The disclaimer saying that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters has burned up into the atmosphere somewhere. Here's some madness inspired by real life news events. You know how a lot of these old satellites are crashing to Earth lately? Well I posed a what if question to myself and this is what I got.
Out To Launch
"For crying out loud Hank, you said you would be done with the TV by now!" Logan snapped. "I want to watch the ball game!"
"I promise Logan you will have control of your precious remote in mere moments," Hank said. "As soon as this last news feed is done I will relinquish control and go on my merry way and you can watch America's favorite pastime in peace."
"What's the holdup?" Bobby asked as he walked in with Scott and Kurt. "I thought we were going to watch the ball game?"
"We are as soon as Hank finishes watching some stupid news report," Logan groaned.
"It's not a stupid news report," Hank said. "One of the older satellites built in the 60's is falling out of the atmosphere! I want to see where it lands."
"Do you think this thing could cause any damage?" Scott frowned.
"Well the odds of it landing in a populated area are rather low but you can't be too careful," Hank shrugged.
"Don't those things usually break up in the atmosphere?" Logan asked.
"Usually but since we're dealing with an older satellite there won't be as many pieces," Hank explained. "They didn't think much of satellites falling to Earth unlike today so this satellite won't break up as much when it enters our atmosphere."
"Hank there are twenty other TVs all over the mansion! Can't you watch it on one of them?" Logan asked.
"Can't you watch the ball game on one of those other televisions?" Hank asked.
"This just in, the satellite has just fallen off the radar. No one knows where it has landed but scientists estimate it has probably landed somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean along the Eastern Seaboard," The reporter said.
"There! You got your answer! Now move!" Logan grabbed the remote and changed the channel.
"Fine! Forgive me for being concerned about the news!" Hank grumbled. "I'll go to the war room and watch the coverage there! Far be it from me to interrupt your precious ball game."
"You're forgiven now get out of here," Logan grunted as he sat down in a large chair.
"I was just concerned that that satellite would fall on a populated area bringing fiery screaming death to us all. Or worse!" Hank stormed out.
"Oh stop being a drama freak!" Logan called out.
"Are you sure we should be watching the game?" Scott asked.
"Cyclops you heard the news, the thing fell into the ocean," Logan said. "They're not usually wrong about stuff like this. I think it's safe for us to watch the game in peace because that satellite is at the bottom of the ocean in pieces!"
"I guess if it did hit something we'd already know by now," Scott conceded.
"Yeah Scott. Besides what could be worse than parts of a giant satellite landing on a populated area?" Bobby asked.
At that moment on the other side of town…
"Okay let's watch us a ball game!" Fred said cheerfully. Todd, Lance, Pyro and Pietro were in the living room with him.
CRASH!
RRRUMMMMMMBBBLLEEE!
"Whoa! What the hell was that?" Todd yelled as the house shook for a second.
"It's not me!" Lance shouted.
"Well it wasn't me," Pyro said.
"Not me either," Todd said. "What was that Freddy?"
"I don't know…Was it me?" Fred blinked.
"Hey guys something crash landed in our back yard!" Wanda shouted.
"Oh cool! I got dibs if it's something we can burn!" Pyro jumped up and ran out to see.
"So much for a nice peaceful ball game," Lance sighed as he and the others went to see what it was. "Rained out on account of insanity."
To their shock something large and metal was in their back yard. It was the size of a car and looked somewhat hi tech. "Well you don't see something like that every day!" Pyro scratched his head.
"Or every other day," Fred remarked. "What is that thing?"
"It looks like a bomb!" Todd squealed in a high pitched voice. "Oh man the government is finally trying to wipe us out! This is it! The end is here!"
"It's not a bomb, stupid," Pietro scoffed. "If it was a bomb it would have exploded by now!"
"Maybe it's a dud?" Pyro asked.
"It's not a dud," Lance got a closer look. "It looks like part of a satellite."
"You're right," Wanda said. "It is part of a satellite. Actually it looks like almost all of a satellite."
