RAVEN'S POV:
When I was invited out to coffee by my best friend I didn't think twice about it. He frequented hidden coffee shops on a regular basis. What else would you expect for a struggling writer slash photographer?
His stuff was good. It held substance far beyond me, he could talk to his artsy fartsy friends about angles and framing all he wanted. My Etsy shop for making jewelry was blooming but I had my Etsy chat group for support on that. Although it may seem that Murphy and I lived separate lives most of the time when we were together we were just us. Our work would take the backburner for however many hours we holed up in the corner of our favorite bookstore or in going for an evening drive or bingeing an insane amount of movies.
To us, movies were typically definitive. They had a beginning, a middle, and an end. We could watch them and move on with our lives before jumping into another story. Practicality pretty much ran through our veins. Growing up broke and surviving with the help of the other shaped us into a partnership with iron binding.
Crisp Autumn air pinched my cheeks while I walked through the small Virginian town. My reflection caught in the passing storefront windows. My outfit consisted of a beige turtleneck sweater tucked into a green and brown plaid skirt, a brown jacket warm enough to ward off the chill. My black tights coated my legs while my black platform H&M boots. I tossed my newly cut hair. When I asked the hairdresser to take a few inches off I hadn't meant that much but the freshness it gave me made me fond of the new look. Now my golden honey caramel highlights popped against my complexion a bit better.
My phone dinged from a most likely a text from Murphy.
Murphy: Getting your usual.
As silly as it was, him knowing my usual made my face blush. My coffee order rarely diverted from three selections and he was a pro at knowing which one I needed before he laid eyes on me.
Me: Be there in a few, thanx!
The haircut wasn't just for shits and giggles, I needed something physical for him to take in so when I made this big gesture of putting my feelings out there for him to either accept or reject with the golden nameplate bracelet I made him with 'You've Got My Love' written on it. It was sort of a big deal because for as long as I could remember John Murphy had been my rock, my friend, my only consistently reliable human. Now I was gambling that all away if he didn't even feel a sliver of what I felt for him.
Big Joe's coffee shop came into view. Would simply not showing up be suspicious?
Clarke would give me a discouraging stare if she knew I had went through all this trouble to finally make the grande gesture and chicken out. Thankfully, I hadn't told her my plan but she'd find out the news soon enough.
The door chimed open at my arrival. It was too late to turn back now. Was the perfume too much?
He sat at our usual table tucked away. He wore a grey cable knit sweater, his leather jacket hung around the back of the chair. Something weighed heavy on him from stern set to his jaw he got when he didn't have an answer for something important to him.
Our eye locked.
My stomach said abort mission but my head said tough luck.
His eyes roamed over me when I walked up to him.
What did he think of my hair? Did I go too far? Was this a mistake? There was no way for him to know what I was thinking so I just needed to calm down and breathe.
"You look nice," He said as I pulled my chair out.
I offered a grin, hoping my excitement over that fact didn't come across as creepy. My jacket rested on the back of the chair. "Thanks," I took a sip of my dirty chai latte, my plum lipstick left a lip print around the lip of the white mug. "How was your day?" I looked at him like I usually did but something felt different in the air.
He stared at me intently, his grey blue eyes held a secret of their own. "Pretty great actually. What about yours?"
My other hand grasped the bracelet in my pocket. I couldn't just come out and say, "I love you for infinity." So I decided to wait it out until my nerves calmed.
I shrugged, then fixed my tortoise shell framed glasses. "A bit boring actually," My hand that gripped the mug handle gestured to him. "Are we still on for Movie Night because I've been saving my pints of Ben & Jerry's because you bailed on the last one. You ditched me for one of your camera ready hotties."
His mouth twitched into a smile. "I would've much rather been with you, Raven. Speaking of, I have a shoot coming up in Boston. Would you want to be my model for the shoot?" His voice held an undertone of nervousness.
Traveling as a photographer came with the territory but he hadn't ever asked me to tag along with, let alone be one of his models.
"Boston?" My forehead creased in confusion. "Why can't we do it here?"
