Don't ask why, just accept it.

Don't own Homestuck

Living on a Meteor for Dummies

Rule 1#: Buckets

(What else were you expecting?)

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Rule 2#: We don't talk about Dave's middle name

(That is saved for black mail purposes only)

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Rule 3#: Do not dilute Gamzee's sopor supply

(Self explainable)

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Rule 4#: Sollux is actually terrified of Honey

(So lathering yourself in it and calling yourself the 'Queen' is highly advised against)

Rule 5#: Tavros is not a form of transport

(So no jumping on his wheelchair and yelling out sled-dog calls)

(Yeah)

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Rule 6#: If you tie a red balloon to Karkat, he will most likely kill you

(It's still funny)

(He has those sickles for a reason)

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Rule 7#: Don't borrow Kanaya's lipstick

(Unless you don't want to see your lips again)

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Rule 8#: Troll horns are indeed sharp

(And sensitive)

(Except Karkat's)

(But we're not allowed to say anything)

(It usually ends in murder)

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Rule 9#: Swapping glasses is the worst idea ever

(Dave)

(John)

(Terezi)

(Sollux)

(Goddammit, you guys)

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Rule 10#: Eridan is half blind

(And we are not allowed to exploit it)

(By say…telling him guys are more attractive without glasses)

(And then getting whoever's stupid enough to dress up as Feferi)

(But still)

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Rule 11#:Talking to yourself isn't wise

(Three years on a ship does things to you)

('John, for the love of fuck, Liv Tyler is a plush fucking rabbit. She will not talk back.')

('I CAN DREAM CAN'T I?!')

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Rule 12#: The phrase 'Are we there yet?' is banned indefinitely

(Once again, three years on a ship/meteor does things to you)

('It's going to take us three years; do YOU think we're there yet?')

('You're avoiding the question, Rose.')

('….No, we're not there yet.')

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Rule 13#: Please actually remember that three years on a meteor/shipthing can do things to you

(Might as well make this a rule)

(Karkat needs it)

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Rule 14#: In the event that Karkat forgets how weird we can be, please refrain from doing the following:

*Humming and then exclaiming the voices are singing you a song whenever someone tell you to be quiet

*Pointing out that someone has a boner, even when they don't (Terezi chuckled) (Scary)

*Yelling 'IMMA FIRIN' MA LAZOOOORRRR' whenever Sollux uses his psiionics

*Appearifying large quantities of Morphine

*Pretending that you can see Lil Cal (Dave screamed) (Very, very masculinely) (*wonk*)

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Rule 15#: No quoting Tatyana Witwicky

*'Whoa! I like the way you said that. BOOM!'

*'He's so boring! He doesn't get mad when I poke him!' (Karkat, however, does get mad)

*'NOTHING! I JUST FELT LIKE HOLDING MY EYE AND SCREAMING!'

*'It jiggles!' (Everyone in ear-shot's faces were priceless!)

*'I'm a vegetarian...except for steak! I love steak!' (Kanaya said this one)

*'I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!'

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Rule 16#: Dave can't speak whale

(Nor can anyone else)

(We still try)

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Rule 17#: If our noble leader, Karkat, rambles, it is very not okay to reply with the following

*'No I will not make out with you!'

*'No I will not have sex with you!'

*'No I will not go to third base with you!'

*'That should wait for when we are back in our private quarters.'

*'*gasp* *slap*'

*'I can't believe you would talk to me that way!'

*'Are you finally coming out to me?'

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Rule 18#: Don't question PMS

(The trolls have a lot to learn)

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Rule 19#: Don't question Davesprite either

('So…is it legit when I call you a chick now?')

('You shut the fuck up.')

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Rule 20#: Don't bet Jade if she can make a portal gun

(She will try)

(And hell shall reign)

Yeah.

Let me know if y'all want more of this.

Or if you have rule suggestions or anything, really.

I just think Homestuck needs some rules, yo.

-B