A Parting.
I could not see much around, yet I can see you clearly in my mind. Even the very first time I saw you - your peaceful face that was lit up by the sun rays that pass through the thick shade of Goshinboku. You were asleep then as if without worry of the time that has passed, I remember it very well. What were you dreaming of in a lifetime of sleep? It must be something of your beloved one.
Did I make a mistake waking you up?
They say time is relative. To those who suffer, every minute burns like an hour, while to those who has joy at the moment, finds that the time has passed too quickly. The five years I've spent with you seem not too long for an adventure. And in that time I felt every human emotion from the victories and loses, love, hate and sadness – all those emotions with you, to you and for you.
I cannot sense much around me now except the pooling coolness on my back. But I do still feel this heart beat out of rhythm as these memories of you, of ours, flood back. Must it be that these thoughts are keeping me awake?
You were pompous and insensitive back then. Well, you still are except you've grown to care about the people around you. Would it be too much if I say you cared most for me before? But even if not, I'd honestly admit I care most about you. You were the strongest among us and for that, you always try to be, and in trying you have made a habit of hiding your sadness in your human heart .It is in those moments that I worry most about you. Do you not trust your pains to me?
The world seems light and in fading. It almost feels the same when I travel through the well. Almost. Because at this moment, I know you aren't there and that takes away all the peace in my heart. You must have known how soothes my heart to have someone waiting at the other end of the well, that there's always this welcoming hand that would reach as I get out of the well. It was a feeling of certainty ahead of a vague path – that was what you give me. You were the real thing that was keeping me in this world.
This kind breeze I wish could carry these feelings to you. I never came close to saying those three words, but I think you've known. You too, I know will never come close to uttering such, though there were times you may have succumbed to similar emotions. It has left room for doubt on my part as to what your feelings, or at the least, intentions are toward me. What was I to you? But that question is too much to seek to know. So I settled enjoying whatever was in store for me. Though in this position, I have to be constantly ready to be set aside for the better things.
I have no regrets, though I have been saddened by the choices you've made. Maybe I was just juvenile to hang on to those hasty promises. Or maybe I was too young for the thought of love? It may be just the right pain for me to learn from. But everything seems to be in place now. At rare times I would even catch a glimpse of that serene face I saw back them. There would be a hint of ache in me that it was not for me nor was it I that caused it but the realization that you are truly happy eases it somehow.
I speak of letting go yet I have always been scared that I'll lose you completely.
I cannot contemplate how my life would be if nothing astonishing ever happened that day I fell in the well, nor compare how my life could have been if I have spent it just like the rest of the girls of my time. Even if I have known that fate never meant for us to be lovers, I would still come to this place and fall for you. Is that such a masochist to say? Love does such a terrible thing.
My heart has calmed and is at peace. Meeting you was so worth five years of my life. But then again, we have already met in a previous life of mine. I was to begin with, never a part of your time. I have come to accept that. And now, I can finally say I'm letting go.
Is it stupid that I am reflecting on such thoughts at this very last moment?
Time seems to move slowly and even the sounds seem to be out of their natural tempo. Before everything that I could still grasp goes away, I wish I could see you one last time and I'd wrap you in an embrace and kiss you. And in that moment, would you kiss back? But none of those I can do anymore. My senses have been reduced pathetically to the little of the graying sky, and that growing red liquid that is drenching my clothes. I wish not to trouble you as I leave these feelings I've nurtured but I don't want to part with you like this.
Inuyasha, tell me. How does it feel to sleep for a long time?
If I close my eyes now, would I dream something as peaceful as yours?
Inuyasha, come get me now.