"Pyro were you shooting your flame thrower into the sky again?" Fred snapped. "Because if we can't get cable…"
"It's not a cable satellite," Lance pointed. "It's from NASA!"
"NASA is getting into the cable business?" Pyro blinked.
"No you idiots," Wanda groaned. "This satellite is American. It must have crashed to Earth."
"Well…I didn't do it!" Todd blurted out.
"Toad, even you can't bring a satellite down into our backyard like this!" Wanda groaned. "Of course you didn't do it!"
"Why did a satellite crash into our back yard?" Fred asked.
"I don't know Blob! Maybe it wanted to go on vacation?" Pietro said sarcastically. "But it was too cheap to pay for a decent hotel!"
"I was just asking a question," Fred gave him a look.
"A stupid question!" Pietro said.
"Well then why is that satellite here, Mr. Smarty Pants?" Fred snapped.
"How should I know?" Pietro snapped.
"So it's not a stupid question to ask now is it?" Fred glared at him.
"You have to admit Pietro he has a point," Lance said.
"Thank you!" Fred nodded.
"Maybe it's a spy satellite? Spying on us!" Todd said.
"It's not a spy satellite," Pietro said. "Look at the date on the side. This thing was made in the 60's. The government didn't know about us then!"
"Now who's being stupid?" Fred gave him a look. "Pietro even I know that the government knew about mutants back then."
"It looks like one of those old communications satellites," Wanda remarked. "I remember reading about them in the newspapers. Some of them have been falling to Earth because they don't work anymore."
"Actually it's not that bad," Todd looked at it. "A lot of it held up pretty well in the crash. All you gotta do is replace a few wires here. Fix those cracks there…Maybe some duct tape here. Yeah this is salvageable."
"Boy they really knew how to make satellites back then didn't they?" Pyro whistled.
"Well back then when people built stuff they built it to last," Fred nodded.
"Freddy help me open this puppy up," Todd indicated a control panel on the side.
"You got it buddy," Fred did so with his strength.
"Oh yeah tis is fixable," Todd poked his head in. "Just replace a few wires here. Put in a better battery there… You know I can make something out of this!"
"Like what? The world's largest and most expensive ashtray?" Wanda groaned.
"Actually Toad is pretty good at fixing stuff," Fred pointed out.
"Yeah who do you think hooked up the solar panels to the house so we can get more efficient energy?" Todd said proudly.
"Toad we don't have any solar panels," Wanda said.
"I know. I hooked up to the house down the block," Todd pointed. "It was pretty easy to splice into their system and jack their converters to divert some of the energy over here."
"I thought it was pretty odd that we no longer got electric bills," Lance scratched his head. "Not that we ever paid any…"
"You know with a few extra parts and a little tinkering and knock out some of the dents I could fix this sucker," Todd looked around.
"Toad, what are you going to do with a broken satellite?" Wanda folded her arms.
"I've got an idea," Pietro smirked. "Pyro you still got those high octane fuel burners down in the basement? You know the ones you stole from that airport?"
"Yeah. Sorry Pietro I said I was gonna move 'em but…" Pyro began.
"No, no…It's okay! I just thought of how we can put them to good use!" Pietro grinned.
"I know I am going to regret asking this but why did you steal high octane fuel burners from the airport?" Wanda sighed.
"I was gonna use them to either kick up our barbecue or put 'em on that abandoned house down the street to see if they would fly," Pyro said. "Wasn't sure which. On the one hand we'd have a really cool barbecue. On the other we'd have a flying clubhouse!"
"Ah. Yup definitely regret asking that," Wanda sighed.
Pietro rubbed his hand. "Gentlemen and my sister, it's time for the Brotherhood to make history!"
"Knowing our luck this plan will backfire and we'll probably be history!" Lance groaned.
Two hours later…
"Has anybody seen my Game Gear?" Bobby asked as he looked around the kitchen. "I swear I put it down here a second ago."
"Isn't that it over there?" Kurt pointed. He was eating an apple at the counter.
