Author's Note: Things I once swore I'd never do: 1. Write a Nanny fic that takes place in Season One, and 2. Write another fic heavily featuring the children. I failed on both these things with this fic. This is based off the George Clooney Michelle Pfeiffer rom com of the same name, and I had to make it set in Season One because that's when Brighton and Grace were at their cutest.
I dedicate this to Jilian (aFineMess5) because she has heard me talk about writing this for approximately 147 years, and because she is a wonderful friend who deserves all the croissants this world has to offer.
Also! This fic is actually completely finished, so I will be posting a new chapter probably every other day (10 chapters total.) I hope you all enjoy!
Chapter 1:
"Chester, stay!" CC commanded as she exited the office at the Sheffield mansion, balancing the dog's leash in one hand and her briefcase, cell phone, and stack of manila folders and scripts in the other.
The little dog paid her no mind as he continued running in circles, his leash tangling up in her stilettos and sending her flying head first through the swinging doors into the Sheffield living room. CC braced for impact as she let go of the leash and her belongings and careened towards the marble floor, when a pair of hands caught her at the waist and a sturdy chest caught her face.
CC nearly smiled in gratitude until she caught sight of to whom the sturdy chest belonged.
"Isn't it a little early in the day to be boozing it up, Babcock?" Niles asked, an amused smirk playing on his features.
CC pushed herself off of him, flicked her hair out of her face, and smoothed out her cream-colored, short-sleeved sundress. "It's that stupid mongrel you and Maxwell got me for my birthday. He's trying to kill me."
"While I would just love to take credit for anything that's trying to kill you," Niles said as he brushed off his light blue polo. "Chester was entirely Mr. Sheffield's idea."
"You expect me to believe that?" CC asked as they both watched the dog unsuccessfully try to uproot a potted plant in the corner.
"Of course. I like dogs. Why would I want to give one to Cruella de Vil? Aren't you going to stop him?"
"Why should I?"
"He'll make a mess. I'm going to be out all day and I don't relish the thought of coming home and-"
"Having to actually do some work?" CC supplied with a smirk. "He's too little to knock it over, anyway. That thing's not going anywhere."
With a shake of his head, Niles headed for the front door, calling up the stairs to the children, "Master Brighton, Miss Grace, we're going to be late for camp!"
The pitter-patter of feet bounding down the stairs caught Chester's attention for a moment, but he quickly returned his focus to the plant. CC, confident she still had a few more moments before the dog's attention would shift elsewhere, picked her things up off the floor (God forbid Niles helped her with that) and began organizing her briefcase for the day when her phone rang.
"CC Babcock. Oh, hi, Melanie," she greeted, her voice quickly transforming from serious businesswoman to faux-sweet schmoozer.
"Brighton, give that back!" the little one shrieked as the boy tossed her stress ball in the air out of her reach.
"You can't catch me," the boy sing-songed obnoxiously.
"Children, here are your lunches. Do you have your bags?" Niles instructed, ignoring their quarrelling.
"You can't catch me, you can't catch me," the boy continued to tease.
"Brighton, give me my ball back!" Grace demanded.
At the sound of the b-word, Chester's ears perked up.
"Yes, I remember. 1:30 is fine," CC said into the phone. "Yep, that's the coffee shop next to the theatre, right? I got it."
"Master Brighton, give your sister the ball back," Niles said as he opened the door.
"Oh, fine. Here, take it," Brighton said mischievously as he threw the ball just past his sister's outstretched hands and out the door.
Before CC could process what was happening, Chester zoomed past her, the children, and Niles, flying out the door like a speeding bullet.
"My ball!" Grace cried.
"My dog! Niles, get him!" CC yelled. "Melanie, I have to go, I'll see you later. Kiss, kiss," she quickly snapped her phone shut and took off after the butler and two children, running as fast as her cream-colored stilettos would let her.
The four ran frantically down the street after the tiny dog, nearly colliding with one another when Chester stopped abruptly to sniff at a pretzel vendor.
"Chester!" CC cried as she scooped the little dog up off the ground.
