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She had said that he could come to her whenever he needed. She knew what it was like to be so sure in your own convictions that you didn't believe there could be any other outcome. She also knew the crushing feeling of guilt and the drain it inflicted on your self confidence. So she wasn't surprised when he showed up at her house after the case had been resolved.
The knock on the door was the usual firm rap and even his face, when she opened to invite him in, was the confident, reassured demeanour she was used to; but even if he could mask his own emotions Gillian was a trained psychologist and she had spent years studying humans and their reactions to every kind of situation. She knew he was shaken and she knew he wouldn't want to talk about it.
She led him inside and continued silently cooking the dinner for two she had been preparing. Two sets of cutlery were already laid out on the table.
After they'd eaten they stayed up uncommonly late and watched movies until they were both so tired they fell asleep in the middle of an action/horror.
Zoe was becoming a little worried. She'd left Emily with friends then gone looking for Cal. She knew how he must be feeling, she was in the same situation, and she was hoping he might finally talk to her about the things that were really important. During their marriage they hadn't communicated as two people in a relationship should. They would scream and yell at each other until they were both hoarse then have wild sex for half the night. It wasn't the best way to compromise but they'd made it work for fourteen years hadn't they? Now was her chance to finally get some feelings out of him and he'd completely disappeared; it was almost as if he knew she was looking for him.
She'd gone to his house first but found it cold and empty. Next she trawled his favourite pubs but he was still off the radar. She drove around for several minutes asking herself why it was really so important to find him, when she finally realised where he would be. She pulled a quick u-turn and sped off.
When she reached Gillian's house she pulled up and turned off the engine. She sat quietly in the dark and wondered why she had come to Gillian's in the middle of the night just to see if Cal was there. She was turning into one of those crazy ex-wives who followed their husband everywhere because they thought they still belonged to them . . . that thought pulled her up short. Of course she didn't want Cal back, their relationships never worked out no matter how many times they slept together, but maybe she was a bit jealous, maybe she was slightly dependent on Cal and didn't like the way him and Gillian were such good friends. Zoe didn't like this realisation of herself, she had never thought of herself as a jealous person, but here she was sitting outside some woman's house because she thought her ex-husband may be inside. She laughed bitterly at herself then wrenched the ignition key and used a bit too much acceleration as she pulled away from the curb.
Inside, Gillian stirred at the sound of screeching tyres. She found herself sprawled across the couch, comfortably warm. She flinched slightly at the feeling of someone moving behind her until she realised that it was Cal's arms wrapped around her waist and Cal's breath hot on the back of her neck. She felt a little less comfortable at the knowledge that she was sleeping with Cal but in a relationship with Dave. Well, she rationalised, she was only sleeping next to him that was all and they were only just friends and Cal needed this at least for, no matter how strong he was on the outside, he still needed comfort sometimes. She tried to slip out of his embrace but his arms tightened instinctively and she was completely ensnared. She lay still trying to think of a way out but in the middle of considering biting his arm she had fallen asleep again.
In the morning she woke to more room on the couch and noises in the kitchen. She sat up groggily and was already regretting the late night; her eyes felt as if they had been rubbed with sand. She stumbled into the kitchen and fell into the nearest chair, slouched in an untypical Gillian way. A mug of coffee was placed in front of her and she wrapped her hands around it tightly. Once she had shaken off some of the bleariness she watched as Cal cooked pancakes for breakfast. She compared him with Dave who had been in her kitchen before, although at the time they had definitely not been making breakfast. She liked having people in her house, it made it feel more like a home; she didn't admit it often, but she got awfully lonely be herself. With Cal silhouetted by the morning sun coming through the kitchen window she imagined him as someone she could share her life with, what it would be like to have children running through the kitchen or sitting at the table; a family.
When Cal turned around he saw an expression on Gillian's face he only ever saw when she was watching children. It was a mixture of deep sadness and self deprecation as if she thought herself not worthy to care for someone so small. He knew the only way to pull her out of these morbid thoughts was a distraction. He threw the cooked pancakes on to a plate and set it down between them along with the maple syrup, sugar and lemon.
'I wonder what old Burnsy will think when we tell him you're so desperately in love with me you seduced and ravaged me on your couch.' He cocked his head to the side and grinned when she gave him a condescending look.
'I did not ravage you and I only slept with you by accident.' She replied primly.
'I don't know, your hands were wandering pretty far.' He quipped back. She flicked sugar at him and he ducked laughingly. She laughed back and he knew he'd brought her back from the misery.
Zoe was inside his office pacing across the room again and again. Gillian had walked in with Cal but at the sight of Zoe she politely excused herself. Cal watched Zoe's face as Gillian walked out; it had a look of contempt and disdain on it. He frowned at her but she began before he could say anything.
'So I see, after a bad day at work, whose bed you jump into these days.' She spoke cuttingly. He looked at her until she dropped his gaze.
'You know we're just friends Zoe. What's this all about anyway?' She knew he was studying her and it made her as angry as it did when they were still married.
'I thought she was with that other one from the juvenile system? What does he think about your little sleep over's?' She changed tack; if he wouldn't talk to her then she wouldn't inform him on what she was feeling.
'He doesn't know and you're not going to tell him.' He glared fiercely at her, 'Nothing happened between us and Burns makes her happy; if you ruin that for her I'll ruin everything for you.' He gave her a tight grin, 'You know how good I am at that.' They both stood defensively until Zoe's eyes narrowed and she turned on her heel and walked out the door. Cal straightened then slumped into his chair. Gillian walked in seconds later.
'What happened? Zoe wasn't looking too happy.' She queried, she placed a new folder for him to consider on his desk. He looked at her for a moment then placed the easy going smile on his face.
'Ex-wives, they're always cranky about something.'
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