Hey, it's a new story! Danny's thoughts on his nutty family.
Un-beta'ed, so quibble away.
- o – o -
Live for the Rules
Danny Matheson has five rules to live by, and has lived by them since the age of five.
One: I must never be seen or heard.
The boy hides in his room, and takes the drugs that he knows his uncle is giving him. There are the ones that are right, that he's supposed to take. He knows, because Mrs. Beaumont—the only person he's sure isn't trying to kill him—smiles and nods approvingly when she sees him take them. One of them makes him sick. The other makes the boy stop drinking water, just so his uncle stops giving them to him every day.
Danny knows his uncle gives him drugs he's not supposed to take. He doesn't like the bleary feeling it gives him, or how heavy and disconnected everything is. Those drugs are bad. But his rule says he can't be seen or heard, or bad things will happen. He takes them and doesn't tell Mrs. Beaumont about them. He stays in his room when Uncle Miles says he doesn't have to go out, and tries to be quiet. He tries to be invisible. If he's not, Uncle Miles will come in.
Charlie likes playing Uncle Miles' games. By the age of nine, Danny thinks Uncle Miles should die. So should Mr. Baker.
But he never says anything. I must never be seen or heard. He hides in his room, and takes the drugs so Uncle Miles doesn't come in.
Two: I must play my part in my uncle's games.
Danny knows his uncle likes hurting people. Charlie likes to help. Mr. Baker likes to write about them, which makes him just as bad. The boy wishes he could tell someone—anyone, really—about how they hurt people. He tried to tell Mrs. Beaumont once. She never did anything, and Uncle Miles was terrifying after he found out. Danny doesn't talk to Mrs. Beaumont anymore, besides his usual answers when she asks her questions once a month.
He's being treated okay. He likes his room, because Uncle Miles makes sure it's nice. He hates eating carrots, and wishes his uncle would let him have spinach instead. He likes Mr. Baker okay. Lessons are going well—Mr. Baker says his art is getting better too.
The boy knows he has to play his part in Uncle Miles' games. Mr. Monroe, who comes to live with them when he's almost eleven (or twelve; the drugs make dates and ages too fuzzy to recall clearly), plays the same games. Danny sits quietly in the back of Mr. Baker's car as they go everywhere. He takes as many puffs on his inhaler—the one Uncle Miles gives him, which has the wrong drugs in it along with the right ones—as he can stand, so he doesn't have to see what happens to the people Uncle Miles is going to hurt. Sometimes, he doesn't, and he manages to scare them away. He tries, but sometimes…
Danny plays his part, even if he cries when Uncle Miles starts his "family photos". He wishes his mommy and daddy were still alive.
He never complains, though. I must play my part in my uncle's games. That means he has to help his uncle find people to hurt. Sometimes, Charlie hurts them. Sometimes, Mr. Monroe hurts them. Mr. Baker never hurts anyone, and he's still the worst of them all.
Three: I will never complain about anything.
Danny learns this one by the age of six. If he complains, Uncle Miles looks at him like he looks at the people he hurts (plays with until they die). If he complains, Uncle Miles locks him in the basement, or the shed, or hurts him until he can't walk for days. His uncle is careful, though, and makes sure Danny is never hurt when Mrs. Beaumont comes to visit and make sure everything is okay.
The boy learns quickly that he has to ignore what happens. He plays stupid so no one notices that he's aware of what's happening. Danny tried to warn the police once, after Mrs. Foster made Uncle Miles mad. He spent three days in the shed, in a box, while Uncle Miles lied to the police. After that, Uncle Miles hurt him until he couldn't move for a week.
He doesn't complain about anything after that and takes the drug Uncle Miles gives him that isn't part of his routine. He never talks to Mr. Baker either, not about anything that would make him sound smart. Danny plays stupid, just like Uncle Miles thinks he is. He does not complain about anything. He would get hurt if he did.
Mr. Monroe treats him nicely enough, though. Danny likes falling asleep to the man's stories, a lot better than he likes Uncle Miles coming into his room. Mr. Monroe doesn't mind if he complains, although Danny is careful not to sound as smart as he is. Uncle Miles would find out. Danny's only shown how smart he is once—but his uncle was mad, because Danny had killed one of Charlie's toys so she didn't suffer anymore. (I wish the cops would shoot you, Uncle Miles, because you're sick. I hope they shoot Charlie too, because you made her just as sick.)
Danny hides in his fantasy world so he doesn't see anything. He knows he's just as bad as his uncle. I must not complain about anything.
He doesn't.
Four: I will do whatever Uncle Miles tells me to.
He learns this one through lots of painful lessons. Uncle Miles' leave him feeling dirty, and no amount of soap can wash it away. Charlie's lessons, administered on Uncle Miles' behalf, leave him wishing he could die. Mr. Baker's lessons make him wish he was stupid, like everyone thought he was. Mr. Monroe's lessons make him wish he had real friends.
Danny has to do whatever Uncle Miles tells him to, or he'll be hurt. He sits and stands and walks and smiles like his uncle tells him to. He sits quietly in his room when Uncle Miles doesn't want him to play. He smiles and says thank you when he's given something, even if he doesn't want it.
The boy does what Uncle Miles tells him to. He sits still in the mall, and tries not to cry when Uncle Miles leads him out along with the people he wants to hurt (why do you kill so many people, Uncle Miles? You're sick). He says nothing and stares stupidly at them, because Uncle Miles tells him that he's stupid and useless, and should have been drowned at birth.
