Flaws
As time flies away, so does my youth. I look around and try to find something to past the time. As the usual, Gumball Watterson, does it, I try.
We're in Ms. Simian's class, but as usual, it's boring and a big waste of time. Parents say that teachers are there in the classroom and always try to find the way to educate your mind. All I see is a baboon wailing on students. I can see her in the past.
Once she was a happy baboon and not so many wrinkles to show her frustrations on the younglings. Maybe she was like that. In my opinion, she used to be a loving teacher. It makes me sad to say that I don't think that anyone would care for Ms. Simian.
One day, in my opinion, she was younger and would bring in cookies, before a big test, so she could lessen the stress on the children. Kids must have loved her in the past. I could hear a melody playing on the piano.
Days would pass on and we wouldn't even try to imagine that the possibility that Ms. Simian was nice at a simpler time. Believe me, I hear the melody.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.
If you can't hear the melody then maybe you should try to use imagination I have. When kids my age need to be creative, they need the possibility of taking the edge of a new perspective in a vivid mind. We slowly progress ourselves on taking a new level of our mental estate, but I advanced pretty quickly and if you find that hard to believe, then you're not using your imagination.
Ms. Simian is sometimes referred as Miss Simian, but I believe that she may have been married at a time. My idea of how she ended up with an "Ms" in her name is kind of sad.
She was walking across the park sidewalk. It was a sunny afternoon in the spring. As the sun smiles down upon her and she would smile back, it seemed like a near prefect end to a cliché film. Then, out of nowhere, someone accidentally bumps into her. They both fall towards a hill and they hold on to each other for life.
When they stopped, they opened at each other's eyes. Simian, but I'll call her Lucy this one time. Lucy looks up and sees him. He was another primitive mammal of her kind. They smiled at each, but only one felt it was love. That one wasn't a person, but a couple. The couple was Lucy and Dave.
Dave took kindness into helping her up.
"I'm greatly sorry for this accidental fall."
"I'm rather okay as of a matter of fact." Lucy said. It must have been a long time ago. As years turned into centuries, their love for each other was strong. They became a married couple and Lucy became a teacher. She became a teacher since she and Dave couldn't have a kid. Lucy was unable to bear children. A tragedy to her as she cried in bed, but Dave came in and handed her something. Lucy grabbed it and saw that it was a job application in title for a teacher position for the new public school named Elmore Junior High. She went and was now a teacher for the school.
One day when she took the class, it was her congratulations for being a staff member for a long time. I could tell you the years, but I wasn't sure. When she did, she has earned a great amount of respect and love from her students. She was even qualified for a chance to be nominated for Teacher of the Year Award, but she kindly refused. She was modest and I feel she was special.
That same day, she went back home to tell her husband the great news, but what shocked her wasn't the same as what she expected. Policemen were there to tell her that he was dead. They revealed to her that he killed himself by hanging.
No note or anything was found. She couldn't believe it, they were happy together. What could have gone wrong? Lucy went inside the room and she found were memories. These memories were now the haunted to her. Everywhere she turned was a memory of him and she couldn't take it. Lucy destroyed all the items that he had ever existed. She broke them all and later burned them with left over gasoline she had from her car.
Lucy watched as all of the memories burned and perished away from this air and was taken away from the wind. It spiraled itself, like a spirit, and it flew away to the atmosphere to visit our eternal heavens and live in peace, while she felt the ragging aftermath.
That's what I think happened. After all, we're not perfect. We all have some flaws with us, but that makes us who we are. Like me.
I'm just a 12 year old kid that isn't the image of the perfect guy, but what makes me, is that I'm true to myself. I like Penny, but never had the courage to tell her anything, but I do know one thing. Penny is who she is and I am who I am.
I wrote a memoir about her a while back. Today I still think it's dumb.
Penny,
Your name is ironic.
It means one cent, but you're worth every diamond.
Time flies away our youth, but with you,
Time slows down. Just for us.
One day, you would notice me,
As I do about you.
It's dumb and childish, I know. I guess love makes us do stupid things. For some reason, I can't shake this feeling of Penny out of me. Honestly, I will say this. I feel that I'm young and shouldn't get attached to just one girl for the rest of my life.
There are people in this world where you can't take it, and sometimes you let out a couple of words that cost you an opportunity and your chance is ruined. If it's me reading the signs then let me, Gumball, realize what I'm gaining out of this.
