BM7: And I told YOU we're putting this on my profile because I CAME UP WITH IT!
INFERNOX: But I'M writing this thing on MY computer!
BM7: Yeah, but sometimes we'll be using MY own computer!
INFERNOX: Don' you argue with me! This fic is going on MY profile and…is that camera rolling?
*BM7 pushes INFERNOX out of way*
BM7: Hello, fanfiction community. I'm Blaster man7, author of Castlevania Belmont Chronicles. I'm also INFERNOX's friend in real life, as portrayed in Sean in Sonic's Reality Check. And I completely own the idea for the fic.
INFERNOX: SON OF A-!
BM7: Oh, and THAT'S RIGHT! I'm the man you all know and love from Sonic's Reality Check! WORSHIP ME!
INFERNOX: …so…do we begin this train wreck?
BM7: FINE! Oh, and I don't own any from SEGA, Nintendo, Atari, or any other game company mentioned... or their characters and consoles. Neither does INFERNOX.
INFERNOX: And, as such, let the train wreck of a story BEGIN!
CHAPTER ONE: SEGA Rising
The camera rolls up on a giant NES gunship going through space. No, you're not on LSD. This is actually what's happening. The camera rolls up to the bridge, where Yoshi from the Nintendo series was standing, watching space through the captain's chair. Below him were a bunch of humans working on generic minion stuff. One minion turned to Yoshi.
"Excuse me, Captain Yoshi. We're detecting a ship on our enemy radars. Should we commence with an attack plan?" one minion asked.
"Grigeridooo!" Yoshi shouted in his cute Yoshinian voice.
"Yes, sir! We will commence Operation Alpha Delta Niner!" the minion replied. Another minion backslapped him up the head.
"IDIOT! Captain Yoshi told us to commence Operation Delta Gamma Twenty!" the second generic minion shouted. A third minion shook his head.
"No, you're both wrong. We have to commence Operation Zeta Beta Forty," the third minion sighed. The fourth minion then hit everyone with a baseball bat…at the same time.
"He said he wanted a soda. Don't you speak dinosaur? Dumbass…" the fourth minion uttered, pressing a button and getting a soda. Yoshi laughed happily before sipping his soda.
Meanwhile, from the northeastern corner of the NES ship's bridge's line of sight came out a giant SEGA Genesis ship. On the bridge was NiGHTS, watching over his group of human minions as well.
"Captain NiGHTS, we have located a Nintendo trademarked ship. Shall we proceed to attack?" one of the minions asked. NiGHTS just pressed a button on a monitor, and Sonic the Hedgehog appeared.
"You rang, NiGHTS?" Sonic asked.
"We found an enemy NES ship. Should we proceed to attack?" NiGHTS asked.
"Sure…" Sonic agreed, although he seemed uneasy.
"What's wrong?" NiGHTS asked.
"Why does your name have a lowercase 'i' yet everything else is capitalized?" Sonic wondered. NiGHTS just sighed.
"I TOLD you, I was created like that…" NiGHTS grumbled, before interrupting the com link. "EVERYONE! BATTLE STATIONS!"
All of the minions grabbed their weapon panel systems, which were shaped like Genesis controllers. On the side of the Genesis ship, large cannons appeared and lasers began charging.
"Now, remember: 'A' is for the charge blast, 'B' fires a rapid blast, 'C' is for activating your shielding system, and the clown face? Well, it's just a clown face; enjoy it," NiGHTS ordered.
"Gigalabladoo!" Yoshi shouted.
"What did he say about my mom?" one of Yoshi's minions thought out loud. A large cannon blast then hit the NES ship, and an alarm started going on. Yoshi got angry and pointed his finger at the Genesis.
"Hrrmph!" Yoshi ordered. The minions all looked at each other again, still being pulverized by laser cannon shots.
"Did he say he wants pudding?" one minion asked.
"No, I think he wanted another soda…" the other minion wondered. Yoshi just sighed, jumped down, kicked one of his minions out of the seat, and began firing upon the SEGA Genesis. Unfortuantly, NiGHTS had already ordered some of the shields up, and the Genesis took little damage. The Genesis began firing more cannon shots. Yoshi then pointed at the 'B' button on the NES controller.
"Gigeradoo!" Yoshi commanded.
"…what did he say?" one of the minions asked. Yoshi just screamed and began pressing 'B' rapidly. This caused many laser to start shooting out at the Genesis. The Genesis's shield went down, and they began taking heavy damage from the art of button mashing.
