It was as strapping day in Ooo when Finn and Jake wondered by. Jake then said, "Let me get some tunes a-rollin on my viola!" So he started playing. Finn was listening but Jake didn't know that the bow got notched on the wood(the bow being the stick thing you use to play it.). Soon Jake accidentally got it stuck and the bow was strung like it was in a bow! And yes it did shoot like a bow…into Finn's eye. Finn flipped out his eye gouged with Jake's viola bow he shouted he was sorry but Finn pulled out his sword and slashed Jake's right arm off! Jake screamed in agony as Finn was babbling incomprehensibly.
Jake picked up a near by mace and bashed Finn with it breaking his left arm! Things were getting tense now! As Finn shrieked in pain he picked up a knife and slashed Jake in HIS eye. Then Finn and Jake out of the blue started kissing with each other for no reason. Princess Bubblegum game along and she asked what they were doing then Finn (Censored For protection of younger kids instead read this very loving oh too late) soon PB was as dead as could be. Then Jake took his trusty mace and pounded PB's remains to dust which blew away. They engaged battle once more with Finn pulling a revolver on Jake and blowing him down. Now with a bullet in his gut, Jake was straining to get steady when a huge Cyclops came and kicked him away. Then a magical Rainbow Beast came and tried to kill Finn for no good reason!
As Finn ran away Jake found a shotgun to kill Finn with. Finn running for his life was saved by Tree Trunks who was armed with a Uzi and two handguns. Finn went up to Tree Trunks and thought about thanking her but instead he stabbed her and took her weapons. Finn was then hit by a harpoon in the shoulder by Jake who was floating above in a hot air balloon
Finn then took a discarded crowbar and Gordon Freeman style tried to escape but Jake reeled him in. Finn then took his crowbar andFinn grasping in pain slammed the crowbar over Jake's head, of which Jake was falling unconscious. Soon Finn took Jake by the head and almost threw him into the hot air balloon's flame. But he was saved by Lady Rainicorn who flew out of the blue knocking Finn out of the balloon.
Finn was falling, Fortunately he fell onto Lumpy Space Princess, Who at the time was floating along. He nearly killed her but to put her out of her misery Finn impaled her with his crowbar, Killing her. Jake was felling better was Lady Rainicorn found a healing potion any easily healed Jake but soon Finn blew the Rainicorn out of the sky! The potion splashed all over him, Healing him of all his wounds. Finn then took a axe out of a nearby tree and hacked into Jake who then SMASHED his viola over Finn's head. Finn screamed but then, Jake took a bow and arrow and shot Finn in the stomach, hurting him badly.
Not far off Stanley the Watermelon came by armed with 8 Flamethrowers and bazookas attacked Finn and Jake Finn tried to kill Stanley but he pulled out and AK-47 and blasted Finn down then he shot his bazookas then brought out and RPG and shot Jake. Jake got blown in to bits but was still alive. Then Stanley called the Magical Pegacorn to fly him away and give him praise. Finn and Jake woke up in the Candy Kingdom Hospital, Both on tables. Nurse Poundcake said they were pretty bashed up but they fixed them. Finn replied by taking a nearby syringe and jabbing the nurse's eye out. As she was screaming Doctor Icecream came in wondering what was going on but Jake took a bone saw and killed the doctor as well. Finn and Jake were bonding. By killing innocents and doctors. After doing inaproporeate things with Doctor Princess then chopping her in two, Finn and Jake were best buds again. Best buds who wanted to destroy Ooo. They spoke little because they knew what to do. This included plunder,murder,rape etc, etc . Why they dare do this who knew? They plundered a curious novel titled "cUpCaKeS hOnK" covered with gross multi-colored blood. After reading the crossover fanfic they got back work albit more creeped out than before. This did not stop the looting of course. They took more items then they could carry. But Finn (who i failed to mention got a sweet eyepatch) picked up a wheelbarrow. Jakehad trouble transforming with his new robot arm (his RIGHT arm, he also has an eyepatch). Now they were practicly pirates all they were missing was a boat and possibly some optional cutlasses (but pirate fassion is off topic).