"That dog," Niles bit out between gasps of air as he doubled over, "is a menace."
"Seriously, Niles. Hop on a treadmill every once in a while, would ya?" CC called over her shoulder as she headed back toward the mansion, Brighton and Grace following closely behind.
"All this over a stupid ball, and it didn't even go that far," Brighton groaned as he picked up the stress ball by the wrought-iron fence out front of the mansion and tossed it to his sister.
"He hasn't mastered the art of fetch yet," CC said with a defensive sniff.
"He's been too busy watching his mom beg for treats and lick herself," Niles said as he caught up with the group. "Into the car, you two. We don't want you to miss the bus. Babcock, I trust you can manage to lock up?"
"Yeah, I just need to grab my briefcase." She turned and headed for the front door, pulling the handle. "It's locked. Give me your key."
Niles patted down the pockets of his dark gray trousers and looked at her uneasily. "My key is still in the house; all I have is the spare key for the car," he turned to the two children. "Do either of you have a key to the house?"
Both children shook their heads.
CC sighed, annoyed she'd be without her briefcase for the day. "Fine. Just give me money for a cab."
"I'm afraid my wallet is still inside, too."
"Of course it is."
"Well I was in such a rush to get your dog I didn't have time to grab anything!"
"Uh, guys?" Brighton interrupted. "We're gonna be late."
CC looked at Niles expectantly.
"Fine," he huffed. "I'll drop you off after I drop them off."
"Good Butler," she said, batting her eyelashes sweetly.
"Well, this is just great," Niles deadpanned as they watched the school bus drive off into the distance without Brighton or Grace on board.
CC bit her tongue to keep from remarking that had he gone the way she told him to, they would have arrived 5 minutes earlier.
"Go ahead and say it," Niles sighed.
"It's okay. The look on your face is reward enough. I don't need to say I told you so." CC grinned. "I did though. I did tell you so."
"Oh man, we were going swimming in a lake today, too! Oh, well." Brighton pulled out his Gameboy and sat on the curb. Grace joined him, squeezing furiously at her stress ball.
"What are we supposed to do with the children?" Niles bemoaned, rubbing his face tiredly.
"Woah. Since when is this a 'we' problem? You're dropping me off at the theatre, and then you're dealing with the kids before you're picking me up when I call for you," she waved her phone at him, grateful she at least grabbed that before they got locked out and that Niles had found Maxwell's spare cell phone in the car.
"I can't watch them! I have things to do today!" Niles said defensively.
"Like what?" CC asked, furrowing her eyebrows in genuine confusion. "The house is locked. It's not like you can sit around watching soap operas and smoking Maxwell's cigars."
"For your information, I teach a cooking class in the mornings and afternoons. The summer has been so quiet with the children going to camps and the family taking so many vacations, and it's decent pay. And then later this afternoon I have…" he trailed off, mumbling something unintelligible under his breath.
"What was that?" CC asked.
He mumbled again.
"I must have misheard you, Niles, because I could've sworn it sounded like you just said you have to audition for a butler choir today. But you can't possibly be that sad, can you?"
He blushed.
CC laughed wickedly. "Oh this is too good to be true. What are they called? The Musical Maids?"
He didn't answer.
"Come on, you have to tell me now."
"Oh, fine. They're called The Singing Servants. There. Are you happy?!"
"Blissfully happy."
"So you'll help me figure out what we can do with the children?"
"Not that happy."
Niles groaned.
"Look," CC said with an eye roll. "Where's Nanny Fine anyway? Why isn't she dealing with this?"
"Do you ever listen to anything that goes on in the house?" Niles asked.
"Not if it doesn't directly involve me, no," CC answered honestly.
"Miss Margaret has been away at piano camp in Connecticut. Mr. Sheffield and Miss Fine went up to hear her final recital."
"That makes sense," CC nodded sarcastically. "We live right by Julliard and NYU, so they send the girl to Connecticut for music lessons. Though I suppose it's for the best; at least we can't hear her from there. This is just great though; now we have no one to watch the kids."
