Fracturing

Hunched over on the bed, Clay gritted his teeth as another shudder ran through his muscles. He tried to haul in another lungful of air, but it just didn't seem to work – he couldn't fill them. If it hadn't been for Lucy's hand on his back, stroking in steady circles, he might have started to suffocate. "Why does this happen?" he asked in a ragged whisper. His head in his hands, he dug his fingers into his scalp, irrationally thinking it would help in some way.

Beside him, Lucy frowned. "You're not coping," she admitted softly. "The Animus, it's not… I keep trying to tell him, Clay, but he's not listening. You need rest. You need a lot of rest."

"Can't rest," he rasped, and shook his head sluggishly. "Lucy, I want to… but I can't sleep, I just can't –" Clay was cut off as another tremor rendered him speechless. Once it had passed, he struggled to breathe again, but all Lucy could do was watch on helplessly. When he started to sob, broken and without tears, she pulled him against her chest, automatically rocking him slightly like a mother might a child. Wasn't there more she could do? There had to be something.

"Tell me about your family," Lucy said. There was no reply, but at least the sobbing had stopped. Even his breathing seemed easier. "Clay? Talk to me."

"Why don't you… look it up?" he asked back. "You guys have it on file, right?"

She continued to stroke the side of his head, somewhat automatically now. "It's not the same. Only you can tell me what they're really like."

Clay frowned. "Me?"

"Yes," she said. "You are Clay Kaczmarek."

He laughed, the sound disjointed and unfamiliar. "Am I?" he asked. "You know, I'm n-not so sure anymore!"

"Of course you are," Lucy said, worried at how hysterical he was becoming. "That's the Bleeding Effect talking, Clay. You're you, and nobody else."

"How do you know?" He giggled. "How do I know?"

"Because you have me," she told him. "Do you think someone like Ezio would know who I am?"

At this, Clay sat up, looking at her as if for the first time. His eyes, normally so bright and with a spark of something fierce in their colouring, were raw and red from lack of sleep. These fits had prevented him from sleeping properly for nearly a week now, and Lucy hated seeing him like this. What Warren was doing to him was wrong, sadistic even, but he'd made it clear she couldn't make him stop.

"Lucy?" Clay couldn't have sounded more like a lost child if he'd tried. His expression was one of confused fear, and she could even see him trembling. "I… I love you, don't I?"

She nodded, trying her best to make her smile confident and reassuring. "I'm right here Clay."

Finally, the tears broke through. She knew this part well, the part where he cried into her chest until he effectively passed out. He was exhausted, both emotionally and physically, but this was the only way he would be able to sleep, and it was the best way, really. She didn't want to be using tranquilisers on him, not again. Pressing her lips to the top of his blonde head, Lucy let a tear of her own join the fray, quietly thankful Clay would never see it.

"I love you, too. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry…"