"Argh! That's it; send out the Cartridges!" NiGHTS ordered. Whenever he said that, 3 cartridges popped out. One was labeled 'Altered Beast,' one of them 'Golden Axe,' and the final one being 'Sonic Spinball.' They all began firing at the NES system.
"Oh, great! Someone get information on these cartridges!" one of the minions ordered. Just then, Luigi walked in, wearing a bathrobe.
"Hey-a, what's-a all the racket-a?" Luigi asked.
"Captain Luigi, we're-!" one minion began.
"THAT'S MAMA LUIGI TO YOU!" Luigi ordered. This ensued a short awkward silence.
"Yeah…we're under attack!" the minion explained. "Apparently SEGA's made a new console that's more advanced than the Master System!"
"WHAT!? ONLY-A THE ATARIANS-A COULD'VE-A BEEN ABLE-A TO DO-A THAT, AND IT-A WAS-A A FAILURE!" Luigi screamed. "Oh, yeah-a, and the Odyessy-a, too-a…"
After the words "HIDDEN JOKE" appeared on screen, Luigi grabbed an NES controller.
"NO ONE-A INTERRUPTS-A MY-A SHOWER TIME!" Luigi screamed as he began firing at the Cartridges. Sonic Spinball began bouncing around really fast, avoiding the shots like a pinball. Altered Beast began firing shots at the NES system, getting a good bombing run in. Golden Axe sustained moderate damage, but closed in and smashed in the side of the NES with its physical axe ability.
"We're-a not-a prepared-a for this-a! We have to-a retreat-a!" Luigi screamed.
"TO THE AC ADAPTERS!" one minion screamed. Everyone then ran into the AC Adapters, jettisoning themselves to safety from the crumbling NES. Luigi was about to get in one, but he noticed there was only one left. He turned around and saw Yoshi.
"Yoshi-a, what are you-a going to do-a?" Luigi asked.
"Giggery-doo! Makka wakka makka roo, gittety helery wallabe doo, shalalalala yuing gigerdo ree! BOOM BOOM!" Yoshi shouted. Luigi just stared.
"WTF?" Luigi asked, before Yoshi shoved him in the last AC Adapter. When Yoshi was assured he was the last one aboard, he got out the last defense for an NES system: the Game Genie.
NiGHTS saw Yoshi doing something suspicious from his station.
"Commander, what's going on?" NiGHTS asked one of his minions.
"Apparently, Yoshi's is charging up for a Game Genie blast. Should we move?" the commander asked. NiGHT's eyes widened.
"ALL SHIELDS TO MAX POWER! BRACE YOURSELVES!" NiGHTS screamed. Immediately, everyone got their shields up just as the Game Genie fired its laser. The Genesis system was heavily damaged, but then the Game Genie began a core meltdown of the NES system, blowing it up and killing Yoshi. The Sonic Spinball cartridge was destroyed in the ensuing explosion, but Golden Axe, and Altered Beast made it back alive. NiGHTS bowed his…or her…head before contacting Sonic.
"What happened?" Sonic asked.
"Good news: the NES system is destroyed, along with Captain Yoshi. Captain Luigi escaped, but he should inform High Chancellor Mario about this so we can get our point across to Nintendo that we're better than them," NiGHTS explained.
"Well, that's good. But what about the bad news?" Sonic asked.
"Well, the Genesis is heavily damaged, and the Sonic Spinball Cartridge…didn't make it," NiGHTS sadly informed.
"Ugh…we made our point across. Let's send in some Master Systems to tow in the remains of Sonic Spinball to see if we can salvage some of its parts," Sonic commanded.
"Yes, sir, Supreme Emperor Sonic," NiGHTS agreed, before turning off the com-link.
INFERNOX: And that explains the beginning of the war between NES and Genesis! Oh, how chaos shall reign…
BM7: Remember, though, it's on MY account.
INFERNOX: And now I have to PM my fans to tell them personally…
BM7: What was that?
INFERNOX: Nothing you care about…
BM7:…you're putting it up on your account, aren't you?
INFERNOX: Yes, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. *sarcasm*
BM7: NUKE YOU!
INFERNOX: What?
*explosion occurs. INFERNOX is charred*
INFERNOX:…I really hate you right now…review…please…
BM7: Or else I'll nuke you too!
INFERNOX: Trust me, he will.