DISCLAIMER: Don't own it, never will own it.
NOTE: This is simply silliness; it would never happen - ever! My sister pointed out that we've only ever seen Trip and Malcolm drunk, and we started to wonder how the others would act once a little inebriated. This is the result. It's set not long after "Shuttle Pod One". I know it's unrealistic, but it's only a bit of fun! It shouldn't be listed under 'humour' either, but there was nowhere else to put it, so..........
BTW - This is in NO way related to the other story I'm writing at the minute, this is just stupidity in it's most basic form.
DRUNK.
Chapter One - The Lock in.
"Shhhh," Hoshi whispered in Malcolm's ear. "He'll be here any minute. If he comes in and hears you talking, there's not gonna be much of a surprise!"
"Sorry," Malcolm, who had been talking to Crewman Henderson, said defensively. "And if we can't talk, why are you?"
"Would you both just shut up?" Archer asked, "He'll be here in a second, now just be quiet. That's an order."
Hoshi and Malcolm gave each other a scowling look, but decided it was in their best interests if they did as their Captain said.
Archer, glad that he'd managed to shut up his arguing Comm. and Armoury Officers, couldn't help but smile to himself. It was Trip's birthday, and they'd planed a small, surprise party. T'Pol had, of course, reminded him that throwing a party was pointless, and they had better thing to be doing with their time. In her own way, she was right, but, hey, a party's a party.
So now, crouched behind counters, chairs and tables in the Mess Hall, they waited. There were around twenty people hidden in the dark room. Not much of an assembly, Archer knew, but if half of the crew suddenly disappeared Trip would guess something was up. Malcolm, Hoshi, Travis and even T'Pol had come along with several other crewmembers, most of whom were from engineering.
"Captain, I......"
"Shhh, T'Pol," Archer hissed at his Science Officer.
She raised her eyebrow at him, then returned to her hiding position.
They had lured Trip to the Mess Hall under false pretences. Archer had gotten one of the crew to complain about a fault in the door, and Archer had asked Trip to go down and sort it out. He'd seemed reluctant at first, but eventually agreed.
Archer was lost in thought when the door opened. Regaining his senses, he looked over at Hoshi and nodded. Hoshi returned the gesture and passed the message along to everyone else in the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
'God Damn it,' Trip though to himself as he walked along the corridor of E Deck. 'Chief of Engineerin' an' he get's me to fix a squeaky door!' Not that he would have minded ordinarily. But today he had a whole list of more important thing's he should be doing in main Engineering. And, to top it all off, it was his birthday.
He rounded the corner and entered the Mess Hall. It was dark inside so he reached round to turned on the lights.
"SURPRISE!"
Trip nearly jumped out of his skin. "What the hell?" He asked.
"Happy Birthday, Trip." Archer Said.
"Thanks, Cap'n. I........." He wasn't quite sure what to say. Before him stood twenty or so of the crew, with a banner suspened form the ceiling reading 'Happy Birthday Commander Trip.'
"'Happy birthday Commander Trip.'" He read aloud.
"We couldn't decide between 'Commander Tucker' or 'Trip'. It got kinda muddled up." Hoshi said, steeping out from behind the counter and walking towards Trip and Archer. "Happy Birthday, Commander." She said, kissing him on the cheek.
"Thanks, Hosh." He replied, smiling at her.
"Happy birthday, Trip," Malcolm said, shaking his hand.
"Well, thanks." Trip said, looking around. "It's very nice, but I gotta get back to engineering. I mean I............"
"All taken care of, Sir." Travis, who until now had been to busy eating sandwiches, said. "Captain Archer and Mr Reed sorted it with the rest of the crew," he said, taking another bite of his sandwich. "Happy birthday, Sir." He smiled at Trip and returned to the food.
"The crew who didn't, or couldn't get the time off sent you this," Archer said, handing him a card. Trip opened it. It contained the names and well wishes of most of the crew.
"And we got you this," Hoshi said, holding out a rectangular box.
"Thanks," Trip said, taking the box of Hoshi. He opened it and began to laugh. "That's very funny," he said. "Did you have anything to do with this?" he asked, looking at Malcolm.
"Well, we know you like it, so....." Malcolm replied.
"Well, thanks," Trip smiled at his friends, and placed the bottle of bourbon down on the table.
"Commander?"
Trip turned to see T'Pol. "T'Pol?"
"Happy Birthday." Was all she said before turning and walking back to the window where she had previously been standing.
"That was nice of her," Malcolm said. "Bet she hated saying it, thought."
