This was a commission for lilbittymonster on tumblr! I wound up liking it enough to post it standalone because I had a lot of fun writing it!

"Horrible. Distasteful! Could you imagine if there had been children there?! Of course you can't, you monsters couldn't even-" A ":)" of satisfaction flashed across Zer0's visor as Maya watched them reholster the complaining Hyperion-model sniper "gift". Every one of them was sweaty, bloodied, clustered around the Fast Travel as they were just returning to their home turf, and… yeah. Feeling pretty good about themselves, if she could speak for the rest of them as well.

"Good job, guys. We, ah. We kicked some ass, took some names, and were general badasses out there," she encouraged with a slight smile, accepting the fistbump that Gaige offered.

"WE WERE BADASSES!" the younger girl shouted, met by a rambunctious laugh from Krieg and fist pump into the air,

"WE BAKED THEIR LIVERS INTO A FLAMBÉ AND SERVED IT UP FOR SUNDAY BRUNCH."

"Yeah! That's what we did!"

It was amazing, really, how much at this point Maya felt that she was a part of this group. Some kind of… weird murder family hadn't exactly been what she'd pictured when she'd been imagining going off on an adventure back on Athenas, and yet, somehow, it just sort of clicked at times like this that she fit. And sure, that might say something about her in the end, but. What the heck.

After their moment of celebration, their group started to sort of part ways. Axton passed off a comment about heading off to Moxxi's for another round of celebration, and one moment Zer0 was there displaying a cheeky ";)" and the next they had vanished off to somewhere. Gaige and Salvador started to amble off in a different direction, presumably to blow some of what they'd just earned at the bounty board. She did manage to catch a snippet of Salvador saying something about,

"I mean, liver flambé is okay. But there's just some stuff you just can't make the same way as your abuela, you know?"

A few more moments passed before Krieg too started to head off his own way, up until she caught him on the arm. The hulking man turned halfway around, somehow managing a surprised expression even with just about his entire face covered up by his mask with the exception of his eye. "Nnh?"

"Krieg, I was… actually wondering if you could help me with something. It's something important to me, and I've been planning it out for a while now. Would you mind?"

The nod that he gave was almost comically serious, and it never failed to bring a smile to Maya's face. She'd never seen him be anything but ride-or-die for any of them, honestly. Her especially, but still.

"Could ask me to cut out my spleen and make it into a birthday cake. You know that."

Maya smiled.

-x-

Okay. There was only going to be one chance to do this, and do it right. Here goes.

"To the Order of the Impending Storm. I hope that you receive this message well. Or, probably, that you don't. Honestly at this point I can't be bothered to care. I suspect that you weren't expecting to hear from me. More than likely, you've already been out scouring the galaxies looking for me as it is. Unfortunate for you that my location is jammed.

"I'd like to give you a bit of a status update. Firstly, that my status is: alive. Alive and quite well, actually. It turns out that being off-planet has been quite the educational experience. I have not, in fact, been murdered by roving Siren hunters, or abducted by cannibalistic bandits, like you told me would be waiting for me out here.

"As a matter of fact, just earlier today? I corroded a man's face off. I feel like that's something that you would be interested in knowing, for when you send your men after me.

"Honestly, being free of your abbey is more than I ever imagined that it could be. I'm… filthy. I've been in a runner for three days, singing dorky road songs with a bunch of paid murderers. Who are my friends now. It's fantastic, and I wish that all the people you terrorized with my image could see this right now.

"And to top it all off? I've met someone here who understands me better than any of you ever could, or even tried to, in all the years that I was there. I know that even though I'm a Siren, he's not going to force me to be the untouchable deity that you made me out to be. I can just live out my life the way that I want to, and I'm glad that it's going to be with my friends, and with him. And…"

"RRRGH AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENAAAAA!"

IT WAS TOO MUCH. It was just too much. Maya practically choked, tears streaming down her face as she banged a fist down on the table she was sat at and had to shut off the transmission. Oh god, she felt like she was going to die laughing. She held up a hand to high-five, firmly smacking Krieg's much meatier, burlier hand.

"KRIEG! Can you- ahahaha, can you believe it? Can you believe how good we got 'em holy crap I'm-"

Krieg had to kneel down to do so but he held her up over his shoulder to keep her from doubling over at the waist and falling out of her chair, though she could feel his entire humungous self shaking with laughter too. Once she'd finally managed to right herself, he pressed one finger against the tip of her nose, mumbling out an almost ominous,

"You snort."

"Pffh." She swatted his hand, a smirk still on her reddened face. "Yes, well, so do you. What's your point?"

A moment passed where they just kind of shook their heads at each other, still pumped from the sheer and utter glory of what they had just done. After a while though, he shrugged his broad shoulders.

"Thought you were a goddess when you came here," he admitted, the tone sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck with one arm. "Streak of blue glory CRASHING OUT OF THE SKY like an apocalyptic meteorrr." He paused for a second, and she was good enough with reading his body language by this point to tell that a certain part of him was probably cringing a little at the choice of metaphors. After some reflection though, he seemed to come to the point that he wanted to and uttered out a brief, "...Don't have to be a goddess."

And, really… even if he hadn't been through what she had, she sort of got the feeling that just maybe, he had an idea of how much that did mean to her. A slow grin spread out over Maya's face, and she flicked the "nose" of his mask in return.

"Yeah. Can just be a dork, right?"

"Ahahaha," he rumbled out, his voice growing ominously. "Of COURSE, Pretty Lady. But only if we can be JOOOHN-"