Penny is a girl, who I admire, but do I know what I'm doing in life. I need to climb this mountain and find what's on the top of this peak. Let's try to find the ways of life and see if we can level ourselves to the truth. I stare at Penny, but this time, once in my life, I don't smile when I do.
As the bell rang, I got up. I feel in heart that I did a life lesson in my mind. For me, it's no doubt that I can be a bit irritating, but I assure others that I have a heart. Sometimes it takes a second chance to do something right. If that fails, third time's the charm. You only get three and then you're out.
I was walking, but I decided to talk to Ms. Simian. I wanted to know what happened back then to know why she is like this now. As I walked and walked, there she was, yet she was getting ready to leave. I went up and decided to ask her my question for her.
"Why are you a bad person?"
She turned to me; I swear I could see flames, bursting from the hate that was yet to be seen. She slams her hand on the desk; her nails clawed on the desk. Ms. Simian leans towards me and said to me, in a cold, dark heat.
"Excuse me? Why am I a bad person? It's YOU that's bad. I swear the school's better off without you."
"The school's better off without you, you old hag!" I honestly didn't know what happened. I snapped when she said I wasn't needed like that. All I was trying to do was to try to make peace and ask a simple, yet personal question.
She got so furious that she didn't say a word, but pointed directly towards Principal Brown's office. I knew what she meant, so I walked out of the classroom and went there.
I walked along the lines that compelled me to a new direction. I was heading one direction, but I got so mad that I just lost it. I saw pictures of all of the classmates in the hallway. It looked like a shrine and I just wrecked it. I smashed it with my hand and yelled insanely. I ran to the door and rammed my fist to it. The glass fell to a million pieces and I just remembered something. I saw Penny yelling at me, but then I hit her. She bled through eyes and I just used my foot to stomp her out of her misery. I yelled saying "AH! Fuck! WHY!" I continued my shit. No one came and did anything, and I continued my doing. A song was playing and I couldn't stop. My anger used to destroy the hallway was because of me beating Penny to death. I don't know why I was thinking about doing so bad that was so evil. I rammed my fist to those pictures and grabbed those pictures, face to face. I ripped them apart and it was ripped into a thousand pieces of many of my friends faces. I kicked the doors wide open and screamed out, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! THIS IS MY LIFE!" It was like someone was yelling at me and it didn't make sense why this was happening. I kicked and I saw Penny's face and her face bleed so well. I swear I could feel my heart burning and it wasn't enough to undo the damage she did to me. I don't know what she did to me, but I just did it. It was like payback and I couldn't stop my doing. She just burst my bubble and kicked her until she begged for mercy. Then someone grabbed me from behind and it was Tobias. They were both naked and they grabbed on top of me and I just beat him to death. I threw him across the bed, and it was total mayhem. I yelled and yelled "WHY!?" to Penny. She tried to explain, but I didn't listen and just beat her up. She begged for me to stop. Blood fell through her gentle shell, and I didn't stop. She begged and I threw her to the door and beat her senseless. That's when I hit someone and it wasn't just anybody. It was Ms. Simian.
I broke out of this hallucination and it was her, trying to stop me from wrecking the hallway. Principal Brown saw me and he went towards me, to punch me in the face. I fell to the floor and then I saw Mr. Fitzgerald. I got up and hit him back. I grabbed his head and gave him the knee to the head and knocked him out, but that didn't stop me. I kicked him and then I picked him up, just punch him in the stomach. We fought for a while and he threw me to the wall, while I made him cough up blood and threw him to the stairs. I just started to beat him up and then I started to cry a bit and I didn't know what was going on. I cried on his arms, screaming "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Principal Brown was about to give me a cheap shot. He aimed and was ready for to smack me in the face. The hold was broken when someone tackled him down. I fell to the floor and I couldn't see who it was. My eyes were already fogged up from the crying. That person stopped him from hurting me and that same person picked me up. It helped me out and walked me from the hallway.
I ended up in the detention room. I was bit bruised and there I saw Ms. Simian. She was unharmed. Then I had this thought in my head. I beat her and Principal Brown. What happened?
I looked to my side and I saw only one person there, Jamie. Ms. Simian wasn't paying any attention since she was read a book and was listening to music. The book was nothing of my interest, but what interested me was Jamie being here. I couldn't stop starring at her, while my head rested on my arms; I was stargazed at her. That same song kept playing in my head and I couldn't get it to stop, but she was able to turn that volume down when she turned to me. I saw she had a small bruise on her cheek. I was concerned about her.
