The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any cartoon characters is a hologram. Just some madness that came from my mind. Warning: 80's cartoon references and Magneto torture ahead! Outrageous!
Outrageous And Insane
"I'm telling you it's the more realistic outcome of the two," Todd spoke up. The Brotherhood boys were hanging around in the living room of the Brotherhood Boarding House sitting on couches and well worn chairs.
"It is not realistic! It's stupid!" Pietro snapped. "And believe me after living with you morons for all these years I know stupid when I see it!"
"Yeah, you see it every day in the mirror!" Fred piped up from the couch where he sat with Todd.
"Burn!" Todd laughed as he high fived Fred.
"Burn? Are we going to set something on fire?" Pyro blinked happily.
"NO!" Everyone shouted.
"Awwww…" Pyro pouted. Just then the doorbell rang. "Doorbell! Doorbell! Oh wait, was that real or was I hearing sounds again?"
"Real doorbell Pyro," Lance sighed.
"YAY!" Pyro jumped up and skipped to the door. "I love it when the voices and sounds in my head become real!"
"Whose turn was it to give Pyro his medication today?" Lance asked casually.
"Pietro's," Fred said.
"Toad," Pietro said at the same time.
"Freddy," Todd said at the exact same time as the other two.
"What? I thought it was your turn?" Each boy said at the same time. "Me? It's was your turn!"
"We really need to make a schedule or something," Lance sighed.
"Company's here!" Pyro cheerfully walked in. Magneto in a suit and tie was right behind him.
"Father?" Pietro stood up rapidly. "What are you doing here?"
"I am here to spend the day 'interacting' with you," Magneto sat down on one of the chairs. "Charles convinced me that it would benefit your group. For some reason he thinks that talking with this team might help it grow."
"Really?" Pietro was surprised.
"Yes. Apparently I can also learn things about this team. I've already learned that this house needs some redecoration," He noticed that one of the armrests of the chairs was rather sticky. "And a thorough cleaning."
"Oh yeah we had an orange soda fight last night," Pyro nodded.
"Why?" Magneto asked.
"No reason. We were just bored with what was on TV," Pyro shrugged.
"Fine. Let's try something else before I regain my sanity. You all sounded like you were in a deep discussion. What were you talking about?" Magneto asked.
"Nothing important, it can wait," Pietro waved.
"But Pietro…" Todd began.
"It can wait Toad!" Pietro snapped.
"No, go ahead. What were you discussing?" Magneto asked.
"We were arguing who was better for Jem. Rio or Riot," Todd said. "Blob and I are on Team Riot. Mostly because he's a rocker like Jem. Pietro and Lance are for Rio, Jem's aka Jerrica's childhood boyfriend and Pyro is mostly undecided."
Magneto blinked. "Are these people from school or…?"
"No, Jem is a cartoon show. From the 80's," Todd said. "Think Barbie only with a rock band, mean girls, music videos and flashy holographic machines."
"They were replaying it all week and we just watched a marathon and we just got into this debate," Fred explained.
"So…you are having a discussion about a cartoon from the 80's?" Magneto tried to piece it together.
"Oh Jem is more than a cartoon," Pyro said. "It's practically a soap opera. It's got it all, love triangles, backstabbing, revenge, explosions, music, crazy fashion. It's so much fun!"
"You see Jem is the rock star name of Jerrica Benton, the head of a music company. She's in love with Rio but her boyfriend Rio doesn't know that she's also Jem," Fred explained. "And Jerrica ain't telling Rio, mostly because she's scared of what her hated rivals the Misfits would do to her as well as the crooked and unscrupulous former head of Starlight Records, Eric Raymond."
"Oh please! That is such a crock," Lance waved. "By the second season it becomes very clear that Raymond is about as threatening as a declawed cat. She's just keeping her secret because it gives her a thrill. She likes playing the bad girl without cheating on her boyfriend."
"Anyway enter Riot and his group the Stingers," Fred pressed on. "Now Riot is cocky and arrogant but he's got a soft side that only Jem sees. And now she's torn between the two."
"Please! How torn could she be? Jem belongs with Rio. End of story. She'd be stupid if she didn't go to him," Pietro waved.
"Rio is a hypocrite!" Todd snapped. "For a guy who hates secrets and lies he sure has no trouble keeping 'em from his girlfriend!"
"Is this how you spend your time?" Magneto asked. "Having pointless arguments about television?"
