Perfection

Do you believe in perfection?

I used to. But, then again, I used to believe in a lot of things.

I have experienced perfection firsthand. And it's beautiful. It leaves a sweet kind of aching in your chest, and it makes your heart beat faster and faster until you think it's going to burst out of your chest.

And then it starts slipping out of your grasp, and you can feel it because there's a sort of lurching where your heart used to be and you suddenly you feel so so cold... And then you're grabbing for it, and you're panicked and hurt and you can't quite believe it until it's gone.

And you can scream and cry all you want, little girl, but it wont come back. It doesn't want you anymore. You weren't enough.

And really, you feel broken. Like someone's sucked all the air out of your chest.

Like you're dying.

And you become bitter and twisted because why can't you breathe anymore?

And nobody notices that you're screaming for help and that just hurts more – the final twist of the knife.

And then you catch a glimpse of it – perfection. And for a second, just a small space in time, you feel whole again. Before you realise – he's not yours. And so the obsession begins, stronger than before.

You chase and you chase and you chase -

(run rabbit run)

- catching small glimpses around every corner that you round, the tiny snatches enough to keep you happy (for now).

But what happens when you catch up? When he turns to look at you?

When he turns to fight?

You fight for your perfection. Of course you do.

And you fight tooth and nail, but of course it's not enough (he's perfection) but it's okay.

Because as you lie dying (sleepy now, eyes are starting to close, and the pain is fading) you struggle for one last glimpse of his face.

And you see it. You see perfection, and it doesn't matter that he's ruffled and his hair is untidy or that he's tinted with red because it's him, and you want to cry with relief because this is it, this is the moment you've been waiting for.

You're whole again.



(thank you)

A/N

Yo.

How's this for weird and convoluted?

I was listening to Lithium – Evanescence all the way through this, coz it's awesome angst!music.

I have an English oral tomorrow. And I'm going to F-A-I-L.

(sound it out with me now! F for failure! A for affliction! I for idiot! L for lazy! FAAAAIL!)

)

Apparently this is all I can write for today.

I am obviously not as angsty as yesterday...