The idea for this popped into my head after watching 10x03; it was originally supposed to be a one-shot but will now be longer. I love Calzona but I sometimes find Arizona difficult to understand so I decided to use this to explore her head. This will mostly be from Arizona's POV but there may be some chapters from Callie's POV as well. Plus, there'll be lots of Sofia time. Oh, and this is my first fic, in case you were wondering.

The greatest of thank yous to MaybeIShouldGetACat for her invaluable help.

Also, we survived 200 episodes! *30 second dance party*

Enjoy!

"I love you so much and I miss you every second 'cause you're my girl."

Arizona cradled Sofia on her lap as tears crept down her face. She had resolved herself to keep her composure while waiting for someone to answer the door at Meredith and Derek's house but seeing Sofia, seeing Callie, she hadn't been able to keep it together. Everything she had planned to say to Callie was replaced with the urgent need to hold her daughter because she couldn't hold her wife. But Callie had insisted that Sofia needed to go to bed, that Arizona was putting on an act to gain sympathy. Why couldn't Callie see that she just needed Sofia for a moment? Just for a moment to still feel loved. If it hadn't been for Cristina…

Now that she had Sofia safely in her arms on the porch, staring up at her with Callie's eyes, the tears came relentlessly. All she could do was stare back at Sofia, a small smile playing on her lips as she fought the sobs building in her throat. "You mean everything to me," Arizona whispered into Sofia's ear as she placed a kiss lightly on her cheek. Sofia responded with a shiver and Arizona wrapped Sofia's pink blanket tightly around her. 'Good mothers wouldn't do that.' Arizona silently berated herself for bringing her daughter outside in the middle of the night with nothing on but a pair of thin pajamas and her baby blanket. She tightened her grip on Sofia further and rocked her back and forth, unwilling to let her go. The blonde rested her chin on Sofia's head and began to hum a lullaby, content to rock her daughter forever.

Sofia leaned into Arizona's chest, wrapping her tiny arms around her mother's waist as best she could before letting out a small sigh. Arizona could not help the fresh tears that rolled down her cheeks and into the little girl's dark hair, Callie's hair. She loved Sofia with everything she had. In fact, she was surprised at how much fuller her heart had grown since Sofia was born. Arizona had been opposed to having kids, had defended her rationalizations about having children to Callie on countless occasions. But the shooting overrode all her objections and the second Sofia had come into the world, everything changed for Arizona. She saw the world differently, saw all the opportunities that Sofia would have and she suddenly couldn't imagine not having children with Callie. The second Sofia was born, Arizona knew that there was no greater gift she could ever have than having a family with Callie. Yet somehow, in the blink of an eye, it was all slipping away.

She looked down at Sofia as the little girl nestled further into her chest, seeking warmth and comfort. It was obvious that Arizona and Callie were suffering but Sofia was suffering too. She could sense that something was not right; children always know. Sadness overwhelmed Arizona because her little girl knew that something was wrong and there was nothing Arizona could do at the moment to fix her issues with Callie. She could hold Sofia, though, and guarantee that at least for a little while Sofia would feel completely secure and loved. She continued to rock her gently as she smiled sadly down at her, lifting her hand to Sofia's face to trace small delicate circles on Sofia's plump cheeks. She marveled at the beautiful little girl in front of her, enamored by how much she looked just like Callie.

Arizona winced and more tears fell into Sofia's hair. 'Callie. My sweet Calliope.' A sob escaped her mouth and she hugged Sofia tighter, causing her to stir. Sofia looked up into her mother's face and Arizona reassured her, "I'm okay, we're okay, everything is going to be okay." Arizona looked up as she held Sofia's head to her chest, trying in vain to stop the small shakes that were wracking her body. She squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to stop the flow of tears, but to no avail. 'Stop crying, dammit. Stop crying, for Sofia.' Arizona sniffled before looking back down at Sofia who was still staring up at her. She placed her hand under Sofia's chin and tilted the little girl's head up. As she blew her a kiss, she studied the shape of Sofia's face. She had Callie's face, yes, but she also had Mark's face. Sofia was beautiful. All parents think that their children are beautiful, that comes with the territory. But Sofia truly was beautiful, and yet Arizona found herself wishing that Sofia had her face, not Mark's. He was not Arizona's first choice. He wasn't even her second or third choice. But he is what she got.

Arizona thought back to her short time in Malawi. She loved the tiny humans there and she loved being able to give them the medical attention they needed, but she loved Callie more. She was in love with Calliope, and that trumped everything else. She came back, practically ran back from Malawi and her tiny humans, ready to sweep Callie off her feet. Instead, she was met with hostility, and justifiably so.

As she unpacked a box in her new apartment, Arizona heard movement across the hall and then the apartment door opened. "What the hell?" Callie mumbled, as Arizona came out of her apartment, a bright smile on her face.