"No, sometimes we have pointless arguments about board games," Fred said honestly. "And candy."
"I thought so," Magneto sighed.
"Well we also blow stuff up and burn stuff too," Pyro added.
"Yes, yes I get the picture," Magneto waved. "A little too clearly."
"You want us to change the topic?" Pietro asked. "Because we don't have to talk about this stupid cartoon if you…"
"No, no I walked into this. I deserve what I get," Magneto waved. "Continue."
"Jem is not a stupid cartoon!" Todd protested. "Not only is it one of the largest breakthrough female cartoons of all time, it is in all aspects the direct ancestor of Glee. And at the very least a close cousin of Gossip Girl."
"Okay the Glee thing I buy but Gossip Girl?" Pyro asked.
"Tell me that Pizzazz is not just like Blaire Warner only with a guitar and green hair!" Todd gave him a look.
"Man has a point," Fred nodded.
"Yeah I see it now," Pyro nodded.
"Wanda isn't here is she?" Magneto asked.
"She took off hours ago," Lance told him.
"That's what I thought," Magneto sighed.
"The argument is not about the merits of Jem itself," Pietro said. "It's about the suitability of her two boyfriends, Rio verses Riot. And despite the little will they or won't they drama, we all know Jem is eventually going to end up with Rio. No question. It's just like Barbie and Ken."
"And we all know how well that ended!" Todd said.
"No, if you recall they got back together in Toy Story 3," Pietro said.
"Just because one Barbie and Ken got back together doesn't mean all of them got back together!" Fred said. "Celebrity couples never last."
"All the more reason to know it would never work with Jem and Riot!" Pietro protested.
"I really need to recruit new people," Magneto sighed. "Preferably ones that don't watch cartoons."
"I always liked the Misfits," Todd spoke up. "For some reason I really dig the chick with the blue hair."
"Speaking of hair does anyone else think that maybe Rio's hair is telling the audience something?" Fred asked. "I mean, he's a non-rocker with purple styled hair. And he is way into fashion and costumes more than most guys are. Just saying there's a chance he's keeping a secret or two of his own from both Jem and Jerrica!"
"Rio is straight! It's an 80's girl show! Of course he's going to have purple hair!" Lance snapped. "Straight guys have purple hair! It's just logic!"
"Wanda doesn't stay in the house a lot does she?" Magneto sighed.
"Nah, for some reason as soon as she has her breakfast she goes out that door and often doesn't come back until late afternoon," Todd admitted. "Sometimes even later."
"We've tried asking her where she goes but she refuses to tell us," Pietro explained.
"That's because she's smart," Magneto sighed.
"Those Misfits are really a lot of fun," Todd went on. "In fact we could take lessons from them on some of the stuff we do."
"Yeah if we want lessons on how to be totally lame," Pietro rolled his eyes.
"What do you mean?" Pyro asked.
"Oh come on you have to admit that show is a little dated," Pietro scoffed.
"How can you say that? Jem is timeless! And so are the music and the lessons it teaches!" Pyro was stunned.
"The music and lessons may be timeless but those hair styles sure aren't," Pietro quipped. "In fact the 80's just called and suggested that Jem and the rest of her freaked out friends go to a salon."
"Maybe I should go to a salon?" Pyro thought aloud as he absently combed his fingers through his red hair. "My split ends are getting rather dry lately. Maybe it's time I went to get another hair mud mask treatment? It makes my head feel so squishy!"
"Besides the fashion which is so 80's Marty McFly had to flee from them in his Delorean," Pietro went on. "There are a ton of other clues that Jem isn't modern. They have record stores, their super computer is the size of a pickup truck, today holograms are pretty much almost normal and half of their problems could be solved with a cell phone!"
Pietro looked at his father. "I'm serious! Almost every episode they're either locked in a closet or trapped in a cave or stuck on a tropical island somewhere. Today all they had to do when they're in trouble is punch in the speed dial for 911 and they're out of there!"
"Anybody seen my cell phone? I got my hairstylist on speed dial," Pyro looked around.
"And how realistic is it that big rock stars can just walk around everywhere without paparazzi following them?" Pietro continued with his rant. "I'm telling you nowadays TMZ would uncover Jem's identity just like that!" He snapped his fingers.
"Here Phoney, Phoney, Phoney…" Pyro kept looking for his cell phone. "Come to Pyro so I can call my stylist."
