi had found Roxas and the two of them had begun to sing not-so-innocent songs and it was getting late anyways.
And thats how Roxas ended up in the mass of snow.
Axel sighed and looked tiredly at his friend. Roxas was wearing out his energy. No, really. He'd had to stop him from falling off his chair more than a few times. And now he had to pick him up from the snow, in which he shouldn't enjoy being in.
"Come on Axel, join me!", shouted the blond boy and attempted to drag Axel in as well. He missed Axels body by five feet and fell down to his side instead.
Roxas laughed more than ever, but the sound was muffled in the snow. Axel groaned, but couldn't help smiling at the silliness the blond was showing. Roxas wasn't this silly unless he was drunk, and if Roxas was drunk that often meant that Axel was drunk too. So, it wasn't so often that Axel could see this with his own eyes. It made him kind of happy really. He was happy to see Roxas laughing. Hell, the whole kids face was glowing from excitement. But he felt melancholy at the fact that it wasn't really him that had made Roxas laugh... It was mostly the alcohol, after all.
Roxas looked up from the cold snow and grinned stupidly at Axel. Axel could feel Roxas gaze bore into him, even though it was a drunken gaze. He shivered and pulled the jacket closer around him. Roxas blushed a little and patted the snow beside him.
"Come on", he said. "Sit with me. You're so warm Axel..." Roxas giggled shamefully girly. "You're so... hot!"
Then he fell backward laughing. Axel grumbled and wondered if he should take that as a compliment or not. Roxas laughed at him! But he said he was hot. Does that mean anything?
"Come on Roxas, I wanna go home!", Axel whined and paced where he stood to return some heat to his feet. It was really cold.
"But, Axel!" Roxas said with a complete serious look on his face. "It'll be warmer if we sit close together!"
Axel didn't know what his expression was, but obviously it amused Roxas because three seconds later, the blond was laughing again.
"Roxas, this is getting annoying really fast! You keep laughing at me... No fun..." If Roxas could be childish, so could Axel. He stood and pouted. Roxas eyed Axel with a thoughtful expression. His brows were knotted tightly together and his eyes were narrowed. Axel bet Roxas couldn't see anything, he was already drunk so how would it help him seeing if he almost closed his eyes? The blonds lower lip jutted forward, holding its trademark thinking position. His cheeks were now pink because of the cold, and Axel really should hurry up and put him in the car,
"You're cute when you're pouting...", Roxas said after a while. Axel could only stare dumbly at the blond as he unlocked the car door.
"Don't say things you don't mean...", Axel said, hiding a blush with his back to Roxas. "Besides, you can't cheat on this true love of yours..."
Axel hadn't brought that up since they had been talking about it before Roxas got really drunk. He wasn't sure if it was okay to bring it up so soon, or even if it was okay to bring it up at all, but he needed Roxas distracted so he could take them home. Somewhere they could sleep anyways...
"...no", Roxas said and his smile vanished. He looked sadly at Axel. "I'm not..."
"Yes you are...", Axel said and opened the door, not focusing on what he was talking about but really just wanting to sleep. "You're saying I'm cute, you're cheating. This guy is really lucky to have you, and he'd be stupid not to take you, you can't give up on him just yet!" He stared longingly into the car and hoped Roxas would get in.
Roxas got tears into his eyes. How could Axel be so stupid? Axel wasn't looking, so he didn't notice. Roxas sniffed and said, "I haven't. I haven't given up on him yet!"
Axel looked back at Roxas with confusion in his eyes. Why did Roxas get so emotional and touchy again?
"Well... That's great!", Axel said, a bit disappointed. Did Roxas have to break down again. It wasn't like Axel didn't want to help him, it was just that this wasn't the greatest of places. He'd have chosen a very different place, like in the car for example. That was a really nice place at this time of year. Warm and comfy.
"But do you think we could continue this conversation in the car? It's freezing out here!" Axel jumped a little where he stood. Roxas seemed to fill up with tears and Axel repeatedly killed himself in his mind for being so insensitive.
Roxas bit his lip and whimpered. Didn't Axel see? Could he really not see after all? He felt the burning warmth of tears run down his cheek for the thousandth time that evening and he bravely looked at Axel straight on.
"You really can't see it, can you?", he said, back to his old confident tone. It was as if he was sober, only with more courage. Or stupidity, some might call it.
Axel looked more confused than ever at Roxas and took one uncertain step forward.
"I haven't given up. I never have. I should've, but I didn't..."
Axel sighed and rubbed his arms. He couldn't feel his toes anymore.
Roxas sobbed when Axel said, "We've already talked about this. I'd really like to continue our, uh, session but I'm freezing to death here. I'm sure it can wait just a few seconds-"
"Stupid Axel!" Axel was pelted by a large snowball. It was amazing that Roxas aim was still so straight. Roxas felt his anger burn a hole into his head and he wished he could set things on fire. Most of all Axel.
"Don't you get it?" Roxas stood up, it was hard because he was shaking pretty bad from the cold, he was only wearing a thin jacket. "Can't you see who I've fallen for?"
Axel frowned and obviously didn't get it.
Roxas, filled with anger and frustration, tried to understand the redhead. He'd done all he could to hide his emotions to his friend, and now when his shield was crumbling under him and he was literally screaming the name to Axel, he didn't get it. What the hell could he have to lose now anyway? There was nothing left for him! Roxas wiped away a few tears from his eyes and glared dangerously at Axel. He looked quietly at Axel and Axel looked back. Seeing the confused and befuddled look on his friends face didn't boost his confidence. He began trembling again and all the pain flooded back. He hiccoughed and swayed slightly. Then he took an offensive pose and pointed one finger angrily at Axel.