"Oh, good morning!" she chirped cheerfully as her gaze fell on Callie and Mark. She noted that they were both coming out of his apartment but she decided not to dwell on it, determined to remain positive. She smiled at them as Callie stalked slowly toward her.

"What are you doing here?" Callie asked, glaring at Arizona.

"Oh, I bought out our sub-letters, I'm moving back in," She finished with a smile. Having Callie this close to her, even though she was clearly upset, was enough to set Arizona's skin ablaze. She missed her so much. "Hooray!"

"Okay, they weren't your sub-letters, they were my s-sub-letters," Callie finished with a frown. She was standing so close, Arizona could feel her body heat radiating forward.

"Well, now, uh, I'm your sub-letter." Arizona smiled back at Callie, a bit less happily, as Callie stared at her incredulously, her mouth hanging open. "Hooray?" Arizona tried again, finishing with her signature dimpled grin. Callie stepped in even closer, a serious look on her face as she approached. The blonde took a step back as she registered Callie's hostility.

"My lack of interest in seeing you is not a strategy. I'm not playing hard to get. I don't want to see you." Arizona looked down and pursed her lips before looking up as Callie continued. "Because I turned my life upside down for you and you walked away because for a week I was cranky." Callie sneered. Arizona looked Callie in the eye, really looked at her. Clearly she had mulled this over for quite some time. "You're untrustworthy. So, I don't want to see you. You're self-centered so I don't want to see you. I am a hundred percent certain that if I let you back into my life again you will hurt me again. So, I don't want to see you. This isn't a ploy, I'm not, I'm not pouting. I don't want you in my life! Get your crap out of my apartment."

She remembered how all the while, Mark stood behind Callie listening to their conversation and watching Arizona's reaction. Mark was always there. Always, because he and Callie were a package deal. She hadn't expected Callie to welcome her back warmly and it made sense that Callie would turn to Mark when her heart was broken. She knew it was going to be an uphill battle. Callie had the right to be pissed and as her best friend, Mark had the right to console her, Arizona didn't deny them that, but she definitely didn't expect what she learned soon afterward.

That same evening, Arizona had caught Callie in the elevator after a long day's work.

She slid through the doors just as they began to close, catching Callie off guard; Callie watched her out of the corner of her eye. "I bail, ok?" Callie looked away sullenly as Arizona continued, "When things get hard I-I walk away and maybe it's because I grew up an army brat. We moved every eighteen months. Maybe I never learned to commit." Callie slowly turned back toward her but wouldn't meet her eyes. "But I'm here now and I'm staying because I'm gonna fight to make sure that you know that I'm committed to this thing." Callie finally looked at her but looked away again as Arizona pressed on, "I-I-I'm not perfect but neither are you. And you-you want to talk about faults? Well how about not being able to forgive?" It seemed as if Callie was truly listening now so she continued on, encouraged. "At some point, you're gonna have to forgive me and it may as well be now." Callie looked back at Arizona and finally held her gaze. "Because I am in love with you Calliope, and you are in love with me. And all I'm asking for is one more chance."

They stared each other down for a few intense moments, each unwilling to be the first to look away. Arizona noted the weird look on Callie's face but ignored it in the hope that her little speech had struck a chord. Callie finally turned to face her completely. "You want another chance?"

"Yes, more than anything I want another chance," Arizona replied emphatically with a small smile. Callie just swallowed, then swallowed again, and Arizona felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. The kind of feeling that you get when you know someone is about to deliver bad news and there is nothing you can do about it.

"Today I found out that I'm pregnant. With Mark's baby." The smile faded from Arizona's face as the sinking feeling began to crush her. "How 'bout now?"

The unthinkable had happened. To say she had been pissed was the understatement of the year. Pissed didn't even begin to explain how hurt she was that Callie almost immediately jumped into bed with Mark after she left. 'Palate cleanser my ass,' she thought to herself. She knew in her head that they were broken up but that didn't stop her heart from breaking or stop her from feeling that Callie had betrayed her. And with Mark, of all people!

Arizona was suddenly pulled from her reverie by the sound of light snoring. For a moment she looked around confused but then remembered that Sofia was sitting on her lap. She had fallen asleep in her mother's arms; her head tilted back slightly, her mouth puckered to form a little "O". Arizona smiled down at her in awe. The wind picked up slightly, blowing wisps of Sofia's raven hair into her face. She smoothed her hair back down but the wind picked it right back up. She hated that Callie had slept with Mark and even more so that she had gotten pregnant. But she got Sofia out of it and that made dealing with the heartache so worth it. Sofia made her want to go on. Sofia made her want to push forward and be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better friend. She couldn't do it by herself though. She ran through a list of people in her head, hoping to pinpoint someone she could lean on for support. But other than her perfect little angel, Arizona came to the sinking realization that she was utterly alone.

Please let me know what you think!