"Yeah," Trip said, turning back to face them.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
During the past few hours, most of the crew had made time to come up and wish Trip a happy birthday. Doctor Phlox had even given him a pet Cieno Snake as a present. However, as Trip had nowhere to keep the snake for the time being, Phlox had taken it back to sickbay to look after.
Only Trip, Archer, Malcolm, Hoshi, T'Pol and Travis were left in the Mess Hall now. The six were sitting round one of the tables.
"Well," Malcolm said, standing. "Time to go. I've got an early shift in the morning. If you'll excuse me," He said standing. "Happy Birthday, Commander."
Trip smiled and waved to Malcolm as he walked towards to door.
Malcolm pressed the control. Nothing happened, so he pressed it again.
"Something wrong?" Hoshi asked.
"The door won't open." Malcolm replied, sounding confused and slightly panicked.
"What?" Archer asked. Standing and walking over to where Malcolm was standing. "What do'ya mean?"
"I mean it won't open, Sir!" Malcolm repeated.
"Are you sure you pressed the release button?" T'Pol asked from her seat.
"What the........" Malcolm shook his head. "Of course I pressed the bloody release button!"
"Captain?" Travis asked, also sounding slightly panicked.
"He's right," Archer said, turning from the door to face his crew. "It won't budge."
"You're kiddin' me?" Trip said, standing and going to inspect the door. He fiddled with the door control for a few minutes before finally admitting defeat. "Great," he said to himself more than the others. "Just great."
"Well what do we do?" Hoshi asked. "We can't just stay in here. Can't you fix it?" She asked Trip.
"No," Trip said, shaking his head. "The door release is on the other side."
"Well which idiot decided that would be a good place to put the release?" Malcolm, who had returned to his seat, asked.
"Perhaps, instead of arguing, you could contact Engineering and ask for assistance." T'Pol said.
"Right," Archer said, walking to the comm. panel. "Archer to Engineering."
"Engineering." Came the reply.
"We have a small problem in the Mess Hall. We seem to be stuck. The door won't open. Can you come and give us a hand?"
"Yes, Sir. Somebody'll be right down."
"Thanks. Archer out." He released the comm. button and returned to his seat.
"So what do we do while we're waiting?" Travis asked.
"I'm gonna have a drink," Trip said, walking from the door to the counter, picking up a glass, then sitting at the table and opening the bottle."
"Commander," Malcolm said in a warning tone.
"What?" Trip asked. "My shift finished over an hour ago, it's my birthday, an' it's my bourbon." He said. He poured himself a glass. "Anybody else wanna glass?" He asked.
"Sure, Sir." Travis said. Malcolm shot him a warning glance. "I'm off duty." He said, fetching a glass.
"That's the spirit, Travis. Anyone else?"
"Yes please." Hoshi said. She looked at Archer. "Is that Ok, Sir?" she asked.
"Sure," Archer said, smiling. "Travis, grab five glasses."
"Sir?" Malcolm sounded almost distraught.
"Come on, Malcolm." Trip said. "Live a little."
Malcolm sighed and chuckled to himself. "OK, fine." He said, raising his hands as a sign of surrender. "Whatever."
Travis returned with the five glasses and placed one in front of everyone.
T'Pol looked at her glass, then up at Archer.
"Something wrong, T'Pol?" Archer asked.
"Vulcan's do not drink alcohol."
"Well, you can be the first," Trip said, pouring her a glass. "You should feel honoured, T'Pol," he said, continuing to pour the alcohol. "Not often I share."
"Indeed." T'Pol said, studying the brown liquid.
"Engineering to Captain Archer." Came a voice over the comm.
Archer stood and walked to the comm. panel. "Archer here."
"Sir, we've got a slight problem."
"What?" Archer, Trip, Malcolm, Hoshi and Travis asked in unison.
"Well, sir." The voice replied. "We can't find the decoder kit anywhere."
"The what?" Hoshi asked Trip.
"You stick it in the control panel. It opens the door up."
"What do you mean 'can't find'?" Archer asked.
"Well," the voice on the other end of the comm. was sounding more nervous each time he had to speak to the Captain. "It's not here. Commander Tucker has it."
"Me!" Trip exclaimed from the table.
"Commander Tucker has it?" Archer asked into the comm.
"Yes, Sir," The voice replied. "It's in the tool bag the took down with him. You have the decoder in the room."
"Great," Archer said, resting his head against the wall. "Is there anything you can do?" he asked.
"We're working on a manual override, but it could take some time."
"OK, thanks, Archer out." He walked back over to the table.
"Well," Travis said after a moment's silence. "If the decoder's in here, can't we just open it from this side?"
