Author name: Itsuwari
Author e-mail: AngelKinomoto@aol.com
Category: Romance
Rating: PG
'Ships: Knox/Chris
Spoilers: Dead Poets Society movie
Summary: Following Neil's suicide and Charlie's expulsion, Knox is feeling like a complete coward when a certain pretty girl comes along. Pointless Knox/Chris fluff.
Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Poets Society. I also don't own West Side Story. And don't bother suing me, because I'm very, very poor.
Author's Note: I'm not sure whether to kill Lav for making me write this, or thank her for betaing it. Probably both. And the song quote at the beginning has absolutely nothing to do with the story. Except the 'halfway there' bit. It just happened to be the foofy song playing across the room while I wrote this.
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Halfway There
There's a place for
us,
A time and place for
us.
Hold my hand and we're
halfway there.
Hold my hand and I'll
take you there.
-Somewhere, West
Side Story
The funeral had been less than beautiful. Rather than a tribute to Neil's life, it had been a finger pointing session to try and displace the blame of who were "responsible" for his death. Too bad the fingers were pointing in all the wrong directions. It hadn't been much of a day, that was for sure, Knox mused. First the funeral, then Cameron finking, and "Nuwanda" getting himself expelled. Not to mention Chris's rejection of him the other night, which had made him think that perhaps Neil had the right idea.
Charlie was such an idiot, he thought. It wasn't like Knox had wanted Mr. Keating to have to take all the blame, or for the club to get busted, but get expelled and go home to face the wrath of his parents? Knox wasn't that stupid. But Charlie was. Or maybe he just wasn't a coward like you, Knox Overstreet. Damned conscience. No matter how many times Knox had willed that particular thought to go away, it kept coming back, pounding itself into his brain until he finally had to admit that it was at least partially true. He had taken the easy way out by signing 'Knox I. C. Overstreet' on that paper and not worrying about the whole situation anymore.
"I'm such a coward," he muttered to the snow on the other side of the fence. "We were all cowards. All of us except Charlie. Just sign paper. Play along, let somebody else take the fall. It wasn't our fault, but it sure as hell wasn't Keating's either."
Knox leaned into the fence. Chris would never want (or deserve) a coward. Not that he had any chance with her after the other night. Her response hadn't been at all what he'd expected. She hadn't even given him a reason.
"You're nice and all, Knox," she said apologetically, "It's not that I don't care about you, but -- no...just no." With that, she ran as fast as she could to her car, leaving him staring after her, stunned.
I was so stupid to think someone like that could ever like me. He sighed. This had not been his week. He laughed bitterly. Not only am I a coward, but I'm a selfish coward. Worrying about my stupid love life and complaining about what a bad week I've had when one of my best friends just committed suicide.
"Knox?" He turned around at the sound of the last voice on earth he had expected to hear at that moment.
"Chris?" He asked, astonished, as she walked over to stand next to him.
"I heard about your friend," she smiled sympathetically, "And I just wanted to come and tell you I was really sorry. He was a wonderful actor."
"Yeah." Knox was still too astonished to say anything meaningful.
"I guess you're pretty shaken up?" she asked.
"Yeah." He paused. Chris was as good as anyone else to spill out his thoughts to. Well, the ones that weren't about her, at any rate. "You know, it just keeps getting worse," he said sadly. "First Neil kills himself, and now Charlie -- you met Charlie the other night -- got expelled this afternoon, and any minute now, Mr. Keating will get fired, and I feel like such a coward because I didn't do anything about this except save my own skin." Before he'd finishing trying to explain his thoughts, he suddenly felt very doubtful that Chris would care at all about what he was thinking. And it hadn't come out quite right. Instead of a window into his soul, that had been more like a stream of very random incoherent thoughts. He lost his self doubt the second Chris placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and looked up at him, smiling. He felt as though he'd been struck by lightning.
"I love you, Chris," he whispered. She smiled wryly.
"So you've told me. Why do you love me?" He thought for a second.
"I just do."
"That's not much of a reason to come barging into my school and humiliate me by reading some weird poem." Knox opened his mouth to respond, but she continued on, "Did you actually write that for me yourself."
"Course I did. Wasn't it bad enough that you knew I was the only person who could have written it?"
"Actually, I kind of liked it. It was really embarrassing, but nobody had ever written me a poem before. It was sweet of you to do that."
"You mean Chet doesn't write you a sonnet every day?" Knox responded in mock disbelief. She laughed.
"No, no. He doesn't. I was surprised too."
"I'll write you another one sometime, when I'm not feeling like such a coward."
"I don't think you're a coward." She said quietly, but forcefully. "What coward would have come to give me flowers and read me a poem when he knew Chet Danberry would kill him if he was caught doing this?"
The passion in her voice as she defended Knox from himself made him think that perhaps he had a chance with Chris, after all. But he would have to take that chance. Carpe Diem, he thought.
He put out a hand and began to stroke Chris's hair as he had that night at the party, waiting a moment until he could finally summon the courage to kiss her briefly. Or at least, he had intended to kiss her briefly, pull away, and most likely watch her run away. He was very surprised, then, when she began to kiss him back.
When they finally broke apart, he was surprised again when Chris remained in his arms.
"I love you, Chris," he said for what he hoped would be the final time before he got some results. She smiled at him, and although she didn't respond, she didn't move either. So he was halfway there.
And halfway there,
he felt like he could take on the world.