"What happened to your cheek?"
"You did this, fucker," she said while pointing to it. I didn't know what she meant by that.
"What do you mean?"
"You don't remember do you?" I nodded my head. She sorted gasped at me, as if I had did something big and acted like it was nothing. "Well Gumball, if you want to know, I saw you hitting at the wall where there was nothing there; just a big, fat white wall was there. I ran to you and started to swing. I tried to stop you, but you hit me in my damn cheek," she pointed for me, to remind me of what I did. "I got mad at you that I started to hit you, but you hit back. We started to fight a bit, but then you cried into my arms. You kept saying you were sorry. I ended up…," she started to tear up, but raised her head for some air, "crying with you. You and I wept into each other's arms. I didn't know what happened. We just cried. Then Ms. Simian came and broke it up and I started yelling at her and I hit her. I missed, but she hit me back. I didn't want any trouble, so I helped you and we walked to detention."
"Why was I screaming?" I felt so stupid for asking that.
"Well I guess you didn't get over it yet. I mean it's-"
"Wait! What do you mean by that?" She stared at me, in absolute silence. "What do you mean I didn't get over it yet?"
She hugged me and whispered to my ear, as a gentle angel wouldn't have said it any better than she did. "Nobody wanted you to know. They knew it would've upset you. You found out that Penny was dating Tobias and you outburst at both of them. You didn't hurt them, but you wrecked her house. You repressed it from your memory."
I went back and hugged her. I felt that I needed to hug her. We didn't say another word in that room.
After Ms. Simian let us out from the room, we both left. It was peaceful, and it was a warm day. I took in a big gasp of air and slowly let it out.
I looked over at Jamie and she smiled at me. For the first time, I didn't see her as a bully, but as a friend. She leaned over me, but I got a little scared because she doesn't like to leave things unfinished. I hit her and she hit me, but maybe there was some business to be taken care of. I knew that whatever happens, my opinion of her wouldn't change.
She stopped in front of me and ended her sweet smile. She smacked me in the face, but quickly grabbed my cheeks to me a kiss. It was unexpected that I couldn't close my eyes. A moment passed and my eyes gently soothed in.
I put my arms around her and she couldn't help but grabbed one hand on my neck, and my butt. I didn't mind it, but I felt it was a bit silly. I guess one person's desire to be with someone just allows some strange things to happen.
We stopped and whispered into my ears that she loved me and needed me. I whispered back, "I want the same thing." With that she started to run and I ran as well. We ran all over the neighborhood and it was almost as if we were jogging. Before we knew it, we were heading to Elmore park. I know since I saw Penny's house, so I stopped. She looked out her window and stared at me. Then I saw Tobias with her, but I couldn't help it. I just smiled and waved goodbye. I looked back and wouldn't you know it, she waved back with a smile.
I catch up with Jamie and we went to the hill in the middle of the park. I followed her and before I knew it, she stopped. Jamie turned and smiled at me, but she ran to me. I didn't know what to expect, but she went on top of me. We rolled down to the bottom of the hill and we couldn't stop laughing. It was like a masterpiece of a cliché. I didn't mind it, but I guess this was somewhat of a happy ending.
We stopped and looked at the clouds. We were talking to each and it was simple, like a normal conversation.
"I couldn't understand things in life," Jamie said, "it didn't make sense. There are people who would go through depression and think they're sad. How can you really be sad, if you never felt happiness?" I think for a while to give her a response.
"I think it's because they think they're worthless, but if they wanted to ended it, they would've already. Wanna know why they haven't?" Jamie nods at me. "It's because they still have hope and that hope is their strength for a better life. They could end it, but they're still here because they have faith that it will get better. You can't help but get a smile by that. Hope can only take us this far." She is amazed by my response.
"Wow! I never thought of it that way. I knew I could end my life, but not like that." I stopped smiling, and I turned to her.
"What do you mean 'you could'?" Jamie breathed out, and then looked in my eyes. I didn't think she would ever think of that.
"Life can be so cruel," said Jamie, "it can give you bad parents that would never take a simple interest in you and have you turn into a bully, desperate for some kind of attention. I only had Tina, my friend and ally to my harsh acts. It's not easy for me and I have considered suicide several times," then she took a deep breath in, "I guess I hope to find someone who understood me." Jamie looked at me and smiled at me. "I guess I was waiting for you." That made me smile.
