She knocked softly on the panel at first; then, when there was no response, a little harder. "Sir?" She waited, listening intently, but heard only the distant hum of the ship's engines. "Captain?"

He wouldn't want her to burst in on him. If he took himself off after something had gone down, it meant he wanted to be alone. She'd made the mistake of forcing sympathy on him once, a long time ago, and had subsequently informed both herself and him that she wouldn't be doing that again.

But that was before he'd saved her husband's life. By talking trash about her, shi, but the fact remained that right now, at this very moment, her wonderful husband - hurt so bad, but alive, oh alive - she closed her eyes and gave thanks one more time - lay in their bed, waiting for her return, and that was a debt she could never repay.

She knocked again, knuckles ringing on the thick door panel.

Hesitated.

Tried the handle.

The panel pushed in with a groaning of iron scraping on iron, but it was dark down in his quarters.

She took a steadying breath and stepped onto the ladder. It was awkward climbing down with the med kit in one hand. As soon as she touched the floor, the air was thick with the scent of blood and stale sweat. She automatically pushed down the memories it roused, and her fear for what it meant now. "Sir? You in here?"

"Zoe?"

His voice was slurred, confused. She didn't know whether to be relieved that he had responded at all, or alarmed at how he sounded.

"Wǒ hěn bàoqiàn. Were you asleep?"

An ironic exhalation. "Not hardly."

She heard him move, followed by a stream of low cussing. Looked like he was staying where he was. "What is it? Is Wash - "

She took a step towards the bed. "He's fine." She tried to let the warmth of her tone convey everything that she hadn't, couldn't, put into words. "Thanks to you." She smiled. "Sir."

"Respectin' my rank; must be bad off." She could hear the answering grin in his words.

"Well, that's kinda what we're afraid of." Her hands went automatically to her hips. "Why didn't you let Simon finish checking you out?"

A shrug, and a hiss of pain.

"You're a mess, Cap'n."

"I'm my own mess, don't want anyone else pokin' at me. Had enough of that, these last days."

She nodded. "I can understand that, sir." Still she stood her ground.

"Somethin' you wanted, Zoe?"

There was that old impatience that endeared him so. "Yeah." She held up the med kit Simon had given her. "Let me go some small way to returning the favor."

He raised his head some, then set it back down. "Not necessary."

She regarded him. "Beg to differ, sir."

"Zoe."

"We need our Captain in good shape." She cocked her head. "Never know when my husband may try some more heroics."

"Your husband was a hero," he said, softly. "Shoulda seen how he held out against tellin' Niska where the ship was, protectin' you all… Protectin' you. You'd have been right proud of him, Zoe." He dropped his eyes, avoiding hers. "I was."

She nodded. "I am proud. You have no idea."

"Good. Let him know it. Otherwise he's like to get the idea you rescued him first because you thought he'd be the first to crack."

"He's already said as much, and we all know he's right. I love my husband, Captain. He's a fine, brave man. But he hasn't been through what you've been through, hasn't had the training you have. No one can say whether he would've broken in the end, but if he had, you would've died anyway, along with the rest of us."

He shrugged. "We both could have talked in the end, Zoe. No tellin' what you'll do or say when you're that far gone."

She shook her head. "You held out to the death."

"Didn't see it comin', it happened so fast. Was an accident. Niska didn't intend on my dyin'. S'why he got me goin' again. He didn't wanna kill me. He wanted the pleasure of breaking me real slow."

"He didn't get it."

"No." The satisfaction in the Captain's voice was plain. "But you can't judge Wash the same way."

She bristled. "Do you think I would? Do you believe I'd judge him in that way?"

"Don't get mad, I don't mean anything. Just… seen it happen before's all."

"You're offering relationship advice now?"

He smiled slightly. "Hardly." The smile faded, and even the light coming down from the hatch was enough to see how pale he was.

"Sir…" She stepped back to the bottom of the ladder and picked up the med kit.

She turned on the light that was the farthest away from him, so that the room was still dim, but she had enough to work by.

First things first. She filled his washbowl with warm water, and grabbed what looked a passably clean washcloth.

"I c'n do it," he mumbled, holding out a hand for the cloth.

"Don't think so, sir." She smiled as she perched beside him on the bed, masking the terrible guilt at having left him behind with no apparent second thought in the hands of the psychopath who'd pushed him beyond what his body could endure. "Remember, you did this for me, once."

"F'r God's sake, don't tell y'r husband."

"I was grateful at the time," she said, washing and patting him dry as tenderly as any young 'un. "You were a perfect gentleman."

"We've been through a lot, you an' me."

She nodded. "Sir, I don't want you to get the notion that what happened back there was an easy decision for me to take. It killed me to leave you there. Wash too. He was barely on board before he was making plans to come get you."

"In your place, I'd have done the same." He shifted slightly, and tapped her on the arm with two uninjured fingers. "You didn't leave me. I'm here, aren't I? You saved Wash and me, and everyone on this ship. You're still my right hand, Zoe. I rely on you like no other. You've never let me down." He studied her face in the dim light, and frowned. "Not gonna cry on me, are you?"

"Shut up, sir." She turned her attention to his wounds. His body told the story of what had happened when she'd left. There was so much blood and burning, welts across his chest and back, just like Wash's. A tooth ripped out, broken ribs, and who knew what down below his belt. If they'd done this much, there had to be more, but they'd only know if he let the doctor do some scans. She tended as much as he would let her, as best she could, trying to make him more comfortable. "You should let Simon check your heart, at least."

"He did. Couldn't stop him doin' that much when he fixed my ear. It's okay. Nothin' on the inside I can't handle."

The focus of the conversation had shifted slightly. Zoe considered. "Sure about that?"

"Yeah."

She sighed inwardly. This wasn't her strong point. Inara would do it better, and might even stand a chance of getting him to open up. She'd have a word with her later. "Okay."

"Zoe?" He found her hand and squeezed it awkwardly. "Thank you."

She smiled. "Thank you, sir."

End.