"Nah," Trip said. "The decoder panel's outside. You can only override it from out there."
"And there's only one decoder kit." Malcolm added.
"One kit?" Travis asked. Trip and Malcolm nodded. "One kit for the whole ship?" They nodded again. "That seems kinda dumb."
"Jeuz.....I tell ya', if this day gets and better, I'm gonna have to hire someone to help me enjoy it." He sighed and picked up his glass. "Well," he continued, "We can't do anything now, so, let's drink up."
"Happy birthday, Trip." Archer said, raising his glass.
Everybody, except T'Pol raised their glasses to the toast.
"Whoa," Travis said. "Strong stuff."
Hoshi, unable to speak, nodded.
"Yep." Trip said, placing his empty glass back on the table. He looked at T'Pol and noticed she hadn't drunk any. "What's the matter?" he asked her. "Don't like bourbon?"
"I have never tried it." She said, looking again at her glass.
"Well, now's the perfect chance," Trip said.
T'Pol looked at him, then at the rest of the group. "Do I drink it all at once, or sip it?" She asked, noticing that Trip, Malcolm and Archer had emptied their glasses, while Hoshi and Travis still had half a glass remaining.
"If you've never had it before, I'd sip it, T'Pol." Malcolm said.
"If she wants to knock it back let her," Trip said.
"I think I shall sip it, Commander." T'Pol said. She took one last look at the glass before picking it up and raising it to her lips. She looked at Archer, who nodded, and proceeded to take a sip. She placed the glass back down on the table. "It is indeed," she paused, searching for the right word. "Potent."
Trip laughed and picked up the bottle. "Glad you liked it." He poured himself another glass. "Anyone?" he asked, offering the bottle around.
Malcolm took it and filled his glass, before handing it to Archer, who did the same. "Anyone else?" Archer asked. Travis finished his glass and had a refill. Hoshi had a top up. "T'Pol?" Archer asked.
She looked at her glass, then at everyone else's. "Thank you, Captain." She said, handing him her glass.
"Drink up," Trip said, "We could be here a long time."
A/N: OK, I know they would never have gotten stuck in there in the first place, but........ hey! It's only a story!
They WILL be drunk in the next chapter, and a few secrets may be revealed..........hmmmmm............. Oh well, LYL, Jen.
NOTE: This is simply silliness; it would never happen - ever! My sister pointed out that we've only ever seen Trip and Malcolm drunk, and we started to wonder how the others would act once a little inebriated. This is the result. It's set not long after "Shuttle Pod One". I know it's unrealistic, but it's only a bit of fun! It shouldn't be listed under 'humour' either, but there was nowhere else to put it, so..........
BTW - This is in NO way related to the other story I'm writing at the minute, this is just stupidity in it's most basic form.
DRUNK.
Chapter One - The Lock in.
"Shhhh," Hoshi whispered in Malcolm's ear. "He'll be here any minute. If he comes in and hears you talking, there's not gonna be much of a surprise!"
"Sorry," Malcolm, who had been talking to Crewman Henderson, said defensively. "And if we can't talk, why are you?"
"Would you both just shut up?" Archer asked, "He'll be here in a second, now just be quiet. That's an order."
Hoshi and Malcolm gave each other a scowling look, but decided it was in their best interests if they did as their Captain said.
Archer, glad that he'd managed to shut up his arguing Comm. and Armoury Officers, couldn't help but smile to himself. It was Trip's birthday, and they'd planed a small, surprise party. T'Pol had, of course, reminded him that throwing a party was pointless, and they had better thing to be doing with their time. In her own way, she was right, but, hey, a party's a party.
So now, crouched behind counters, chairs and tables in the Mess Hall, they waited. There were around twenty people hidden in the dark room. Not much of an assembly, Archer knew, but if half of the crew suddenly disappeared Trip would guess something was up. Malcolm, Hoshi, Travis and even T'Pol had come along with several other crewmembers, most of whom were from engineering.
"Captain, I......"
"Shhh, T'Pol," Archer hissed at his Science Officer.
She raised her eyebrow at him, then returned to her hiding position.
They had lured Trip to the Mess Hall under false pretences. Archer had gotten one of the crew to complain about a fault in the door, and Archer had asked Trip to go down and sort it out. He'd seemed reluctant at first, but eventually agreed.
Archer was lost in thought when the door opened. Regaining his senses, he looked over at Hoshi and nodded. Hoshi returned the gesture and passed the message along to everyone else in the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
'God Damn it,' Trip though to himself as he walked along the corridor of E Deck. 'Chief of Engineerin' an' he get's me to fix a squeaky door!' Not that he would have minded ordinarily. But today he had a whole list of more important thing's he should be doing in main Engineering. And, to top it all off, it was his birthday.