"Then why are people having such bad problems in their life?"
"Well, because it's our flaws in life and how others see us. It's what makes us. We have some difference with ourselves from ourselves, but that makes us who we are. Like you, Gumball," she said, "you have problems, but it's not a label that you're crazy. It's that you understand more than others. Like with me." Jamie leaned in and kissed me, "It's our flaws." I sighed a bit and hugged her a while. She hugged back; we embraced our flaws in a new and better understanding.
It's who we are, and we're not changing our flaws, because that makes us who we are.
We walked in the night when the park started to get dimmer. It was like an ending to this scenario of me and everyone around.
I walked Jamie home and I told her good night. Jamie hugged me and whispered to me.
"Be glad for what you got." With that she went back home. I walked home, but then I decided to stop. I decided to jog, as if Jamie was still with me. I jogged to my house and everyone was sleeping, but I managed to get in without a noise to be made. I went to my bed and closed my eyes. I heard a new song and it helped me go to sleep. I felt as if this was my ending.
I woke up in the morning and I saw that the sun was up. This was my new beginning and I couldn't wait for it to start. I went to my dad's closet and looked for a sweater and some sweat pants.
He didn't have clothes for workout, but had clothes that were baggy. I used them for a small replacement for some workout clothes.
I ran downstairs and I saw my mom. She didn't look too happy, but this time I knew what it was for. I breathed out some air because it was going to be about the incident at school. I walked towards and said:
"Look, I'm-" I was cut off by her hugging me. She started to cry a bit, but it left me confused. She stopped and I asked what happened.
"Gumball, I don't want you to be sad, but I thought you should know. I got a call from Jamie's mom, at first I thought it was about some problems you and her were having. I was wrong at first when she told me that you guys were dating. She saw Jamie coming back and saw you hugged her. She said it was sweet, but I didn't like it. I thought she would hurt you again. I didn't want my baby hurt, so I prayed for God to do something about it. I then decided if she made you happy, then I was happy. At the time I told your dad about it, but was okay about it and I was surprised by it." I didn't know what she leading to.
"Okay, then. Why are you crying though?" She looked at my dad and gave me an answer.
"Jamie's dead." I couldn't believe it. "They found her in her room, she cut her veins and she was holding on a picture of you. It was the picture of when you were taking class photos. They eventually found her a suicide note. They didn't want to read it until you read it." I shook my head.
"No. No, she wouldn't do that. Not after all we did," I said, on the verge on crying.
"Gumball, please,"
"NO! IT'S ALL A LIE!" I yelled and I ran out of the door. She screamed my name as I ran out. I jogged my way to her house. I was running so fast that I swear I could've beaten the devil.
When I got there, I saw police cars with those frightening yellow tape.
Do Not Cross.
I ran to the house and I passed some police officers. They saw me, but tried to stop me. I couldn't let them stop me. The problem to proving I was wrong was that I didn't know how the house worked. I went to the bathroom, attic, but eventually I found her there. Jamie was lying there on the floor, just as they described her.
I fell on my knees and that same song that brought me and Jamie together, played again. Everything else was muted and they picked me up. I struggled a bit; I didn't want to be separated.
I blacked out.
The next thing I knew I was jogging again. As I jogged, I remembered that they talked to me that they wanted me to have the letter. I burned it since I knew what she was going to say, but her words were too good for me.
While I was jogging, I then remembered that Jamie talked to me about my hallucination.
Maybe what happened there was a hallucination. I didn't want to know, but I then imagined that Jamie and I were out there, jogging. That was good enough for me, because I got to see her.
Dear Gumball,
I'm sorry for what I did, but you have to know something. I was in a bad place, whether my family fake about caring about me. They called your mom because they thought I was dangerous. You know that's not true, but I wasn't so sure.
I didn't want to take the chance of our parents being so noisy, but I wanted to end my life. You were right about depression, but I knew well that I was and still am a mistake.
I decided to end my life, because I already had a good life. The time with you was all the time I needed. I could've wanted more, but I feared that this was the only day it could happen.
I know you think this decision is drastic, but hey, I'm messed up. You and I are, but you will be the good one. You deserve to live your life. I've already done it, with you. Goodbye, Gumball. Don't let me leave your heart or block me from your memory. If you do, I'll understand.
Jamie