He looked into my eyes for what felt like an eternity before he leaned forward and the words fell from his lips, "Because I'm moving there. I got this awesome new job out there."
My hand in my pocket dropped the bracelet in defeat. I sat back in my chair. "Oh," I pasted on an encouraging smile but it felt fake. "You're moving?"
"Yeah," He seemed to know I wasn't as happy as I portrayed, but he didn't say anything.
As it turned out the one consistently reliable human in my life would no longer be consistent. We lived our whole lives side by side. I figured around College we'd drift apart but we hadn't, what with him choosing to go to Community College with me. When he got his first real deal girlfriend, Emori, I figured I'd be bingeing at home by my lonesome but he made sure I was never left out. Same for when Zeke came along. People came and went around us but we were supposed to be constant.
"When?" I looked down at my coffee.
"In a few days."
My head nodded. "A few days." My eyes stared into his. "That's all I get, John?"
He let out a little breath. "I know it's not much time." His eyes narrowed. "Wait, you're not even going to say you're happy for me?"
Well, it was kinda hard to say it when I didn't mean it fully. Sure, his career would take off. That would be fantastic. What wouldn't be fantastic was how much I'd miss him.
Tears pricked at my eyes. I looked off to the side to collect myself. "No, you deserve it." I stood without looking at him. "I forgot I had plans." I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door.
"Raven," He called after me.
Clarke and I locked eyes briefly before I excited. She shot me a sympathetic look from behind the counter before Lexa came up behind her with a kiss on the cheek.
How lame of a friend was I? I couldn't even properly be thrilled for my best friend all because of how I felt about him. If I was a better person I would recognize that putting myself first here wasn't the adult thing to do. Who was I kidding? Twenty-five year olds lived in this limbo of fresh adolescence and full grown adulthood. I didn't have the answers to all the questions we were supposed to have known by now. Nor did I have the slightest idea of how my life was going to turn out in ten years let alone two.
Now I was coffeeless. Because of how dramatic I was I had to go Corporate to get the closest coffee in town. Starbucks.
I waded my way through the cozy town that I never actually thought about leaving with a a black coffee and biscotti in my hand. My dreams had always been smaller than Murphy's. His inevitable escape shouldn't have come as a shock but boy did it put a wrench in my plans to explore things if he felt the same. Long distance would never work.
There weren't many places to go in this town, but when our park bench appeared after I wandered on autopilot I sat with a sad smile. I looked down at the coffee and biscotti as if they held a solution.
Light rain misted the streets but with the heavy tree canopy of orange and yellow leaves, I barely felt it. I sipped at my bitter coffee that fit my bitter mood. A few times, I tried to make my way home but I couldn't muster up the energy to do so. I thought about checking my phone that went off about a bajillion times but I didn't want to face it quite yet. Guess I was cowardly like that.
"If you didn't want to be found you should've picked a better hiding place."
I didn't have to look up to know Murphy was headed my way.
He approached.
I fixed my glasses and sat up. "Hey,"
"You get that important thing done?" He teased.
I picked at the hard pastry. "There was no thing." I admitted.
The bench dipped a bit under his weight. "You don't say,"
My body grew aware of his presence. "Look, I'm happy for you. I shouldn't have run away. We should be celebrating." I put as much fake enthusiasm in my voice as I could muster. Now that he was here I couldn't let on to what I was going to admit.
"Then why'd you run away, Raven?"
It sat in the air way longer than I was comfortable with. He was leaving in a couple days. If I was losing him from our life like it was then why was I afraid of telling him the truth? The words weren't hard ones to say but to him...I could lose him completely.
With that fear still heavy on my heart, I held up the uneaten biscotti.
He took it with a cute smirk and placed it on the bench. One of his hands grabbed mine. "I'm listening,"
Dammit. He was going to make me say my piece. Those words wouldn't come but I knew what would do the talking for me. I broke our hand hold and handed him the bracelet.
He read it intently with a furrowed brow while his lips moved. My words sat with him before his gaze found mine. He held up the metal confession. "What does this mean exactly?" He watched me with bated breath.