He rounded the corner and entered the Mess Hall. It was dark inside so he reached round to turned on the lights.
"SURPRISE!"
Trip nearly jumped out of his skin. "What the hell?" He asked.
"Happy Birthday, Trip." Archer Said.
"Thanks, Cap'n. I........." He wasn't quite sure what to say. Before him stood twenty or so of the crew, with a banner suspened form the ceiling reading 'Happy Birthday Commander Trip.'
"'Happy birthday Commander Trip.'" He read aloud.
"We couldn't decide between 'Commander Tucker' or 'Trip'. It got kinda muddled up." Hoshi said, steeping out from behind the counter and walking towards Trip and Archer. "Happy Birthday, Commander." She said, kissing him on the cheek.
"Thanks, Hosh." He replied, smiling at her.
"Happy birthday, Trip," Malcolm said, shaking his hand.
"Well, thanks." Trip said, looking around. "It's very nice, but I gotta get back to engineering. I mean I............"
"All taken care of, Sir." Travis, who until now had been to busy eating sandwiches, said. "Captain Archer and Mr Reed sorted it with the rest of the crew," he said, taking another bite of his sandwich. "Happy birthday, Sir." He smiled at Trip and returned to the food.
"The crew who didn't, or couldn't get the time off sent you this," Archer said, handing him a card. Trip opened it. It contained the names and well wishes of most of the crew.
"And we got you this," Hoshi said, holding out a rectangular box.
"Thanks," Trip said, taking the box of Hoshi. He opened it and began to laugh. "That's very funny," he said. "Did you have anything to do with this?" he asked, looking at Malcolm.
"Well, we know you like it, so....." Malcolm replied.
"Well, thanks," Trip smiled at his friends, and placed the bottle of bourbon down on the table.
"Commander?"
Trip turned to see T'Pol. "T'Pol?"
"Happy Birthday." Was all she said before turning and walking back to the window where she had previously been standing.
"That was nice of her," Malcolm said. "Bet she hated saying it, thought."
"Yeah," Trip said, turning back to face them.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
During the past few hours, most of the crew had made time to come up and wish Trip a happy birthday. Doctor Phlox had even given him a pet Cieno Snake as a present. However, as Trip had nowhere to keep the snake for the time being, Phlox had taken it back to sickbay to look after.
Only Trip, Archer, Malcolm, Hoshi, T'Pol and Travis were left in the Mess Hall now. The six were sitting round one of the tables.
"Well," Malcolm said, standing. "Time to go. I've got an early shift in the morning. If you'll excuse me," He said standing. "Happy Birthday, Commander."
Trip smiled and waved to Malcolm as he walked towards to door.
Malcolm pressed the control. Nothing happened, so he pressed it again.
"Something wrong?" Hoshi asked.
"The door won't open." Malcolm replied, sounding confused and slightly panicked.
"What?" Archer asked. Standing and walking over to where Malcolm was standing. "What do'ya mean?"
"I mean it won't open, Sir!" Malcolm repeated.
"Are you sure you pressed the release button?" T'Pol asked from her seat.
"What the........" Malcolm shook his head. "Of course I pressed the bloody release button!"
"Captain?" Travis asked, also sounding slightly panicked.
"He's right," Archer said, turning from the door to face his crew. "It won't budge."
"You're kiddin' me?" Trip said, standing and going to inspect the door. He fiddled with the door control for a few minutes before finally admitting defeat. "Great," he said to himself more than the others. "Just great."
"Well what do we do?" Hoshi asked. "We can't just stay in here. Can't you fix it?" She asked Trip.
"No," Trip said, shaking his head. "The door release is on the other side."
"Well which idiot decided that would be a good place to put the release?" Malcolm, who had returned to his seat, asked.
"Perhaps, instead of arguing, you could contact Engineering and ask for assistance." T'Pol said.
"Right," Archer said, walking to the comm. panel. "Archer to Engineering."
"Engineering." Came the reply.
"We have a small problem in the Mess Hall. We seem to be stuck. The door won't open. Can you come and give us a hand?"
"Yes, Sir. Somebody'll be right down."
"Thanks. Archer out." He released the comm. button and returned to his seat.
"So what do we do while we're waiting?" Travis asked.
"I'm gonna have a drink," Trip said, walking from the door to the counter, picking up a glass, then sitting at the table and opening the bottle."
