an- here you go. pardon my americanisms.

i do not own doctor who or any of its characters.

Sometimes she gets these flashes when she doesn't remember Rory. That shouldn't happen, the universe was rebooted and everything was supposed to be normal and happy.

But sometimes she doesn't remember him and sometimes he has too many memories. At least he says it's sometimes. It's probably all the time, because Rory doesn't want Amy to worry and Amy knows that.

They never tell each other, but the way she suddenly wakes up at night and stares at him to say what-the-hell-are-you-doing-in-my-bed with enough force to wake him up, and the way he wakes up every night screaming, that's how they know.

Too many or too little memories can ruin a person.

Too many memories can terrify a person.

i am human, i am human, Rory whispers to himself at night, because he is, but he wasn't.

Too little memories can ruin a person.

i know who you are, Amy whispers into his neck, because she does, but she didn't and she still doesn't sometimes.

But they pretend everything is happy, they're ready for another adventure, because that would be fantastic, that would take their mind off of everything.

It doesn't.

The Doctor dies, and then he comes back, younger and newer and happier and not even knowing that he's died.

Another thing to put on the pile of things to ruin them slowly.

Amy is pregnant. That terrifies her in those late night terrors she gets maybe once a week, because who is the father?

Rory mutters something in Latin and she remembers and sighs that short little sight that means nothing is okay even if i do remember because our lives are chaotic messes.

It's kind of a relief, though, that she can remember most of the time, and that he's alright most of the time, and that they're safe with the Doctor until he dies.

Rory sometimes holds Amy so tightly that she can't breathe, as if she is never going to leave him again, which she won't, but she can never die. He will die before her, he will always go first, because he is the protector.

(in hindsight, this is always true. he is the first to hit the ground. he dies five years before her in the end. there is no hindsight yet, however, they haven't fallen, they haven't grown old together, there is so much more for them to do for the world.)

Sometimes Amy will push him away, because what if she forgets him and hurts him, won't that kill him?

The Doctor seems unaware of all this, although he probably knows, but won't interfere, because that would damage the universe or something else ridiculously untrue.

Amy wants him to help her and Rory.

Memories are sort of a difficult thing. Forgetting makes no sense. Remembering something that's never happened makes no sense.

Somehow, they make no sense.

They make perfect sense; however, the world just isn't keeping up.

Or something among those lines.

All that really matters is that they exist.

i am so sorry for the terribleness and nonsensical-ness of this.

i love you.

reviews are fish custard.

-bee