He smiles when Uncle Miles visits him in his room, and does what he's told. He never talks to Mrs. Beaumont, unless it's to say that everything is alright. He eats the candy his uncle gives him when Mrs. Beaumont is there. He takes the drugs that make him weak and disoriented. He never wants to see how the people he finds for his uncle get hurt. It's his fault, and he should take responsibility for what's happening to them when Uncle Miles decides to play with them, but Danny knows he's a coward.
Danny knows he doesn't deserve to live. I must do whatever Uncle Miles tells me.
He lets Uncle Miles come into his room. He never says anything.
Five: The only way out of this house is to die.
Danny knows this. He's seen it happen to a lot of people. The first one he remembers is Mrs. Foster, and Callum—who was a little older than him—and Elliot—who was older than Charlie. Uncle Miles made Danny sit on Mrs. Foster's lap and took "family photos" while Charlie killed Callum and Elliot, and laughed as the boys cried in pain. Danny sucks his thumb and hides his face so he doesn't have to see the scary monsters that are actually his sister and Uncle Miles.
He sees it happen to Mr. Pittman and his girlfriend. Danny liked Mr. Pittman, when the man came to visit. The man didn't care that he was (supposedly) stupid and deficient. He was nice. He had candy that didn't make Danny want to retch when he ate it. But Uncle Miles didn't like that Danny liked Mr. Pittman and Priscilla more, and tortured them until they died. Danny hid in his room and sucked down the drugs Uncle Miles gave him until he could stop crying. Mr. Baker restarted Danny's heart when he found the boy. (Why couldn't you let me die? I wanted to leave with Mr. Pittman and Priscilla.)
Danny hopes he's forgiven for killing Eve. He helped lure her in. It's his fault she got hurt. Danny hates Charlie, and wishes he could have scared Eve off. The girl was nice. Mr. Monroe kept his curare where Danny could find it, though. Danny took eight needles. He doesn't deserve Eve saying thank you as he shoved the needles into her arms, one by one. He's scum.
He wants Strausser to kill him. He doesn't get his wish. Uncle Miles and Mr. Monroe get to them before Strausser can finish what he started. Danny knows Strausser is like Uncle Miles and Charlie and Mr. Monroe. He knows the man liked some of the same games Uncle Miles plays with him and Charlie. He hoped Strausser's games would kill him, but Charlie and Uncle Miles and Mr. Monroe found him too soon. He takes as many of his regular drugs as he can, and almost dies. Mr. Monroe finds him (I hate you. Why won't you just let me die?) and makes him throw up before he can finally get away from the house for good.
The boy doesn't take any drugs when Uncle Miles and Charlie and Mr. Monroe take the Nevilles. Danny's sure that, in another time, he might never have met Mr. Neville—or that maybe, just maybe, Mr. Neville might have been able to stop Uncle Miles. Mr. Neville's wife gets turned into one of Mr. Monroe's dolls. Jason has to play Uncle Miles' favorite kind of games with Charlie—both kinds. Danny wishes he could have stolen more of Mr. Monroe's drugs to get Jason away from Charlie, but that kind of trick only worked once. He can't stop crying as Uncle Miles puts the next part of the family album together. Mr. Neville tries to comfort him. Danny feels like scum as he falls asleep and gets to be safe, while Uncle Miles and Charlie and Mr. Monroe kill the Nevilles. He's scum, and he deserves to die because he's why the Nevilles are being hurt and tortured and killed.
He knows he's not supposed to try and leave his room without Uncle Miles or Mr. Baker. Danny leaves anyways, in the middle of the night. He runs six miles and collapses, wheezing, in Miss Clayton's backyard. She has a real inhaler, and Danny sucks on it until he can breathe again. He tries to protect her, because she hasn't done anything wrong. Mr. Monroe is the one who hits him to the ground, and holds him on the way back to Uncle Miles' home. Uncle Miles comes into Danny's room that night, angry and hostile and smelling like blood and… Danny takes as many of Uncle Miles' drugs as he can stand after his uncle leaves. He deserves to have his uncle hurt him. He deserves to die...
Mr. Monroe is nice enough to him. Danny doesn't mind him coming into his room at bedtime or later—not as much as he minds Uncle Miles, that is. Danny pretends and plays and makes believe that he's really as stupid as Uncle Miles and Charlie and Mr. Baker say he is. Sometimes, he wishes it was true. Then he wouldn't feel like scum for what he's done, and for what he's played his part in. Mr. Monroe reads him stories, and treats him like a five-year-old, even though he's almost seventeen.
Danny knows he can't complain. The only way out of this house is to die. He's tried everything else before. He knows it doesn't work.
Uncle Miles never checks the swing set in Danny's playground. Mr. Baker never does either. Charlie and Mr. Monroe don't go near it. Danny likes his bulky winter sweaters and the three coats he has to wear in the winter. He sneaks the chains from the swings, and the rope from the tire swing, back to his room. He deserves to die.
Danny writes his rules down, and tells Mrs. Beaumont he's sorry for screwing up her schedule. He asks Mr. Monroe to take care of Sorge, his yellow, blue-eyed cat, for him.
I must never be seen or heard.
I must play my part in my uncle's games.
I will never complain about anything.
I will do whatever Uncle Miles tells me to.
…
The only way out of this house is to die.
Danny kicks the stack of books and DVDs out from under his feet, scattering them beyond his ability to use them as a prop, and hopes he dies suffering, like the people he never helped.
He's scum.
He deserves to die.
- o – o -
So, what did you think? Good? Bad? Did Danny need some serious counseling from someone who wasn't a nutter? Drop a line and let me know.
Also, 3988Akasha over on ArchiveOfOurOwn wrote a lovely piece in the 'verse called "From the Notes of Jeremy Baker, PhD". It's an excellent read, and you should go check it out.
Author's note: I'm at a little over 100K. I give up on NaNo for the rest of the month.