CHAPTER 1
Its my birthday tomorrow. I'm going to the FBI headquarters with my brother. I will be there all week. I am planning on reading books the whole time, even though when I told my brother that he shook his head at me. He wants his friends to be my new friends, since I'm staying for a week.
Derek Morgan couldn't have been more proud, or more nervous, at the sight of his brother clipping on an FBI visitors pass. Spencer had filled out the paperwork himself and handled the entire exchange with the agent behind the front desk. Of course, Derek had already arranged for the week long visitors pass several days before, but he wasn't planning on telling Spencer that. His younger brother believed he had just gotten himself into the FBI.
"Come on Spencer," Derek said, motioning for his brother to join him as they went through the security checkpoint. Spencer grabbed onto Derek's arm with one hand and continued to mess with his badge with the other.
As they walked through the checkpoint, the security guard nodded to Derek. "SSA Morgan," he greeted kindly. Morgan smiled warmly at the man in return. The guard, Daniel, was a retired Marine and Derek was sure he knew how to kill someone without leaving a trace, but his face and wrinkles reminded Derek of a gentle grandfather. The guard took a peek at Spencer's guest badge and winked at Derek. "Visiting Agent Morgan," he greeted.
"My name isn't 'visiting agent,'" Spencer objected. "And your name isn't 'SSA.' Its Derek."
Derek laughed. "Daniel's just messing with you."
Spencer studied the guard's face for several seconds until he was satisfied that that was the truth. "You can call me Dr. Morgan," he finally said.
"Sure thing, Dr. Morgan," Daniel nodded.
Derek shrugged at the guard with a small grin on his face, trying to convey his thankfulness at the guard's attempt at making his brother smile, and his apologies that it hadn't worked. They got through the checkpoint and went to the elevators. As they walked, Derek felt Spencer tighten his grip more and more until Derek had to extract himself from Spencer's grasp in the elevators.
"Okay, kid, I thought you wanted to come to my work this week?" Derek said questioningly.
Spencer only nodded.
"Then why the vice grip on my arm?" he asked. Spencer didn't answer. "Not going to talk?"
Spencer shook his head.
"That's gonna make it tough to meet my friends," Derek pointed out. Spencer ran his fingers through his hair, a sign of worry, then suddenly hit his thigh with a tightly curled fist.
"Hey!" Derek said, quickly grabbing Spencer's arms. "You either tell me what's wrong or you show me in your speech book. If you hit yourself, I'm going to have to take you home."
Spencer silently struggled to get out of Derek's grasp and slowly Derek let go. As soon as he did, Spencer brought his fist down to strike his leg again.
"No," Derek said firmly, catching his arms again mid-strike. "You can't hit yourself just because you are upset." He wanted to threaten to take away the FBI trip again, but he knew it was an empty threat. He couldn't miss work and Spencer couldn't stay alone in his apartment. Tears sprang up uninvited to Derek's eyes and he tried desperately to blink them back.
The only thing that could make the situation worse is if Derek lost it, too.
His brother squinted his eyes, trying to analyze Derek's new expression. He couldn't figure out why Derek was suddenly sad. Was it because he had tried to hit himself? He hadn't meant to. Sometimes his body got ahead of his mind. He hated when his brother was upset – that's what tears meant. But he hadn't hit Derek, he had hit himself. He was sure of it. Why was Derek upset? He couldn't stand to see his brother upset. Spencer brought his hands up to cover his ears and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Damn it," Derek muttered, watching Spencer withdraw into himself. He still lightly held onto Spencer's arms but now he used his grip to tug the younger man's hands away from his ears. "Spencer, listen. I'm not upset with you. I promise."
The doors of the elevator opened and Derek gently led Spencer out of the elevator. The change in environment caused Spencer to open his eyes but it wasn't enough to distract him. Spencer pointed to Derek's now-dry eyes suspiciously.
"I'm not upset with you," Derek assured him again. "We can talk about it later. Right now, I want you to meet my friends. Are you ready?"
Spencer nodded hesitantly. He knew this was something important he needed to do, whether or not he was ready.
"Still no talking?" Derek asked. When he didn't get a response he asked, "Why not? Show me in your speech book."
Spencer dutifully pulled out a leather-bound notebook from his messenger bag. Derek knew which page Spencer was about to read. It was undoubtedly his least favorite page in the entire book.
"I am not talking because I am repeating words," Spencer read, then clamped his mouth shut.
Derek hated that page. It was painfully true to who his brother was. The statement was short, devoid of emotion, full of fact. But the reason behind the statement was emotion through and through. Spencer often repeated words over and over, usually when he was nervous. Spencer wasn't very skilled socially, so any situation involving unfamiliar people was nerve-wracking for him.
When he came to live with the Morgans he rarely talked. He had his lips pursed constantly. When he did speak, it was as if his mouth couldn't keep the words in and he would repeat what someone else had just said. Then Spencer would hit himself until one of his new family members could get him into one of the wrestling holds the social worker had taught them to use. It took several months before any of the family even saw Spencer breath through his mouth, lips parted instead of pursed. Derek shuttered to think about the abuse Spencer must have faced before adoption.
"Okay," Derek agreed. "Talk whenever you're ready." Derek wondered if his brother knew that that page would always break him down. He held out his hand but Spencer declined with a shake of his head. "I'll show you my desk first."