"And how is it that the Misfits keep getting in trouble and get away with it without the cops getting involved?" Pietro went on. "Don't get me wrong, I like their work. But if Mindy Mohan can't stay out of jail I don't see how they can! And they are worse than Mindy Mohan!"
"Oh there's my cell phone!" Pyro took it out of his pocket. "I had it in my pocket! Now to make my appointment." He punched in the number.
Just then Pietro's phone rang. "Hello?" Pietro answered his phone.
"Hello? Quicksilver's House of Style? I'd like to schedule an appointment for a hair treatment and style consultation," Pyro said brightly.
"Oh yes, whom may I ask is calling?" Pietro asked in a bright and cheerful tone.
"It's Pyro. My hair is so dry I have no idea what to do with it," Pyro sighed. "And I think I need a trim too."
"Okay let me check my appointment book," Pietro zoomed in and came back with a black book. "I can schedule you in with Pietro tomorrow at 11:30 in the morning. Is that time good for you?"
"Hold on let me check," Pyro put his hand over the phone. "Guys are we doing anything tomorrow morning? I need to get a hair appointment."
"Nah we're not doing anything," Pietro said as he put his hand over the phone. "Go ahead."
"Ooh, I could use a facial," Todd called out. "See if I can get one too."
"Okey-Dokey!" Pyro said cheerfully. He then spoke into the phone. "Eleven thirty is good for me. Oh and I'd also like to schedule a facial for my mate Toad around that time too. In fact I'd like one as well. Is that possible?"
"Let me check my appointment book," Pietro zipped through the appointment book. "Yes in fact I can schedule both your facials for 11 if that is all right for you?"
"Hold on," Pyro put his hand over the phone. "He says he can get us both in for 11. Is that good for you Toad?"
"Yeah it's good for me," Todd nodded.
"Eleven it is," Pyro spoke on the phone.
"Well then Mr. Pyro we will see you and Mr. Toad at 11 AM tomorrow," Pietro said brightly. "Thank you for calling Quicksilver's House of Style."
"And thank you!" Pyro shut off his phone the same time as Pietro's. "Excuse me! I gotta go pencil in my appointment on the calendar!" He went off into another room.
Magneto sat there with a look of horror on his face. "What in the world…?" He looked at all of them.
"Oh that? I guess that does look a little strange," Pietro laughed nervously.
"There's actually a funny story behind all that," Fred began. "You see…"
"I think I'd rather continue listening to the drivel about the cartoons if you don't mind," Magneto interrupted.
"Okey dokey," Fred nodded. "I'm just saying Riot would be a better choice for Jem than Rio. Think about it, Rio, Riot! Riot is Rio with a T! Four letters verses three. It's all in the numbers."
"And here's another point," Todd spoke up. "If Rio is so in love with Jerrica why does he keep cheating on her with Jem?"
"Because Jem is Jerrica!" Pietro snapped. "That's what makes it so stupid! In fact Rio is stupid because he should be wondering why he's getting away with cheating on his girlfriend so easily!"
"What are you talking about?" Pyro asked as he came back in. "You date two or three girls at the same time and half the time they usually don't suspect anything."
"Until you all meet up in the same movie theater parking lot," Lance snorted.
"That only happened once!" Pietro bristled. "And that was because somebody fooled around with my schedule! I don't know which one of you did it but I know it was one of you!"
"Well whoever did it, it was really funny seeing those three girls beat the crap out of you Pietro," Fred chuckled.
"See this is why I had to get that electronic journal that only opens with my voice code," Pietro explained to Magneto.
"You mean that girl's electronic diary?" Lance smirked.
"It's not a girl's diary. It's a boy's electronic journal!" Pietro snapped. "It's blue for crying out loud."
"Light blue with hearts and flowers on it," Lance rolled his eyes.
"It's a dating journal! The Hearts and flowers are just codes!" Pietro snapped.
"Pietro it smells like strawberries!" Lance protested.
"It does not smell like strawberries! Its raspberry scented!" Pietro snapped. "The point I was trying to make…"
"There's a point in all this?" Magneto interrupted.
"My point is that Rio waltzes around and doesn't even try to hide the fact that he's with Jem," Pietro said. "He's even photographed with her and his supposed girlfriend doesn't even notice! That's a tip off right there! When a woman is too content there's trouble brewing!"
"Which is why Riot is better for Jem because Rio is a lousy two timer!" Todd said.