"Oh yeah there it is," Bobby picked it up. "Hey! The memory card is gone!"
"Anybody seen the duct tape?" Jean asked as she walked in with Kitty.
"Duct tape?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah I need it to fix up the diorama I'm doing for extra credit and I can't find any anywhere," Kitty said.
"Why do you need duct tape for a diorama?" Bobby asked.
"There's a slight rip in the back and I need something strong to fix it," Kitty said. "What are you the Duct Tape Police?"
"Who's the Duct Tape Police?" Scott asked as he walked in.
"Officer Iceman," Kitty pointed. "We only asked him where the duct tape was and he was asking questions."
"I just wanted to know why you would need duct tape for a diorama," Bobby shrugged.
"There's a slight rip in the back of my cardboard backing," Kitty said. "And no, I didn't have anything to do with it ripping! I just found it that way."
"I wasn't going to ask that," Bobby said. He noticed Scott looking through the drawers. "But I do want to know what you're doing Scott. So what are you doing?"
"Looking for an elastic band or some paper clips," Scott looked through the drawers. "I can't find any."
"Didn't you have any in your desk?" Bobby asked.
"I thought I did but I'm all cleaned out," Scott kept looking.
"I've got some in my desk," Kitty offered. "Kurt do you mind?"
"All aboard the Nightcrawler Express!" Kurt smiled and teleported Kitty to her room.
"What do you need with paper clips and elastic bands?" Bobby asked.
"Just to put some stuff together," Scott said.
"What kind of stuff? Is it important?" Bobby asked.
"Kitty's right. You're getting rather personal about questions about office supplies aren't you?" Scott frowned.
"Since when does duct tape qualify as an office supply?" Bobby asked.
"It's tape. It sticks things together," Scott said.
"If it was regular tape it would qualify as an office supply but you are talking about duct tape which is not only more versatile but stronger and used more commonly for hardware and mechanical projects," Bobby said. "In other words outside of an office. Therefore it is not an office supply."
"Who are you? The manager at Staples?" Scott snapped.
"I'm just making a point," Bobby said.
"Duct tape could be an office supply," Scott said. "I mean they could use it to tape up boxes and stuff."
"That's shipping," Bobby said.
"Shipping is an office activity," Scott said. "Therefore duct tape is an office supply."
"Wrong because the tape they use for packaging boxes isn't traditional duct tape but shipping tape," Bobby corrected. "Shipping tape is a valid office supply but duct tape isn't."
"It could be," Scott said.
"But it's not," Bobby said.
"It could be," Scott persisted.
"But it isn't," Bobby told him.
"Says who?" Scott asked.
"Says anybody who knows the difference between shipping tape and duct tape," Bobby protested. "I can't believe you don't know the difference!"
"I can't believe I'm listening to this conversation," Jean groaned. A puff of brimstone heralded the arrival of Kitty and Kurt. "Oh thank goodness! Do you guys have anything?"
"Nothing! I'm cleaned out too!" Kitty shook her head. "And I know I just bought a whole bunch of paper clips and elastic bands the other day!"
"Where did you get the stuff and why did you buy it?" Bobby asked.
"Who are you? Our office supply manager?" Scott snapped.
"I'm cleaned out too Scott," Kurt said. "I could have sworn I had some!"
"Hey has anyone been in the garage recently?" Rogue walked in.
"No, why?" Jean asked.
"I was gonna fix my scooter but all my tools and the duct tape are gone," Rogue frowned. "Oh yeah and Scott your car isn't looking too good either."
"WHAT?" Scott yelled as he ran to his car.
"The fact that the duct tape was stored in the garage should have been your first clue that duct tape isn't an office supply!" Bobby yelled after him as the others followed their leader.
"Since when is Bobby interested in office supplies?" Rogue asked. Kitty shrugged.
"MY CAR!" A very high pitched scream was heard.
"Did Scott just scream like a little girl?" Kurt blinked.
"If the dress fits," Bobby snickered.
