Well, I'm guessing that all of you are intrigued just by the title, but, yeah. This was fun to write.

This is for SuperFunkyGirl1, who was the 500th reviewer on my story Deafening Silence. So to say thanks, she gets a fic about naked Eleven, because she likes Eleven a LOT. :P

There's also an appearance from Sarah Jane and a mention of Jack. Because obviously, if the Doctor was going to end up naked, Jack would have something to do with it. XD

Enjoy!

As consciousness began to seep over him at an incredibly sluggish pace, the Doctor became aware of the fact that he was surrounded by smallish lumpy things and little softy ticklish objects. He opened his eyes to find himself propped up on pillows and covered in feathers...and nothing else.

Just as he sat up abruptly to find that he had a throbbing headache, an artist with puffy sleeves entered the room.

That was when the Doctor noticed the easel in front of him.

"Ah, you're awake," The artist said happily as he crossed the room to stand behind the easel, "Good. Perhaps we could finish the portrait?"

The Doctor froze and gulped. "Portrait?" He asked with a dry throat.

The artist nodded, turning around the easel to show a intricately painted portrait of himself, seductively lounging on the chase lounge, completely nude, with only a bunch of conveniently located feathers covering him.

The Doctor jumped up quickly. "No! No more of this portrait business! Who put you up to this?"

The artist looked confused, eyeing him skeptically. "Why, you did, sir...you arrived late last night, drunk out of your mind, and demanded a nude portrait of yourself."

The Doctor couldn't help but grin a little at his own antics. "Well, who can blame me, I am incredibly..." He trailed off as he realized what he was saying. "No! I'm leaving before anything else can happen." He grabbed a cushion to cover himself before hasty heading for the door. "Keep the portrait, or send it Miss River Song, she'd probably like it."

And with that he left the room, a stunned and befuddled artist in his wake.

The Doctor woke up suddenly, and tried to move before working out where he was, a move that had him falling off the couch he had been situated on. Now only half covered in a blue blanket, he realized that - like the portrait incident a few weeks prior - he was unclothed.

A voice woke him from his muddled and alarmed thoughts.

"Doctor? Oh! Sorry." The voice was flustered and incredibly familiar. The Docor turned while keeping a strict hand on the blanket to see the worried face of Sarah Jane Smith standing a few meters away.

"Sarah Jane..." He said, curious, "This may come as an odd question, but why am I in your house, sleeping on your couch, with no clothes?"

"Well, you arrived at my house last night, drunk, and being chased by a giant alien insect. We fought it off in the end, but not...um...before it ate your clothes off you." Sarah Jane explained awkwardly, "I gave you a blanket and let you sleep. Obviously you can't remember anything?"

"Nothing," He groaned as he slowly got up. "I don't suppose you have a long cloak-ish thing?" She nodded and went upstairs, returning with a long coat that covered up everything it needed to. "Thank you, Sarah Jane. Now, I'd love to stay and chat, but I really do need to find the TARDIS, so I'll be off."

"I hope you find it, Doctor, and that I can see you again soon when you've found your clothes again." Sarah Jane said, holding back a chuckle. He hugged her before walking out of her door and down the street with surprising dignity for a man only wearing a coat.

The first thing he was aware of was the heat. The scorching dry sensation sizzling across his skin, and the brightness behind his eyelids that told him that it was the sunlight burning his skin. He opened his eyes to a strange sight, the ground many feet below him. And as he felt wind in a place that he didn't usually feel wind, he looked down to once again find himself completely naked. And bound tightly to a very high pole, it would seem.

Why was this becoming a regular occurrence?

"Doctor!" A strong female voice caused him to look down and see a finely dressed woman gazing sternly up at him.

He blinked a few times as her face became more familiar. "Cleo?" He asked in surprise, wondering what it could have been that he had done to end up where he was.

Cleopatra crossed her arms and glared, seemingly not bothered by his state of undress as she tapped her foot on the sandy stone ground. "Last night was the last straw, Doctor, I cannot have you embarrassing me like that again…"

He gulped. "What did I do?"

"Well, after consuming far too much wine, you began dancing in a very strange and inappropriate way on top of the dining table, in front of all of my ambassadors." She shot him a look that would have erased every one of his incarnations at once if looks were deadly. "And that will not be happening again. Hence why you are now imprisoned here."

"No chance of getting let go?" He asked hopefully, when a thought struck him, "And where's my bowtie?"

"Your bowtie – along with the rest of your strange clothing – is currently floating down the Nile." Cleopatra looked far too pleased with herself.

"That is not cool, Cleo, extremely very not cool. Do you know that the destruction of a bowtie is a federal offence in three galaxies?" The Doctor said, horrified. She raised an eyebrow. "Okay, it's not, but it should be."

"Don't try and confuse me with your foreign words that I do not understand, Doctor, your 'galaxeses' cannot help you now." The Pharaoh said impatiently. "Now, if you are agreeable, you shall be freed in two days, under the condition that you never return in your blue box ever again."

"Two days?" He asked with indignation as he struggled against his bonds, "That's ages!"

Cleopatra ignored him as she walked away back down the path, past the pyramids and back to her palace.

The Doctor found himself being thrown roughly, and woke up properly as he hit the hard ground outside with a hard thud.

"No staying after hours, man," The person who had thrown him grunted grumpily before shutting the door of the building. The Doctor rolled over on the cold dirt, and abruptly sat up, his hands flying to his chest, which was bare. Along with the rest of him.

"Why does this keep happening to me?" He demanded of the air around him, the question not intended to be answered by anyone ringing out in the silent air.

He got up and stumbled around the town – it looked to be around the 46th century – and got a glimpse of himself in a reflective wall of a building. His face was covered in bright red and pink lipstick marks, and he gulped at the thought of what he may have been doing. Then he noticed something written on his forearm, and held it to his face to read it better. It had a long intergalactic phone number, and read:

'If found, please return to Captain Jack Harkness.'

The Doctor groaned.

A fourteen year old girl woke up to an insistent knocking at the door of the apartment she lived in with her parents. She got out of bed, rubbing at her eyes before she shoved her glasses on. When she got to the door and opened it, she was alarmed and befuddled to see a drunk, naked man leaning against the door frame. Well, naked was relative, he had a bowtie wrapped around his neck and was holding a conveniently located fez with a steady hand.

Feeling only slightly embarrassed, she frowned as she looked him over.

"Um, do you want a jumper, sir?" She asked, and he nodded. She helped him inside and ran to grab him a pair of her father's shorts and a hipster jumper with a reindeer on it. She looked away while he put them on, transferring the fez to his head.

"Thanks," He murmured, slightly delirious. "I'm drunk."

"I noticed," She retorted, rolling her eyes, "Want a hot chocolate?"

He looked up, a spark in his eye. "Yes, please…got any Jammy Dodgers?"

Ten minutes later, the two of them were happily feasting on Jammy Dodgers and hot chocolate.

"Sorry, um…what was your name again?" The Doctor asked, rubbing his forehead.

The girl grinned at him.

"Livvy."

"Nice to meet you, Livvy. Maybe you and I could go on a trip when you're older…"

I hope you liked it! It was my first proper kiriban if you don't count toavoidconversation's birthday present...so hopefully Livvy has enjoyed it.

Please let me know what you thought in a review!

-MayFairy :)