Why An Angel Falls

Verse: Supernatural/Nikita

Genre: Friendship, Angst

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Castiel/ Alex

Song: For the First time by The Script

Summary: There was a reason he had to fall once before, there was a reason he had to know heart ache.

Russia

He discovered, in that bitter scene in the snow, that he had an extreme dislike for Russia. Not the people, no he loved them all, all of gods children he would hold nothing but love for them but Russia, the place. Oh how he disliked it.

The brisk winds, the harsh tones every one spoke in and the snow. Why his Father ever chose to make snow apart of this world, he would never know. The streets were dark and dangerous, the thick coat that came with the body offered no real protection against the harsh winds and he felt the grim of the neglected part of the Capital City sink into his host skin.

Castiel still questioned just why this girl was so important, where she stood in the grand scale of things but his Father was clear that he was to go to her and save her. And he would save that girl, he would do what was needed of him because his love for his Father was all that filled him.

The scream cut through the air and he was forced to look around, forced to see the emotionless people surrounding him and not caring. Where had their love for his Father gone, for their fellow humans? Perhaps this girl would change that, would bring their love back to their hearts.

The second scream chased away those ideas and he was moving against the wind, moving towards his mission. Down an ally, a dirty wall holding up a girl no older then seventeen. The hunched figure before her caused a wave of disgust to course through him. His Father hadn't given them life for this, for the bigger and stronger to abuse their position.

Her doe eyes looks around and for a moment they connected with his and he felt the fear and the hate coursing there. Why a child should feel those things were still confusing to him.

"Get away from her" the Russian language was heavy for him, he was used to being with his brothers and sisters, no words need spoken and yet were always the right ones. The hunched figure spun and the heavy stench of booze and unwashed washed over him and made him stumble back. With a lurch the figure offered him a dirty and yellowed sneer.

"I paid for this bitch" the figure spat and with out reason Castiel moved his hand and watched with a grim human stratification as the figure slumped to the ground. That creature was among his Father's worst children and yet he still could not completely kill his love for him. It was only when that girl moved that he looked at her and studied her, her lanky hair, bruise and punctured arms. It made his heart ache for the pain she was going through but he saw the determination in her eyes that made him understand she was a fighter and she was on of Gods children whom would not stay down.

"my name is Castiel" the spark of recognition ignited in her eyes and for a moment he felt the comfort roll from her, but then something snapped within her that reached out and hurt his heart to the point he wanted to grip his chest.

She said nothing as she darted her eyes around and before he knew what was happening she sprinted past him, faster then he would have given her credit for. It was by pure luck that he was able to reach out and grab her arm and with a gasp he understood.

This was a test, not hers but his. Alexandra Udinov needed him years ago and he wasn't there, he was never there and neither was any one else.

"Let me go" she spat but he couldn't lose the connection yet, he had to see the horrible details of her life, sear them into his mind and his breaking heart.

"I should have saved you" the whisper came as his fingers unfurled, he couldn't look at her and for a moment Alex stood stunned. Unsure of this pity that was never shown to her before and unsure of this man claiming to be an angel.

"It hurts" tilting her head she watches as his hand finally reaches for his chest and he starts rubbing where his heart should be. She can't see that his heart is breaking for the failure of this one child.

"Why didn't I save you?" his dark eyes search hers and he can't understand why he would be sent now, why he would be sent to her now and not when she needed an angel.

"Because I'm nobody" the words are soft but they slice through his heart once more. They cut deeper, she wasn't nobody, she was somebody and yet it was so deeply rooted in her that she was nobody that he doubted he could change her mind.

"Alexandra" it was enough to break the spell and she shakes her head, not willing to be trapped any more. She had a promise to keep and she would save someone else if she couldn't save herself any more.

"Please just let me go" he couldn't stop her if he tried, couldn't reach out to her again as she ran away and he was left with a broken heart and questioning why his Father had allowed him to fail one of his children.

In that dirty, dark and harsh ally Castiel felt the heart break of a failure and all he could do was wish it away and hope his Father would mend him.

Chicago

Nine years later

Dean and Sam Winchester found it highly amusing to watch him suffer; why Castiel was unsure but he didn't pay attention to them after he drank another champagne surprise. No one would tell him the surprise but he was determined to enjoy the drink.

He also knew they took great pleasure in seeing him dressed in a suit, he pleaded to keep his over coat but the pair had told him that he had to wear the 'monkey suit' and he guessed they knew better on things like this.

"Slow down" Sam whispered, Dean having departed to look for the storage room where the demons were dealing in the souls. The party was loud, crowded and annoying. Castiel wanted to know why they wanted to come but Dean had just grinned that rueful grin and Sam just shrugged.

Scanning the many faces, Castiel found no enjoyment in this. He had a mission and he wouldn't fail like he had done with a young girl called Alexandra. His Father had never explained just why he couldn't have saved Alex earlier and no amount of digging would get him the answers.

For years he was plagued with the heart ache of knowing he couldn't save that girl and for all his searching for her after she fled he found he couldn't find her, it was as though she was meant to taunt him and make his heart ache feel fresh each time her innocent eyes surfaced in his memory.

"How long will this take" the whine made Sam grin but the giant boy just shrugged and scanned the faces, Castiel followed his lead. Picking up small connections from random people before discarding them. Dean was his mission now and he swore to himself he would never feel the same heart ache. He would do right with Dean and spare himself the pain again.

Something clicked inside of him and Sam gave him a questioning a look when he gasped. There among the many people, smiling and watching the crowds was his heart ache. His failure. Yet she didn't look like one, instead Alex was the most beautiful women among the crowd.

Her eyes shone with the same determination but instead of the lanky hair and abused young woman there was a fighter, the same one he pictured her to be.

The moment those doe eyes met his again he felt it all, the connection and the story of Alexandra. The revenge, the anger and the acceptance she had some what found. She didn't recognise him, didn't link the fact that she was staring at the angel sent to save her that awful night.

"Dude you have to stop staring; its rude" Sam hissed at him but he didn't care; the pain in his heart grew and then sunk because he knew Alex was doing what she was meant to be doing. With a small smile she turned away from him and he understood it all.

He understood why he had to feel that heart break all those years ago. Why he had to fail. It wasn't to be tested, his Father didn't want to hurt him.

His Father wanted him to understand how a broken heart felt and could make you stronger.

"I understand now" Sam just stared at him with confusion, glancing to where Alex once stood before looking back to Castiel.

"what?" smiling he can't help but shake his head, amazed at his Father understanding just what he needed instead of what he wanted.

"Why Angels have to fall; they fall to mend a broken heart" he mutters before grinning brightly and grabbing another glass leaving the Winchester confused.

He had to fail all those years ago; had to understand heart break because right now Dean Winchester was the key to saving the world and Castiel doubted he could live through another heart break. He would fight until his Father took him back to heaven to protect and guide Dean.

Just like he wished he could have done with Alexandra Udinov.

The End.