"I can't believe I'm asking this, but is there any possible way you could take them today, Miss Babcock?"
"I can't believe you're asking that either," she said with a raise of an eyebrow.
"Well it's YOUR DOG'S FAULT we're in this situation in the first place! Anyway, what do you have going on today? Dress rehearsal?" Niles asked exasperatedly.
"Yes, and then I have … an interview in the afternoon. But it's right by the theatre so I can walk there."
"An interview?"
"Yes, an interview."
"What for?"
"Playbill."
"Why would they want to interview you and not Mr. Sheff-oh," Niles said as realization dawned on him. "Oh, I know why you're getting interviewed. This is because of that set designer who called you the Bitch of Broadway to the press, isn't it? You're doing damage control!"
"Maxwell insists I 'restore my image' - whatever the hell that means. That set designer started it!"
"Didn't he need stitches after you were through with him?"
"How was I supposed to know there was a nail in that piece of plywood?"
"Why did you have to hit him over the head with plywood?!"
"We're doing The Sound of Music and he had the Von Trapp mansion looking like Studio 54! And then he copped an attitude and said some truly offensive things when I told him so."
"Fine. So neither of us can watch the children. Do you know anyone who could look after them for the day?" Niles asked, unable to conceal the desperation from his voice.
"Oh, sure," CC answered, flipping open her cellphone and browsing through it sarcastically. "I always keep Mary Poppins on speed dial just in case I have to babysit my boss' kids. Really, Niles, who the hell would you have me call?"
"I know this is a foreign concept to you," Niles explained very slowly and deliberately, as if talking to a small child, "but some people form emotional bonds with other people of like minds and similar interests. They get together in social gatherings. They may even do favors for one another occasionally. These people are known as friends." He finished his explanation with a nod and a proud smile that promptly vanished from his face when he noticed the look CC was giving him.
"Are you finished?" she asked impatiently.
"I suppose so."
"As I was saying, none of my friends are responsible enough to handle children. It's nearly 9am. Half of them are already on their third martini of the day and the other half are doped up on pain meds from their most recent face lifts and before you say anything they're not my real friends and I'm nothing like them so you can just keep your big trap shut," she finished breathlessly, determined to get her explanation out before the butler could interrupt with an insult.
Niles closed his mouth, clearly fighting back a smile. CC rolled her eyes.
"So what the hell are we going to-Master Brighton, let go of your sister's hair!" Niles scolded.
CC watched as the boy let go of Grace's ponytail and an idea came to her. "Sister…that's it! I'll call my sister! She doesn't do anything during the day! She could watch them."
"You just said all your friends are drunk or recovering from plastic surgery," Niles reminded her.
"DD isn't my friend, she's my sister. Besides, she had work done last month."
"And alcohol?"
"DD doesn't start until brunch."
"Great," Niles sighed. "Oh well, it's better than nothing. Give her a try."
CC dialed her sister's number. Four rings went by. Five. Six. On the seventh ring, she almost gave up and hung up, when a groggy voice answered.
"Hello?" the woman murmured tiredly.
"DD? DD, it's CC."
"Who?"
"CC. Your sister."
"Chas?" DD asked, slowly getting her bearings. "Christ! What the hell are you doing calling me? It's the middle of the night!"
"It's 9:00 in the morning."
"Yeah, well when you get home at 4am, 9 IS the middle of the night!"
"What the hell were you doing out until 4am on a Thursday night? Never mind, I don't want to know. I need your help."
"Can't you call Noel?" DD whined.
"I haven't even told you what I need help with yet."
"Right. Sorry. Go on."
"I need you to babysit the Sheffield kids for me for the day. They missed the bus to camp, and Maxwell and the nanny are out of town, and I have to go to work."
"I can't do it. Today's my spa day."
"Can't you cancel?"
"It took me MONTHS to get this appointment, CC! Months! I'm not going to give it up. I can't! Victor is the best masseur in town. And my eyebrows need reshaping."
"Well, what about one of your maids? Can't they do it?" CC pleaded desperately.
