Author's note: It's been a while since I've written anything. But, I'm giving it a shot again.
Disclaimer: Any television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to, along with the characters involved, are the properties of their respective owners. This story is completely fictional and isn't intended to be taken seriously.
When Shay shows up to the firehouse ten minutes before their shift starts looking worse for wear, Dawson can only imagine what happened the night before and she knew it had something to do with Clarice. In the length of time Dawson had been friends with Shay, she had only ever seen the blonde looking like a kicked puppy when Clarice was on her mind.
So Dawson swallows her homicidal thoughts toward her least favorite brunette and follows Shay into the locker room. When she finally reaches Shay's locker, the other paramedic is in the middle of changing shirts and her pants are unbuttoned haphazardly.
"And you look like someone ran over your puppy because?" she throws out, leaning against the lockers opposite of Shay. Shay sighed and shrugged.
"Right. Its normal for people to look this upset directly after Thanksgiving," Dawson continued. Shay turned around to look at her partner. Dawson raised one eyebrow in return. Shay huffed and glanced away before looking back at Dawson.
"Clarice showed up at my apartment last night," she said. "And I don't know what to think about it because why the fuck would she think that it was okay? And really, I'm more concerned with why I let her in." Dawson frowned.
"Shay, come on," she started. But Leslie cut her off.
"I know! I know, all right? It was stupid of me and I should have told her to take her problems elsewhere but…I couldn't. She was literally in tears and she's pregnant and we spent three years of our lives together! I couldn't just turn her away."
"But you could have. Because the last time she was actively in your life, I ended up banning any and all alcohol from being in your presence for the next year because I thought you were going to drink yourself to death," Dawson said, her tone bordering on furious.
"I know Gabby, but I didn't know what to do. It was Thanksgiving and that's a family holiday and she clearly wasn't with her family. I felt bad," Shay said. Her eyes met Dawson's finally, and Dawson could see that Shay was genuine.
Sometimes Dawson wants to strangle Shay for being such a sweetheart because normally, it leads to Shay getting hurt and Dawson can't think of any reason Shay should feel any sort of pain because she is probably one of the nicest, sweetest people Dawson knows.
"What'd she want?" Dawson mutters. She really doesn't want to find out, except she does because she cares about Shay.
"She told me she doesn't love her husband and she can't bring a child into the world knowing that," Shay almost whispers. And Dawson immediately knows where Shay is going with this before the blonde can even continue.
"No," Dawson said. "Unacceptable. Shay, she left you a note on your refrigerator after three years of you giving her everything you had to give. She didn't even give you a legitimate reason! And now she's apparently married to a millionaire and pregnant with said millionaire's child and she suddenly wants to come back to you? In case you forgot, I spent two nights in the hospital with you while you got your stomach pumped and recovered from dehydration because you drank yourself silly over her. You nearly lost your job because you couldn't stay sober enough to get out of bed in the morning. If you're seriously thinking about letting her back into your life, then the past three years have been for nothing."
"I'm not!" Shay said, her voice louder than she expected. Dawson rolled her eyes.
"I don't want to," Shay said, quietly this time. "I don't want to go back to that. But I also can't help what I feel every time I see her because I was so in love with her. She was the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with." Shay gave up on trying to get dressed and sat down on the bench with her head in her hands. Dawson sighed.
"Look, I know it's hard. I don't envy you right now. But I do care about you. And I can't stand here and watch you self-destruct again. I can't, Leslie," Dawson said. She knelt in front of Shay and tilted the blonde's head up. "Do you get it?" Shay sighed deeply and nodded her head.
"Good. I love you. Finish getting ready," Dawson said as she got up. She hesitated slightly before she pressed a kiss to Shay's forehead.
"I love you too," she heard Shay mutter as she walked out of the locker room.
She wasn't sure she was supposed to feel butterflies at Shay's response, but if the fluttering in her stomach told her anything, it was that whether she was supposed to or not she was going to feel them.
Leslie Shay and Gabriela Dawson had been a two-shot since the smaller Puerto Rican woman had stepped into the chaotic family that was Firehouse 51. They were excellent partners and they were even better friends.
So when Dawson shows up to work looking like death warmed over, Shay wants to help. Gabby is her best friend. But at the same time, Shay knew Gabby wasn't the type of person you could just confront about their problems. So she eases into it throughout the day. And by the time their shift is ending, Shay feels like Dawson had warmed up enough to her that she could ask about whatever was bothering the other woman.
"Hey," she says softly as she leans against the side of the ambulance. Dawson glanced up from her clipboard and smiles slightly at her friend.
"Hey you," she mutters back.
"What's up?" Shay asks. And she knows Dawson knows that she isn't asking how her day was going because they just spent the last twelve hours together. She knew how Dawson's day had gone.
"Nothing," Dawson says instantly. And Shay has to roll her eyes because for as much as Dawson always wants to be there for Shay when she's having a life crisis, she isn't so accepting of the same treatment.