They went into the garage. "My car!" Scott wailed. Scott's beloved car was missing not only its hubcaps, but one of its doors, the steering wheel, the tail lights and judging by the open hood parts of the engine.
"Gonna need more than duct tape to fix that," Bobby remarked.
"Dude what happened to your car?" Kurt asked.
"Errk…" Scott developed a nervous twitch.
"I think he's gonna blow," Kitty gulped. "But seriously what happened?"
"It wasn't me," Bobby said. "This time."
"Yoink!" Pietro zoomed in and grabbed Scott's air freshener from the car. "Almost forgot the air freshener!" Then he zoomed back out.
"QUICKSILVER!" Scott screamed.
"I think we just solved the mystery of the missing stuff," Kitty groaned.
"Told you it wasn't me," Bobby said.
"Kind of obvious when you think about it," Kurt agreed.
"I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!" Scott yelled. "I KILL THEM!"
"Told you he was gonna blow," Kitty said.
"I should have known the Brotherhood was behind all of this!" Scott yelled. "We need to suit up and prepare for battle!"
"We're going to war with the Brotherhood over your car and duct tape?" Rogue asked.
"YES! WAR! THIS IS WAR!" Scott yelled.
"Scott just let it go," Jean groaned. "It's probably just another one of their stupid little pranks."
"Let it go? Maybe I'll get it go when your SUV gets trashed?" Scott snapped. "Until then, not letting go!"
"Scott it's not like this is the first time your car has gotten trashed," Rogue said. "Although I have to admit not this badly but still…"
"We have to get them!" Scott said. "We have to get them! They're planning something! I know it!"
"Maybe they're just stealing our stuff just to mess with us?" Bobby said.
"No, if they were just messing with us, they'd have stolen the food from the kitchen," Scott said. "The Brotherhood is up to something! I know it! And it's probably one of their higher level plans."
"Higher level plans?" Jean raised her eyebrow. "What level are we talking about?"
"Knowing the Brotherhood, probably the basement," Rogue snorted.
"I think we should suit up and find out what's going on," Scott said.
"Scott, no. I don't think we need to go that far," Jean said.
"But don't you want to know what the Brotherhood is up to?" Scott asked.
"Not really," Rogue said.
"Why not?" Scott was stunned.
"Because odds are whatever it is will give us nothing but headaches," Rogue said. "Mostly because we know what they're doing! Trust me, I lived with those maniacs. I still have some nightmares because of the things that went on in that house."
"What sort of things?" Bobby asked.
"Like Toad having some weird rituals with garden gnomes and his 'experiments' to be able to communicate and control frogs," Rogue counted. "Pietro's evening beauty rituals that are way too unconventional for even most girls, let alone guys. Lance's rants to himself about everything and everything when he thinks people aren't listening. Blob's unrated puppet shows…"
"Okay I vote for forgetting all this ever happened and just going on with the rest of our day," Bobby held up his hand.
"I second the motion," Kitty held up her hand.
"What sort of puppet shows are we talking about?" Kurt blinked.
"Reason number two," Rogue pointed. "Their insanity is contagious! Trust me, you don't want to be around them any more than you have to!"
"Rogue does have a point," Jean said. "The last thing I want to do this weekend is clean up one of the Brotherhood's messes."
"Well neither do I but we have to!" Scott said. "It's our duty!"
"Says who?" Rogue asked. "Seriously, can't we just let the cops handle it for once?"
"Or the fire department depending on how much Pyro is involved," Kurt added.
"Look we have to find out what their plan is!" Scott said. "We need to know!"
"And people say I'm nosy," Kitty rolled her eyes.
"We have to go there right now and find out what they are planning and stop them!" Scott shouted.
"Come on, this is the Brotherhood we're talking about," Kurt said. "How well thought out could this plan be?"
Back at the Brotherhood Boarding House…
"Gentlemen, and My Sister," Pietro addressed the Brotherhood wearing a general's uniform. "Today is a great day for the Brotherhood. But let's face it, any day we get to eat is a great day for the Brotherhood. But today is extra special!"