As they walked to the bullpen, the pair began to draw stares from other agents. Prentiss and JJ were both at Prentiss' desk looking at case files. Derek had told them he was bringing his adopted brother to visit for the week. He had told him his brother was special needs, but not much else, because truth be told Spencer could be almost normal one second and out of his mind the next.
Derek signaled them to wait just a minute before coming over as the brothers arrived at Derek's desk. "This is it," he said.
"Its dirty," Spencer whispered.
Derek laughed. "There's a method to the madness," he assured Spencer. His brother was undoubtedly referring to the stack of disheveled case files on his desk. Derek turned on his computer and logged in. A picture of his family popped up as his background. "You know them?" he asked.
"You know them? You know them?" Spencer repeated softly. "There's me, and you, mom, our family." Derek could tell Spencer was honestly touched that he was on Derek's computer background. Simple things could make Spencer so happy.
Quietly JJ and Emily came up to Derek's desk. "Hey," JJ said gently, getting the two men's attention.
Derek took a deep breath. "Spencer, these are two of my friends and teammates, JJ and Emily."
Spencer looked up and gave each a brief smile.
"He's not in a talking mood," Derek said, hoping that by saying that Spencer would choose to prove him wrong.
Sure enough, Spencer took the bait and opened his mouth to protest but didn't know what to say. There was a brief look of panic directed at Derek until Derek tapped the cover of the speech book. He quickly found one of the first pages and read aloud. "When you meet new people you say hello my name is Spencer. It is nice to meet you." He looked back up at the ladies and said very quickly, "Hello my name is Spencer. It is nice to meet you."
It was hard not to smile at Spencer's genuine attempt. "Its nice to meet you too," JJ said. "Morgan told us you're staying the whole week?"
"Morgan told us you're staying the whole week? Morgan… Morgan?" Spencer repeated, looking toward his brother for clarification. Who was Morgan and why did he know Spencer's plans?
"That's me," Derek said. "We like to call eachother by our last names here."
Spencer nodded slowly, his brow furrowed. His mind reeled with information from various books he had read regarding law enforcement, scenes from TV shows played in his mind, lines from fiction books… it was too much information. He rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair, then brought his hands to his ears and squeezed his eyes shut to try to stop the flood.
"You okay, kid?" he heard Derek's muffled voice ask.
"You okay, kid?" Spencer repeated several times. He felt Derek's hand squeeze his shoulder supportively. He felt the rush of information pass and he tried to concentrate on the feeling of Derek's hand. That was real. That wasn't in his head. "I'm okay, kid," he finally answered. "TV does it too."
The episode had only lasted a ten seconds at the most, but Derek knew Spencer would be embarassed. JJ and Emily looked pretty confused at Spencer's final statement. Wordlessly, Derek gently pushed Spencer into his desk chair and opened up one of the case files. "While you're here you're going to do some work," Derek said. Spencer looked up at him doubtfully, unsure if Derek was teasing or not. JJ and Emily watched with interest as Derek pulled out a large notebook from his desk and set it next to the case files. "I want you to read each of these files and write a list of everything they have in common."
Spencer nodded, grateful to have something to occupy his mind.
As he set to work, Derek walked with Emily and JJ to Emily's desk. While not out of earshot of Spencer, he knew Spencer's concentration was fully on his project now. "He's not having a great day," Derek explained. "He's a smart kid with a lot of mental problems. He can't process information as quickly as he can take it in. I'm guessing he saw on TV some cops calling eachother by their last names. Took him a minute to process that that's what we do too. Poor kid is brilliant but his brain or emotions can't handle it."
"This is all probably overwhelming," JJ said. "How is he taking it?"
Derek felt like someone had punched him in the gut. "I haven't told him about mom yet," he confessed. "He thinks our mom is on vacation. Hell, he thinks he is on vacation. My sister is shipping some of his stuff out here this week. I've got to tell him before he finds half his bedroom has been fedex-ed to my front porch."
JJ gave him a sympathetic smile. "Whens the funeral?"
"Not until next week," he said. "My mom had a lot of foster kids. Sarah and Desiree want to make sure as many can get there as possible."
"That's kind of them," Emily said.
"There were probably 20 kids in and out while I was growing up, more after I moved out. We probably wouldn't care so much, except at one point Spencer was one of those foster kids."
The ladies nodded in understanding. "What did Hotch say?" Emily asked.
Derek gave them a deep sigh and their eyes widened. "You didn't tell him?" JJ asked incredulously.
"He knows my brother is visiting," Derek answered. Suddenly, Derek looked like a very broken man. "How am I supposed to tell Spencer?"
If they were taken aback by Derek's sudden openness, they didn't show it. Derek was normally such a private man. Since the case in Chicago about a year ago, public information about his life had taken a huge leap forward, but it hadn't grown much since then. It was second nature to profile each other and really, to profile one's self. It was just as natural to slip into that profile, to live it out. Derek lived his profile perfectly: alpha male, untrusting, his caring nature coming from a natural instinct to protect the paxk. Until several days ago, the team had no idea he had a special needs brother.
Their team leader still didn't know. As if on cue, Hotch appeared on the walkway. He squinted down at the skinny, pale, young man sitting at Derek's desk. There couldn't have been a more opposite looking person from Derek unless perhaps the man was a woman. Spener was certainly the opposite of what Hotch had expected to see. Emily noticed Hotch first and discretely motioned to JJ and Derek. Hotch locked eyes on Derek, silently ordering him upstairs for an explanation.
"Good luck, Morgan," Emily said quietly.
He was going to need it.