"Stupid Axel!", he shouted again and went around in a circle to collect his thoughts. Really, when there was nothing to lose he didn't have the confidence. Just great.
"It's you!", he shouted through tears. Finally. It was said. Now everything would get better. "It's you! You, you, you, you!" Axel stared dumbly at Roxas, still not getting it.
Roxas gaped and sobbed. "It's fucking you I'm in love with! I fell in love with my best friend, how cliché is that?" He sobbed, but smiled. It was finally over. He looked up and tried to smile at Axel. It wasn't easy, he still felt like crying. His trembling lips made it hard for him to speak but he made a valiant effort.
"I love you.", it came out steady. Roxas knew he didn't have a chance with this guy, but it didn't matter. As long as Axel knew that Roxas seriously loved him, it would be alright. Now it was out. It wasn't a secret anymore. He didn't have to bear this burden. He laughed breathlessly and sat down back on the ground. He could've said something else, he really should've. But there was nothing left to say. That was it. The whole, messed up truth. There was nothing Roxas could do that would assure him that Axel was his forever, because he wasn't. All that mattered was that Axel knew, and he did now. Roxas had done what he'd set out to do. He'd told the love of his life the truth. He'd given his heart away willingly, knowing it wouldn't return. Never. But he would slowly heal and go back to normal, he had to. Now the worst was over. At least he didn't have to bear all that himself.
Roxas sobbed, because he could feel the loss of something close to where his heart once was.
Axel stared at the crying boy. Roxas had confessed. To him of all people. To Axel. That was very flattering, it's not everyday you're loved in that way. But Roxas. His best friend. That was... special. Things like this only happened in cheesy romance novels, right? Like one of those teenage girls liked to cry over. Yet, Axel was there and Roxas had just shouted out his love. And it wasn't a drunken misunderstanding either, though admittedly the blond was drunk, but it was real! Real! Axel hated those novels, they made him feel like throwing up and yet here he was standing, with a goofy grin on his lips, unable to draw his gaze away from the younger boy. This feeling was the same, only better and lighter. He felt sick, feverish mostly, but he felt happy. Like, drunken happy. Only without the alcohol.
Axel couldn't stop smiling, and he was glad Roxas wasn't looking at him because he didn't think the smile was attractive at all. He felt like he'd burst, like the corners of his mouths were going to crack and he'd have a skeleton-like smile for the rest of his life. He felt like laughing, but couldn't risk making the blond get the wrong impression. He must have made some kind of sound because suddenly Roxas was looking at him through tear-streaked eyes and damp bangs.
Roxas felt his heart grow heavy and sink. Was Axel laughing at him? This wasn't funny, and even if Axel didn't mean to be mean, he was still being that. If Axel didn't take Roxas seriously, this was all in vain. This was so not a joke.
Then he looked closely at Axel. True happiness. Why was that? Roxas pondered and got suspicious.
'No...!"
Axel kneeled down in front of Roxas and crawled closely to him. He didn't care that the snow was burning at his skin with its ice-coldness, in fact, he didn't even notice. All that occupied his thoughts were Roxas. Roxas, the guy who loved him so much it hurt. His grin was still there, just as uncontrollable. He breathed out softly into Roxas blushing face and looked at him fondly. Trying to make it all better with his eyes. His deep green eyes, holding emotion only for Roxas.
"Do you really mean it?" He drew a very shaky breath, shakier than Roxas was at the moment, halfway pinned under Axel.
Roxas nodded and swallowed slowly. He meant it.
Axels grin got wider and he laughed shortly. He could feel tears of happiness gather at the corner of his eyes, but he didn't have time to brush them away. He'd made Roxas wait too long for him already, hadn't he?
"Well, Roxas...", he said, and Roxas was already brightening, he could see what was happening. Axel bit his lip and looked down into Roxas very nice blue eyes. "I think I've been falling for you too..."
It was Roxas who couldn't believe it this time. He looked at Axel with wide eyes that screamed, 'You think so, you think so?!' He was happy, he wanted to be happy but he had to make sure first.
Axel nodded, not knowing what to say. Opening and closing his mouth, he put his forehead down onto Roxas' hot one.
"I know so...", Axel said and smiled warmly at his friend. What else was there to say? It was the truth. Axel loved the kid.
Roxas smiled a really true smile for the first time that evening and looked up unbelievingly at Axel. He'd gone through all these years, uncertain, and now the puzzle had finally been solved. All he'd needed to do was to rely on his friends, because they helped him more than anyone. He couldn't have possibly done this by himself. Roxas launched himself at the redhead into a bone-breaking hug and decided never to let go. Now that he'd gotten back his heart, and a friendly red-haired boy had given him something in return, things were going to turn out alright.
the end...
AN: Trying to figure out how this works exactly... New to this... Obviously. Ahem. I've read this so many times my judgement is blurry. I just want to sleep right now (hehe). So, will you please tell me what YOU thought of it? I need help improving and such...
Oh, and just to put in some shameless advertizing: I'm currently writing 7, maybe 8 other KH stories sooo... Wait for me to catch up? School is pretty heavy right now, so I don't know when I'll be uploading...
That's it... Review?