"Jem and Jerrica are the same person!" Pietro said.
"Well Rio doesn't know that!" Todd protested.
"Well he should! Jem looks and sounds just like Jerrica!" Pietro said. "The only difference is that Jem has pink hair and flashier outfits!"
"Rio isn't that observant is he?" Pyro asked.
"He and everyone else on that stupid show," Pietro groaned.
"I'm just saying for a guy who supposedly hates lying and deception he's not exactly being above board now is he?" Todd asked. "He's still technically cheating on his girlfriend even though it's only in his head."
"Which is why when he does find out Jem's true identity it's gonna explode and not in a good way," Pyro spoke up.
"Exactly! Now Riot would be shocked but he'd understand," Fred said.
"Well yeah! My hot rocker girlfriend is secretly the head of a music company! What rock star wouldn't love that?" Pyro nodded.
"She also runs a foster home filled with dozens of little girls with a tendency to wander into bear habitats at the zoo," Pietro gave him a look.
"Oh right. I can see that would be a deal breaker," Pyro blinked. "I'm back where I started."
"This is so stupid! Of course she's going to end up with Rio!" Lance said sarcastically. "Same as in real life! The Good Girl goes off into the sunset with the Good Guy! Right after twisting the Bad Boy around her little finger and breaking his heart!"
"Uh oh…" Todd blinked. "I can see where this is going."
"It's all the same! The Good Girl always goes with the Good Guy no matter how much better the 'Bad Guy' treats her!" Lance made air quotes. "No matter how much the Bad Guy is willing to change for her, it's still not good enough! It's never enough! Nooooo!"
"Okay maybe we should change the topic now?" Todd gulped.
"Yeah uh so Magneto what's new?" Pyro blinked.
"I'll tell you what's new! A goody two shoes stuck up priss acting like a person instead of Miss Perfect!" Lance snapped. He looked at Magneto. "I tried! I really tried! I did my best to fit in! To be everything she wanted me to be! To go against my nature in order to make her happy! But it wasn't enough! It was never enough!"
"Just a hunch," Magneto sighed. "We are no longer discussing the cartoon are we?"
"Nope! We're discussing how Kitty Pryde, Miss Good Girl used the Bad Boy for her fun and good time then ditched him for something better!" Lance snapped. "Do you have any idea what it is like for a guy to be so in love with a girl that he would do anything for her? To change his own nature and to be something he wasn't just to get her approval? And when he's himself for even a second she turns her back on him?"
"Actually Avalanche…" Magneto began with a sigh. "I do have…"
"I GAVE HER MY HEART AND SHE STOMPED ON IT INTO A MILLION PIECES!" Lance yelled. "WELL NO MORE! YOU HEAR ME KITTY? NO MORE MISTER DOORMAT!"
"Whoa!" Fred gasped as the house started to shake with Lance's powers. "Lance if you shake this house any more Kitty won't not only hear you, she'll feel the quake all the way to China!"
"AAAAAHHHH!" Lance screamed as he ran upstairs. The house shook for a few seconds more then stopped.
"This is what our days have been like for the past couple of weeks," Todd gave Magneto a look. "Are you glad you came now?"
"We really need to do something about Lance," Pietro said as he looked at the ceiling. "Preferably something involving an intervention."
"Ironically this was why we started to argue about Jem in the first place!" Pyro threw up his hands.
"Yeah we're kind of running out of topics to distract him," Todd nodded.
"KITTY YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" Lance could be heard screaming upstairs. "WHY WASN'T I GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYY?"
"Why Charles insisted that just being with this group would influence them I will never understand!" Magneto groaned. "And furthermore why did I let him talk me into it?"
"Maybe he was just tricking you or something?" Todd said innocently.
"That does seem to be the more sensible solution," Magneto admitted.
The house shook some more. "Well we'd better come up with a solution to calm him down or else the whole house is gonna break apart!" Pietro gasped.
"I'll get the sock puppets," Fred got up and left the room.
"I'll get the straightjacket from the hall closet!" Todd hopped off.
"I'll go call for a couple of pizzas," Pietro said as he pulled out his cell phone. He looked at his father. "This is going to take a while."
"I'll go burn something of Kitty's!" Pyro said brightly. "And if I can't burn something of Kitty's I'll just burn something else!" He went to do just that.
"And Charles wonders why I barely spend any time with the Brotherhood?" Magneto sighed.