"They're busy for the day. I'm hosting a dinner party. All of Manhattan's wealthiest will be here tonight."
"Thanks for the invite."
"You wouldn't have come anyway!"
"Whatever. What does this dinner have to do with your staff not being able to watch the kids?"
"They need to clean the house and get dinner ready. There's no way they can look after children on top of all that! I will not have tonight be anything less than perfect!"
"DD, please, I have no one else to turn to!"
"Looks like you'll have to take them to work with you. Honestly, Chas, why did you even bother having kids if you weren't going to be able to take care of them?"
"They're not my-"
"I have to go exfoliate before my massage. Kiss, kiss!"
"DD, wait! They're not my kids!"
The line went dead, and CC snapped her phone shut, shooting Niles a stubbornly defeated look.
"Every question I've ever had about you was just answered," he said with an amused raise of an eyebrow.
"Oh, stuff it, Stouffer's! There's gotta be someone who can watch them. Sylvia?"
"Sylvia is having a procedure done today."
"Oh," CC nodded knowingly. "Gastric bypass?"
"No, she's having her bunions shaved down." The two shuddered simultaneously.
"Well, what about Val? As dumb as she is, surely she can keep a couple of kids alive for a few hours."
"Val works."
"You mean someone in Nanny Fine's life actually has a job and isn't on board the Sheffield gravy train?" CC raised her eyebrows. "I'm impressed. I have a newfound respect for Val."
"We could always call Yetta?"
"Niles, I may be willing to pawn these kids off on just about anyone, but I draw the line at dropping them off at a retirement home and asking a woman who still thinks she's taking the maiden voyage of the Titanic to watch Maxwell's children."
Niles sighed. "You're right, as loath to admit it as I am."
"What about you? Don't you have any friends you can call? Ha! Listen to me! I made a joke," CC cackled, slapping her own knee. "Friends! Your only friends outside the house are the bag ladies down at Save A Lot! Hey, do you think one of them could do it?"
"No, they couldn't do it. Today's their bridge day," he answered before he could stop himself. "Oh, shut up."
CC wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. "You make it too easy. Anyway, isn't there like, a Butler's Association or something? Can't you ask one of them?"
"All the butlers I know are old and decrepit."
She pretended to consider his words for a moment, giving him the once-over. "Well that makes sense. Like minds and bodies often flock to one another."
"Then why aren't you off in a tank at Sea World with the rest of your kind?" Niles smirked.
"Have fun watching the kids for the day, Niles," CC called over her shoulder, turning and heading down the street away from him.
"Wait, wait, I'm sorry!" he said as he caught up with her, grabbing her elbow and dragging her back toward the children. "Look, how about we each take one of the children? They won't be too much trouble, especially separated. We can meet up in the afternoon after my second class and your interview. Master Brighton has a baseball game and then Miss Grace has a friend's birthday party, but I can probably figure out a way to get you back inside the mansion before all that. Please, Miss Babcock, I'm desperate! And I'll owe you one."
He looked at her hopefully. Well, she did like when people owed her one. Especially pathetic butlers who lived to make her life a living hell.
"Fine! Give me whichever kid is less of a pain in the ass," CC snapped impatiently.
"That'll be Miss Grace."
"Hey!" Brighton cried defensively. Niles shot him a knowing look. "Yeah, okay. That's fair," he conceded.
"Grace?" CC wrinkled her nose. "But she's so little. Is she even housebroken?"
"Potty-trained," Niles corrected.
"Same difference," CC said disinterestedly, picking an imaginary piece of lint from her dress.
Niles pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "No, you see, that's where you're wrong. Potty-trained is an expression specifically meant for children. Housebroken is a term used for animals. You understand that, correct? It's important to me that you can make that distinction if I'm going to leave a small child in your care for the day."
"Fine, fine, whatever. Is the kid potty-trained?"
"Yes."
"Great. Drop us off at the theatre."
Niles and Grace exchanged worried glances.
"This oughta be good," Brighton said with a grin.