Fuck.
I thought it was plain as day but now I had to say it with actual words. Great things sometimes required sacrifice. Only I had to live with our sacrificial friendship.
A brave breath passed my lips. "That the reason I ran away is because I don't want you to leave. Me." I fumbled for the right words. "I was going to give you that earlier but you're leaving." I swallowed the biscotti sized lump in my throat. "So we don't have to talk about it." I faced forward while I waited for him to leave.
He sat there beside me with his eyes burning a whole into the side of my face. "Do I get to say something before you decide that we're not talking about it?"
I made a noncommittal noise in the back of my throat. If he had to.
He let out a frustrated but confused laugh. "You know, I've waited a painstakingly long time for a sign like this bracelet from you."
My eyes turned to his. I wasn't expecting him to be closer. His mouth was like an inch away from mine.
Abort. Feelings. He was leaving.
"You were?" I said it almost as a whisper.
He put a little distance between us and nodded. "Yeah," His voice dropped in vulnerability.
I looked at him in a whole new light. As suave and handsome and talented as he was he'd never been mine. The only time I ever felt like he was when we were on my bed in my first apartment in college snuggled up and I was on the verge of admitting everything. That night it felt like I would a hundred percent be reciprocated. Kind of like how it felt now on this bench.
Wait, so he liked me back?
He looked up at me. "I was going to tell you at the coffee shop but you ran away."
Was my drinking black coffee for not?
"You were going to tell me how you felt and then leave?" I playfully slapped his chest.
He caught my hand with a grin. "I was also going to extend an invitation to come with me. Permanently." He awaited my answer.
My mind tried to wrap around what he was asking and when it did I wasn't sure if I was ready to pick up the UHaul myself or disappear behind this bench.
"You want me to move with you?" A tiny smile prematurely peaked out. "Like roommates?"
He laughed. "No, you idiot." He looked at me lovingly. "I want you to move in with me. Like a couple."
Holy Hell. I was just planning on the bracelet going south and here I had a moving proposal on my hands.
"Move in with you? We haven't even gone out on a date and you want me to move in with you, John Murphy?"
He grinned and nodded. "You stay at my place as much as I stay at yours anyway. We don't need a date to tell us if we're compatible, Raven. I've kind of known you my whole life."
It was all a lot to think about. I would have to uproot my life to be with the man I loved. What was I uprooting really? Some furniture maybe. Besides that, I held no codependent ties to this town that I needed to stay. I just never thought I would leave. My Etsy shop could run from anywhere. My only real friends in town were Clarke and Lexa, who would wholeheartedly want me to make the decision that my heart would want.
"You don't have to give me an answer now," He said out of fear I'd say no.
My head shook. "I can't imagine my life without in it," I turned to him. My eyes dipped to his lips. "What the hell would I do here without you?"
"So?" He said with uncertainty.
I leaned forward to press my lips onto his for what I meant to be a quick kiss but I slid my tongue into his mouth while my hand grabbed the side of his face and held him against the back of the bench.
When I pulled away we looked on at each other in a haze of amazement.
Why hadn't we been doing that all along? Why hadn't I had the lady balls to say what I felt?
His lips pursed in thought. "Does this mean you're saying yes?"
I grinned as I moved in for another kiss that made my toes curl in my platforms. "You can take this as my yes." I leaned down.
This time he took captive of my mouth. Under the mist of October air, we had a little taste of what our lives would be like together and neither of us could part ways long enough to worry over real life concerns. However, Boston played out we would forever be marked by this moment here. As terrifying as that was, I had a feeling that we'd be okay.
A/N: If you follow my The 100 instagram at zaven_murven then you've seen from my Murven aesthetic boards that I'm slightly obsessed with Fall/Halloween lately. This will be one of my last Fall's/Halloween's(never really celebrated it before) before I move to Arizona never year so I'm fully embracing it. I might even start another instagram for it. If you want to check it out, there will be an aesthetic board for this one-shot on my Instagram