"And nothing entails you snapping at everyone for everything all day? I'm fairly sure Peter Mills is permanently afraid of you now. Also, you normally look at Casey at least every other five minutes if we're not on a run and you haven't once glanced at him today. In fact, you made up a bullshit excuse about washing the ambulance when he walked into the break room earlier," Shay said. Beating around the bush never got her anywhere when she dealt with Dawson. She figured she should know that by now.
"It was dirty," Dawson mumbled.
"Its also 35 degrees outside," Shay countered. Dawson rolled her eyes.
"Okay, so I'm not exactly jumping for joy when he's around. Isn't that technically a good thing?" Dawson shot back.
"Yeah, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the reason why you're not jumping for joy around him isn't because you've worked out your crush," Shay said. Dawson's shoulders slumped and she stopped trying to fill in the rest of her paperwork.
"Alright, we-," she stopped short and eyed something, or rather, someone, over Shay's shoulder. "We shouldn't talk about this here."
"So let's go grab a beer at Jensen's and you can tell me about it," Shay says.
"I'm…taking a sabbatical from alcohol right now, actually," Dawson replies. She looks back down at her clipboard before glancing back up at Shay.
"Your place?" she asks.
"Yeah, sure. I'm not sure if or when Severide will be back, but we can hang out in the living room with some TV and apple juice," Shay says, grinning as she nudged her shoulder against Dawson's. Her grin grows larger when Dawson laughs lightly and nods.
"Apple juice and TV it is," Dawson says. "And don't steal the remote."
"I make no promises," Shay replies as she offers her arm to Dawson in a charming offer. Dawson snorts and grabs the corner of Shay's offered arm as they walk toward the locker room.
About an hour and a half later, Shay finds herself open mouthed and wishing she had picked up a six-pack or two on the way home.
"You're telling me you and Casey kissed. After he showed up at your apartment completely hammered," Shay says. She knows she's staring at Dawson and that she should probably blink, but she wants to make sure she's got this situation correct before she takes any further action.
"Yes. Last night, Casey showed up at like midnight, completely wasted. And so I let him in because I figured it was an emergency or something and then he starts talking about how he and Hallie had a huge fight and he doesn't know if they're together anymore. I asked him what they fought about he told me about their differing opinions on kids. I honestly don't even know how it happened, but I swear to you, one minute I was looking at him and the next his tongue was in my mouth. And I thought that maybe that meant he might like me too, or at least that he was acknowledging my feelings for him. After a little bit, he left and then this morning, I wake up to a text from him saying that basically us kissing sealed the fact that he didn't want anyone other than Hallie and that he was going to work through their different opinions because he feels like Hallie is it for him," Dawson said. By the end of her story, tears are in her eyes and Shay feels like absolute shit because she doesn't know what to do to make her feel better.
"I…" Shay trailed off. Where was she supposed to begin?
"And I feel like a complete asshole because I don't know if I should tell Hallie about the kiss because what woman wouldn't want to know that their fiancé kissed another woman? But then I don't want to get in the middle of them because Casey loves her and I don't want to ruin that but now I don't even know how to act around him. I'm so embarrassed," Dawson continued.
"I think…I think you need to start working on getting over Casey," Shay finally said. She hated that Dawson was crying and she found herself hating Casey for making Dawson cry.
"I know but it's so hard!" Dawson said, tears streaming down her face. "He's so sweet and he's actually pretty funny if you get to really talk to him and he just seems like he would be the perfect guy to date."
"I know. Honey, I know. But Hallie feels the same way and this isn't healthy for you. I promise there's another guy out there that's sweet and funny and handsome. Casey just isn't an option," Shay replied. Dawson's quiet tears turned into sobs and Shay found herself taking the smaller woman into her arms.
"Shh, it's alright," Shay said quietly.
"This sucks so much," Dawson muttered, her words slightly muffled by Shay's t-shirt.
"I know," Shay said quietly. She hugged Dawson to her tighter before she laid back against the couch, taking Dawson down with her. Dawson curled into Shay's side and let her head rest on Shay's shoulder.
Eventually, Dawson calmed down and the two women found that it was hard to get up and move upstairs to Shay's bedroom. Shay knew it was late and that they should probably sleep on something a little more comfortable but she couldn't make herself move.
"I love you Gabs," Shay breathed as she closed her eyes.
"I love you too," was all she heard before she felt herself give into sleep.
It's been months since their night on Shay's couch and its obvious to everyone that something is up with both Dawson and Shay. Severide is the only one that has any kind of inkling about what exactly is wrong and even then, he isn't sure that finding them curled together on his and Shay's shared couch is the reason they're both acting like skittish puppies around each other.
"Fix it," Severide says, coming to a stop in front of the back of the ambulance. Shay looks up from doing inventory, clearly confused.
"Fix what?" she asks.
