***Warning! This does describe self harm and may include depression and eating disorders in the possible future quite graphically so please remember that before you start reading. I'd really hate if this triggered you so if you think it might please don't read it.
Fifteen-year-old Ashley Seaver sat in an introverted position in the waiting room of her psychologist while she waited for her foster mother to pick her up. In her left hand she was subconsciously gripping tightly to the magazine the psychologist had given her to read. Other teenagers who attended 'appointments' like hers wrote articles in it and he had thought it might make her feel like she wasn't so different. But she was. These kids might have problems but their fathers hadn't killed twenty five women before they even saw in their thirteenth birthday. Their mother hadn't abandoned them at hospital with nothing but a bag of clothes and a note saying she couldn't cope.
Ashley felt the familiar pricks of tears pressing at her eyes so she took a deep breath and began the breathing technique she'd been taught to cope with panic attacks. Once she had done countless cycles of the repetitive breathing she felt the emotions subside and her body relaxed a little.
She glanced down at her watch and sighed- it was normal for Karen to be late but she'd been waiting for half an hour now. She rolled her eyes and flipped open the magazine, her eyes skimming across the page to find something that she was interested in. Her attention was suddenly caught when she read the words 'self harm' in big red letters. Underneath the title was a large article with smaller ones scattered across the page.
The only time she'd heard someone talk about self harm was when a rumor went round that a 10th grader, with a name she couldn't recall, was caught cutting in the girls' bathroom.
Ashley glanced up at the people around her; the receptionist was chewing on a piece of gum while she sorted files and a woman sat next to her son opposite her with an embarrassed expression. No one would notice if she just read a bit. And reading wasn't the same as actually doing it, right?
She flicked her eyes back to the page and slide them through the writing as fast as she could. When she finished the article she looked round, expecting to see people staring at her in disgust, but the waiting room hadn't changed in the time she'd spent reading. So she looked back at the article and read it a second time, taking more time to understand and feel each word as it processed in her mind.
She had finished the second round of reading and was about o start a third time when she heard the door open and a huffing grunt come from Karen. Ashley quickly closed the magazine, safely tucked it into her bag and followed her foster mom out to the car park where the car was waiting.
It wasn't uncommon for Ashley to spend the entire day in her room so no one thought twice when she went straight up after her appointment. As the saying goes kids were cruel, especially when those kids had been thrown from one foster home to the next and the victim was none other than the daughter of a serial killer.
The foster home housed ten children and teenagers in total; 6 boys, 4 girls. As one of the rules, to avoid accusations of stealing, everyone was required to keep toiletries and all other personal possessions in their rooms.
Ashley dug out her razor, for shaving her legs, out of her toiletry bag and carefully popped the blade out. For a few moments she twiddled the blade round between her index finger and thumb before she quickly pushed up her sleeve and rested the cold metal on her soft pink skin.
"Just one little cut" She whispered to herself as she gently pressed down on the blade. She only went through the first few layers when droplets of blood sprung to the surface. Ashley pulled the blade away and fixed her eyes on the sticky red liquid.
She hadn't expected the rush of something she could only guess as adrenaline and the enjoyment at seeing her own blood but there it was.
She closed her eyes for a moment to enjoy the feelings when a film started playing inside her head.
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"FBI!" A man yelled as federal agents poured into Ashley's house. Hotch stealthily moved through the house with Rossi and two agents following him. He came to an abrupt Holt when he saw their suspect, Charles Beauchamp, holding a hunting knife in his right hand with his left arm wrapped round his fourteen year old daughter Ashley. "Charles put the knife down" Hotch instructed sternly.
"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" Charles asked with a glimmer of arrogance in his eyes. Hotch and Rossi knew that Charles would be watching the investigation and the cameras around the house would have probably told Charles they were coming.
"No, I think you're confused and desperate. But this isn't Ashley's fault. Just put the knife down and we can talk about this" Hotch said slowly as he edged forward slightly.
"Talk?" Charles said and let out an evil laugh that made Ashley shiver. He pulled the girl tighter to him and pressed the knife even close to her throat. "I saw the press conference, Aaron. I'm a highly functioning, well planned psychopath and narcissist. I don't get confused or desperate. I plan and I win" Charles said in a sickly sweet tone.
"You think this is winning?" Rossi blurted out with a confused and angry look. He quickly holstered his gun and took a step closer to Charles so he was in front and to the side of Hotch who shot him a look. "Your house is swarming with federal agents, your killing spree is over and you're going to jail for the rest of your life. And to top it off the only bargaining chip you've got left is your own flesh and blood" Rossi stated as he added satisfaction to his facial expression.
"It doesn't stop me killing her!" Charles shouted as he desperately clung to Ashley with a worried and almost upset look on his face.
"Put the knife down Charles. You've done enough damage" Rossi sighed. Charles gasped for air as his belief that he had won came crumbling down on top of him. His left arm flopped to his side releasing Ashley, who ran to Rossi, then he dropped the knife which made the girl yelp from fear as she was ushered outside.
Ashley was taken to a waiting ambulance where they checked her over, gave her a hot drink and shock blanket and sat her down on the back of the open ambulance. She could feel the tears that were spilling out of her eyes drying onto her cheeks in salty trails but she was in too much of a state to care.
Her father was led outside, with Hotch holding tightly to the cuffs that were restraining his hands behind his back, and pushed into a police car.
"Look at me" Ashley whispered under her breath as a cop jumped into the front of the car and started the engine. "Look at me" She begged as her father kept his eyes glued ahead of him. She couldn't stop the whimper that escaped her lips as the car pulled away from her and down the road.
He was gone. The only person who cared about her was a murderer and even he had left her without looking back.
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She wasn't even thinking when she placed the blade back onto her skin, only a few millimeters above the first cut, and pressed down again. She kept repeating the movement until she reached her seventh cut and she told herself to stop.
She watched the blood drip a little longer before reaching for a tissue and dabbing it away. She then placed the small blade under a few pairs of jeans in her bottom draw and pulled her sleeve down. The fabric rubbing against her open cuts stung a little but she didn't mind, it had been worth it.
I've been mulling over writing something for Ashley for quite a while now and after watching 'Today I do' again it became pretty obvious that I had to explore some of the stuff mentioned in the warning at the top of this. It just seemed like Ashley was talking from experience when she explained about why teenage girls (and people in general) self harm/eating disorders. This was originally written as a one shot but if there is enough people asking for some more then it's something I'll definitely consider. Well, hope you liked it! :)