Death.
What exactly does that one word mean? Many people avoid talking about it 'cause they believe that it brings misfortune. In my eyes, death isn't a matter. In fact, I feel a sweet urge just hearing the word. I've lived a satisfied life. Laughter, joy, and a happy future is what everyone yearns for. Everyone, but me. I already know that I won't have a future. My deadline's coming near and involving myself with tears and worries will just cause me troubles.
"Mommy, that lady's scary! Look at her eyes! What kind of color is that? No one has silver eyes!" a little girl whined as her mother hushed her.
"Don't go near her! She'll bring misfortune to you!"
In this small suburban town, everyone knows everyone, and gossip spreads fast. Should I be sad being known as a misfortune-bringing girl? No.
"Moon! You haven't been to school today, too! Come!" Matt dragged me.
"Leave. It's best if you don't get involved with me."
I gave him a dead smile.
He examined my face for awhile and dragged hard. "Just because of those rumors? That's messed up. You haven't done anything to me. I'm also not holding the past against you. You should do the same! If you blame yourself for all the misfortune in the past, then you'll never be able to live a happy future!"
Ah, there's that word again. People obsessed over that word a lot, without really understanding what that means.
"You don't have to worry! I'm your friend, so I'll protect you from those rumors!" he gave one of the dumbest smiles I've ever seen.
However, he might be the only reason that I wish I won't die. He'll outlive me for a long time. He comes and urges me to go to school everyday, and he's the most stubborn person alive. When the teachers and principals had given up on me, he was still there.
How troublesome.
"I'm worried about you, you know?" Matt looked at me with deep set eyes. "You always go around with a happy carefree personality, and you still have a smile on your face when people avoid you. Sometimes, I wonder if that's all just an act, and maybe, just maybe, that you're really in pain."
I glared at him scornfully, but I was shocked. Was he right? I can see peoples true thoughts and emotions easily. Maybe, I've lost connection with mine. Tracing back, I don't remember the last time when I was smiling whole-heartedly.
Reading my face, he sighed and said, "Let's both ditch school, since it's already too late. Let's have some fun!"
At the end of that day, I felt pain when I thought about death. Subconsciously, I smiled honestly.
"Thanks for today. It was fun," I laughed.
I stopped.
There it was again.
I forced myself to endure it until he left, but he didn't leave. He looked at me with his gleaming blue eyes.
The pain grew quickly.
I couldn't hang on.
I laughed.
Then, I collapsed.