I Forgot to Remember to Forget

Authors Note: A drabble I did forever ago for a song challenge. Song- I Forgot to Remember to Forget Her by The Beatles.

I've never been this lonely. Hell, I don't even remember being lonely in my entire life. I've always had a big family and lots of friends, the last thing I ever felt was alone. I've always felt claustrophobic being around so many people; that's probably why I grew to be a cynic, so less people would want to be around me.

And yet here I sit at my family's annual Labor Day cookout, surrounded by people, and I feel completely isolated. I'm in a circle of family with all my relatives asking of my accomplishments, and for once I feel like telling them that I'm a complete failure, that I've messed up.

"Noah, how did the science competition go?"

"It was good."

"Oh Noah, don't be modest! He won first prize-" My mother is taking about how amazing I am, and I can't find the will to enjoy it.

I get up from the circle and walk away to sit by myself in the bathroom; it's the only place without people. The only place I have any right to feel lonely.

I lie with my head against the wall, thinking.

I want to blame him for this, but I know that's irrational. It's not his fault. Tears are cascading down my eyes now.

This is my fault; I should have forgotten him by now.

Those stupid blue eyes, that gape toothed grin, the way his face lit up when he laughed- God! Everything about him! Cody…

I was supposed to forget you ever existed. I was supposed to forget that night. I was so stupid to think that I wouldn't miss you.

(Flashback)

"I guess this is the last time we'll see each other, huh?" Cody said looking at me.

"I suppose it will be." I said with cold eyes.

He looked up at me with sad blue eyes; I could tell he was holding back tears. He looked so vulnerable, so pitiful, between his glassy eyes and the way his lower lip was quivering.

I pulled up his collar to better hide the love bites from the night prior.

"You'll be fine without me."

"Can we at least keep in contact?"

"Look, Cody, last night was a fluke, it shouldn't have happened." As I said it I saw a tear roll down his face.

"I k-know. I didn't think it meant anything! I just mean for friendship's sake." He was breaking.

"I think it'll be better for both of us if we just go our separate ways and forget we ever met."

"Y-Yeah. That's cool man."

"Hey Cody! Your car's here!" Trent yelled.

"Bye Noah." He said before walking to the car Chris had brought for him, ignoring the other people who tried to tell him goodbye.

(End flashback)

I can't forget him, and I have no way of letting him know. I'm an idiot. I'm a prideful idiot who let him go.

Tears are falling down my eyes at a rapid pace. I don't even blink when my sister walks in the door that I forgot to lock.

"Noah! What's wrong?" My sister asks.

"I forgot to remember to forget." And suddenly I'm sobbing.