"Yeah we got takeout," Fred remarked. He was wearing a suit and tie and big fake black glasses.
Todd, Lance and Pyro were also dressed in the same outfits. Only without any glasses. They were behind a large set of controls and equipment in the back yard about twenty feet away from a large homemade rocket that looked like it was put together mostly by duct tape. The satellite was strapped to the back with some hooks and more duct tape.
"I think Pietro was referring to the rocket," Lance corrected.
"Yes I am! And now Mademoiselle President…" Pietro made a motion.
Wanda was wearing a red business suit type outfit with a red hat and black high heels. "I christen thee the S.S. Brotherhood." She smashed a glass bottle of soda against a large rocket. "The S.S. stands for Seriously Stupid." She then walked over to where the others were.
"All right! Let's start the countdown," Pietro waved. "T Minus ten! Nine! Eight…"
"Uh Quicksilver you might want to step back a bit," Fred waved as he put some goggles on.
Pietro looked and noticed he was standing right next to the rocket. "Oh right! Safety first!" He zipped over to the others. "What was I on again?"
"Hopefully your anti-anxiety medication," Lance quipped.
"Very funny! Prepare for lift off!" Pietro shouted.
"Uh anybody remember where the on button is on this thing?" Todd asked as he pointed to the control panel.
"Just push a couple of buttons. I'm sure it's on there somewhere," Pyro waved.
Just at that moment in front of the Hood House…
"Scott you are being ridiculous!" Jean snapped as the gang got out of the X-Van. Despite what Scott wanted they were all wearing civilian clothes.
"I'm telling you we should have suited up!" Scott fumed.
"For what? So we can clean our uniforms off of all the food those idiots throw at us?" Rogue snapped.
"That was the deal Scott, we'd come with you if we didn't have to change," Kitty nodded.
"And we wasted time while arguing! Who knows what the Brotherhood is planning to do?" Scott said. "Now we need an attack plan…"
"Scott! Get a grip!" Jean snapped. "We don't need an attack plan! All we have to do is knock on the door and ask someone with a brain cell what is going on."
"And if Wanda's not in, we'll just beat up the Brotherhood until they tell us," Rogue said.
"I like your plan," Scott said.
"Scott!" Jean snapped. "For the last time! The Brotherhood are not plotting anything! And even if they were plotting something, it's probably some stupid, unoriginal…"
VRRROOOOMMMMMMM!
The X-Men's jaws dropped when they saw the astonishing sight above them. "Was that a rocket?" Kitty blinked.
"Yes…" Bobby blinked.
"Did the Brotherhood just launch a rocket into space?" Kitty added. "In their backyard?"
"Unless NASA is taking those budget cuts very seriously, yes…" Rogue blinked.
"Okay, gotta admit. That is pretty original," Bobby said.
"Come on!" Kurt yelled He took Kitty, Bobby and Rogue with him as he teleported to the back yard.
"You are never going to let me forget this are you?" Jean gave Scott a look.
"Nope," Scott smirked.
"Great!" Jean snarled as they went into the backyard.
"We have lift off!" Todd whopped. He and most of the other Brotherhood members had some soot on their outfits. Except for Pietro and Wanda who had been slightly further away when the lift off happened.
"Look! We've just been contacted by X-Tra Terrestrials!" Pyro quipped as he pointed to the X-men. "Not necessarily intelligent life but still…"
"They got to dress up!" Scott noticed and pointed to the Brotherhood. "Wait why did you all dress up?"
"For the fun of it," Todd shrugged. Pyro and Fred nodded in agreement.
"What's a rocket launch without somebody being in uniform?" Pietro said.
"Hey if you're gonna shoot a rocket in the back yard you might as well commit to it," Lance agreed.
"I went along with it because they made me President," Wanda admitted.
"Not like you had that much competition to run against," Rogue groaned.
"Speaking of competition for once the Brotherhood came out on top," Lance smirked.