"Commander," Malcolm said in a warning tone.
"What?" Trip asked. "My shift finished over an hour ago, it's my birthday, an' it's my bourbon." He said. He poured himself a glass. "Anybody else wanna glass?" He asked.
"Sure, Sir." Travis said. Malcolm shot him a warning glance. "I'm off duty." He said, fetching a glass.
"That's the spirit, Travis. Anyone else?"
"Yes please." Hoshi said. She looked at Archer. "Is that Ok, Sir?" she asked.
"Sure," Archer said, smiling. "Travis, grab five glasses."
"Sir?" Malcolm sounded almost distraught.
"Come on, Malcolm." Trip said. "Live a little."
Malcolm sighed and chuckled to himself. "OK, fine." He said, raising his hands as a sign of surrender. "Whatever."
Travis returned with the five glasses and placed one in front of everyone.
T'Pol looked at her glass, then up at Archer.
"Something wrong, T'Pol?" Archer asked.
"Vulcan's do not drink alcohol."
"Well, you can be the first," Trip said, pouring her a glass. "You should feel honoured, T'Pol," he said, continuing to pour the alcohol. "Not often I share."
"Indeed." T'Pol said, studying the brown liquid.
"Engineering to Captain Archer." Came a voice over the comm.
Archer stood and walked to the comm. panel. "Archer here."
"Sir, we've got a slight problem."
"What?" Archer, Trip, Malcolm, Hoshi and Travis asked in unison.
"Well, sir." The voice replied. "We can't find the decoder kit anywhere."
"The what?" Hoshi asked Trip.
"You stick it in the control panel. It opens the door up."
"What do you mean 'can't find'?" Archer asked.
"Well," the voice on the other end of the comm. was sounding more nervous each time he had to speak to the Captain. "It's not here. Commander Tucker has it."
"Me!" Trip exclaimed from the table.
"Commander Tucker has it?" Archer asked into the comm.
"Yes, Sir," The voice replied. "It's in the tool bag the took down with him. You have the decoder in the room."
"Great," Archer said, resting his head against the wall. "Is there anything you can do?" he asked.
"We're working on a manual override, but it could take some time."
"OK, thanks, Archer out." He walked back over to the table.
"Well," Travis said after a moment's silence. "If the decoder's in here, can't we just open it from this side?"
"Nah," Trip said. "The decoder panel's outside. You can only override it from out there."
"And there's only one decoder kit." Malcolm added.
"One kit?" Travis asked. Trip and Malcolm nodded. "One kit for the whole ship?" They nodded again. "That seems kinda dumb."
"Jeuz.....I tell ya', if this day gets and better, I'm gonna have to hire someone to help me enjoy it." He sighed and picked up his glass. "Well," he continued, "We can't do anything now, so, let's drink up."
"Happy birthday, Trip." Archer said, raising his glass.
Everybody, except T'Pol raised their glasses to the toast.
"Whoa," Travis said. "Strong stuff."
Hoshi, unable to speak, nodded.
"Yep." Trip said, placing his empty glass back on the table. He looked at T'Pol and noticed she hadn't drunk any. "What's the matter?" he asked her. "Don't like bourbon?"
"I have never tried it." She said, looking again at her glass.
"Well, now's the perfect chance," Trip said.
T'Pol looked at him, then at the rest of the group. "Do I drink it all at once, or sip it?" She asked, noticing that Trip, Malcolm and Archer had emptied their glasses, while Hoshi and Travis still had half a glass remaining.
"If you've never had it before, I'd sip it, T'Pol." Malcolm said.
"If she wants to knock it back let her," Trip said.
"I think I shall sip it, Commander." T'Pol said. She took one last look at the glass before picking it up and raising it to her lips. She looked at Archer, who nodded, and proceeded to take a sip. She placed the glass back down on the table. "It is indeed," she paused, searching for the right word. "Potent."
Trip laughed and picked up the bottle. "Glad you liked it." He poured himself another glass. "Anyone?" he asked, offering the bottle around.
Malcolm took it and filled his glass, before handing it to Archer, who did the same. "Anyone else?" Archer asked. Travis finished his glass and had a refill. Hoshi had a top up. "T'Pol?" Archer asked.
She looked at her glass, then at everyone else's. "Thank you, Captain." She said, handing him her glass.
"Drink up," Trip said, "We could be here a long time."
A/N: OK, I know they would never have gotten stuck in there in the first place, but........ hey! It's only a story!
They WILL be drunk in the next chapter, and a few secrets may be revealed..........hmmmmm............. Oh well, LYL, Jen.