Cornelia and Flavia are two Roman girls. They sit under the tree. Cornelia reads and Flavia writes, but Cornelia never read what Flavia wrote and Flavia never saw what Cornelia read. They were utterly silent as they sat under the tree, enjoying the summer day at the country house and farm.
Today was the day that would change.
"Cornelia, can I see what you are reading?" asked Flavia, an innocent look on her face. Instantly, Cornelia turned as red as the protective necklace that her brother Marcus wore around his neck to ward off evil spirits. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and slammed her book, then shoved it under her posterior so that Flavia couldn't grab it without looking like a gay pervert. "Seriously, puella, what's so bad about it?"
Cornelia mumbled, "aoerfihlk aefiduhwSRAFIO aerfdouihiyaugiuiaer," but Flavia had no idea what she was saying because Cornelia was mumbling.
"JUPITER, child, beating SPEAK UP!" screamed Flavia, almost tearing her tunic in rage.
"I SAID, 'I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU READ MY EROTIC GAY WIZARD FANFICTION THAT I GOT THE LAST TIME PATER WENT TO THE FORUM," screamed Cornelia at the top of her lungs. As soon as she realized how loudly she screamed her deepest, most darkest secret, she clapped a hand over her virginal mouth and blushed even more furiously. Flavia ridet.
"Omj***, Cornelia, who wrote it? Was it by any chance 'A Maharani Plateful Volt?" she asked excitedly, rident-ing even harder.
Cornelia set the world record for furious blushing, previously held by some six year old understanding the word verpa for the first time. However, it was like 60-something AD, so there wasn't much world to compete for records yet. "ssssssssss," she whispered under her breath, but Flavia couldn't hear her, because she was whispering under her breath.
"What the Underworld, Cornelia? Can you not fUCKING SPEEAK UP YOU MUTE LITTLE BASTARDUS?/?" BELTED FLAVIA TO THE ENTIRE NOT-YET-HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE.
"YES IT WAS BY A MAHARANI PLATEFUL VOLT. HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER OMJJJJJJJJJ**** FLAVIA PUELLA HAVE YOU BEEN READING EROTIC GAY WIZARD FANFICTION" SCREAMED CORNELIA SEDUCTIVELY AT HER BESTEST BEST FRIEND (by default because no one else lives at the fucking country house).
"No, Cornelia," said Flavia, ripping off her mask to reveal the poorly drawn stencil on the back of her erotic gay wizard fanfiction. "SUM A MAHARANI PLATEFUL VOLT. IT FUCKING ANAGRAMS TO 'FLAVIA THAT ROMAN PUELLA'. HOW ARE YOU SO FUCKING DENSE OMJ*****," belched Flavia.
Then Sextus fell out of the tree and they all fucked.
The end.
***omj stands for oh my jupiter.
****omj still stands for oh my jupiter.
*****omj still stands for oh my jupiter.