"Yes! The Brotherhood has won the space race!" Pietro whooped.
"I didn't even know you guys had entered!" Bobby said. "When was this?"
"When a satellite crash landed in our back yard," Todd pointed.
"Come again?" Kitty blinked.
"I warned you," Rogue sighed. "Crazy stuff happens at the Hood House."
"Yeah but this sort of crazy has reached a whole new level," Kurt looked at the sky. "Literally. Up in the atmosphere level!"
"So let me get this straight…A satellite crashed into your back yard…And you sent it up again using a home mad rocket made out of pieces of Scott's car and duct tape?" Kitty asked incredulously.
"Not all of it was Summers' car and duct tape. "We had some junk lying around the house too and raided the Laundromat for some spare parts," Fred told them. "They just had a bunch of washing machines just sitting around collecting dust so we decided to scrap them and put them to good use. And we got a few outfits that were inside them so that was a bonus."
"And it wasn't all duct tape to put it together," Todd said. "We're more sophisticated than that!"
"We had to use both duct tape and shipping tape to make sure some of the parts would stay together," Lance said.
"See Scott? Even the Brotherhood knows the difference between duct tape and shipping tape!" Bobby pointed.
"Bobby we're off that insane argument now," Jean sighed. "We have just entered a whole new level of insanity here. And we are going to need all the brain cells we can get to figure it out."
"Why did you steal my car's air freshener?" Scott asked.
"Well Toad was getting a little rank so…" Pietro shrugged.
"The air freshener? Dude they took your steering wheel and your door and half your car and you are worried about the air freshener?" Kurt gave Scott a look.
"I liked the smell!" Scott snapped. "And I haven't forgotten about the rest of the car I'm just still in shock over the whole rocket thing!"
"So do I," Todd nodded. "It's got a nice piney smell."
"The rocket?" Fred asked.
"No, the air freshener," Todd lifted up his tie to show the air freshener was under it.
"Oh I thought you smelled better today," Fred nodded. "It works for you."
Bobby took a whiff. "You know that does work for you," He remarked. "Takes away the garbage smell but leaves a gentle musk that's kind of macho."
"I have to admit it does make him more tolerable to be around," Wanda agreed.
"You know I think they might have that fragrance in a bottle form over in…" Bobby began.
"HELLO! Excuse me? Can we get back to the rocket that just took off from the Brotherhood's back yard here?" Rogue snapped. "I know how important Toad's hygiene is but I think the fact that these idiots have achieved first strike technology is top priority!"
"We're not launching nuclear missiles," Pietro rolled his eyes. "Not yet anyway. Just a little satellite."
"What did you use for fuel?" Rogue asked.
"Blob's famous family chili," Lance said pointing to some huge pots.
"Dear lord that thing will probably go past Mars!" Kurt gasped.
"Nah we measured it all out carefully," Todd waved.
"Okay I know I am going to regret asking this question but what they hey? I'm going to ask anyway," Scott said. "Why did you send a satellite into space?"
"Why not?" Lance shrugged. "Seriously we decided to turn it into a communications satellite and put up our own satellite TV network!"
"Brotherhood Television Network! When there's nothing better on," Todd nodded. "That's gonna be our slogan!"
"You launched a satellite into space to put on more of those stupid TV shows you make?" Scott shouted.
"That and to keep in contact with our father," Wanda pointed to a monitor and turned some dials. "Brotherhood Control to Home Base. Come in home base. Do you read us?"
"Loud and clear," A video image of Sabertooth was shown. "Hey boss! They did it! You owe me fifty bucks!"
"I don't freaking believe this!" Kitty groaned.
"I don't know whether to beat the crap outta them for doing this, or the crap out of us for not thinking of it ourselves!" Rogue groaned.
"The Brotherhood is either getting smarter or luckier," Kitty groaned.
"Either way it's not good for us," Scott said. "Told you so Jean!"
"Maybe I should take a trip myself?" Jean groaned. "Outer space is looking pretty good right about now!"