A/N:

What the hell, Dukoro-chan? Another random thing to fill up your authoress page? You lame, twisted, sick… twisted, person, you! Oh well.

Disclaimer: Me no own Fruits Basket.

Warnings: Language, OOC and randomness.

-Cue Star Wars Theme-

Many moons ago… Okay, just a few months ago…

Two enemies, capable of nothing except ass kicking…

Stumbled into something terrible…

Something so horrifying…

It would change their sex lives forever.

"YA DAMN RAT, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING!"

Kyo and Yuki Sohma decided to go for a drive in the countryside, one afternoon. The reason being that they were trying to find Haru's real Mum. It was hard though, seeing as every cow looked the freaking same.

Yuki had been driving, you see, even though he had no license. He often swerved across into the other lane, which wasn't exactly a problem, because in the middle of the country, not many people drove. But, stupid Kyo always had to go and make a big deal about it.

"God Kyo, calm down. There's no one for miles!"

Or so they thought. You see, in the opposite direction two trucks where heading towards them at a top speed of 1km an hour. So damn fast. One truck contained spandex jumpsuits in multiple colours… the other with a chemical so evil, they named it after the most evil letter of the alphabet.

Chemical… X!

"So Kyo, does that look like Haru's Mum to you?"

"Nope. It's brown. Whaddaya think of- OH MY GOD WATCH OUT!"

But it was too late. The two cousins crashed into the two trucks, getting splattered with chemical X and spandex jumpsuits.

"Ahh!" They yelled at the same time, drowning in the chemicals and clothing apparel.

It was twenty-five minutes before they emerged from the crap. They stood up and gaped at one another. They were clad in jumpsuits and both had fake id's!

They knew, from that day on they would have to defend the town from crime, whenever they saw a used condom in the sky.

"What now?" Asked Yuki, quietly, because his jumpsuit was chafing.

"Well, my id says my name is Sidekick Bob. What about yours?"

"Mr. Man"

"Okay. Lets go defend the town from crime, or something"

"…Okay"

And so, hand in hand, the two crime fighters of Japan walked to the supermarket, where they bought all their crime fighting needs with their fake id's. Such items included- Paint, sugar, chewing gum, string and some baked beans.

"I have a mad feeling that Ayame is going to be our worst enemy" Stated Yuki matter of factly, waving his hand in front of Kyo's face.

But, Yuki was very correct. For you see, the driver of the spandex truck was Ayame himself… and he got drenched in the chemicals and jumpsuits too.

"Hey! My id says Dr. Not So Evil… that must be me! I should collect some of this chemical and drench my cousins in it, that way I can destroy Mr. Man and Sidekick Bob!"

And so… it had begun.

A/N:

Yesh. Very special indeed.

The part with the condom hasn't come into my story yet… but it will, okay?