"Fix whatever is going on with you and Dawson because it's weird to see you not together. Even Mouch has noticed," he says. And it's true because earlier in the locker room, Mouch confronted him about his roommate and her partner. Why he was the go to guy when something was wrong with Shay, he didn't know because just because they were roommates didn't mean they talked about every little thing in their lives. But the increasing amount of inquiries about the blonde had him both irritated and concerned.
"We're fine," Shay insisted.
"You walked away from freshly baked chocolate chip cookies earlier because Gabby was handing them out. First of all, you love cookies and you love chocolate and second of all, you love Gabby. So all three of them should have made you practically swoon," Severide said, ignoring the glare Shay was giving him.
"I do not love her," Shay cuts through, looking at Severide as if he was Medusa reincarnated. Severide stops and looks down at Shay. Because, yeah she does love Gabby. They're best friends and have been for the past four years and Shay protects Gabby like a mother bear protects her cubs.
And that's when it hits him.
"Oh. Oh my God, okay. You're in love with her," Severide says. "You've been acting like this because you're in love with her and you don't want her to find out."
"Shh!" Shay hisses. She stretches her neck to look over Severide's shoulder, looking for people that could possibly hear them.
"Shut up, Jesus. I don't want the whole department hearing this," she says once she sees the coast is clear. She sighs deeply and looks at Severide with sad eyes.
"Yes. Yes, I'm in love with her. And it just hit me that I have been since the Christmas party two years ago. But she's my best friend, and she's clearly straight and I'm not trying to jeopardize our friendship by being the stereotypical lesbian who falls for her straight best friend because that is just unacceptable," Shay said quietly. Severide rolls his eyes.
"Shay, in case you haven't noticed, you're jeopardizing your friendship by avoiding Dawson. Look, just talk to her," he says.
"Are you nuts? I'm not telling her I'm in love with her!" Shay practically roars.
"I'm not saying go to the nearest Tiffany's and find a ring. Christ. I'm saying, talk to her like you did before. Make sure your friendship is stable and then proceed with wooing her. I don't think Dawson's as straight as you think she is," Severide laughs.
"You've seen how Dawson looks at Casey, right? Because I'm not touching that," Shay says, rolling her eyes. Even though yes, Dawson has been less and less akin to a teenage girl infatuated with a hot male celebrity when Casey was around, Shay wasn't stupid enough to think Dawson wasn't in love with him anymore. It takes a minute to fall out of love, even as one sided as Dawson's had been. She knew that all too well.
"Yeah, I have. But I've also seen how she looks at you. Maybe she's freaked out because she isn't used to feeling anything except friendship for a woman? Like I said, I'm not telling you to ask for her hand. Just…be her friend again, alright? She looks like she could use one," Severide says. He gives Shay one last look before he walks back over to the squad.
And Shay knew he was right. Because if Dawson was feeling half of what Shay was feeling, she knew the smaller woman probably needed a hug and a stiff drink.
"Way to go Leslie. You are such a typical lesbian," she muttered to herself as she put back the container of IV bags. "Fuck."
Fixing "it", as Severide as labeled her situation with Gabby, didn't go anything how she pictured it.
She pictured something like her apologizing to Gabby for avoiding her and blaming it on the drama with Clarice and then they would grab a couple drinks at Jensen's to catch up. Simple.
She didn't picture being pushed against the wall of the locker room with Dawson's hands running over her back before claiming a resting spot on the underside of her jaw as they made out like horny sixteen year olds.
But that was what was happening and she wasn't quite sure if she should stop and act like a mature adult and talk to Dawson or if she should just go with it because the feel of Dawson's lips on hers in real life was better than anything she had ever imagined.
"What are you doing?" Shay gasped out as Dawson ran her lips down her neck to her pulse point.
"I'm kissing you," Dawson breathed back before she sucked the skin on Shay's neck between her lips.
"But..why?" Shay got out. Apparently a mixture of going with it and talking was going to happen.
"Because I'm not stupid. And you and Severide need to learn to be a little more in touch with your surroundings when you talk about important stuff. I was in the front of the ambulance the whole time trying to fix the radio. And for the past four months, I've debated whether I should tell you how I feel about you because I've never felt like this toward a woman. But it doesn't matter because you make me feel like I wouldn't mind waking up next to you every morning, even if I'm pretty sure I look homeless when I wake up," Dawson says, looking Shay in the eye.
"I think you look the best then," Shay whispers and then she's rolling her eyes at herself because that was really fucking cheesy. But she didn't care. Because Gabby felt the same way and maybe her commitment issues could work themselves out for once with this one.
"Yeah, that's part of the reason I love you," Dawson says, smiling softly at her partner. She gives Shay one last kiss before separating herself from the blonde.
"Come on. You have a couch and a bottle of apple juice that has our names on it," she says, holding out her hand to Shay. Shay grins goofily and takes Dawson's outstretched hand in hers before leaving the locker room.
It wasn't just her couch and juice that had Dawson's name on it. Her heart did too.