My little tribute to both Poe and Fushigi Yuugi (and rabid fangirls everywhere).
Doesn't get much better than this.
Attack of the Rabid Fangirls
by Stormlight
Once upon a midnight dreary,
Tasuki wandered, drunk and bleary,
(feeling slightly less than cheery)
through a barroom's open door.
Tripping over chairs and clutter,
pausing now and then to mutter
words to make a soldier shudder,
down he plopped onto the floor.
"Gimme sake!" Tasuki hollered as he sat upon the floor.
But the owner said, "No more!"
"Rekka Shien!" Tasuki bellowed
toasting the unlucky fellow
like a human-sized marshmallow;
down he fell onto the floor.
Sulking now, the bandit grumbled,
"Serves ya right!" And then he stumbled
to his feet before he tumbled
head-first out the barroom door.
While, smoking hot and extra-crispy (feeling just a little sore),
the teed-off owner cursed and swore.
In the meantime, Tamahome
and Nuriko and Mitsukake
searched the city, looking for a certain foul-mouthed bandit-boy.
When suddenly, to their dismay,
a flash of lightning, bright as day,
revealed a horrible display!
They'd found their missing bandit-boy,
and to the bandit (who was looking just a little bit annoyed)
clung rabid fangirls, overjoyed.
" Yeek!" the desperate fellow yelped
as one girl grabbed him by the belt.
"Oh, you're so yummy, I could melt! Let's go get married right away!"
"Get 'em off," the bandit growled.
His so-called friends just stood and howled.
"You're on your own!" Nuriko yowled.
"But have a happy wedding day!"
And as the fangirl dragged her victim off to plan their wedding day,
the other girls remained to play.
"Who's next?" a fangirl asked her friend.
"It's my turn now!" the other said.
"Oh, Nuri-chan, you've always been my favorite out of everyone!"
A sweatdrop slid down Nuri's head.
"Don't look at me, I'm gay!" he said.
He realized that he should have fled
back when he had the chance to run.
"Oh, Nuri-chan, don't look so scared! We're gonna have a lot of fun!"
And Nuri knew that he was done.
Mitsukake-san was overwrought.
Well, this is it, the Seishi thought.
No way in hell would he get caught!
And so away he tried to leap.
"Hold up, there!" yelled fangirl three.
"You don't escape that easily!"
She latched herself onto his knee
and down they tumbled in a heap.
And as he lay there, tangled up with fangirl three inside that heap,
Mitsukake felt like he could weep.
"Three down so far, and now one more!"
exclaimed an eager fangirl four,
and Tamahome squirmed and swore
when skinny arms wrapped 'round his neck.
The steaming Seishi ranted, raged,
"Forget it, lady! I'm engaged!"
"Ya know, you're cute when you're enraged,"
the girl announced in retrospect.
So Tamahome heaved a sigh and kissed goodbye his self-respect.
So was the fate of these four men,
but still the tale was far from done,
for as they planned their crafty fun,
more rabid fangirls lay in wait.
While in the palace library,
perusing scrolls and drinking tea,
a little boy sat patiently,
not noticing the hour was late.
And so absorbed in scrolls was he, he did not see the lamp abate.
Until, of course, it was too late.
His shriek of terror echoed clearly
down the hall toward Chichiri,
who, of course, was shocked severely
by the volume of the shout.
"Who'd have thought he had that in 'im?"
said the monk while looking grim.
He grabbed his kasa on a whim,
picked up his staff, and headed out.
And there he came upon a sight that made him feel like freaking out.
A fangirl stood there with a pout.
"And where do you think you are going?"
asked the fangirl with a knowing
glimmer in her slightly-glowing
eyes, which held a reddish hue.
And Chichiri felt a sinking.
Who knew what this nut was thinking?
He could only stand there blinking
at the chain the girl withdrew
(thick chain made of solid steel) from out of midair 'tween the two.
And 'Chiri realized he was through.
In the meantime, Hotohori,
sitting there in all his glory
(waiting for his bedtime story)
sensed that something wasn't right.
From just outside his chamber door,
the emperor of Konan swore
he heard a thud against the floor,
the scuffle of a silent fight.
He opened wide his chamber door, prepared for an unpleasant sight,
and very nearly died of fright.
"GET 'IM!" shrieked the Voice of Doom,
that waited just outside his room
(although the fangirls, busy swooning,
failed to pay the voice much heed).
In a panic, he retreated.
Things were getting rather heated.
All the Seishi were defeated;
it was time for him to leave.
But…
"Come on, Gorgeous!" cried a fangirl, grabbing 'Hori by the sleeve.
"Let's go play some make-believe!"
And so, the girls began to wend
their way back home with their new friends
(who could not seem to comprehend
how they had gotten in this mess).
No matter how they begged and pleaded,
all imploring went unheeded.
Such disgrace to be defeated
by some fruitcake in a dress!
But hopefully (with therapy) they'll overcome this unsuccess.
And we'll still love 'em, nonetheless.
The End