these boys were bad ass killing machines once they got out of the treehouse. Armed with Magnums with fancy Laser blasters, butterfly knives, Finn with his Rooty-gem sword and Jake with his Fancy looking battle axe. Jake was armed with 10 wooden stakes and Finn was armed with garlic to take out a vampire who shant escape... They started off with finishing off the Candy Kingdom. Bubblegum, who died last fic had her funeral in just 2 days. Since Jake turned the body to dust by pounding it, it was just an empty casket filled with momentos from her loyal citizens. This, of course did not matter considering over 75% of them were in CANDY HELL with her they got to the Candy Kingdom, Pepermint Butler came running out exclaming: "Oh! Finn and Jake thank jegus you're here! madmen are running loose and i dosay there are RUINING the to -URK!" Was the last thing out of Pepermint Butler's mouth before Jake swung his MIGHTY AXE into Pepermint Butler's Head. Finn followed up on this by chopping him in two. Finn and jake looked at eachother with brotherly love as they chomped on Pepermint Butler's head- a thing Susan Strong couldn't even do. Finn and Jake- They were warped now. Crude shells of what they once stood for. Why? I won't really explain, thats up to you. They looked at their "masterpeice" as the icy view of the Ice Kingdom came into sight. Like other mentaly disturbed villans like Victor Zszaz or The Calendar Man, They thought they would save the Ice King from his mortality. Life didn't treat him well at all really. He had no wife, he was old, all he had was ice and penguins- he coulden't even hump half the penguins on their own free will.
It was a frigid Journey, even for them. They walked up the path of the Ice king, their intent on mind. At the moment the Ice King was distracted, dressing up his penguins as princesses as Finn and Jake steathaly moved in. When sudenly Mr. T came bursting in through the wall with an Mp5 blowing the Ice King down. He then shouted: " I DON'T PITY THAT DAMN FOOL!" and flew and i said FLEW off into the Fire Kingdom Blasting it up with his eye-beams. Finn and Jake were big-eyed and their jaws dropped at what they just saw. But soon the penguins were acting funny. Their beaks started spinning and their eyes were glowing blood red. They shreiked with a noise sounding like 12 micrphone feedbacks all sounding into eachother. The penguins formed into a HUGE penguin robot! Sorta like Voltron Force only with penguins. All of a sudden Jackie Chn came running off a wall karate chopping the robot in half while Finn and Jake ran out. Jake then put Finn on his back and they went to a familliar looking hatch. Finn was about to open it when Susan Strong opend it smacking Finn in the face, causeing him to bleed. Susan looked round but Jake smacked her with a mace, kncoking her out cold. While Finn was unconsious from the hitting in the face, Jake took both Susan and Finn to the treefort. He put finn on his bed and took susan to the basemant he made without finn knowing. Jake strapped Susan with Iron bars to an operating table. he woke up susan and put a gag in her mouth. She was wondering what was going on until jake stabbed a dagger in her leg. Jake said nothing as continued putting daggers and knifes into susan. susan was screaming as loud as she could but the gag prevented her from speaking. Her last sight was jake sliceing a dagger into her forehead. about an hour later finn woke up on jakes back as they went to Marcaline's house. they both had wooden stakes in hand and garlic on their sides. Jake scouted the place. he saw marcaline in the living room, then finn SMASHED through the glass throwing garlic clusters at her weakining her. jake had loaded 2 stakes in a slingshot-crossbow type thing. he launched when marcaline was on the ground. she was screaming and sking finn why would he do this? finn replied by gaging her with garlic. soon finn took the stake and impaled it into her chest, killing her. Finn and Jake cellebrated victory by drinking 10 gallons of beer and wine then smashing the bottles on hotdog princess then roasting her over a fire.